kikislove2

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I feel like I've been on a long lazy hiatus and now I'm back in the land of the living. I started Insanity today, did the fit test, and I got my butt whooped . I had to do eight different exercises, timed for 1 minute, and had to do as many as possible in that minute. I can't wait to hit the gym with my mom tomorrow, gonna take it easy at the gym and just do the treadmill so that I can't hit day 2 when my daughter get's home. I'm ready, so so ready. It took me a month to lose one pound!   So this is what will get that ball back rolling, and get my body really looking the way I want it to. I was on a path to destruction and I'm so grateful that I'm back on that horse and ride the trail all the way. I've got that feeling back that I had a couple of months ago, when I couldn't go without working out. YEA!! I'm gonna list my day 1 results and will list my results every two weeks because I have to take the fit test every two weeks. It will be very interesting to see the improvements. At least I'm hoping that it is a steady improvement. Ttyl OH fam.

Switch Kicks - 75 (not bad for a beginner)
Power Jacks - 28
Power Knees - 76
Power Jumps - 10
Globe Jumps - 5
Suicide Jumps - 3
Push-up Jacks - 7
Low Plank Oblique - 26

Well I am now at 102lbs and pretty much at a stand still.  I cannot say I don't understand why, because that fire that burned so ferocious inside of me is not there anymore.  I've picked up some bad eating habits and not working out like I should, so therefore the scale has not moved.  I keep talking to myself about my stupidity with the snacking and getting a little depressed at the thought of ruining my gift.  I've come so far to turn back so dammit I need to get my butt in gear.  I'm very excited at the fact that I have ordered Insanity and can't wait till it gets here. I actually made a contract that I signed and my son was the witness, so I cannot break that contract. I have to complete the 60 days of Insanity, 5 days a week, no excuses. So now I'm also nervous because I'm now accountable for my actions, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get back and stay on track. I know what started it, Halloween. I have a weakness for Halloween candy and I don't want it until the season comes around, then Thanksgiving is on the way, so in my mind, it's eating season. This is my first holiday season since the surgery and so far, I'm not doing too good.  If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to share them. Thanks OH fam.

Not much to say in this blog tonight other than I'm estatic.  I've lost 100lbs and I am so very happy and proud.  So now it's just 40lbs before I hit the maintenance phase and I'm excited about that.  It's nice to look back over the course of time at my journey, and with the good and the bad, all of the ups and downs, it was so worth it.  Have a blessed evening OH Family!

I hate when old habits start creeping back into my life.  I am 4 lbs away from hitting my 100lbs mark and those old self sabotage ways hit me up hard today.  I was sick and feeling really icky, and upset over yet another plateau I was dealing with, but I have never been as scared as I am right now.  These feelings are strong and since I can hold more food now, I feel like I am a tragedy waiting to happen.  I am really going deep into my head and having some serious conversations with myself because I know that I am the only person that can do this.  I can't wait to hit the gym tomorrow, and I know I need to implement some better strategies in my life and get up out of this funk I'm in.  Lord, please don't let me fail at this thing, become another statistic, being one that throws this gift away and end up back where I started, because I honestly would not be able to handle that.  My life is so much better so why in the hell am I screwing with it?  This phase is over NOW!! Four more pounds to a major milestone, and I gotta do it.  Time out for these excuses!  Ok, I had to get that out of my system, needed to rant, and I'm done. Night night OH fam!

I've read many blogs where after people have lost a significant amount of weight, people that they thought were their friends, turned on them.  I have not gone through that yet, but something a litlle weird happened today and yesterday.  This is a person that works in the same building I do, different departments, so we don't see each other that often.  But I have gone to one of her birthday parties because her birthday is the same as mine, and she was my realtor that sold me the house I currently live in for 3 yrs now.  So when we see each other in passing, we speak and laugh, maybe have a very short "how have you been?" conversation. Well I so happened to see her yesterday and today, and might I add she is younger than I am, and has always been pretty with a beautifully shaped body, and nice clothes.  So even at the point I'm at now, I would think I would still be considered fat to her.  Well when she passed me yesterday, I spoke to her, and she did speak back and smiled, but she kept looking straight ahead, never turned even the slightest to make eye contact and kept walking.  So I didn't think much of it, until I saw her again this morning, and the same thing, she spoke, kept looking straight ahead and it honestly looked as if she was making sure she did not look my way, and kept going.  I'm like, WTF? I can't imagine speaking to someone without looking at them, that seems rude in my opinion. But oh well, I could be making too much of this, but it's definitely something new and it's funny that it happened two days in a row.  Especially from someone that you thought you were cool with.  I won't lose any sleep over it though.

I think that this plateau has really done a number on me.  This weekend has not been too good.  Well I haven't been too good honestly.  High sugary drinks, high salt foods. NOT GOOD. I think for a minute I reverted back to my old ways of giving up and self sabatoge.  I haven't worked out in 4 days, made excuses not to go to the gym when I know I should have.  I had the "what's the use" attitude. I'm snapping out of it though, because I've come too far to turn back to old habits and end up back where I started. Another OH friend said something about 5 days of liquids, so I think that is what I'm going to do, get back to basics and remember where I came from and where I want to go.  I am praying to get through this and get over this hump, and to learn to be so very greatful for what I've accomplished thus far.  I feel unappreciative of this gift I've been granted right now.  Pray for me OH fam, I'm not feeling too hot right now

I must say that the people in my life have really made this process an enjoyable on most days.  I've had my hard times, my depressed times, angry times, but mostly it's been happy times.  I swear my son is a comedian, even when he's not trying to be funny.  We were at the laundry mat, and he was folding the clean clothes, and a pair of my shorts from an old lingerie set was in the bunch.  He said "Oh my God mom, you have got to throw these away!" He held them up and I swear they were almost as wide as the folding table. LOL.  I said "Yes, I think it's about time to toss those"  then he says "I thought it was a shirt!"  Now, he is in no way a cruel person, and he was being totally honest.  I thought I would die laughing  and he said "Oh mom, I'm sorry" but I took no offense because those were some damn big shorts.  Then today, I was at a co-worker/friends desk and another co-worker walked up behind me, and she said "I really don't know how to say this without it sounding bad, but it really is good, just don't take it the wrong way", I'm dying to know what on earth she is going to say, and she hits me with "you look really good from your backside"..So of course I did a modest booty dance and we all burst out in laughter.  She said "I just don't want you to think I'm staring at your rear, but honestly I would not have recognized you if I didn't know you and I don't want to seem like I'm saying your butt was just so big before" and I told her "honey, it was huge as hell before". So life is good, and it gets better.  My weight is moving really slow right now, but I'm ok with that.  Two of the three pounds that jumped back on me are gone, and I have mentally accepted that my weight loss is going to slow down for a minute.  I'm still working hard, still eating my small portions, and loving myself more and more.  I'm working on lifting the booty up because it's starting to drop, and working harder on this stomach because it's being really stubborn, but it's still much smaller than it was..That's all for now OH fam..SMOOCHES!

I think this whole plateau/flucuations bullcrap is going to take me under.  I guess I need to beef up my mental strength so that I can learn to accept this better.  How can you tell someone that used to be over 320 lbs that it's normal to gain a few pounds throughout your process.  I don't believe that crap..LOL.  I have stayed well within my calorie allowance and most days I meet my protein goal, drinking plenty of water and exercising regularly.  So how in the hell am I three pounds heavier this morning.  I was stuck at 239 for two weeks, and now 242 lbs.  I could scream, I think I did scream..LOL.. I do believe that I will always be mentally blocked when it comes to things like this, maybe I need to speak to someone about it.  I just hate to be so close to one of my mini goals and then take a step back.  Especially when I keep doing what I am supposed to do.  Because I track everything I put into my mouth, and my calorie burn. Oh well, nothing to do now but to keep on trucking.  The jacked up thing about it, is I really don't feel good this morning, tummy issues, so I won't be working out today.  But I had a wonderful workout yesterday and will have a wonderful workout tomorrow.  So now I have to get back to 239 lbs so that I can start back focusing on my next mini goal of 230 lbs.. No one said this would be easy, and Lord, it's not!  Thank you for letting me vent OH family!  Til next time!

Right after I had my surgery, I was talking to a good friend of mine.  She is over 50yrs old and had one of those bodies that made you think she was much younger. I told her, "don't let me catch up with you, and then you end up having to give me your clothes".  It was said in fun and we laughed about it. Basically, she had started gaining some weight, and I stopped playing and started begging "girl, do not let me catch up!" She kept saying "I know girl, I'm gaining and I got to do something" Well, she has just given me one of her cute strapless outfits a few weeks ago. When I talked to her two days ago, she asked "so what are your numbers looking like?" I told her 243lbs. She said "you caught me girl, you caught me!" She is 238lbs. That was unbelievable to me. Another mind blowing event was when I was at my sister's house lastnight, and a friend of ours asked me the same thing "what do you weigh now?" When I told her, she said "you weigh less than me!" I stared at her for a minute and she said "yes hon, you do".  It's funny that you never see yourself getting smaller than your peers that have ALWAYS been smaller than you.  When it happens, it boggles your mind like you wouldn't believe.  It seems that I'm having more days where I can get in more calories.  Still not getting as much calories as I need, but if I can get close to 900 on most days, then I'm doing good.  I still have the tight pouch days where I can't get more than 600 calories, but I'm trying.  The days I get more calories, the more I lose that week.  Now if I can just get better at taking my vitamins every single day, I'd be alright.  Be blessed OH fam.

I allowed myself a huge jug of sweet iced tea about twice a week.  I don't do much sugar because I had heard that the sugar can be our enemy when it comes to our pouch.  I was proud to be one of those people who did not have any reaction to the sugar.  UNTIL TODAY..Omg.  I had my usual jug of iced tea and it tore my stomach up..the pain did not last long, but it was not nice.  I guess I'll have to stick to my sugar free drinks, which also makes me nervous because the fake sugar is not really good for you either..(deep sigh!).  I have to deal with that on top of this two week plateau that I'm dealing with right now..I'll get through it but this sucks!  Oh well, have a good day OH fam.