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I cannot believe how long it's been since I was last on here. To catch yall up to where I am and what's going on here goes....First and foremost I'm still the mother of 2 grown men. Buddy & Wayne will always be my greatest accomplishment in life. Buddy is now 22 and living with his girlfriend in the mountains of Virginia. He cooks at a small restaurant near Wintergreen ski resort. Wayne will soon be 21 and he and his girlfriend (and my Granddog, Harley) live less than 5 minutes away from me. I'm still smitten with David and we just celebrated 4 years together. His kids are growing like weeds and are now 8 and 13 already. Together we have a dog, Daphne...the Cairn terrorist. Our lives are pretty much complete and the feeling of contentment pretty much surrounds us.

I'm ashamed to say it but I've gained weight. I weighed in yesterday (Jan. 1) at 249.7 lbs. That's a regain of 40 lbs from my lowest post surgery weight. I'm pretty sure my metabolism has deserted me. (along with my willpower and motivation) but I have made an appointment for next week with my doc. I've been good about keeping track of my labs and taking my vitamins daily. I still don't drink with my meals and try to eat my protein first. 

My problem comes that I am a stress eater and when I get that way----I only eat carbs. Not good. Especially not good when you learn I work for an elected official so 2012 was CHAOS especially from signing day in February for the primaries through the First Monday in December when the newly elected officer took her oath. The good news is that I'm still employeed. The Better news is I'm getting a handle on my health.

I will also add that I had to have a pacemaker  implanted 2 years ago. Realizing just how close to dying I came has given me a blanket excuse for eating what I wanted, when I wanted...period. The fool that I am bought into that thinking and let it take root in my brain. Here again...our surgeries were only on our stomachs. How I wish they could have upgraded my mental capabilities as well.

It's a new year....and time for an upgraded Iris.

Okay so I just passed the 20 month mark since surgery. According to my Gyno - I've lost 100 lbs exactly. While I'm happy with that I'm not content with it.  This frustrates me. I want to lose more. I want to feel even better. I want to look better.

Here's the DUH part of this.....wanting  things to happen versus actually making it happen. Why haven't I been doing more? Why have I allowed carbs and caffeine back into my lifestyle? Why have I slacked up on exercise? Why have I tested the waters where sugar is concerned?  I KNOW WHY...........I was treating my surgery as if it were just another diet not a true life long approach.

Think about it. Prior to surgery we WLS patients have tried almost every "diet" out there and created a combination of many more of them. "Diets" didn't work for us. If anything they set us up for years of yo-yoing and played havoc on our bodies. My surgery was only on my body.....period....a very small portion of a very large mass actually. The surgery didn't reroute my brain - only my digestive tract.

So with this new revelation....I have a choice to make - do I continue to diet and risk perpetual failure and disappointment or do I embrace my surgery as a cornerstone of a new life and continually build on that knowledge? I know what I'm chosing to do.

I've dusted off the tools that I've gathered for this journey..my before picture and measurements...info that I got from the surgeon and the nutritionist on how to life as a post-op patient...recipes...exercise programs...the food log....measuring cups....small plates,,,,,and my GOALS in writing. Today I've recommitted myself to making those small changes that translate into a healthy, successful, fully functional and CONTENT individual regardless of my weight.

January 1..............214.6
January 8..............211.8
January 15............209.6
January 22...........215.0    .......WTF??????
January 29...........213.4

February 5..........213.6

There is a definite relationship that we all have with food. We love it. We abuse it. We crave it. We abhor it (think about the first time you had a food that got stuck or caused you to dump after surgery - did you say "I'll never eat xyz again!!"). Regardless of your relatationship status with food at the current moment - you're fully involved. Why?? Because you have to eat to stay alive.

Well what about your scales? Mine are a fairly simple digital set that I paid about $40 for a the local Kmart. They have been "the" major indicator of my success along this journey. But why? My measuring tape shows remarkable progress as well. But the tape doesn't move as rapidly. Isn't it amazing how we've become so conditioned to wanting (read as demanding) instant results.

When my scales stopped moving last year (really late spring or early summer) I figured it was just the normal plateau and nothing to really worry about. Sure I moaned about it but I really didn't do anything about it. I realize now that it was probably the point in my journey where the honeymoon phase was coming to a close and that I would be responsible for working the tool and my knowledge. I also realize that during that honeymoon I had relied almost entirely on the surgery to do the work for me. Where would I be if I had worked with my tool? A teamwork approach so to speak rather than reying 100% on the surgery.

Just before Christmas I noticed that I wasn't weighing in as "obsessively" as I once had. I had made it a point to weigh in every Friday morning. I logged in on my OH Blog under the August 2008 heading. It was a weekly progress. I was very proud of it. But once the scale quit moving - I felt embarrassed and frustrated. If the scale wasn't going to move so I could note my "success" why bother? I became complacent. I accepted this as my body wanting to be where it was at. DUH'!?!? Once again I was setting myself up to not finish what I had started.

January is always a good time for goal setting. I decided not to focus as much on goal setting for future goals as much as examining previous unmet goals and committing to finish and fulfill those. It has been a true eye opener. I realize that while I have set some very reaisitc and attainable goals - I stop before I complete them. Often it's once those goals are in sight. Apparently I like the process of setting the goals and "settle" for just knowing that I could finish them.

So what does all of this have to do with my scales? They're a part of one of my biggest unmet "goals". Since I have a  goal weight in mind I need them to measure my progress and not my success. They're just a part of the plan - they are not the entire gauge. I'd gotten that confused in the past 6 months. Once I dusted them off and put them where I wanted them to be - they're become like more of a piece of the puzzle (equal to a piece of exercise equipment) and less of a shrine.

It's complicated. But what relationship isn't? Compared to how they read 2 years ago - I LOVE THEM!! Compare them using the info that they showed a weight gain over the Holidays - I LOATHE THEM!! It's all good though because they're a great reminder that I'm alive and well and in a deeply committed relationship with life.

- Iris

 

I can't believe that it's been so long since I updated these posts. Today makes 16 months since surgery. My weight loss has stopped but I don't feel that my journey is in any way, shape or form over. In all honesty - I need to get my butt back in gear. The weight loss has only stalled because I've stopped focusing on my weight (in a sense).

I haven't made Onderland and amazingly enough I'm okay with that. I'm not obsessed by the scales. I still step on them about once a week to make sure that I'm not gaining. As long as I continue to maintain this incredible loss - I'm happy, successful and confident.  The surgery was truly a tool to get me to this point. Maintaining can be hard work - but so worth it.

I have learned so much about............ME.....in this journey. It's been alot like making a great new friend. I like the person that I've become. Maybe I was there all along but I think I'd lost part of myself to different things - marriage, motherhood, as an employee, to death of loved ones, to depression, to just lack of motivation in general. I won't say that I got back the "old" Iris. All of those outside forces helped mold me into something entirely new and different. Plus I never, ever, ever knew what it was like to be this size in my adult life. Before - I would fake a certain amount of confidence in situations. Now - I am confident and I have no problems showing it. No more faking here.

Then there's David. Next week makes a year since he and I began dating. A year. Seriously. I KNOW that he and I would never have met had it not been for my surgery. I lacked the .......................(motivation, drive, confidence, desire, gumption, skills, etc) to go online to meet someone. He is my miracle. Not only did dating take me out of my comfort zone but somewhere along this trip - I left home and moved in with David. That's a huge, huge step for me because it's something that I would never consider during my marriage or other relationships since Kevin's death.

WLS has been the catalyst behind my being able to live out a favorite quote....." 20 years from now you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."  - Mark Twain

It's been a while since I updated my blog. My weight is holding at 208 for the past 3 months or so. I see it as a plateau and not the end of the weight loss journey. This is still nearly 100 lbs since last summer and boy does it feel GREAT!! So much has changed. I have a self confidence that I've never had before. I'm wearing size 16 clothes in tops and bottoms. I've even got a few size 14's that fit - but not every manufacturer is the same so I accept those as a fluke - but dang it feels great. I still catch a glimpse of someone that I don't know in the mirror. Big ole Iris is slowly saying goodbye and welcoming in the sassy iris.

I have a life. While that may mean different things to different people - to me it really means that I've found a deeper appreciation for the time I have on this earth and the people that I spend that time with. David and I have been dating for nearly 7 months now. We're officially living together and I've had the opportunity to meet  the majority of his family. It's wonderful to be this happy and content in a relationship again. I think the biggest reason - is because now I'm not waiting for someone else to make me happy - it's on me now. I like me. I accept me and it shows.

I started the couch to 5K program about 2 months ago but gave in to a little knee pain and joint stiffness. I think it's time to start up on that again. I have been walking the neighborhood and spending lots of time in and on the water. It feels so good not to be a couch potato anymore. What an amazing difference 11 months have made.

Well looking at last month's post has made me realize just how long this stall has really been. I've only lost 3 lbs this month. But I really am OKAY with that. I hit the 90 lb since pre-op as of this morning (210). Friday was still 213 so I really must have had an active weekend to get things going like that .I took my measurements this morning so now I need to compare those tonight.

Time changed this weekend so now I have an extra hour of daylight once I get home in the afternoons so lets see if that makes a difference to how much walking and biking I get done. I did start walking in David's neighborhood this weekend and it made for a very nice change of scenery. There are lots of little side streets - no traffic and the park is right next to his neighbors house.

I went sailing for the first time ever yesterday and I have to admit - it was fun. I knew the water was COLD (52 degrees) so that added a little scare tactic to things. Like - Oh Please God don't let this little freaking boat tip over. We did not tip over I'm happy to report - my rearend did get soaked but that was from taking a wave over the bow. It was all in good fun and I'll glad sail with this particular skipper any chance I get.

It's so weird how life works out. Steve was by the office today - he got married 2 weeks ago. It totally caught me off guard. I'm extremely happy for him and I realize that he needed a relationship where he could be the stronger of the two and that was never going to happen with he and I. I should also add that a good riddance accompanies the well wishes.

On a sad note this month - I surrendered Marley (Great Dane) to great Dane rescue this past week. She had gotten overly protective and I was really afraid that she would hurt someone. With staying at David's right much and the boys going away to school I am convinced that her behavior was only going to get worse. Not a chance I was willing to take - especially with Serena and Cameron in the picture. I love, love, love my dogs but my kids have to come first.

Post Date: 2/9/09 6:55 am

Yesterday made 6 months since surgery. I'll be uploading new pictures tonight. We took some yesterday then had camera issues.  for the major changes in 6 months let me start by saying I'm down from 300 lbs to 213 (87 lbs BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) And if that isn't proof enough I'm down from size 24/26's o 14/16 - I cannot believe I can wear these sizes. But the real proof is in the measurements - I've lost 72 overall inches in 6 months.

I feel wonderful. We were talking about the changes in me over dinner Saturday night and everybody has a different take on it. For me - it's how I feel not so much physically as emotionally - I feel ALIVE for the first time in years and years and years. My boys thaink the way I look and act has changed the most. They commented that they sometimes have to take a double take to make sure it's really me and not my Mom or my Aunt. (Apparently I look more like my Mom than I ever thought possible). My Mom told me that looking back she knew I was depressed but she didn't have any clue that it was as bad as it was. - Neither did I.

I had to go to a funeral Saturday of a very dear woman that my late husband & I used to work for. It was the first time I had seen most of my former co-workers in at least 4 years. I knew they'd be surprised but I really wasn't prepared for them not to recognize me at all. I had to "re-introduce" myself to them. We all agreed that if Kevin were still alive he would not be able to handle the "changes" that I was going through.

I posted a reply on Mare's motorcycle post that I'm pretty sure david is getting ready to buy a bike - and he's excited that I want to ride along too. I never imagined 6 months ago that I'd be dating !!!!!!!!!!!! Let alone excited about climbing on board my fellas motorcycle.

I love going to the gym - that's my ME time. This past month has been a little more difficult than past months. I'm going to blame the cold weather as why I haven't been super active. I've been more in sloth mode than anything else. But having reflected on all the changes - I cannot make anymore excuses. To get the very most out of this surgery and my life - it's full steam ahead.

Who's with me? Anything going on that you need to change? What good habits have you developed that surprise you the most? For you old-timers - any suggestions? 

For those just starting the process - my by-pass surgery was & is the very best thing I've ever done for myself. Having said that if I had to do it all over again - I'd do it in a heartbeat. Take the time leading up to your surgery to educate yourself. Be as fully informed as you can possibly be. This is a committment that you're making for a lifetime. It is not the same thing as any "Diet" that you've ever been on. It is not a quick fix and it is certainly not the easy way out. There will be people who try and talk you out of your decision - some mean well and some have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. Your relationships will change - some become much stronger and deeper and some will not be as lucky. The effects of your surgery are much more widespread than just on your stomach alone.


****2-11-09*** added: I had my 6 month follow up appointment w/ Dr. Mac on 2/10/09 and he was super happy with/for me. We discussed not setting a goal weight - just sorta letting my body decide what it wants to do. He reminded me that the next 6 months should slow down but that the weight loss should continue for the next year or maybe even year and a half (from this point). It felt amazing to have him and his staff compliment me on my success and even my choice of clothing. I really have turned into a girly girl. 
 

I'm at 23 weeks since surgery today - and I've hit my official stall. No weight loss this past week and only 1 pound the week prior. It's to be expected for several reasons. First off it's the first stall that I've had. Secondly, I got a year's gym membership for Christmas and I have been working out on a regular schedule BUT I haven't altered how I eat.

I guess it's time for me to really go back to tracking foods on the dailyplate.com . I'm committed to the workouts and I really, really love them. Weird huh? I'm really excited about seeeing how much the measurements change when I take them again in February.

- Iris

I cannot believe that it's been 5 whole months since I had my bypass surgery. Time has flown by. I've had only one complication that resulted in a trip to the ER - dehydrated, urinary tract infection combined with constipation had me doubled over in pain. 5 days of antibiotics and a little extra fiber and things were quickly back to normal.

I've lost 83 lbs in 5 months but I have gained a truckload of self-esteem and positive energy. I began dating again this past month and i've got to admit - I like it - I like it alot. Befoer surgery if anyone ever complimented me - I somehow didn't feel that it was genuine or that I didn't deserve the attention. It's been hard to get used to but now I find myself enjoying the attention. I've also turned into a girlier girl. No more Crew neck sweatshirts and sweat pants. I have a shape and I'm becoming more and more comfortable showing it off. Give me a V-neck fitted shirt. Give me some heels to wear and please God give me my makeup in the mornings. I feel naked if I haven't put my face on. I catch myself walking past a mirror and doing a double take to see just who in the hell is looking back at me.

I'm now off my anti-depressants - life makes me HAPPY!!!!!!!! The only time I'm content to be a couch potato is when I'm snuggled up with D watching a movie. My kids are proud of who I've become and they take every opportunity to tell me so. the look on faces of their friends over the Christmas break was priceless (lots of them hadn't seen me since surgery in Aug because of having gone away to college). I think that drove the point home for my guys.

I still have no appetite and I eat because the clock says it's time too. Portion size for me is between a 1/2 cup and 3/4 cup per meal. I still eat off of my bread plates and small bowls since it's made portion control so simple for me. Beans and chili are still my very most favorite foods. Meats scare me unless they come from the crock pot as chewing has been difficult (2 teeth pulled last week).

I cannot imagine how completely depressed, overweight and just plain out blahhhh I would be this year had I not done this for myself. My FIL still asks me each time we talk if I'm still convinced it was the best thing I ever did for myself - HELL YEAH!!!! I'd do it again tomorrow if I needed to.

Thoughts, prayers and best wishes to all of you who are considering WLS, have committed to it or who may be enjoying the ride that comes afterward.  2009 promises to be a great year indeed.
- Iris