kimbaby74

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Wow, it's been a while since I've posted. I guess I've been too busy living! Actually, that's probably a lie...I've become so much of a hermit lately! All I wanna do is stay home and craft! I'm still trying to get my fibromyalgia under control and be able to control the pain without narcotics. It's hard. I hurt more days than not. I started a new drug called Lyrica. I tried it this summer and it worked great, but my insurance wouldn't cover it. I finally got everything I needed in my medical chart that shown I've done everything the insurance company wanted me to try first, so they finally covered it. Now, it's not working so well. I'm sticking with it, because I feel like its my last chance for living a close to pain-free life. At the end of this month, I'm attending a breathwork training. It is put on by the psychologist's office who used to run our support group through my surgeon's office. It teaches you to use breathing techniques for different things. I'm going into it with a very open mind because I want it to work. I don't want to have to take drugs anymore.

I'm wearing a size 8 in pants now, and a size medium shirt (sometimes a small, but not too often). I've even got one pair of size 6 pants, but I don't wear them. I think its more of a vanity sizing, because all the 8s fit the same! I am hating this cold weather! I wear long underwear under everything! Warm weather come SOON!!

OK, I'm done updating. I'll update after my 2 year appointment at the end of this month! ~Kim

PS-If you've read this and you're interested, check out my craft blog. I update it more than this website!

http://realityshowreject.blogspot.com

Well, time sure does fly! I reached my weight goal on the 20th of July, sixteen months to the date of surgery! This morning (my 33rd birthday, thank you very much) I weighed in at 145. The lowest in my adult life! I'm wearing a size 10 in pants and probably a Medium in shirts, but I haven't bought any shirts in a while, so I don't know for sure. I eat pretty much whatever I want, I just try to keep it healthy and protein based. But, last week one day I did eat pizza. I had been craving it, and you know, I'm at goal now, so, what the heck! It was very good, but nothing I would do on a regular basis. That is how I ended up overweight in the first place, by poor eating habits!

Anyway, there's my update. I'll load photos from yesterday. They are the latest photos I've got! My mom took them at her house!

Kim
359/145/150  -211 pounds and BELOW GOAL!

Wow! I haven't posted in a while! Life definately has changed for me! I'm 10 pounds from goal. I have lost 199 pounds in 14 months! Who'd have thought that was ever possible? I just wish I felt better! I'm tired all the time. My doctor thinks I have fibromyalgia. I'm hurting all the time! Today I had to call off work because I felt so bad but my doctor couldn't see me until tomorrow, so more time I'll have to take off! I've been switching between pain relievers (Ultram and Lortab) because it seems my body gets used to them and don't work after a while. I've found that if I switch up, it tends to help. I just wish I didn't have to take anything at all! I should feel way better than this! I feel like my appetite is coming back. I'm able to eat a lot more than I was in the first year. Luckily, I've changed my eating habits, and even if I do snack (which is a no no per my doctor) it is something that is healthy (which I told him about and he pooh poohed it, so that told me it was ok.) I've done more things lately that I've never done before. Last month Jason and I went on vacation to Lexington to see some friends. I rode a horse for the very first time in my life. I LOVED IT!! There is a place near us that does horseback rentals, so sometime this summer, we're going to go again! I loved it and can see me doing it on a regular basis. Ok, I guess I'm done rambling! I'm gonna add some recent pictures! Enjoy! ~Kim 359/160/150 -199 pounds gone!

Ok, so I visit my family today. I saw most of them about a month ago. Haven't changed dramatically in a month. Still wearing a size 14. Maybe dropped 5-10 pounds, not real sure without looking at my food/diet/weight journal. Anyhow, we're sitting at the table eating dinner, and my mom is asking me if the chicken is ok. It's a little dry, but it's ok, I'm still able to eat it, no big deal. So we start talking about the stuff I can eat. I tell her I can eat whatever I want, I choose to eat healthy for the most part. This has become my standard answer when anyone asked me about what I can eat. Yes, sometimes I have stuff that is not good for me. This weekend I had pizza. It was not a whole pizza, not even a 1/4 of pizza, but I was really craving it and ate it. Anyway, back to my point. We were talking about it, and my mom and aunt both said, "You don't need to lose anymore weight." Well, I told them that I was not at my goal yet and that I wanted to weigh 150 pounds, so I still have 23 pounds to go. I was quickly told that I would look sick if I lost that much, and I should stop now. So I followed that up with, "It is in my range that for my height, that is a proper weight to now longer be overweight. My doctor said I could still weigh 140 and be ok." So, what do they say? But that's how much we weigh, and you're taller than us? Now, let me get this straight. I'm wearing a size 14 now, can squeeze into a 12, but not comfortably enough to wear for extended periods of time. They are telling me that I shouldn't lose anymore weight because of???? They really didn't have any valid points in my eyes, and it really ticked me off. So, because I'm 5'8", I cannot wear a size 12, 10, 8, (gasp) 6, without looking sick? Well, I bit my tongue. No since in stirring up drama, wasn't worth my time. I'm all stressed out anyway because I've been having withdrawals all weekend (coming off of Lortab for around four months) and didn't take any pain or nerve medicine today, so I figure, why start anything. So after everyone had left mom's, I was looking in the mirror, and decided, forget it. I'm gonna say something. I told mom that I thought she was crazy saying that I didn't need to lose anymore weight. I'm still considered overweight and until I reach a BMI that is Normal, I'm gonna try, try and try some more. I expect comments from the men in my family, basically because they don't pay any attention, and well, I don't expect a lot out of them anyway. My grandpa said that if I lost anymore weight, I'd blow away. That didn't bother me. Later on, after dinner, it was just him and I and he asked how much more I was gonna lose and I said 23 pounds and I would weigh 150. He then asked how much I weighed now and I told him. He said that's what he weighed, and left it at that. What makes the females in my family think it is perfectly ok for me to weigh what the males in my family weigh (with the exception of my dad who weighs 150 soakin' wet) or more? It is because I've always been the fat person in the family and they want to keep me as their token fat girl? What the crap! I honestly don't think they were saying those things to hurt my feelings or tick me off but they did. It's not like I haven't had enough self esteem problems and body image problems before without them saying if I lost much more weight I'd look sick. Funny thing was, I don't recall anyone ever saying to my sister that she looked sick when she was anorexic and was a size 0. Yes, they mentioned that she was thin, but I don't recall anyone ever telling her she looked sick even though she did. So irritating. If you've read this far, thanks for sticking with me. I think I'm through with this. I was gonna try to let it go, but can't. I'm sure once I go to sleep, I'll get over it!!! ~Kim 359/173 (and not done, till I get to...)/150

(WARNING...this will probably just be random ramblings...lately my journal has been that way too! Just a warning!) Life has been so weird for me lately. I look in the mirror and sometimes I like what I see. Other times I feel like I'm still 359 pounds. I hate the loose skin. I have it on my thighs, stomach and arms. The thighs, well, it bothers me, but not too much. Same with the stomach. Every time I look in the mirror without clothes, I pull up my stomach, try to imagine what I would look like without the roll, and then get depressed. Then today, I really discovered how much skin is on my arms. Way worse than any other part. Probably a good three to four inches hung down. GROSS! Then, I told my DH about it (me noticing it) and decided to show him and he said it probably wasn't any different that what he's been seeing. So, that tells me he might have issues with the skin, even though I've asked him and he said no. He acts like he likes my body now. We laugh in bed because I put his hand on my hip and he feels a bone! I'm discovering all of these bones that I never knew I had...collar bone, hip bones, the bones in your inner thigh that you could never feel being morbidly obese. I asked DH the other day if when we are...ahem... "intimate" if it is like he's with another person. He said, " No, not really, but it is different." When I asked him how, he said that we were closer together now. That made me laugh. We are always talking about that. When we hug, we can get our arms completely around each other. Not only have I lost 175 lbs, he's lost over 50. For the longest time he weighed less than me, and finally I surpassed him. I'm in a stall right now, but that's ok. I'm dealing with it and trying to get back to basics and leave the carbs alone. They have such a hold on me. I woke up this morning and after weighing, I decided, I'm gonna be very strict with my eating today. Boy, that flew out the window by noon. I went to Walgreens to pick up some pictures and ended up buying a can of cashews and almonds. Then I went to get some BBQ for lunch and ordered some french fries to go with it! Luckily, my pouch can keep the portions under control, but I'm so weak! And after I ate I felt like crap all day. We went to the home and garden show and when we came home at 3:00 I took a nap til nearly 6:00. Then I was back in bed by 8:00 cause I felt so bad. Then by 9:00 I was back up eating my dinner. And now here it is 12:00. I will go to bed soon. Maybe. If you've read this far, wow, you have a good attention span!! I would've stopped reading by now!!!!! Just like I'm about to stop writing! Goodnight! ~Kim 359/184/150 -175 pounds! Editted to add: I forgot...I saw my PaPa the other day (my mom's stepdad) and he looked at me (after mom had said she thought I looked thinner than two weeks before) and said..."You look weird!" I think that's the best compliment I've had in a while! This is coming from the man whos usual nickname for me was fat butt! He's my favorite grandfather, but with being called that for so many years, I'm surprised I don't hate him. I guess I know he did it because that's his way of showing love, by picking at you. He doesn't hardly speak to my sister but she hardly says two words to him either. I tease him constantly and he eats it up. One time after surgery he said, boy (we call each other boy) you've lost some weight. and poked him in his belly and told him he found it! The day he told me that I looked weird, I told him that I'd lost more weight than my dad weighed. Dad weighs 154. Then PaPa gets his walker, walks over to the scale and gets on and weighs 164. Well, now I've lost more than papa too! I really want to try to pick someone up who weighs what I've lost to see and remember what it was like carrying that much weight around. Problem is, I'd probably hurt whoever I tried to pick up and myself right along with it! Ok, now I'm really gonna shut up! ~Kim

Ok, so I'm giving this new layout a try. I like the way it looks, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend the time transfering everything over. But I did it! Go me! I haven't added photos yet, but I'll do that soon. So, I've lost 139 lbs as of this morning. Hopefully tomorrow it will be 140 lbs. I'm now in a size 18, the same size I was wearing in high school. I feel great! Not crazy about the loose skin, but what's a girl to do? I have more energy than ever! I have been cleaning like mad. Reorganizing everything. I even cleaned the garage after work the other day just because. Not too shabby for me! Now if everyone else in the house would be as equally motivated. Me and hubby argued today over that because he doesn't want to have to be on MY schedule. Well, I'm not asking him to, I'm just asking him to step up and be a little more motivated about our home. It's so frustrating! It was like pulling teeth to get him to move a few heavy boxes for me!!! Argghhh! I love him but sometimes I want to choke him. Luckily, he's a great person, and these moments we have are getting fewer and fewer. Since we've both lost weight (he's lost over 50 pounds) we get along so much better. We enjoy each others company. We goof off all the time and play. It's great! Today we took our dog and had our pictures made at a fund raiser for the Humane Society. Hopefully they'll turn out good. Ok, it's time for me to head to bed. ~Kim

Well, I had my six month doctor's appointment. And all is good. Since my journey started, I have lost 130 pounds! I have 79 pounds to go to get to my goal. And only 39 pounds to get to my doctor's goal. Isn't that cool! I'm going to try to reach my goal by my one year mark. My hubby isn't sure that I can make it. He's not trying to be doubtful, I don't think. I think he's just worried that if I don't make it I'll be too hard on myself. I don't think that will happen. I think it might be a reasonable goal. That's fourteen pounds a month. If I get really strict with everything, I think it can happen. It seems that as long as I drink my protein shake every morning, I can stay on track. So, that being said, I guess I need to order some more protein! Until next time…~Kim 359/229/150

So, I guess I haven't updated because...well...I'm a reality show junkie. The only thing I do is watch tv. It's really sad. However, I am down to 244 pounds. I just got back from vacation. I didn't lose any weight, because there was too much food that I don't usually have around in my sight and I also realized that not working left me feeling hungry all the time. Yes, just head hunger, but still hungry none the less. So, now that I'm back home I'm back on track. And believe it or not, I think I'm gonna start exercising. Here's what made me realize I finally can. I was walking the dog (something I never do) while on vacation and she walks fast. (She's a beagle and gets on a scent and takes off.) So basically, she starts to walk really fast and I am a mosier. Not a fast walker at all. I had to take off, in a trot, if you will, and once she slowed down, I realized, I'm not out of breath, and I actually feel better than I did before I started the walk. So, my thinking is, maybe walking, or (gasp) running might make me feel better and help get my weight loss back on track. Who'd a thunk it? I'll update sometime soon! ~Kim

Well, I've finally done it! I've lost 100 pounds! It took a little longer than I was hoping, but I'm finally there! If I would start exercising, I'm sure it would come off even faster! I'm talking to a personal trainer to set up a time to go over equipment at the gym to help motivate me tomorrow. I'm really enjoying wearing all kinds of cute clothes. Luckily, I have a friend who wears the size that I am now wearing, and she's got tons of clothes, so she lets me borrow them! I have a business trip that I'm going on next week, and I found all the clothes I needed at her house! Now, making sure I can eat properly on the trip is gonna be a lot harder! I'll update after the trip!! ~Kim 359/259/150...five more pounds until I'm half way to goal!!!! oh, by the way, I checked my bmi and I am no longer super morbidly obese. I'm just obese!!! go me!

Today I finally broke my mini-plateau, if you can call it that. I'm down to...278. That's 82 pounds lost. It has definately been a journey. I've finally gotten my potassium levels under control. I feel like a different person. I'm still not as energetic as I thought I would be, but definately don't feel as dog tired as I was. I still haven't started exercising. I plan on starting on Monday. I've been having some crazy work days these past few weeks with lots of overtime. My check should be really good tomorrow, which excites me. I've found a wonderful new PCP. He's had WLS too and is so nice. My last doctor didn't want me to have the surgery. (She didn't come right out and say it, but when I asked for a referral, she didn't even write a letter. She wrote on a script pad that "this pt. would be a good candidate for WLS, as she could not be weighed on my scale at last visit, IF she passes a psychological exam." This is why I think she didn't want me to have it.) Well, as I was having some serious issues with the potassium and was scared because I didn't know at the time what was wrong with me, she's examining me and says, "So this was easier than a diet?" Well, actually, it is a diet. I have completely changed my eating habits. Then at another appointment, she said, "So, you just couldn't go on a diet?" I decided right then and there, she was not the doctor for me. I had tried to get into my new doctor before, but his nurses said I needed a referral. Well, my surgeon said for me to get to an internist. And that was my in. Especially after he heard how my old doctor treated me. He had no nice words to say for her and said that he was ashamed to have to call her a colleague. He has lost over 200 lbs himself, and feels better than ever. I'm so excited to have him as a doctor! Well, here is my new pictures. I can't tell too much difference between month two and month three, but I guess that's ok. ~Kim 359/278/150