Kim S.
I've been overweight pretty much all of my life. I started out a normal baby but somewhere along the way something happened and I just started gaining and not being able to lose for any length of time. I was close to 200 pounds in Jr High School and well over that in High School. I was probably closer to 300 by the time I graduated. My parents took me to doctors who put me on diets but it never worked. I was a latch key kid who had the run of an overstocked pantry in the afternoons...I would pile up a plate then pile up on the couch and watch TV until my mom got home to start a typical Texas supper...Chicken Fried Steak, potatoes, mac & cheese, sweet tea and some kind of sticky dessert. My mom wasn't much help...bless her heart. My mom was a beauty. My mother is deaf, she wears a hearing aid and reads lips. She managed to get through public school but the one thing she always had even if she couldn't hear was her beauty and thinness. She was "most courteous" and homecoming queen in High School. I always heard about the boyfriends she had how skinny she was when she married my Daddy. "I weighed 120 pounds and my waist was 23 inches". Her idea of motivating me to lose weight was to tell me "You know everyone is whispering about you when you walk into a room...the say "look at Kimmie...OMG she's sooooo fat" your back is as wide as a billboard" Yeah...didn't make me skinny, just the opposite. She could never understand why I just "wouldn't" lose weight. Didn't help that my little sister was skinny, a cheerleader, drill team, rodeo queen contestant and always had a steady boyfriend. I try not to blame my mom for screwing with my head ....it's just the way she was raised.
I graduated high school and left for college a few days later... started out at Texas A&M ~ managed to get through 2 summer semesters there but I wasn't happy. I just wished that I could fade into the walls around me most of the time. Fat girls aren't very popular on a college campus...heck fat girls aren't very popular anywhere. I transferred to a Jr College in the same town but started dropping classes because I didn't want to leave my house. I hated having to squeeze into the desks and know people were looking at me hanging halfway out. I tried college a couple of more semesters at community college closer to my hometown. I just didn't fit in...except for the semester I took night classes, that I enjoyed because there weren't so many people my age there. Seems that older people were nicer to me...not so judgemental. After that I gave up on school. I just couldn't bear being on display...even if I really wasn't I always had that voice in my head telling me people were talking about me.
In 1993 I opened a business with my father in my hometown. IT was very stressful working with my Dad as he is a control freak. Even though the business was completely in my name I had no control over any aspect of it. I ate to calm myself... I ate when I stressed...I ate because I was lonely...I ate because I was bouncing from worthless guy to worthless guy looking for someone to love me. I ballooned up to 340 pounds. In 2002 I went to work in law enforcement/ emergency services. I had found my calling. I loved being a dispatcher...helping people, having real friends. In 2003 I went on the Atkins diet and in about 5 months dropped from 340 and a tight size 26 to 260 and a comfortable size 20 (sometimes an 18) I started working out and going out and living. It felt so nice to be somewhat "normal" even at that weight. I found a better class of men (well if you consider police officers a better class lol) In 2005 my best friend introduced me to the man I will spend the rest of my life with. Chad loves me no matter what size I am. Which is a good thing cause I sure have packed on the pounds since we said "I do". I fell in love, got comfortable and lazy and bingo bango here I am back up over 300# and hating myself. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am and I just tell him no I'm not. I don't feel beautiful at all. I feel gross. I feel like I'm 80 years old and I can't understand how he wants to love on me. I disgust myself and I can't believe I don't disgust him.
I'm tired of being trapped in this body I HATE! I want to live..I want to be an active wife and mother. I don't want to be a prisoner in my own home because of my fear of what people think of me. I don't want to worry that I embarrass my husband or my boys. I want to be the person I know I am ~~ not the person my appearance makes me be.
I'm just starting out...taking the first steps to get this surgery that I know will change my life and make me a much better person. I want to be healthy, active, sexy, energetic, spontaneous, beautiful and happy!! I will be all those things... I refuse to just let my life pass me by. I'm done with being the fat lady. I'm so inspired by the stories on OH. I will be one more of the success stories. I will truly live for the first time.
