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I went in for my Upper GI Series today. It went by kind of quick and the people were very nice. They had me in a small room on a machine that I laid on while they took pictures. The doctor had me rolling around like a fool on this table, so my stomach could be coated by this nasty crap they had me drink.  Before I got on the table I looked at the warning sign that said "Weight Max 300lbs." I just made it! I wonder why they would have a weight limit like that on a table for people who are getting WLS. You would think the limit would be a lot higher. Well, one test down...many more to go.

I received a call back from my surgeon's secretary yesterday. She said my insurance letter hasn't been sent out yet. The office is still working on it. I politely told her thank you and hung up the phone. I keep telling myself to be patient, be patient, but it's hard. I've been reading so many wonderful stories of people's successes and I JUST WANT IT TO BE ME TOO. I just have to Be Patient..... I'm trying but it's hard. I expected to have to wait for my insurance company, I just didn't expect for my doctors to be holding me up. My surgeon's office told me that they were sending my insurance info out on February 4. It is now 2 weeks later. Be Patient, be patient, be patient.... I think I tricked my self into thinking that although I knew that it was going to take awhile, I would be the exception and my process would go through in a heart beat. Be Patient... I'm going to try not to think about it. (YEAH RIGHT!!!) Well, I'm going to try. I have about five different test scheduled so far:

February 23, 2005 - Upper GI Series

March 10, 2005 - Pre-Sleep Test Appt

March 11, 2004 - Stress Test

March 16, 2005 - Psychological Evaluation

My boss is going to be MADDD with me when I tell her all the days I'm going to be taking off. I'm wondering if I should tell her now or later about the surgery. Hmmmpphhh! Who know how she's going to take it. She's nice though, so I know it will be all smiles and support....unless the work doesn't get done. But I know me, the work will get done.

I don't know about everybody else, but I when I dream about myself I'm always small (about a size 6-8).... Maybe that will be true one day.

I JUST HAD THE WORST DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT OF MY LIFE. I went to my doctor's office to get my medical clearance forms signed. I was unable to get an appointment with a doctor that I normally see, so I decided to take what ever was available soon. All I can say is that I had a bad feeling before the appointment and I know I should have cancelled it and waited for my regular doctor. Well I went anyway. First thing, I waited 1 and 1/2 hours for the stinking doctor to send her student in the room. Finally, her assistant came in and was shaking from nervousness the whole time he was going over my medical history. He never even went through my medical file, so he kept asking me questions about stuff that I had already done. Although he was nervous he was very nice. After questioning me for 30 mins he finally left. So while he was in the hallway, I could hear him talking to someone. I heard the other person say in a very mean tone, "THIS IS NOT A GAME, GO BACK IN THERE AND GET IT." The comment was followed by him coming back in the room to get my Blood Pressure. All I was thinking was that who ever was in the hallway was a B***H!!! So the student spent the next 20 mins trying to take my blood pressure. At first he said it wasn't there. Now I'm not Doctor or anything, but if it really wasn't there I think I would be DEAD!! Anyway after switching arms he finally got my pressure which was far off of what the nurses originally took from me.  WELL...after another 20 mins of waiting the Doctor came in. She NEVER said hello, nice to meet you, or even introduced herself. She sat down then started asking me about the stuff that her intern got from me earlier. Some of the info she read wrong or he wrote down wrong, so I had to correct her on a couple of points. I had told her assistant that I used to have chest pains but didn't have them in the last couple of months since I changed my diet. I also told him that the pains were just gas, because if it was more, I'd probably be dead by now. She continued to talk to the INTERN about me without even addressing me. She asked the intern what he thought I should be tested on. He ran down a list of things and then the doctor proceeded to check off 20 other things on the sheet. I asked her what was going on. She said that she was filling out forms for me to get blood work and different test. I asked her what for? SHE SAID THAT SHE DID NOT KNOW ME! (No sh** Sherlock) I said all she needed to do was look through my file and verify from my medical history whether I was eligible to be considered for surgery. I also told her that it was up to my surgeon to determine whether I was eligible for surgery. I asked her if she was going to sign the forms. She told me NO... OK, THIS STORY IS GETTING WAY TO LONG SO HERE'S THE SUM UP:

She is making me take like 20 tests that the Surgery team has already set up for me to do, which I told her but she didn't want to listen:

*Stress Test

*Blood Work for Cholesterol, Diabetes, and 10 other things that I don't even understand.

*Upper GI scan

*EKG

*And some other test.

Now doesn't the above list look similar to what you need for surgery thru the surgeon? Well that’s what I told her. Not to mention that I already got my blood work done through this doctors office a couple of months ago. I have already been scheduled for a stress test, upper GI scan, and blood work with my surgeon. I also was told that I didn't need an EKG because I had one recently. The Doctor was treating me like her human test dummy.

The doctor went on to yell and talk to me like I was stupid about the surgery. She said that I probably shouldn't be doing this because she doesn't have my diet history. IT WAS IN MY FILE and I have done diets with my last physician. She then said I couldn't have the blood work done because I needed to fast. I told her that I hadn't had anything today. She goes “you really didn’t have anything this morning.” I said I didn't have anything except some water. She says "Did you put anything in your water." (IF YOU PUT SOMETHING IN WATER, IS IT WATER ANYMORE) I was like, NO IT WAS JUST WATER. She then says, not even breakfast this morning. I said NO. Doc: No eggs or bacon. Me: NO. Doc: No coffee, no tea. Me: NO. Doc: No sugar in your coffee. (DID THIS B**** THINK THAT I WAS STUPID!!!) ME: NO I SAID I HAD NOTHING. Doc: "what about after midnight last night." Me: NOTHING. She then said that I needed to get all this stuff done, but she still wouldn’t sign my papers. She told me to go back to my regular doctor. WHY COULDN'T SHE JUST SAY THAT IN THE BEGINNING???? We could have avoided our whole meeting.

Anyway, I spent 5 hours in the doctor's office that day and 2 hours getting blood work done. I was so HOT that I didn't even bother going into work. That's a whole days worth of money, GONE............

REMEMBERING TO BE POSITIVE..... maybe I can get my surgeon to accept the records from these tests, so I don't have to duplicate. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON RIGHT....Well I'm still looking for the reason for this encounter with this doctor.

Happy Valentine's Day. I'm down 5lbs to 291. Actually, I don't really believe I've lost anything. I think that I have a high flux weight. What I mean is my weight always bounces up and down between about 290 - 296. DOES ANYONE ELSE EVER HAVE THIS FLUX??? Yesterday, I weighed myself before I went to bed and I was 290, this morning I woke up and I was 283. It's probably just the different times of day that I'm weighing myself. I saw a list called "What I Won't Miss on someone else’s page and knew I had to do one. Sorry for stealing it. This list will constantly grow longer.

What I Won't Miss:

1. Having people call me “big mama.”

2. Seeing the looks on the people’s faces that I knew from high school.

3. Having family tell me I’ve gained a lot of weight.

4. Taking pictures from the head up, only.

5. Having bras cut into my sides

6. My feet and ankles hurting when I stand up.

7. Legs hurting when I walk or try to climb stairs

8. Being out of breath from walking.

9. My back killing me during the day.

10.Waking up in the middle of the night from back pain.

11.Feeling exhausted all the time.

12.Always being sleepy.

13.Not finding any cheap stylish clothes my size.

14.Having clothes from when I was smaller that I just don’t want to throw out.

15.Not fitting my favorite top.

16.Getting evil looks from the person next to me on the plane or bus.

17.Feeling self conscious about how I look.

18.Not being able to cross my legs. (I don't remember ever being able to do this)

19.My fingers and toes being swollen.

20.Having to spend more money than thinner people on my clothes

21.Having men avoid eye contact with me.

22.Not being able to give myself a pedicure comfortably.

23.Having to do the fat people shoe tie. (u know, tie your shoes from the side.)

24.My shoes being too tight on my feet.

25.Having to wear flats instead of high heals.

26.Feeling like I need a fork lift to get out of the bathtub

27.Having people at a pool stare at me.

28.Being treated like I can't do anything athletic by small people.

29.People saying “you’re so soft, I just want to hug you.”

30.Not being able to see my feet.

31.Looking at pictures and not recognizing myself.

32.Having people say "you’re pretty for a big girl."

33.Using the big girls stall in the bathroom (aka handicap stall)

34.Having my breasts be a net for my food.

35.Having the bath water only cover half of my body.

36.Avoiding all cameras

37.Dreading my jeans in the drier, because you know it's going to be smaller when it comes out.

38.Taking blood pressure medicine.

39.Distant family members thinking its ok to comment on my weight gain.

40. Buying Big Beach Towels and using them as a regular towel.

41. Always wearing my business shirts untucked. I look like a fool with them tucked in.

I called my insurance company today. They said that they haven’t received my insurance information yet or at least it hasn't gone through the system yet. I talked to someone who also sees my doctor and she told me that they were supposed to send her paper work out to the insurance company from January 13, about 3 weeks ago. The office told her that they were backed up and hadn't sent out her information yet. I hope this isn't the case with me. I left a message with the doctor's secretary, so hopefully she'll call me back with news that everything went out on schedule. ***Fingers Crossed***

Perfectly squeezable cheeks