It's Been Awhile...

Jun 07, 2009

since I posted here.  I guess I have gotten into the swing of things and don't really feel the urgency to "live" on OH.  It might be advantageous to get back here.  I feel as though I have "gotten" this, now I just need to keep on keeping on and not "fall off the wagon."

Things here are hectic, to say the least.  I am stuck at 158-160, can't seem to get past this.  I have been allowed to add fruits and grains (now, nothing is off limits).  I really enjoy the fruit but have been very cautious with the grains.  Have yet to have bread.  Sometimes when Jay makes toast, I really want some, but by the time I take my vitamins, drink a shake, and some water, I am over it.

I am still doing Curves 3x/week but am not doing the upper body.  Surgery is June 29.  Had my pre-op blood work and EKG on Tuesday and now have to see a Cardiologist next week because my HR is 50.  I thought a low heart rate was a good thing.  Evidently not when one is about to have surgery.  I am bummed because my Cardiologist (the one who suggested gastric-bypass about 3 1/2 years ago) has retired and I have to see someone new AND it is a different practice so they don't even have my records.  I wanted to go and show off the new me.  Oh well, life goes on.

My brother and my niece and her husband are coming to stay for a week and we all go to the beach (we are going to be there for two weeks).  I do a lot of cooking when they are here (the resort is a time-share with apartments with kitchens).  I love it there.  We have been doing this for 20 years.  Surgery is the Monday after the time away.  I get to run off to doctors during my stay.  Oh well, it will be good to have this over.  The injection is wearing off and the shoulder is getting pretty painful, again.

I haven't been walking much because I have been so busy and it is so hot and I am so lazy and have all of these excuses.  I need to watch my night time eating.  I am falling into a grazing pattern that I never used to have.  I just over ate at meals.  I didn't really eat all of the time.  I seem to do that starting after dinner.  (My husband has always done that and it has annoyed me because I can never get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up for the night because he snacks from dinner to bedtime.  NOW I AM DOING THAT!!!)  I need to CUT IT OUT!  The stupid thing is that I am not even hungry when I do that.
 
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"Official" Weight Statistics

Mar 27, 2009

"Official" Weight Date Weight Loss Total Loss BMI
Highest weight 6/1/2004 264     42.6
Initial Consultation 8/21/2008 252.2     40.7
Nutrition consult 8/28/2008 246.6 5.6 5.6 39.8
Pre-op Visit 9/8/2008 239.2 7.4 13 38.6
Surgery 10/31/2008 225 14.2 27.2 36.3
10 Days Post-op 11/10/2008 221.8 3.2 30.4 35.8
2½ Month Post-op 1/12/2009 196.3 25.5 55.9 31.7
6¼ Months Post-op 5/4/2009 169.4 26.9 77.2 27.3
1 year Post-op          
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My Weekly Weight Loss Statistics

Mar 27, 2009

Home Weights Date Weight Loss Total Loss BMI
Initial Consultation 8/21/2008 252.2 (assume 250  w/o clothing) 40.7
Started Pre-op diet 10/17/2008 241.5 8.5 8.5 39.0
Surgery date 10/31/2008 225 16.5 25 36.3
Week 1 post-op 11/7/2008 220 5 30 35.5
Week 2 11/14/2008 216 4 34 34.9
Week 3 11/21/2008 210.5 5.5 39.5 34.0
Week 4 11/28/2008 207.5 3 42.5 33.5
Week 5 12/5/2008 204.5 3 45.5 33.0
Week 6 12/12/2008 202.5 2 47.5 32.7
Week 7 12/19/2008 199.5 3 50.5 32.2
Week 8 12/26/2008 196.5 3 53.5 31.7
Week 9 1/2/2009 193.5 3 56.5 31.2
Week 10 1/9/2009 190 3.5 60 30.7
Week 11 1/16/2008 187.5 2.5 62.5 30.3
Week 12 1/23/2008 183 4.5 67 29.5
Week 13 1/30/2009 182.5 0.5 67.5 29.5
Week 14 2/6/2009 181.5 1 68.5 29.3
Week 15 2/13/2009 180 1.5 70 29.0
Week 16 2/20/2009 178.5 1.5 71.5 28.8
Week 17 2/27/2009 175.5 3 74.5 28.3
Week 18 3/6/2009 174.8 0.7 75.2 28.2
Week 19 3/13/2009 172.9 1.9 77.1 27.9
Week 20 3/20/2009 172.3 0.6 77.7 27.8
Week 21 3/27/2009 170.7 1.6 79.3 27.5
Week 22 4/3/2009 167.1 3.6 82.9 27.0
Week 23 4/10/2009 167.3 -0.2 82.7 27.0
Week 24 4/17/2009 166.9 0.4 83.1 26.9
Week 25 4/24/2009 165.4 1.5 84.6 26.7
Week 26 5/1/2009 163.5 1.9 86.5 26.4
Week 27 5/8/2009 163.5 0 86.5 26.4
Week 28 5/15/2009 162.8 0.7 87.2 26.3
Week 29 5/22/2009 159.4 3.4 90.6 25.7
Week 30 5/29/2009        
Week 31 6/5/2009        
Week 32 6/12/2009        
Week 33 6/19/2009        
Week 34 6/26/2009        
Week 35 7/3/2009        
Week 36 7/10/2009        
Week 37 7/17/2009        
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My Monthly Weight Loss Statistics

Mar 27, 2009

Date   Weight Loss Total Loss BMI
8/21/2009 Initial Consult 252.2     40.7
10/31/2009 Surgery Date 225 27.2 27.2 36.3
11/30/2008 Month 1 206.5 18.5 45.7 33.3
12/31/2008 Month 2 193.5 13 58.7 31.2
1/31/2009 Month 3 182.5 11 69.7 29.5
2/28/2009 Month 4 174.5 8 77.7 28.2
3/31/2009 Month 5 166.4 8.1 85.8 26.9
4/30/2009 Month 6 165.4 1 86.8 26.7
5/31/2009 Month 7        
6/30/2009 Month 8        
7/31/2009 Month 9        
8/31/2009 Month 10        
9/30/2009 Month 11        
10/31/2009 One Year Out        

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My Doctor Didn't Recognize Me!

Mar 17, 2009

Today, I went to see my PCP and she walked right by me in the hallway.  She said she didn't recognize me.  I LOVE IT!!  I have lost 16# since I saw her January 16.  That was the day I joined Curves and according to them, I have lost 18 pounds and 21 inches.  That is more encouraging than the stupid tenths of a pound I lose every few days on my scale.  ALTHOUGH, today I lost .6 of a pound; making my total loss just over 80#.  It seems like all of these little mini goals, just take forever to reach.  I just want this done and over with and I keep forgetting; this isn't like other times I have lost weight.  Those were "DIETS" that I tortured myself with for awhile then went back to "normal" eating.  This IS the rest of my life.  This is what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life (except the fruit and grains which I get to add back into my diet after I lose 3.9#).

I am looking forward to adding fruit, not so much the grains since those are my trigger foods.  But like that girl at my support group said I don't have to add grains now.  I can do it when I am ready, not just because the scale has a certain number on it.

I feel really good today, except for my shoulder pain.  It is getting so that it is affecting the quality of my life.  They took X-Rays today.  Tomorrow, I see the Orthopedic Doctor.  I REALLY hope he can help me.  NSAIDS aren't going to be the answer.  I hope a cortisone shot or something will help.  If I tore my rotator cuff, it may mean surgery.  Although I don't look forward to surgery, it would be nice to have my arm working properly without constant pain.  I am not a baby and not accustomed to hurting like this.  I can generally just ignore it, but it hasn't been working with my shoulder.  The only time I don't feel pain is when I am sleeping, but I am not sleeping well because of the pain.  Getting up is very painful. 

 

On a brighter note, my Liver enzymes (which were elevated on my last blood work) are perfect.  My triglycerides, without meds, are 100.  That is perfect and the best they have ever been without meds.  My good cholesterol went up 1 point (needs to be much higher); my bad cholesterol went up from 98 to 126 which needs to be below 100.  My total cholesterol went from 145 to 173 (but this is so much better BECAUSE I am not taking meds now and I was then).  I probably just need to cut back on the cheese.  My thyroid is normal.  I thought that might be why I am so tired and worn out, but that could be because of my shoulder and not sleeping as well as I could be sleeping.

 

After all of the morning doctor stuff, Mom and I went to The Bagel Snack for salads (I brought 2/3 of mine home, as well as a Bialy for Jay’s lunch).  Then we went to the Podiatrist for our toe nails to be cut.  We had a nice visit.  I am so blessed to have my mom and have her healthy and mentally alert and “with it.”  I am so thankful that I am here close where we can (we don’t much, but we can) run back and forth to one another’s home.

 

Denise (my daughter) has lost 15# and my mom has lost 6#.  I am so proud of both of them.  They are using protein shakes as meal replacements for some of their meals and Mom is going to Curves 3 x weeks and walking over there.  Denise is swimming, but I don’t know how often.  They are both doing this because of seeing me losing weight.  I am so happy for them and grateful that I could be a good example, even if I had to do it the “easy way.”   

 

I still need learn to rid my mind of the issues that caused me to want to stuff with food.  I still need to learn how much is enough.  Although I feel hungry (no honeymoon for me), I have not learned satiety.  I still think I can eat more than I can hold.  I need to learn how much is enough for me and when to stop (NOT ONE MORE BITE!).  However, since this is the rest of my life, I have that long to get it down pat.

 

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"Moderately" Overweight

Mar 08, 2009

OK, I am now "moderately" overweight, according to a chart that I looked at a day or so ago.  Wow, this has been an incredible journey from MORBIDLY OBESE to "MODERATELY" overweight in just over 6 months.  I have to count from the time I went to the seminar, August 21, 2008, because I began making small changes in my lifestyle and actually lost about 12# before starting the two week liquid diet where I lost another 15# (for a total of 27# pre-surgery).  And this loss and these changes took me out of the morbidly obese category on the charts, before surgery.  All of the comorbidities were still there, but PRAISE GOD!! they are now gone (forever, I pray!).

It appears that my weight is beginning to creep downward, again.  Praise the Lord!!  I know that with what I am eating (and not eating) and with exercising at Curves 3x/week and walking 4-5 days a week, I have to be losing.  However, when the scale does not move, it is REALLY annoying.

I don't freak out like I did when I was younger.  I don't take it out on the scale or the world.  It doesn't affect my mood for the day, but it is rather disappointing when it doesn't move for days. 

I have been feeling thinner and looking good, but I like it when the scale reflects it.  AND when I get to 168 (75% EWL), I will be allowed to eat fruit and whole grains.  I am excited about the fruit, not so much about the grain products, since those are my trigger foods and the reason I was morbidly obese.  I am afraid to add grain back into my diet.

I really want to make a pledge to myself to stay away from white bread, white flour, white pasta, potatoes, and white rice, sugar and try to stick with whole grains and healthy choices.  I don't want to make it a "sin" to ever taste something made with white flour or sugar, but I do want to make it a part of my new healthy lifestyle to avoid those things 99% of the time.

I am spending a lot of time looking in mirrors.  I really want to move past the “body dysmorphic disorder" that I experienced the last time I lost a great deal of weight.  I am there about half of the time.  The other half, I still feel big and forget that I am not so big now. 

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Eleven Days

Feb 28, 2009

It has taken me 11 days to lose one pound.  I think I have been in a MAJOR stall and the chocolate covered almond incident 9 days ago did not help.  It is like I have paid an extremely dear price for that indiscretion.  Since I didn't dump (did feel pretty nauseous, but I have always felt that way when I eat too many sweets.  I remember feeling that way when we went to the movies when I was a kid and I had 10¢ to spend on candy.  It made me sick then, I just wanted bread or even meat [and I wasn’t a meat eater when I was a kid]).  

I hope the weight gain of 3 pounds and the waste of 11 days during this critical "honeymoon" period has taught me a lesson.  I wonder how I could be so stupid.  They didn't even taste all that good after the first two or three.  I don't want to be that person again.  You know the one, the person who eats indiscriminately, without considering the consequences.  I am afraid that I will be one of the ones who;

1.       Never gets to goal.

2.       Gets to goal for 10 minutes then ruins it by my terrible food choices. 

 

Both I have done in the past.

 

Attention over my weight loss causes me to sabotage myself.  I eat properly (or very very carefully, like I did at Thanksgiving), then I come home and eat like there is no tomorrow.  Someone compliments my weight loss then I feel the need to eat like a refugee.  It bothers me to have people think I am doing the right thing regarding my eating and/or my weigh loss.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

 

I know if I go to a therapist they will say, “What do you think is wrong?” “What can you do differently?” I DON’T KNOW!!!  That is what got me where I was before my surgery.  If I knew, I would never have been Morbidly Obese.  (That term, in itself, should be an incentive to NEVER, NEVER go back.)

 

I have also found that eating carbs, even complex (“good for me”) carbs causes me to want to graze.  I have never considered myself a grazer.  Jay does not consider me a grazer and yet, after a few days with carbs in my diet (like the pretzels and cereal with 10-15 gm. protein but about the same amount of carbs will put me in a grazing frenzy for a few days unless I cut carbs dramatically. 

I have no intention of going back to my old eating habits.  I don’t sit around thinking, “I can’t wait until I can eat bread, pasta, rice, noodles, pizza, blah, blah, blah.”  I do look forward to eating fruit, but I know that has to be in moderation (from dealing with Diabetes for so long).  But I am sabotaging myself in little ways by eating past satiation; by eating too many carbs; by eating too often.

 

On diets, in the past, I have always wanted to hurry up and lose the weight so I could eat _____ .  It was a form of torture, in my mind.  I don’t feel that way about this.  I KNOW, without a doubt, that this is and must be a permanent way of life.  This must be a change of behavior and a change of attitude.  For the most part, I am right there, but then I do something stupid, like the almond incident or even like overeating last night.  It was salad and chicken, but it was too much and it made my stomach hurt. 

I have not learned my limits and I am afraid I am going to ruin something, if I don’t get that down and quickly.  I would love to just live on shakes for the rest of my life, but that isn’t a viable option.  First of all, I need solid food, otherwise I want to graze.  (Why is this becoming a new behavior?)  Secondly, that isn’t going to work with my husband and family who like to eat out.  Thirdly, when I was doing that (for two weeks before and two weeks after surgery), it gave me horrible diarrhea. 

Right now, I have cut my carbs dramatically (still ranging from 37-60/day) and am trying to make better choices when I eat.  I am also drinking shakes between meals to get in my required 80-100 gm. of protein.  I will try to make my meals smaller and stop eating when I am satisfied, not when I am "full."

 

I hate having leftovers (which I always have a ton when eating out) because then I have to eat the same old thing for days on end.  I tend to overeat on them just to get rid of them.  I need to talk to Jay and see if I can get him to help me out eating my salad tonight so I can start fresh tomorrow.

Well, this is the first day of the rest of my life and excuses are not allowed.  
I will not abuse this marvelous gift that God has given me.  I will use it to its full potential and will succeed at this.  I will not sabotage myself for any reason.  It is my choice whether to spend my life dwelling on food or to enjoy my life using food for the purpose for which it was intended (fuel for my body).  Would I put bad gasoline in my car?  Absolutely not!  So why would I want to put bad food in my body?

New mindset:  Today I WILL eat right and not graze. I CAN do this.

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Carbs are not my friend.

Feb 25, 2009

I am finding that carbs are not my friend.  I have been hungry for days and I am not even 4 months out.

I have been experiencing those HUNGRY days.  I track all of my food on TheDailyPlate.com and I looked back at my carbs and they were around 100 on those "hungry days."  The things I was eating on those days included Kay's Bariatric pretzels and cereal.  They are high protein, but also high carbs.  I have cut them out of my diet (while I am still trying to lose); I am also watching my carbs in dairy products.  I was using Lite Soy Milk for my shakes, now I am only using 1/4-1/2 cup of Lite Soy Milk and the rest water (this makes the protein shakes a bit richer but cuts down on the carbs).  I am still eating 2% cheese and cottage cheese, but not quite as much as I was eating previously.  I still eat veggies, but not much because I can't hold all that much.  I am finding that all of this is helping to curtail the hunger. 

I will see if this works and maybe it will get the scale moving again.

~*~*~          ~*~*~          ~*~*~ 

OK, this is funny:  I just won $50 in Kay's Bariatric Products from the Mini-Challenge.  I will save them for maintenance and then they may be good to keep my weight where I want it.  They are packaged well so should keep for a few months.  Wish it could have been protein since I am getting into the protein flavors and using them a couple of times a day.

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What was the final straw that made me choose WLS?

Feb 15, 2009

A couple of days ago, someone posted a question basically wanting answers to the question, “What was the final straw for you that made you choose WLS?”

 

I am so far behind on the boards that I decided to answer on my blog rather than be 2½ days behind in answering.

 

I believe that seeing the pictures of me with my grandson, Wil, and his other grandma (Nana) started the recent thinking.  I was the fat grandmother.  I didn’t want him growing up, not knowing me because I was too ill to live too long and only knowing me as the fat grandma (Grammy) in the pictures.

 

Of course, it goes back further than that.  So many years of being overweight, so many diets that didn’t last long after the diet was “over.”  So much frustration of not being able to keep weight off, of being hungry all of the time, or of just remaining morbidly obese.  Not to mention the term, morbidly obese.  How insulting is that?

 

The embarrassment of not being comfortable at church, in restaurants, on airlines, getting in and out of cars, off and on buses, walking up and down curbs, having my picture taken, wondering if chairs would hold me, etc.

 

The humiliations of being weighed in front of people at my doctor’s office, of having medical staff feel the need to announce my weight to the world. 

 

When I saw the cardiologist in 2005 and he suggested bariatric surgery, I came home and cried.  I was humiliated, I was angry, I was hurt.

 

Then I saw Holly and her results from Gastric By-pass.  She was doing so well and I was envious. 

 

My blood sugars were so high and not getting any better with THREE meds a day.  I was taking 15 meds a day for diabetes, hypertension, incontinence, gout, etc.

 

The final thing was hearing a segment on the news about a young woman whose diabetes was cured from having gastric by-pass surgery. They cited statistics that stated that 95% of people having gastric by-pass who had diabetes pre-surgery no longer have the disease because it is in remission.  I decided that if my insurance would pay for it, I was getting the surgery.

 

I asked at my doctor’s office and she pretty much dismissed me.  The next time I was there, I didn’t let it go.  She said, “I wouldn’t do that to my body.”  I ran my hands over my body and said, “Oh, this is so much better?”  She looked at me thoughtfully and asked me if I wanted a referral for a consultation for gastric by-pass surgery.  I said yes and that was the beginning.  I am exceedingly grateful that it only took from August 21, 2008 when I had my initial consult and orientation meeting until October 31, 2008 when I had my surgery. 

 

I read of so many who have tried for so long, sometimes years, that I am embarrassed to say how quickly and smoothly this went for me.  There were some foul ups with paperwork, but I stayed on top of everyone and got it done.

 

When I went to the orientation, I was totally ignorant of the surgery and how it works.  I thought you had the surgery and that was it.  You lost the weight and it stayed off.

 

HA!  HA!  This is not “the easy way out.”  This is a lifetime commitment.  Thank God, I found that out before the fact so that I could make an informed decision.  I do not regret this decision.

 
The weight is coming off now, my concern is when it is off and it is time to maintain.  I
pray I will be able to serve my surgery/tool well and keep off the weight by being diligent and “working my tool.”   

I am exercising at Curves three times a week and walking at least 5 days a week.  I want to keep up this schedule when the weather is not so nice as now.  It gets really hot and humid here in the Summer.

 

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It Is Starting Already!

Feb 11, 2009

So, I went to the store with my mom and that nice lady, Lottie, who is the first person to notice that I had lost weight several weeks back, told me that I have lost enough and that I should stop now.

She made me promise her that I am not going to bed hungry.  I promised that I am not.  Good thing she doesn't know I had surgery, huh?

I was expecting this (because people always have to mind my business), but not this soon.  I still have to lose close to 40 pounds.
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About Me
Pompano Beach, FL
Location
24.2
BMI
RNY
Surgery
10/31/2008
Surgery Date
Aug 29, 2008
Member Since

Friends 42

Latest Blog 37

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