Koko10

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It has been 4 years and a month now and I'm finally used to my new body. I think it took a little over 3 years before I could really see the changes in my body and recognize that I do not want to go back to the way I was. I am finally accepting my body, flaws and all. When I gain weight it's not in the right places (chest and butt), it goes in the places that I do need help (stomach and thighs!) I still weigh myself weekly and I try to log my food when I see that I am over my goal. It's been snowing for weeks and school and our office has been closed. I am also having a ulcer flare up, therefore, I have been grazing! I refuse to keep this 9 lbs on my body. I refuse to buy clothes to fit me during this time. Therefore, I will stay uncomfortable until I am down to my goal of 140.  I thank God for this experience and I have learned to read my body. I no longer feel like the "fat Mom".  I no longer feel self contious when I am out with my husband. I recognize that others have lost a lot more weight than I have after surgery, but I feel blessed that my body is at a point where it is comfortable. I pray for everyone who is going through what I went through and worse. Just know that it will be worth it but you will always have a battle to fight. Be the best that you can be!

It's been a while since I thought about my surgery. I finally see myself at a size 8/10. I think about food in a very different way. I can take a bite of something for enjoyment and understand that I can have more in a little while or the next day. I still get full really fast and can only eat a very small amount. I have learned to live with it and stay between 140 to 143 lbs for close to a year now. I still am not a big exerciser but I am pretty active. I control my weight with my food choices and intake. I praise God for all that I have come through. I enjoy my new way of eating. I do get frustrated when I am enjoying my food and get full after 3 or 4 bites of something. But I know I can have more later so I can deal with it. God is good and accepting change is always good.

Three years ago on February 1, 2011, I had gastric bypass surgery to get weight off quickly for other surgeries that I really needed to have. During that time I was so STRESSED! I felt like nothing was happening fast enough. I left the hospital with the full effects of the surgery. I dumped (still do!), I had horrible gas pains (still do!), I could barely eat anything other than peanuts (that was fixed with a later gallbladder surgery), and I got full so FAST! (still do!)

In the time that I have had the surgery, I have gone through a lot of emotions. It took me a long time to get used to my body and to see myself as others see me. I still have a relapse and see myself as a big woman. My lowest weight was 132 lbs. I am now somewhere between 142 and 145. I try to maintain 142-143 lbs to stay in my clothes. I am in a comfortable size 10. If I have surgery to remove the skin I will be a size 8. I really can't see that happening for several reasons. I don't want another surgery, I've been told that it's very painful, and my husband thinks I am too small as it is!

Anyway, I have learned how to eat again from this surgery which I believe is the purpose. I am working on my stress eating and body image. I praise God daily that I survived and look forward to the next steps in my life. Praise God everyone and pay attention to what your body is telling you!

It's been a while. Update...after my gallbladder was removed I felt great. Then I had a kidney stone! Those things HURT!!! Just passed it a couple weeks ago and I feel ok. I have some kind of stone in my blood stream now but they say it's not a big deal. We will see. I'm still paying the bill for the gallbladder surgery and the CT scan for the kidney stone. Life seems pretty normal now. I gain weight like normal people and for the most part I live pretty normal. I enjoy food now but my family is so used to me not eating that they take food right out of my hands! Not sure how I feel about it cause it taste really good sometimes. LOL Anyway, there are a few things going on that I wasn't aware of when I had this surgery. My girlfriend has a tumor that they stated was from rapid weight loss. Praying it's benign and she can have it removed with no problems. Need to buy some more clothes for fall/winter since I've been a comfortable 10 for a while. Still wish my stomach would go down and that I had my butt and boobs back but until I have more time to devote to exercise, none of that is going to happen. Kids are in sports and a lot going on with their school (tutor's  extra help, clubs, etc). Praising God for all that He has brought me through and for what is to come. I'm thankful for all He has brought me thorough and what He continues to do for me. Keep motivated you guys! We can do it!!!

Now that I seem to hit my body's goal of around 131-135 lbs, I look at myself in the mirror and think that I can get used to this. I'd like the weight to shift just a little from my middle to my hips and chest, but I realize you can't have everything! LOL I'm going to the GI Specialist to determine what is wrong with my digestive system. I had another episode of hard stomach last night. The weird thing about it was I hadn't even eaten anything when I noticed it. I'd just walked in the house from work and it felt really tight. I'm not sure what is going on there. Overall, I still feel good. Portion size is still about what a 5 year old would eat but it seems to be enough for me. My only concern is that when they figure out what's wrong with me, I will be able to eat more and the weight will start coming back. I have to admit, I am wasting money at the gym since no one in the family uses it. The children have their activities and school work and since I go home first, I don't want to go on the other days. I need motivation! Pray for me please! In the meantime, I thank God for all of the progress. I feel good. I'm not worried that I didn't get a job because of my weight. I'm not worried that people are looking at me funny or talking about me because of my weight. However, I still feel like I'm the fat girl, even though it's been 19 months since surgery. Wonder when that feeling will leave? Oh well, it helps to remember where you've come from! Be encouraged!!!