I found my answer

Mar 01, 2010

So - a bit of an angry phase, which, if you knew me would make you laugh.  I've never been an angry person.  I'm a 'hurt' person.  I'm a 'see your side and feel your pain' person.  I'm a 'let's find a way to talk this out' person. So, while I've been angry, of course, an unwillingness to put up with even little shit is new for me. 

That said, I'm not walking around raging at people.  I've gained just enough wisdom since surgery to know it's better, often, to just bite my tongue and never deal with a person again than to let loose a tirade.  Tirades used to be my way - emotional tirades, specifically - crying and hurt feelings.  So this much less dramatic stillness is new for me too.  I figure if someone crosses me and it makes me angry enough to do something then rather than rage against them there is no reason they should have the benefit of my business, friendship, what have you.  I'm very comfortable these days just walking away.

At the same time, I feel no need to convince most people that I'm right any more.  Who cares?  This is also new since surgery.

However, something that gets under my skin a bit is when people say 'Ah man - you get to eat bacon?  Cheeseburgers?  Extra meat?  Can I have this surgery?'.  This is coming from people who aren't obese and are maybe, barely overweight if at all. 

So, I haven't said anything.  I would just get a little irked and let it go.  But today I found my answer:

"If you want to spend 33 years obese and try every diet, pill, exercise, voodoo, magic, self-blame,  prayer, crying, screaming and therapy to try to rid yourself of the weight, then yes, you too can have this surgery and eat bacon and it be good for you.  I consider this my long-coming reward for the difficult years of feeling inadequate for something over which I had no control."

Amen.

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