Checking in

Jun 07, 2009

Well, I really thought that by this point I would have a date...but no.  It has been 6 weeks and 4 days since I finished all of my lab work.  While I am frustrated I have decided to stop worrying about it.  It will happen when it needs to happen.  My stressing over it will not make the phone ring faster.  In the meantime I find myself in strange funk.  I posted last night that I had been having some emotional/mental malfunctions and I think it's from going off my Birth Control (Yasmin).  I feel better today, so I hope things keep going that way.  Life just gets hard some times.  This is one of those times.  I feel like I am in limbo.  I feel like my whole world is revolving around having gastric bypass.  I have started making conscious efforts to get healthy in general.  I stopped drinking soda.  I drink tons of water.  I take my vitamins religiously.  I went to my psychiatrist and got stable on medication.  I had moles looked at that were starting to look weird.  I started working out 5 days a week for 30-45 minutes.  Dang it, I even wear sunscreen.  These are good, no GREAT things, regardless if I have the surgery or not.  The one thing I haven't worked in is my eating.  I think I have the last supper syndrome i read about in WLS for Dummies.  I think that is why I haven't lost anymore weight.  I have maintained, I am happy to report.  I guess I am doing better then I thought I was.  It's just been a tough weekend.  I didn't work out last night so I only worked out 4 days last week and I didn't work out today.  So tomorrow, I am starting over.  I have to stop this all or nothing attitude.  I can't let myself feel like a failure because I had a bad weekend.  I am starting to realize that I am more bipolar then i thought.  My psych diagnosed me as Bipolar II.  I googled it and BINGO that is me.  I work in a psych office and I have am around people with severe Bipolar all the time.  I was not like these patients.  I didn't have the manic stages, but more of the depression. But I was reading about Bipolar II (link: http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-bipolar-ii.htm)  and it really made sense.  The patients I work with mostly have Type I Bipolar.  This type has manic episodes.  Bipolar II has hypo manic states which may experience increased anxiety, sleeplessness, good mood, or irritability.  Patients may find themselves extremely productive and happy.  This is usually followed by a low, depressed state.  This has been my life for quite a while.  I just didn't put two and two together.  I have been doing really well and I have not had a depressed episode in a while.  I guess I am due for one.  It is scary to think that this is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.  Thank God we live in a time where medical science has made it possible to treat this type of disorder effectively.  With medication and a good Psych, I can lead a happy and normal life.  It also helps to have a supportive hubby and family.  Well, I have been all over the board on this one.  I am not really writing this for other people to see, but for myself to remember this journey.

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