April 11, 2008

Apr 11, 2008

Hello All,  I had my first surgiversery on 2/28/08.  I'm currently 121.8 lbs as the picture shows lol and I'm a size 0 to 2 depending on the pants.  One day I found a lump right below my neck.  For a minute I thought it was a tumor but realized it was my COLLAR BONE!!  I don't ever remember seeing it before.  The last time I weighed this amount I think I was in the 6th grade.  Just amazing this life I'm living now.  I have so much energy.  I tried to go back to an office job and lost my mind.  I love the physical work of tending bar.  I love being physically exhausted at the end of the night.  I would love to open my own sports bar so I can work all the time.
I think I'm done losing now though.  I have maintained this weight for about a month now.  I was worried for a while that it would never stop and I would waste away to nothing.  Now I'm so afraid of gaining it's not funny.  I still have the urge to compulsively eat.  I sit at night with my bag of sunflower seeds and one at a time break the shell off and eat the seeds.  It's crazy but it's healthy and it fills the need. 
I don't know if anyone else considers themselves in recovery.  I feel like I am an addict and I will always be a fat girl waiting to happen.  It's a little unsettling but I have a friend that is a recovering alcoholic and he told me sometimes fear can be a healthy thing.  Those words ring in my ears and I'll have to let him know how much they mean to me.  He's so right.  If I get too comfortable, I could lose control again.  I can't stand the thought of that. 

Greetings from the "Skinny Little B##ch"

Feb 12, 2008

Thats right!!  That's what my friends at work affectionately call me.  Who would have ever thunk?  Gotta love that name.  I'm down to a size 3.  I have never felt better physically or mentally.  I'm a bartender a couple nights a week.  I can't believe I actually get paid for having so much fun.  I have met the greatest people.  When I started the job I was a size 16 so most people that I work with have gradually watched me shrink.  Everyone has been sooo supportive.  I don't know what I would have done without their support. 
I'm down 135 lbs since I started my program and I lost 20 or 30 lbs before that.  I'm not exactly sure of my top weight because I wouldn't get on a scale but if you look at the picture of me on the fire truck I would guess close to 300 and I was 262 when I started seeing Dr Shen. 

So Long Since I have Updated 9/19/07

Sep 19, 2007

Ok, I am obviously so bad at keeping up with this journal. I use to be so addicted to this site but once I started losing the weight and started getting energy, I just don't find much time to sit in front of the computer for any length of time.  It doesn't help that Brooke is almose 2 and well, ya know how 2 is.  I will be 7 months out on the 28th and I am down 103 lbs.  I am a size 10!!!  Can you believe it?  I friggin size 10!!!  I have collar bones, hip bones, shoulder bones.  Diabetes, OSA, Plantar Facious, Achilies Tendonitis...GONE!!  I started tending bar again and have so much fun doing it.  It's so strange because when I see someone that is as big or bigger than I was, I feel so bad for them.  I feel their pain and want to tell them that life could be so much better.  I have never felt so beautiful in my life.  It has all been so worth it!!

3 Weeks Out

Mar 20, 2007

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks for me.  I've lost a total of 28 lbs.  My surgery and recovery has been a breeze physically.  I had barely any pain and once I got home I never took pain meds.  I'm having all the same trouble everyone else has getting enough protein and water in.  It's been so cold here I haven't been able to get out and walk much because it's too cold to bring the baby out.  I tried to shovel snow over the weekend and hurt myself.  Mentally I have had ups and downs.  In my first week my husband brought home fresh haddock for dinner and I cryed because I couldn't have any lol.  I have had times that I feel very happy about this and other times I just miss my favorite things.  I miss going out to dinner.  It was the thing we did as a family together.  I'm on puree now for 2 weeks and I haven't really pureed anything.  I just eat really soft things and chew everything like crazy.  At least I don't have to crush pills anymore to take them YUK!!  Today I will get out and walk and I will get in more water. I need to start setting daily goals for myself even if they are small.

2/13/07 Approved

Feb 13, 2007

Ok so I got the call yesterday late in the afternoon that I have been approved.  My feelings are so strange.  I would have thought I would have been really excited but instead I felt pure panick.  I have been so strange with this journey.  I've always been an open book kind of person.  I'll tell anyone anything and people feel comfortable telling me things. Since I have started this journey, I have been very private with it.  I'm open on here because I feel safe.  I feel like everyone here "gets it".  I have told very few people other than my husband.  My father doesn't even know and my mother thinks I'm getting the lap band.  I'm not going to tell her until it's done because I don't want her to worry.  I'm not even going to tell my father at all.   Most of my best friends don't even know.  I don't want to talk about it with anyone.  I don't want their opinions.  The only close friend I have told is the one that has had wls herself.  I don't want to talk about it with people that don't understand what it's like because they can't really hear me.  This has been the most emotionally painful and personal battle of my life.  Bill knows I'm having the surgery and he knows I'm scared but when he tries to talk to me about my fears I just can't.  He and I have always talked about everything.  He is my best friend and this is the first time I've ever not been able to share my feelings with him.  I don't really think I need to though.  I know he knows how scared I am and he understands my need to take this fight on in my own way.  He has been 100% there when I need him to be and is silently supportive when I need him to be.  I don't know what I would do without the support of this web site and the beautiful people here.  They all give me strength.

I met Dr. Shen

Jan 21, 2007


I met Dr Shen today.  Bill came with me and asked him a million questions.  Bill has a medical background so he has so many technical questions. I liked Dr Shen very much.  He gave me the feeling that he really knew what he was doing.  Bill was so sweet, he told him he better take good care of me.  Bill has been so supportive through all this.  I've decided to have the RNY.  I need to get this weight off of me so I can start to live again.  I was supposed to see the nurse today for a class on food but she called in sick so I reschedualed for next Friday.  The secretary told me she thinks they can put me in for auth some time next week.  She also said my insurance company usually only takes 24-48 hours to get back to them.  I can't believe how smoothly this is going so far.  This office seems to be on top of everything. 

1-17-07 Feeling Sad Today

Jan 17, 2007

On Monday I went for a bunch of tests.  You know the ones, upper GI, abdomen ultrasound, blood tests, chest xray, echo and EKG.  I think everything went really well and I was very upbeat.  I have my appointment to meet the surgeon on Friday morning and I'm starting to freak out.  I don't think I've lost any of the mere 13 pounds they want me to lose and I haven't kept up with the food logs either.  I have done some of them but not all of them and I read in the paperwork that if they aren't complete it could hold up my surgery.  I went for my consult a couple days before Christmas ate through the holiday season like it was my last meal ever.  I guess I'm just feeling defeted.  We'll see how
Friday goes.

About Me
Townsend, MA
Surgery Date
Nov 16, 2006
Member Since

Friends 37

Latest Blog 7
April 11, 2008
Greetings from the "Skinny Little B##ch"
So Long Since I have Updated 9/19/07
3 Weeks Out
2/13/07 Approved
I met Dr. Shen
1-17-07 Feeling Sad Today