krobbb6

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Well its been a while since my last post. I feel pretty good though I did deal with kidney stones durring february.  Two different surgeries and a month of high doses of pain killers took a toll for sure. I just wish someone would have told me that coming off of pain killers cold turkey was a BAD thing. That was a hard 10 days to be sure. Anxiety, halucinations, not sleeping and nightmares when I did sleep. Ick!! That will teach me to to make sure I get enough vitamin D from now on. (helps keep stones from forming) 
     Other than that the weight is still coming off, slowly now. I suppose I could just go back on the shakes for a couple months and shed the rest but I feel really good and have a new found appreciation for really good food.  I mean realllllllllly good food, like filet mignon and such... I always thought I was a foody but I was just an eater before surgery. Now I know what it really means to appreciate really good food. I could care less about the junk food I used to like, fast food burgers and fried crap. I can now justify spending a few extra bucks for the fancy dinner at a nice eatery as I dont care much about portion size anymore, only that most portions are way too big. Whats funny though is I am so used to eating small amounts that when I see a plate full of food I dont see one meal and wonder what else I can order to fill me up, I see 3 maybe 4 meals all one plate and hope I dont waste it by not eating it in the next few days. And sometimes it does go to waste.  There are worse things I suppose.  To think I was the guy who would eat 3lbs+ of steak, and potato and salad and dessert and think hmmmmmm, I could probably eat another pound of meat, and now I can make a petit filet of 6oz with trimmings go for 3 meals... it boggles the mind.  My mind is evolving and I like new thought processes. I think its a good thing...

It is now my 3 monthiversary and I am down 91lbs!  This tool that they have given me almost seems to easy sometimes.  I have my moments but for the most part living life as a VSG patient is the easiest thing I have ever done.  I have some problems with certain kinds of meat if it isnt ground up and have lost some taste for foods that I used to like but other than that this has been a snap.  I have now dropped 12 inches on my waist and 2 shirt sizes.  I can buy jeans at Costco again... wooohoooo... cheap clothes again!   I know that not all of us have an easy time but I have to say that my preparation, emotionally and physically, before surgery is what is making this so easy right now.... my whole mindset has changed about food and meals now too. I now see very small portions and huge when figuring what to put on my plate.  A few bites of this, one or two of that and its filled up for me now.  Even a small appetizer at a restaurant is more than I can handle and means I will have leftovers... who would have thunk it?! 

Its been a month since my last post and I am down another 20 lbs or so.  I cant believe how really good I feel physically!  Emotionally it's even better.  Now that I am kinda in my groove as far as diet goes I feel that my goal weight is right within reach without much mental effort. The VSG really is a tool but I couldnt imagine how good a tool it was until going through with it.  I know a lot of people have had a hard time early on but for me it seems like this is the easiest thing I have ever done emotionally to shed weight. I am really not ever hungry anymore.. I hope it stays this way but I know some of it will come back, but getting full on a 1/2 cup of food is trully liberating.  I dont really care about food anymore like I used to. I still look for good things to eat when I need to but eating now is purely for sustanance. I dont really get any pleasure from eating and because of that I can focus on the really important things in my life instead of obsessing about food. It is freedom in the truest sense of the word.

I am really feeling good now... I am getting used to the notion that little bits of food here and there, ie: small meals, are really much more satisfying than hoards of food in one sitting. I just finished having a piece of sprouted grain toast and it was truly wonderful!  WLS and my sleeve specifically, is truly a gift that only we larger people can really appreciate.  But we wont always be larger... thats the best part.... I really feel like this is the easiest diet I have ever been on. But, the best part of that is.... its not a diet!  I like not being hungry all the time now and even when I am a few bites and thats all it takes... who knew!?

I cant believe the changes that are occuring. My brain is figuring out that food is for fuel, my energy levels are going up and my weight is really falling off.  I am finding it difficult sometimes to make time to eat now... there is too much other stuff to do now that my knees and ankles dont hurt all the time.. just when I overdo it.... I actually walked 9 holes of golf over the weekend and all I felt was tired... almost no soreness in the knees and ankles... its amazing what 50 lbs down will do.   I can only imagine what it will be like in another 100 lbs.... 7 weeks from pre-surgery diet to surgery to now... seems almost too fast, but I eat what they tell me to eat and how much and how often... so far, so good.

Its been almost 3 weeks since surgery.... yeah I know... I am still early in my rookie season.  Food is starting to become less of an issue at the moment. For the time being, and I thought this could never happen, I dont really care about food, only that I have to eat and get enough protein and vitamins...nothing really turns me on culinarily speaking. I hope thats a good thing.... there are a few things that for some reason I now find absolutely repulsive.  Like bananas. Even the smell is offensive for some reason. Bleh.   I am still on puree as mushies hurt after about 3 bites... still not ready for the jump although I dont really care that much. I asked my nutritionist if there would ever come a day when I could eat a 3oz portion of meat (I used to love lamb) and the answer that I got was "probably not." I had hoped that I could eat a complete meal of small portion of meat, some veggie and whatever... but it looks like that aint gonna happen... I suppose to get a complete meal I have to split it up into 3 meals. Oh well... the head hunger is going away and that is really nice.  Its hard to believe that for a guy like me who lived to eat, was hungry all the time when not completely full that I could end up in a place where not only am I not hungry but I have to tell myself its time to eat.  As far as diets were in the past, this is the easiest thing I have ever dealt with.  I have my moments when I mourn not being able to eat lots, but I am glad I did this and look forward to each day as I feel just a little bit better than the day before. I can say right now that I feel better 3 weeks after surgery than I did the days and weeks before surgery... my joints are thanking me!

The mourning that I have read about has worked its way in just a little bit.. not bad but enough to make me little sad.  It used to be that when I would mad at work or something just didnt work out I would give myself the ok and get something really bad to eat like a burger or pizza, etc..... and it happened yesterday. I got ticked off at something and thought "I need a Big Mac meal"  then I thought to myself " there is no way in hell that can happen" since my stomach is 4 ounces big and newly stapled.  Then it hit me "why whenever I get emotional about something do I want to turn to crappy food?"  Still havent figured it out but I'm workin on it.. atleast I am at the point where I have asked myself that question. 
It seems that I have always turned to food(not that I wasnt already at a disadvantage with my genetics) and it has always kept me from doing things or achieving higher goals it seems.  I have always had, it seems, a fear of success and what that would bring.  Being overweight kept me from achieving things that might have come to pass but never did because I was so heavy. I SOLD MY DREAMS FOR SMALL DESIRES, those desires being food.  Mourning overeating is really just part of my taking control over my life and its direction. Sure I will miss the buffets and the huge dinners but I will get over it.  Hell I have lost over 30lbs since this whole process started, probably closer to 40lbs.  Thats why we do this.. to lose weight that holds us down, phyisically and emotionally.
Now that I have SOLD MY SMALL DESIRES ITS TIME TO BUY BACK MY DREAMS AND CHASE THEM DOWN AGAIN.  Its not too late.
Oh yeah, its time for mushies tomorrow and I get meatloaf... mmmmm I love meatloaf!

WooHOooooo!
finally something other than broth and  protein shakes.  My doc and nutritionist said its time for puree.  I asked whats on the list with the exception of rice and bread and pasta and they said if you can puree it you can eat it. I cant tell you how exciting it is to put all sorts of junk in the blender but my favorite so far is a beautiful steak with gravey blended to a fine paste mixed with some soft mashed potato... who would have thunk that it could be so exciting... the sky is the limit really... but in quarter cup increments... Shakes are still the main source of protein but having some meaty tasting goodness makes it so much easier and nice to look forward too... For a guy who could put down a large Papa Murphys pizza this seams surreal but hell, who cares... paste tastes good. I find that when I think I am hungry now its just "head hunger'.   What I am craving is taste not quantities and that is easily overcome now that I understand that.  A couple small spoonfuls of turkey mush puts the kabosh on it and I can go on ... its all good.

Here we are 3 days post-op and doing really well considering I have 7 holes in my abdomen. I thought it would hurt more, but its not bad at all... what does bother is the gas pains... only moving around gets it moving... thank God we can fart or I would blow up..lol..My wife had even less symptoms.. I think she is just tougher than me and doesnt admit the discomfort. But I have always been kind of a wus...lol... For anyone out there waiting for VSG its probalby easier than you might imagine. With the exception of the gas pains I dont really feel different. I am trully enjoying the lack of hunger, I hope this keeps up.
   With all I have read from the folks on here I like the idea of eat to live not live to eat that this can help bring on.  If not for all the great success stories I have read I might not have went through with it. My wife and I (we did this procedure the same day and yes we had family here to take care of us) were having some aprehension before. Thank you all for letting us into a small part of your lives for that is what gave us the inspiration to hunker down and take this on.  All of you are our heros!

One week away from the journey back to health. I suppose you could say that since we have made the arrangements that the journey has begun already, but this is just the prep for it I think. The real journey begins when they knock me out and I awake as a person (who with my beautiful wife, ilovekev) will be slightly different. Not on the outside but on the (physical) inside. We have been taught how to eat (when the time comes), what to eat and how often. Its all about putting our training into action, and doing right by our selves. Although this is a tough row to hoe, I cant imagine this being as hard as all the diets that failed over the years. All the suffering, denial of food, self loathing at perceived failures are all in the past now. There is only the future and it is bright.