Apr 10, 2008
I'm doing well overall. The gas and chest tightness are fading. I'm adjusting to the food amount so that's going good too. I think it helps to drink protein water in between meals. That keeps me from any real hunger pains. I've been walking a bit and will have to build up again. I'm looking forward to returning to the pool and water fitness class next week.
In speaking with one of my support team members, I was reminded that not only will I need to adjust to this new food lifestyle but I will also need to like my body. I'm very thankful to God that I have the life I do as imperfect as I've made it to date. It is still a very good life. But, my team member is right, I have not liked my body or who I am in it for a long time. That has made me cronically unhappy. Of course, that shows. Losing the weight, whatever amount it may be, will help. But, I'm going to have to like whatever that level is and enjoy the new body. I say "whatever the level" because I am not going to pressure myself by establishing a goal then never achieve it. I've done that so many times in the past and it doesn't help emotionally. So, the goal here is to lose whatever amount I can by completely following the food, exercise, mental/emotional work and surgeon's directions.
Yes, I've set small goals such as right now to reach 270#. I'll adjust after that. What I'm not going to do is think about reaching 125#. It's too far away and sets me up for negative thinking.
I'm thinking I'll need to come up with a reward for reaching each small goal. Any ideas?
Post op visit
Apr 08, 2008
Saw the PA yesterday. All's well and he's happy. He's satisfied with the foods and happy to hear I'm doing ok.
4/7/08 Dr. M's scale: 288# My scale: 283#
PA stated their's tends to run high. We agreed that what's important is that BOTH scales show a loss. So long as that continues we're happy. I have a follow up with Dr. M (hopefully him not the PA) on 5/16 for possible first fill. Let's see how much I can knock off in the next 5 weeks.
I'm so happy to be on the losing side now. I have to say I'm cautious at this time because I have gotten down to 279# on my own. So, at this time any loss is wonderful but I'm also waiting to see it go below 279# and continue downward. When that starts to happen I'll really know that this is working.
I see the NUT on Monday (4/14). Hopefully by then I'll have the go ahead for soft mushy foods. I plan to have my regular food plan together to share with her. I want to be sure the plan, the recipes and such are ok.
Sleepless nite and other things
Apr 06, 2008
Ok, I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. Partially due to the gas and partially cuz I can't seem to quiet my brain down. On some level I'm a tad worried about my follow up with the Dr. tomorrow. I guess I'm worried I'm not being successful or making progress. No, not the incision, those are fine. The band and the weight. I've been weighing myself daily and recording the weight one day a week. Since 3/1 (296#), according to my scales, I've lost 12# as of 4/5. What bothers me is my scale showed me 4# less than the Dr.'s scale the week before surgery. So, you can see where I'm coming from. I know, I know the Dr.'s PA said their scale runs high when I told that day.
I'm doing much better. The tightness has subsided quite a bit. The muscle pull feeling as well. The gassy feeling is still there though a tad bit less. It still seems to hit most often in the evenings. I'm finding that I can't take in much in the morning. Just something light, like water or protien shake or V8. I tried to have a yogurt this morning but with just half a teaspoon I got this tightness and stopped. I had to wait about 15 - 20 mins before water was ok. I've been sipping H20 plain, w/cyrstal light or hot tea through out the day. (heh) I've never taken so long to finish a cup of tea (1 hour). I've reheated it twice in that hour, ha, ha.
I've been going through my recipes. Yes, I love to cook. My plan, based on something the NUT said, is to pull together a monthly food plan. I intend to have 3 - 4 choices for each meal, 3 - 4 side dishes/desserts and 2 - 3 snack choices to chose from for the month. Each will be a recipe which might make between 2 - 4 servings. I will draw up a biweekly meal plan, do as much of the cooking/prep work on the weekend and shop per the meal plan. I used to do this a really long time ago and it helped to eat healthier, cheaper and not overeat cuz the frig/pantry had choices. I think going back to this will really help me succeed. Course, each recipe will probably make 4 - 6 servings now. Hey that's GREAT!! I'm eating less per meal but still being healthy.
Ok, I think this has helped me calm down. I feel my eyes dropping so goodnite all.
Post op day 4
Apr 04, 2008
Whew!! All went well and I'm home now. I'm glad I was staying at my friend's cuz the surgery was moved to 7:30 am. Dr. M was great and he even called my parents in NC following the surgery. The hospital staff was wonderful though I could do without the policy of taking vitals every two hours. I'm glad I can eat some cream soups and watery cream of wheat along with the protien shakes cuz I was getting tired of just the shakes.
I'm doing well over all. I have a feeling of tightness in my chest between my breast area. It's worse when I bend over or if I'm feeling pressure from being gassy. I'm gassy though not as a bad now. I also have a feeling of a really bad muscle pull along the abs area. I never realized just how much we use our abs. I'm hoping the gassy feeling, the pressure and the tightness disappear over the next few days. I don't know if this is common or not because I could never find much on this site about how one feels following surgery. I have a follow up with Dr. M on Monday so will be speaking with him should I still feel this way by then.
Thank you all for your support, thoughts and prayers. Keep them coming. I'm planning on being part of the 100# club in the future.
43 hours and counting
Mar 30, 2008
In just 43 hours I will be wheeled into the OR and 2 hours after that my life will have changed forever. Am I nervous? Yes, but not overly and I'm not scared of the surgery. Am I worried about after surgery? Yes!! This is a life style change, a change of long standing habits and a change of thinking patterns in regards to exercise/food. I'm not saying that some of the weight isn't genetic, some of it due to an out of whack metabolism but the majority of it is due to acquired emotional habits and food habits that were unhealthy. Habits are not easy to change and take 28-30 days of consistently following new habits to break the old. But, truthfully, breaking a long standing old habit probably takes a life time usage of a new one and awareness of when the old one is creeping back in so you can arrest it before it take hold. I've established some new habits (regular exercise, better food choices, working on smaller portions, better response habits to stress/emotional issues and beginning to change negative thought patterns regarding appearance/self esteem and such) but this tool, WLS, will help greatly to reinforce those good habits. It will also help to visably see consistent success of those good habits vs waiting months before seeing any results.
I think, no I know what I'm scared of is failing. I've failed at this, WL/healthy living, for 20 years now. I told Mom that the reason I haven't told many family people about this surgery is because of what would happen when they don't see the success. I'm afraid that by telling them I'm ensuring that I'll fail because they will be exepecting me to succeed. It's difficult enough knowing that that expectation will be coming from Mom & Dad, just like it always had all the other times. I can recall many a time when I'd hear "You've gained weight" or "You lost 5#, really? It doesn't show. You sure." or "5 pounds, that's good. It will really start to show when you get 20# off" or "Well now ever 10# off will show and if not then you're not losing". I've very rarely heard "Wow, you're looking good" or "That's a great outfit, you can see your success" or "5 pounds off is great. What can I do to help stick with it" or even "5 pounds that's wonderful, lets celebrate". Yes, I've told friends and some co-workers but for me they are not quite as emotionally tied to my weight problem as my family is. My friends/co workers care and do occasionally say something about the weight and yes, do not included me as much because of the weight but it doesn't hurt quite the same way. In fact, I'm not as worried about what they would think if I fail at this as I do with family.
Any of this make sense to anyone?
Ok, I'm getting off this track. It's not helping me. I KNOW I AM GOING TO SUCCEED BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION. So, on that note everyone, pray for the success of my surgery and that there be no problems during or after it.
Catch you all in a few days.
3 days and counting
Mar 28, 2008
WOW!! Just 3 days to go. I can't believe this. On some level I'm feeling it's an "April Fool's Joke" but on another level I know it's the right thing. I'm really hopeful and looking forward to seeing consistent weight loss following this procedure. I'm looking forward to being able to do more, move more, feel sexy and not have my happiness partially dependent on my appearance. I have a few projects that I'll be working on related to this program while I'm off work for a few days after the surgery. Those projects will be important in helping me succeed initially as well as my long term success. As I start working on them I'll put the points down here so I can refer to it in the future and stay on track.
I must say I'm a little nervous. I know this because I've called my parents 3x this week. We generally touch base every other week when they are in NC. I've asked my twice the date they'll be back in NY, just to confirm it hasn't changed.
Ok, I'm ready. Let's go.
7 days to go
Mar 25, 2008
Last nite I attended a joint RYN/LAP meeting which featured Dr. M's NUT. She is leaving the area so Dr. M will need to replace her (POOH!). Anyway, she did a presentation on life long success with WLS. It was excellent!! She focused on the key issues she has heard/seen in her 10 years of working with WLS patients. Those key issues were ones that need to be addressed, resolved, stick to and utilize if one wants to succeed during, after and for life with WLS. It does not matter which type WLS you have these issues apply. I'll be asking her to email the powerpoint so I can review it frequently. I intend to utilize it. I did takes some notes and from what I could see it didn't seem like too many took notes. There were probably 30 or so people in attendance, all at various stages. I think the oldest WLS patient there was two years post.
I'm doing ok with the liquid diet though it's getting old. My pre-op went well and I had a great conversation with an RN at the hospital who had WLS with Dr. M 4 years ago(?). He had the Lap first then revised to RYN and lost 170#. He said his biggest battle is staying true to the "new" lifestyle. He said he has gained some weight back because he was not exercising enough and lasped with his eating. He spoke very highly of Dr. M. Personally, I felt both he and the NUT's presentation were speaking directly to me and re-enforcing the importance that this is a TOOL not a solution. That for it to help me succeed means I HAVE TO FAITHFULLY EVERYDAY, EVERY HOUR AND EVERY MINUTE STAY WITH THE PLAN. I have to make the plan my new lifestyle, my new habit.
I'm ready to do this emotionally, physically, spiritually and yes, socially.
In just 7 days, all the tools needed to succeed will be in my hands. I must use them correctly and daily. There is no one else who can do this for me or with me.
It's Easter weekend
Mar 22, 2008
Well, easter has arrived though spring has not. I'm a little disapointed that no one in the family has called or emailed me to invite me for easter. I don't have any family in the area and for the past several years my parents have been in NC during this time. In the past several years someone in the family has always, abliet last minute, called to invite me for easter sunday. I really don't mind this year since I'm on the liquid diet and do not want to deal with the temptation of food. I probably would decline the invite but it would be nice to be asked.
I know I expect too much of people. That's one of my personal stressors which has wreaked hovac with my weight. It's an emotional food trigger for me. Thankfully, I've been working on handling the emotional food triggers in a better, more productive way. But, it's still a work in progress. I'd be stupid to say at this point that their not a concern. They are no longer a major problem/issue but they are still at times a threat.
So, I woke up this morning feeling lonely, needy and a little depressed that I've not been invited anywhere for easter. Yeah, I know I told Mom on the phone it's ok. That I had a week ago connected with two of my cousins inquiring if there were any plans but have not heard back from them. This is me, I just want to feel included simply through being offered the opportunity to decline. People do not understand how isolated my life has been first due to being a deaf person functioning in a hearing world and then due to the obesity. True the cochlear implant has greatly improved communication and such but now I'm fighting a battle to break people's "habit" of communicating with me which was seeing me as a deafie who missed a lot and required them to put in more effort when communicating (course people rarely met me half way here, it was always 75% me and 25% them). Well, I'm still working on people and I hope that when I like myself more after this procedure helps me to succeed in knocking off the pounds that it will be easier with people.
I fully admit that my self esteem, self image is very poor. As a results I'm sure I project that, unwillingly, when meeting people or interacting with people. When one does not like one's self people tend to pick up on that and many will chose to have as little to do with you as possible. I know losing the weight is not the sole answer to improving my self image which is why I've been working on that for some time prior to pursuing the WLS. I'm doing much better and I know I will improve greatly when I begin to make consistent, significant success following WLS. It will certainly help to bring everything into order, if you will.
I think I'll call some family to wish them a happy easter. Maybe some day they will make the effort to reach out, stay connected to me. Until then I guess I'll have to be the one to put forth 100% and then some if only just to make myself feel wanted.
Surgery Countdown continues....
Mar 20, 2008
Whew, so far so good with the liquid diet. I'm glad I can eat some veggies, salad and jello. If I couldn't I think I'd have a much harder time with this. For the first time in years I actually have a hallow feeling in my stomach, a feeling of hunger. Not bad, just noticeable.
I'm a fan of the Biggest Loser and this season I really connect with many of the statements, feelings and fusterations of some of the contestants. Brittany, I can really relate to. Her difficulty in losing the weight sounds a lot like me. The makeover session had me really looking forward to my own.
I want to do a mini makeover by the end of the year. I will have succeed in losing some significant weight, enough so to warrent a mini makeover. I have to say I have not felt this optomistic about my weight loss plan in a long time. But, this isn't a plan. It's a lifestyle change one that will see me through the rest of my life happily, joyfully and optomistically. I am so ready to succeed in this one area. Success here would mean all the goals I've set for myself would be achieved. Heck, I'd have to come up with new goals!!
Just 11 more days!!!
Liquid Diet start and count down to 4/1
Mar 18, 2008
Ok, I've been very busy at work. Since I'll be out for a brief period (hopefully, just 2 weeks) I need to be sure all pending assignments are done by the 31st. Unfortunately, most of my consumer's issues will end up waiting for me to return since we are all really swamped. As a results, I have not checked in here as often as I originally planned.
The logistics are worked out except for passing on phone #'s and important info to the doctor. That will be done on 3/24, my pre-op visit. On 3/13, after scrambling around to accomodate the nutiritionist, I had that pre-op visit. Personally, I felt it could have been done by phone vs. driving 2 hours round trip for a 15 min. consultation to go over papers I already had. But, I did not care for the implied "threat" that if we didn't have the meeting they would inform the Dr. and the surgery date would be pushed back. NO, NO, NO.
Anyway, yesterday was day one of the 2 week liquid diet. I'm fairly prepared though will need to purchase more protien shakes this weekend. I'll also need to pick up Gas X and chewable calicum. I've uped my exercise routine to 4 days a week. Two cardio and two with trainer.
I'm weighing myself regularly, still trying and hoping to knock off 10# before surgery. Sadly, I did not meet my goal of 10#'s off before starting the liquid diet. It's such a struggle. I'm really looking forward to and praying this tool really helps me to make a more consisent and significant effort to knock off the pounds. Anything would be better than the 1/4 pound a week or every other week that has been my pattern for the last 3 years.
I'm going to make this my homepage for now so when I log on it will remind me to check in. I want to use this to track my journey, for support and to support everyone else.