33 months out

Dec 07, 2010

I am so bad about posting on here. Specially since not so proud of my self. I am at about 152ish now. Sometimes 155 depends when I weigh. I felt comfort in knowing that surgery patients gain about 10% back but now I am knowing its my self not sticking to stuff. I am doing better eating again. I am on a new antidepressant to help with appetite as well. I am still where Dr wanted me to be but not sure how I feel. I feel good but my panic and old feelings are coming up fast. Hubby says fine, but 10 lbs in a few months not good. Even I know that. I need to get out more again. It has not helped with my depression issues but seeing someone that is helping me with that now too. Its all a process that goes hand in hand. I thought I worked on the mental shit, but guess not enough. I am totally freaked about the idea of getting "fat" again. The BMI said overweight and that is hard to swallow. But again, in the weight my Dr said was ok. After being so low under goal now so high not good. I wanted to stay about 145ish. Will get to that. 10 or so lbs is easier than more. Need to get off my ass. Med are helping for energy now rest will follow hoping. So, on and on I go. Better get off here. I have work in AM. Night to whoever reads this post.
 Sincerely,
 Mandi K

P.S. Its always a battle and never stays easy for sure. The saying of this surgery "cheating and taking easy way out' I knew was BS  but really feel it now. I feel people always look at me and wonder about my weight gain. Or is it paranoia. Who know?

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