Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya Tomorrow......

Jan 10, 2010

Tomorrow is MY day!  Well mine and my new life long friend Donna.  We're both scheduled for our switches tomorrow.  I can't remember when the last time I was this excited!!   I have an incredible calmness about me and I'm not the slightest bit nervous....not one little iota!!  I know I am one hell of a strong person.  I've also been focusing on everything positive, my husband, my children & family and all the love we have for each other.  I keep seeing myself on the beach, toes in the sand, waves crashing.  That's such a peaceful, powerful feeling for me.  I love to listen to waves crashing on the shore while the sun beats down on me.  Only the difference this time, is that I'm picturing myself LIGHTER!  I see myself back in a bikini which I haven't been able to wear in a few years.  But more than the beach visions, I'm seeing visions of roaming the hospital halls and feeling quite UP....dancing the halls even!  Nothing but positivity has been radiating from me and that can only mean good things while "under" and recovering.  Life is good and will continue to get better.  I feel so damn blessed every single day and now I've got one more thing I'll be able to add to my collection of blessings.  I know I'll be in fantastic hands and I have an amazing support line.  What more could I possibly ask for?  As Maddie said to me... "Ready, Set, GO!!!!"    Stay tuned!!!!


Hurry up already!!

Jan 04, 2010

Okay so I just got home from my dance class and decided to do a quick blog entry. 
I was watching myself in the mirror (nothing out of the ordinary) for the hour in there and thinking "my goodness I look like CRAP !!!"  All the same though, I do have to give myself kudos for being in there.  It's a hip hop class and all the others in there are normal sized....except for this one chick who is SUPER nice but teeny tiny as all get out.....makes me feel like the elephant in the corner sticking out like a sore thumb.  I've been taking that class for 2 years now and have fun in there.  And I doubt anyone judges me, that is anyone EXCEPT ME!  Alright, that's all I wanted to say.  It's just been such a frustrating 2 1/2 years fighting the beastly scale.  Alright so now I'm gonna go snow boarding on our Wii with the balance board.....getting in an extra little workout for the night.  Geez...I'm gonna be wired tonight!  LOL
HURRY UP ALREADY January 11th!!!!! 


Goal Weight??!!??

Jan 04, 2010

I'm totally at a loss!!  I've been racking my brains trying to figure out what kind of goal weight I should set.  I haven't a flippin clue and it's so frustrating, but at the same time exciting.  After my RNY I was able to get down to about 165 (give or take a pound or 2 but no more) and a size 10.  I often had people telling me how fabulous I looked and one guy even told me to STOP losing weight cause I was looking anorexic.  I think he was just trying to sweet talk me though...HA....even though he did say it somewhat regularly.  I was quite fit too.  Overall I was thrilled because I did look small and I felt terrific and sexy (most days...some days my "fat" mind would play tricks on me).  But even though I felt that way I always thought "MAN, I wish that number would go down more!"  I'm a scale whore I guess you could say.  And most people would say that's bad, but it's how I hold myself accountable for anything and everything!  Anyways, so now that I'm about to get my revision to DS, I've come to the reality that I could very well drop below my lowest weight after the just does NOT SEEM realistic.  I work out all the time, pilates and dance classes and I want to start running again.  I see plenty of other DSers who are in the 140s, 130s and even 120s and all I can think is "can that really happen to me?"  Man oh man!!  I haven't seen numbers like that since HIGH SCHOOL!!!  I am 5'4 and my "ideal" weight for my age is 130-140 (according to some calculators I found).  Before I had a goal of 150, which I NEVER reached, so my thought is to set multiple goals....but I would like to have 1 ultimate goal to strive for, I just don't want to set an unrealistic goal.  Hrmmmmm what to do what to do??  


Surgery Date Approaching

Jan 03, 2010

So my day is just around the corner now.  I've been on the 2 week diet and seem to be doing alright for the most part.  It's been a busy time so that has helped.  I did, however, have to cook the family and friends that we had over (for New Year's) dinner and that was REALLY hard.  I had made some yummy Mexican food: Chicken empenadas, tacos, rice and refried beans.  No, I did NOT cheat.  I stayed true to my diet.  But I do have to admit all I was thinking the WHOLE time was how I can't wait for the day I'm able to eat that stuff again.  Oh it smelled so good.  Anyways..... the past couple days I've been getting the house reorganized from Christmas and New Year's and have been getting all the laundry done.  My in-laws are going to be here to take care of the family while I'm in the hospital and then the hotel.  I wanted to make sure they have as little as possible to worry about in my absence.  I was quite successful I must say.  I managed to get the Christmas tree taken down and all the ornament.  I put the formal living room (where we had our tree and stuff) back together and vacuum and got the laundry completely finished and put away.  That's actually a task in this household, having 3 children and a husband who burn through clothes.  It's all done and it feels good.  Not only that but this will also allow me to relax these last handful of days before surgery.  I don't particularly want to be stressing about the household just days before.

That being said, I don't really have too many nerves about it right now.  Is that weird??  I hate the idea of being up there alone while in the hospital, but I'm not really nervous.  I hate the thought of something possibly happening to me and not being able to be there for my girls and my husband, but I don't feel nervous.  I have NO doubt though, that it'll most certainly hit me as soon as it's my turn to go back and change.  In fact I'll probably turn into the biggest baby.....OUT OF NO WHERE!!  Okay, well maybe not that bad.  Well maybe yeah.  I'm not going to want to say goodbye to my hubby who only can be there for the surgery and then has to return home to go back to work.  UGH!  He'll be back up that Friday though and was able to get the time off to stay in the hotel with me.  That, I'm thinking, is the most important time.

So Monday's the day.  Friday I'll drive up for all my pre-admin stuff and then drive the 3 1/2 hrs back down to spend the weekend with the family.  Then Sunday the hubby and I will drive back up together for the big day Monday.  YAY!  I've been preparing myself mentally for the worst scenarios as far as complications and am trying to make sure I'm as strong as possible in order to help me progress faster after surgery.  I feel I'm pretty strong and have great motivation.  I'm hoping I'll be able to burn through the healing process.  I guess we will soon see! 
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Meal Replacements & Vitamins

Dec 11, 2009

So last night I decided to go ahead and order plenty of the meal replacement protein tubs (4) and even went a step further and ordered what  I believe is a 3 months supply of all the vitamins I'll need to be taking daily.  The SouthJerseyBariatrics website has a DS Patience Starter kit, so I did some comparing and decided to jump on it!  I figured I'd get that taken care of so I have everything ready and won't be scrambling around at the store trying to figure out everything I need and how much of everything.  All the guess work has been taken out.  NICE!!  I start my liquid diet on the 28th, so I'm happy that it's at least after Christmas.  I am wondering about New Year's though.  We normally have our midnight toasting, but not sure if that's allowed on the liquid diet or not.  I guess I'll have to find out.  I'm SO ready for it to be Jan 11th already though.  I'm tired of battling.  And to think I was mere seconds away from waving my white flag before I discovered the DS!!  Bring it on!!!! 


Dec 05, 2009

I'm trying to work fast to get a little bit of a history or timeline put up to show what's going on with me.  I've added several pictures to show it. 

About Me
Manassas, VA
Surgery Date
Jun 07, 2001
Member Since

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Latest Blog 6