2 years down the road..

Jan 21, 2010

According to the mailbox on here I haven't been here since August.  Wow, I didn't realize it had been that long. 

Yesterday was my 2 year surgiversary, and in some ways it feels like it was only yesterday and in others light years away.  After everything, 11 months in hospital, - nerve damage and fistula, ambulance air transport, and finally,  being sent home in a wheelchair by ambulance against OT's advice because my ankle was sprained during physio @ Rehab - I am still here.  I thank my lucky stars that I am a stubborn old broad because if I weren't, I may have just laid down and given up but I'm just not made that way.

Even after it felt like home care had given up on me and the frustration level was to the moon, I kept pushing the envelope just a little every chance I got.  Before long I was walking around the house (at least) with a quad cane.  I've had to get a brace for the drop foot and drop ankle, and I'm still not completely where I want to be -- but I'm alive -- I'm walking around the house now without a cane most often and only really use the cane when ultra tired, doing stairs, or going out in the community.  The last couple of times we went shopping I didn't even take the wheelchair.  I was so pleased with myself!

The last time I was weighed was a couple of months back but I'd lost 288 pounds.  I seem to be playing with a 5-10 pound gap now but when put next to how far I come it just doesn't register as a problem. My favorite is bumping into people that we haven't seen in a long time and having them do the visual back and forth from hubby to me, as they click in that it is me, and not that he's running around on me.  LOL   Love that look of OMFG on their faces when they realize that the woman standing beside them isn't a stranger.  That -- will never NEVER get old!  Though hearing "Look at You!  before some go into a big speech about how much happier I am with my new body -- well that gets really old.  Particularly when despite everything I'm not.  

In the beginning I didn't have any loose skin, and it wasn't really an issue. Docs had said that I shouldn't worry that they would fix it all up 1-2 years down the road -- including fixing my hernias and reattaching stomach muscles -- they don't want to do.  They want to leave well enough alone.  While the rational adult in me understands what they are saying and is thankful to be alive,  there is a part of me that is angrier than hell that after all of this I still have to deal with the "fat person" problem of heat rashes -- often worse than they ever were before -- as well as bat wings and saggy parts.  The stomach muscles that aren't attached leave bodily function close the surface so much that after I eat you'd swear there was an alien in there as you can actually seem my stomach ripple.  That's not what I signed on for -- he was reluctant to even make the appointments for surgical consult which alarmed and saddened me.   (cont..)

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