ladyblue3
Teenager again?
Dec 24, 2008
Okay, so I’m 10 weeks out today and I’m feeling really good.
Its funny my written blogs tend to voice more of my negative feelings whereas my vlogs tend to show a happier less frustrated me. I’m not sure what that’s about. I will say I was feeling upset and unsettled about a week ago. It seemed like out of nowhere I started having really negative thoughts and started doing a lot of negative self talk. I was wishing people ill if they cut me off and started thinking negatively about myself. That is completely not the way I normally am and it threw me for a loop. I was thinking maybe I’m not this happy person I thought I was. Maybe I am really a bitter, mean bitch who’s been deceiving herself into believing that she’s nice and kind. It really was stressing me out. When I finally verbalized all this in a video that I didn’t post, I realized what was going on. I really think it was just a lack of patience with myself and others. And also all of these hormones running through my body making me feel like a moody teenager.
I’ve been thinking about romantic relationships a lot. I saw an update online of a guy I dated and he is now re-married with an adorable 6 month old son. Part of me was like , “Thank God, I dodged that bullet.” Another part was just really sad that none of my romantic goals have come to fruition. I’m still at the same place I was two years ago when I dated him. Is it because I’m fat? Maybe. But I see (online at least) all of these supposedly happily married fat women. Do they actually exist? Maybe its just me. Maybe I’m just not a person someone wants to spend forever with or maybe I just haven’t run across the person I want to spend forever with. Whatever it is part of me feels like I need to get really used to being alone, because, if I’m like the women in my family, that’s the way I’ll end up.
But weight wise I’m feeling good and I’m down almost 100 pounds (97 to be exact). Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m watching paint dry, but I know I’ll get to my goal and that’s super exciting.
