ladyjedi

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 Today I went to see my GYN Endocrinologist. He is more like a dad to me than a doctor, I have been a patient of his since I was 20 years old and a junior in undergrad. I told him about my upcoming surgery date. He seemed really excited and happy for me. He has been the main person pushing for this surgery for years. Even though I am scared, I guess it is time to move forward and have the surgery.

Working out is a chore, but I am actually getting used to it after all of these years....wow!

It is amazing how things are falling into place. You have no idea how moved I am by the wonder of life and the grace of God. I won a big contract on July 31st. Not a fortune, but enough to pay for surgery. I knew it was a sign that I need to have the surgery. Though I am scared to death of being "cut".

I have had my first doctor's appointment at Sibley. I have another appointment at the end of September, and then....waiting until the big day of 12/21.

I went to my first support group last month. I had a great time. I learned so much. It has definitely helped with the "anxiety" I am feeling about surgery.

I feel as if I am a "cleansing" mode, I am preparing my life for "post surgery" I am organizing my house, giving away clothes, removing the clutter from my house, and thinking about the future and my life post surgery.

I am nervous, but have faith that all will be well. 

Well, I have been going to Sibley Hospital in Washington, DC to talk to the doctor and the support staff. I plan to start attending the support groups this month.

I have set a tentative surgery date of December 21st. I am scared to death but am excited about the prospect of having the surgery done.

I love the staff at Sibley they are great, but I am scared. Truly scared....trying to get my body in shape for the surgery. Working hard, working out all the time and eating healthier.

I told a few friends that I wanted to get the surgery. Some were upset they think the surgery is the easiest way out....

I keep telling them it isn't....but I am tired of being the "fat" friend. I am ready to be thinner and healthier.

Just wanted to give a quick update. 

I can't stay off of this site. I started researching about 4 years ago, but I wasn't ready. I think I thought I could just lose the weight with exercise and B12 shots. Well, I realized this year, that the weight is not coming off. My OB/GYN has suggested the surgery two times and both times I was in tears after he mentioned it.....

Being the "big" girl is always been my role since college. My mom was overweight so all of her children struggle with weight. My brother is the only one who has seemed to beat the weight issue. He lives in CA where everything is healthy, weight training, and fresh fruits and vegetables.

I have made tremendous changes in my diet, I drink water, tea, coffee and wine. No juice or sodas. I eat mostly fish, chicken, turkey and meat every once in a while, i.e. once per quarter. I need to drink more water, that is a hard thing to do, drink 100 ounces a day.

Since I made the decision, I have been on OH every night. Trying to read stories, view journals, blog entries and marvel at the process of so many. Thank you to all of you who took the time to share your stories.

It is June 2009 -- my journey is just beginning. I will share the successes and challenges as I begin the process. The only person I have told is my sister. My friends are used to me being the fat girl, I don't know how they will respond to it....they are gym bunnies and believe you just have to work out and weight will fall off.

I am working out 2 - 4 days per week. I have lost inches but not weight. The weight seems to hold on to me for some reason.


I am also scared of losing my breasts. They are a part of me, I read these stories of 44DDD down to 34B and it freaks me out. I can't imagine being that small......

Ok, off to read other blogs and posts. 

Last week I went on vacation with my friends to the Bahamas. My BFF took hundreds of photos and I think for the first time in a long time, I saw myself as others see me. Fat! I was so disappointed and sad. I was sad the entire vacation. My friends thought I was being emotional from a health scare earlier in May. They have no idea I was sad about being the fat friend. The one that is fat and jolly. I finally realized I have to make a change for myself and a change for my health. There are things I want to accomplish in life and being thin and healthy is a large part of the process.

I have a trainer, and have been working out for three years, but the scale has not moved. I went to Sibley Hospital in Washington, DC on Wednesday June 3rd for a seminar. I have decided to move forward. I am going to call on Monday for my first appointment.

It feels good making the decision to move forward.