Thinking about Maintaining and Haven't had Surgery!

Jun 13, 2014

Maybe it takes me longer than some, I don't know. But reading posts this morning, it dawned on me, this journey will never be done. You know, I will always be striving for something. I am now sitting here waiting for Tuesday to come for surgery. A few months ago, I was "waiting" for pre-approval. Before that, waiting to go to the seminar, etc. Now, after surgery it will be striving to get the pounds off.... Then the big one..... MAINTAINING. I know that is the big one. This journey will never have a true destination. It will always be going! It has to be. I think that is a little scary for me.

I think before I have always said in " diets" I want to be my weight to be an arbitrary made up number and never really achieved that. I strived to get there, but it never happened. This time, I know I will get there, but it means when I get there the hard work starts! It means once I get there, I have to work even HARDER to make sure I stay on my plan. Yes, I have my plan in place already. I guess, before when I was sitting in my seminar thinking about WLS, all I could think about was Oh,how great it would be to approved! Now, my check list is done and surgery is going to happen on Tuesday, and I realize there is a lot more to this!

I am just starting this new life and I am so ready. I have no idea where I will end up, however I guess I realize there is no destination It is strictly up to me and I am in control. I will have to use the honeymoon phase after surgery. 

Maybe, I am crazy for thinking about maintaining when I haven't had surgery, but isn't that why I am going into this? To finally get to a healthy weight? To finally get to point in my life where I do not feel where I have to yo-yo with my weight? I am so tired of putting on 30, 50 , 70 pounds at a time then losing it? My body is tired of doing it! I want to get to a place where I can maintain it. Maintaining will be when the fight begins, I think.

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New Life Starts Now

Jun 03, 2014

Today really starts my new life. It is the first day of my Pre-Op and I am feeling ready! In two weeks, I will be on the operating table preparing for the VSG, June 17!  It is hard for me to believe that this day has arrived. It has been a long road. There were times, I believed that my husband's insurance Anthem PPO, would not approve the request. I honestly thought I would be denied for some reason! ( However, I was approved the very first time without any problems.)  I was just nervous which is typical I guess.

The hardest part for me was the jumping through the PSY hurdles. Since, I have OCD and battle depression and anxiety, it was difficult because I was honest with the psychologist at the clinic. Even though my therapist and own psychiatrist cleared me for surgery, I had to jump through the clinic's own hoops for clearance. I even had a letter before I arrived that stated that I was mentally ready for surgery. The clinic was very concerned that my OCD would interfere with weight loss and put me on a path of anorexia. My own doctor who I have a history with, wasn't good enough for them I guess at first! LOL. I didn't realize how bad that my OCD was I guess. I didn't know that it could impact my life really like this.

I had to have my husband go help me fight and advocate for me with my own psychiatrist who knows me the best! He had to tell my own doctor he would be supporting me 100% through my journey. ( Which he is!) He would there to help monitor my progress and keep in touch with all the doctors if he sees a decline in my health. WOW! I am amazed  at all of this. It sort of freaks me out that they are all worried because right now I weigh 250 pounds and they are worried that I am going to become anorexic during this journey after surgery. They state that I can become obsessed with the scale, weight, calorie counting, weighing myself, carb counting, etc. I guess we will cross that bridge when I get to it. I will use my OCD to my advantage. My doctor sees this as something that can be a positive as long as I don't let it get it out of control. I know I will have to watch it, and try to keep things in check and ask for help if needed.

The clinic psychologist only met with me once and was worried, even though my own doctor cleared me. That is why we had to go back and forth advocating for me to have surgery. Finally, after my doctor met with me and my husband AGAIN and the clinic's psychologist met with me AGAIN, I was cleared.

Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing by stating that I battle with " demons" because everything is controlled right now! My husband said, I should have kept it to myself...LOL. In the big picture, I am glad I did, but it did slow down my process a little bit. But, I would have wanted my surgery this time anyhow because school is out!

My New Life Starts Now....Ready or Not!

1st day of Pre-OP!

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About Me
36.2
BMI
VSG
Surgery
06/17/2014
Surgery Date
Jun 02, 2014
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