LaRuse

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It is coming.  This week.  This Thursday.  It can be counted in hours at this point. 

My liver shrinking diet is going alright.  I am sick of the chocolate instant breakfast shakes.  I do like the slimfast vanilla ones better, but I left them at work over the weekend.  I think I am going to drink those up between now and Wednesday for a break. 

I have lost probably 10 pounds since starting the diet.  I was so pleased to get up this morning and pull on my work slacks and find a little more space in them this morning.  Not a lot, just a little extra, which is nice given that I have been pulling hard on these buttons for months. 

Sleep is spotty.  I am waking up about 5 am every day these days.  I should be using that time to get on the exercise bike downstairs, since from that point on, I lay in bed thinking about surgery.  Maybe tomorrow.  It was 12 degrees when I woke up and that cement floor basement was not exactly inviting. 

I am not too scared of dying.  That possiblity is very small.  The possibilities that scare me more are more common.  Pneumonia.  Bleeding.  Leaks.  Infection.  Recovering.  Those are more scary to me because even though they are less destructive than death, they seem a lot more real.  They will impact *me* in the long run, and therefore, are impacting me mentally more.  Those are the thoughts waking me up at 5am. 

In other news, I discovered thanks to my pre-op blood work that my vitamin D levels are absolutely the pits.  Since the typical American has a low level, the average being 24, with healthy limits being between 30-80, then I absolutely suck at a 19.  I was given a prescription Vitamin D supplement - 50,000 IUs to be taken weekly.  My risks for things like osteoperosis, breast cancer, and other illnesses linked to low Vitamin D are obviously increased. 

Hopefully, I can get those numbers improved. 

I dont know if I will write again between now and Thursday.  I have a LOT to do at work and a lot of writing to do to get ready.  Think kind thoughts for me.  Prayers are welcome. 

Not what you think. 

I started my liver shrinking diet (LSD) 5 days ago.  I hope it is working.  I have been religious about it. 

I saw my nurse practioner for the pre-op meeting yesterday - she took my final history and did a physical.  In general, I am very healthy (as much as someone morbidly obese can be) and nothing too serious has changed since my first history was taken in September.  My weight has been fairly steady; I was 269 in September, 267 in December, and was 268 yesterday.  It would have been nice to have lost some weight, but...if I could do it on my own, successfully, I wouldnt be doing this, right?

So my diet looks like this: 

8am- Carnation Instant Breakfast (No Sugar Added) with 8 oz. lite soy milk (I nearly kicked the bucket after one day of skim milk)
30 minutes after breakfast, I start drinking my fluids; decaf coffee, Crystal Light, sometimes broth (I desperately need something not sweet from time to time), plain old water, or mint tea. 

11:30 - all fluids stop.

Noon - CIB or Slim Fast High Protein (I have a store brand) and an orange.  30 minutes after I finish, I start my fluids again.

3pm - stopping fluids 30 mins. in advance, .5 c of FF cottage cheese or 6 oz of greek yogurt (my preference over regular "american" yogurt)

Fluids until about 5 pm. 

5:30 - 4 oz very lean meat (chicken breaks, pork tenderloin, white fish) and one cup of green, non-starchy veggies (broccoli, brussels sprouts, greens, etc.)
OR
2 oz very lean meat, one c. of veggies, and another meal replacement shake (I find this meal to be very satisfying and good for a day I am especially hungry).

Broth, tea, water, and sugar free jello before bed. 

The absolute hardest part of this is spacing out the timing of the meals and the fluids.  We had a very hectic morning on Sunday, and I got my breakfast in, and then in the craziness between then and 11:30, I got no fluids in.  I was very thirsty, but I didnt want to throw off my food schedule.  I drank a bit, had my lunch at 1:30, not much fluid between then and my 3pm snack, and then trying to get in all my fluids between 3:45 and 5pm was very tricky.  I ended up drinking most of my liquids between 7-9 pm, and getting up twice overnight. 

I am holding very strictly to this practice in an attempt to get ready for post op life.  It is highly structured and I work well with a structure, but structure can easily get tossed out the window in the face of an upheaval in my day, and once I am off my track, it is very hard to get back on.  I can see days where most of my water will get taken in after 6pm and how that can be a problem. 

It is really hard to still believe this is actually going to happen.  I am still trying to wrap my brain around it, and probably will still be struggling to believe it as I slip on the gown next Thursday. 

I am excited at the moment instead of terrified, but I do have my moments.  The fear of dying is always nagging at me. 

9 days and counting. 

I am 16 days from bypass.  I have had the hardest time blogging about this since I got my date in November.  January 14th is coming very fast now and I go between elated and scared. 

I have been preparing as much as possible, but the fear of the unknown, and in some ways, the fear of the KNOWN is setting in. 

Friday begins my liver shrinking diet.  Things are moving quickly.