Laura_BC

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

YAY, I HAVE FRIENDS!  *smile*  Thanks!

Not feeling any different--at least, not yet. 

I got my fill this morning.  This time he had me sit up and drink while he did it so he could fill me more aggresively while still keeping me open enough to get the water down.  I still don't know if this will do it but he said to call the office if I have a problem because there is a possibility that I will be too tight.  I won't know until I am on solids again but I feel "full" I think after having two lattes today.  

I drove back to work on the GW Parkway.  It is such a beautiful drive.  It was raining, but I think the rain makes the trees look even more beautiful because it darkens the trunks and limbs and sets the leaves off better.  Plus, there were wisps of mist hanging over the river.  It isn't cold out, either.  It made me really wish my dh and I could have been off work and out walking along the river today, instead.  

I think I decided today that I need to do more to lose weight.  I need to stop fooling around and waiting for the band to do what I (maybe mistakenly) believe it is supposed to do.  I know I keep waffling and I am a person who changes her mind a zillion times a day so I may have said this before, but I have decided to make a firm commitment to stick with the proper eating plan for the next twelve months.  I know I need to journal my food, as well.  I feel like I can get the majority of my weight off in the next twelve months if I only try.  I am counting on about 10 lbs per month--I believe that is doable.  So, by the time we go on vacation next July, I should have lost about 90 lbs.  Then I will only have about 40 or so to go.  I should have been further along now than I am.  I just resisted because I felt like I shouldn't have to "diet" with the band...but I guess I can't expect to lose weight even with the band if I am eating everything under the sun including tons of butter, cake, ice cream, etc.  I also need to get my water back up.

I am very discouraged.  How is this band supposed to work, really?  I mean, I KNOW how it is supposed to work, but am I missing all the signals?  Do I just not have enough fill?  Or am I doomed to sabotage myself because I want to eat constantly?  Is it true that food eventually becomes less important?  Does that happen for everyone or only a few?  When I was researching this it seemed like everyone had such great success.  Now I am wondering if I was looking at what I WANTED to see or what was really there.  I mean, why can't this be a little easier for me?  I am practically eating just like before.  I am getting a fill tomorrow and I think I have gained back the few pounds I lost last time I was there.  I am embarassed to go to the doctor's office, really.  And then I wonder if I DO have "good restriction" and I am just eating anyway.  I mean, I don't have a growling stomach.  I never really feel full--I have seen where people say the way you feel "full" with a band is not the same old full feeling you used to get, but what is it, then?  HELLLLLLLLLLLLP.  Is everyone else just on a diet?  

I have made my next fill appointment.  I sure hope I get to my sweet spot soon and don't have to get a ton more fills before it happens.  6.6 ccs now.  I wonder how much I will get the next time?  

Why does this seem so easy for so many people and why am I struggling?  I know I have head hunger issues but from what I understand on the SmartBandsters board is the head hunger issues are easier to deal with when you get to a good fill level.  Some people have good restriction right out of the box.  I was hungry in the recovery room (no lie!).  I was thinking this morning that I wish the band would make me feel like I used to feel with the diet pills...no hunger and no thoughts of eating.  I know some banded people say they feel like that--I hope it will happen to me.

The fill I got last Wednesday made me feel tighter in the morning--but still, no real feeling of satiety.  

Another thing is, I have been trying to go with a more balanced diet instead of the more low carb way of doing things.  It is messing me up because I KNOW how to do Atkins and Atkins helped me lose 40 lbs last year in short order...I don't have to think about what to eat if I am following Atkins.  I just wanted to try to get in more grains and lower my fat intake a little...but I am just eating anyting and everything and I keep losing and gaining the same 5-7 lbs.

I guess I have to face up to the fact that I DO need to be on a diet even thought I thought the band was just naturally going to make me lose weight without thinking about it too much.

Gah...I am not stupid...why is this so hard for me? 

Well, I went for my 4th fill today.  I had .6 ccs added so now I am at 6.6 in my Vanguard band.  I hope this does the trick.  The fill today took a little poking around but it didn't hurt AT ALL.  That's a very good thing.  

I have had a CIB drink and some clam chowder soup broth and a Venti SF Hazlenut FF Latte.  I think I'm going to go get another one, only decaf this time.  

The weather is beautiful and makes me want to go out and walk--too bad I have to work for a living.  I haven't been getting ANY exercise at all and I NEED to join the gym.  I just haven't had the finances to do it, what with so many other things coming up (and we NEED so much repair work done at the house like, yesterday).

I need to get back on track with my water intake and start measuring out my food.  I'll commit to doing that when I am back on solids.

Oh, my official weight is 299 today.  Could be better...COULD be worse.  I'll take it.   

No more fasting!  This morning I had coffee with half and half then one of those Bumble Bee tuna ready-made cans--lemon and pepper flavored.  I don't like dark tuna but it tasted pretty darn good and is definitely moister than the albacore I usually favor (and of which I have about 40 cans right now between the cabinet at home and here are work!).  Can you say mercury poisoning?  Hahaha!  I know I shouldn't use the half n half in my coffee, but today was "special" what with being a holiday and all.  Still, I have to get over that "rewarding myself with food" mindset.  I "rewarded" us all for making it through Ramadan with a turkey dinner last night.  Do you know as much of a "foodie" as I proclaim to be, I have never roasted a turkey or turkey breast in my life?  I just haven't "had" to since someone else in the family has always done Thanksgiving.  Turkey breast, gravy, stuffing, butternut squash, corn, strawberry ice cream...lotsa carbs and fat.  Granted, I can't eat as much as I used to (I had a small portion of each thing), but I used about two whole sticks of butter in all I cooked.  Organic, of course ; ).  It was so good, though.  Back to the sensible eating today.  Wednesday I have a fill scheduled.  I think that will probably do me for a while....at least, I hope.