lauraanne715
New Year New Me!!
Jun 22, 2009
Ahhh the promise of the new year!!! I do so like the idea and promise a new year brings. A clean slate, a new beginning, new hope and new things to look forward to. Prior to the new year I was a bit down and unsure of where to go or what to do as I posted a rather depressive missive on the PA board:Kinda down-- kinda hating on myself...nothing is "fixed" by this surgery...I am still me and I am still here nothing will change that. I am so tired of being me...so tired of letdowns and disappointments...tired of life in general. Seven months out and still can't see what is good....hating myself is a pain. Depressed? Yes. Talking to someone? Yes. Is it helping??? No not really....Will I ever be good enough? Pretty enough? Thin enough?? Smart enough? Will I ever be enough??? Sometimes like today that answer seems like a faraway "no". I guess with the new year looming and time on my hands I let myself get down in the dumps....so many things I want to do and change about myself and not sure where to begin....I am sorry if this isn't making sense...just woke up in a foul mood. I am sure this will all dissipate in time...Sometimes I just have to vent about myself. Thanx.
And I did receive a few really spot on comments about it and how to deal and I do feel better now...still I have to refocus and realign myself with my goals. this year is not about losing all the weight (although that would be nice!!!LOL) No this year is about refocusing on taking care of me and my health. About really working my tool and integrating healthy eating habits and lifestyle habits into my life in every aspect of my life. This year is about taking time for me and re centering on what is good about me and what is special and makes me worthwhile as a person. A new year makes all of this possible and makes me feel like I can take on the world once again.
The best part about having this surgery and changing my life was the regaining of some of my old confidence and self esteem. It is a slow progression from feeling like a piece of crap 24/7 to feeling slightly better about oneself....but I am getting there a little each day. This surgery only works on your stomach NOT on your head...it is not going to fix everything you think is wrong with yourself..but it will help put you on the path to breaking those walls down and overcoming the obstacles you have put in your own way. You have got to do all the work though...this is NOT an easy way out for any of us....not emotionally or physically.
The physical is easier to deal with ...it is the emotional that is more difficult for me to deal with. I like to push things down and not confront them head on...hence eating to fill me up was a way for me to not deal with the emotional baggage Carry around every day. Now eating is not something I can do..so dealing with the issues is all that is left. And it is time--time to clean out the skeletons living inside my emotional closets!
This year offers me the chance to do all that and so much more. I am really looking forward to putting myself back together in a new healthy, emotionally healthy, physically healthy way. So HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR--HAPPY NEW ME!!!Till I blog again!!
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About Me
Pottstown, PA
Location
29.7
BMI
Surgery
05/28/2008
Surgery Date
Feb 18, 2008
Member Since
