Again

Apr 17, 2008

I will be moving back to Califonia its a good thing and a bad.  Hubby will get deployed within months of moving. For those who know me know its a road ive traveled time and time again. I would rather be close to more family and friends a bigger support network and the people I have traveled this road with before.  It still sucks ass.

long time

Mar 11, 2008

well its been awhie since I have visited my fav boards and talked to the people here that helped so much before and after surgery I kinda feel like a jack ass but that is allright I just need to get back on the ball I have come to realize that I really need the people here they help so much and if you are reading this  I can only hope you know who you are.  Yall helped me keep on track and the boost to the self esteem is awsome and I will always hold that dear.  well I will be a year out in about a month and I never thought  I could feel this good and actually play soccer with my kids its just amazing.  If you wanna know something about me ask I will probably tell you.  I am sure I left out alot and some people just wanna know.

MOVING SUCKS

Aug 12, 2007

Well we are in Kansas now and I am glad it is almost over I am four months out and feel realy good.  I need to update my avi since it was taken before surgery and I have changed quiet a bit but for now it will stay.  I am blind or something cause I cant see it even wearing alot smaller clothes and not being able to see the changes I see fat every where. I somehow need to tell my brain what my body know and feels I never knew that sitting on my ass for too long would make it hurt that is fucking rediculous I had so much padding and my kids jumping on me their bonyness and mine is a bit too much so as I stated before I am four months out in a couple days and only 24 lbs from my docs goal that scares me am I going to lose way too much or will my body stop when it is ready to. so I guess I will just have to wait and see.

1 Month ago

May 19, 2007

Well it looks like the grass is getting greener for me. I can cross my legs and my butt shelf has disapeared those are my wows for this month. I have lost a total of 32 lbs since starting this journey and it feels realy good. My family is amazed at the changes. I havent noticed some of what they have noticed and, find it very hard to acknowledge what they are telling me because, I cant see it with my own eyes but I am told it is there so we shall see.  I have posted a question and asked how long before you notice the differences and 2 and 3 year post ops said to let them know when I can I guess the fat chick in the mirror will always be there but physicaly I can see changes I hope my brain catches up with my body. Thank you to all who have supported me and been there for me during this ongoing wild ride!  I almost forgot I am now obese not extremely obese and to me that is a wonderful thing.


HOME SWEET HOME

Apr 20, 2007

Im home now they let me leave the next day It was nice to be at home instead of the hospital I feel god sore and gassy but I guess that is to be expected.  I am just really tired. well that is all for now.

Got a date with the doc

Apr 10, 2007

Its april 18 found out yesterday and I am estatic. I am also relieved that I dont have to wait for a long time I only have 8 more days to wait so just enough time to get my shit together and the house cleaned the kids packed and ready for my moms house. So my  next entry will be after my surgery. I am so ready. I am not scared and that makes me wonder. I am not the freak out type so after surgery i will probably ask myself what the hell did i do to myself but that to shall pass well I think that is enough said and, I am so happy I am going to be a looser.  If somebody called me a looser that would piss me off but in this case I will take with a big fat smile.

APPROVED

Apr 07, 2007

I wasn't sure if I heard right I almost diddnt think this would happen I dont know  why I am just that way.  So now I wait till Monday and hopefully get a surgery date how fricken awsome is that.

Hold up

Mar 30, 2007

Well I have had a problem with the surgeon and my pcm's office they cant communicate.   I'm the go between, could have had a date a week ago.  I should have gotten all that crap together before my consult that is okay.  Don't good things come to those who wait?  so here I am pissed at myself because I cant help but feeling like I am my own worst enemy. I knew what I should have done but I waited and that makes me wonder.  Why do I do this shit to myself?  WTF is my problem why can't I accept things that are good.  It is way easier for me to embrace the bad than the good.  I need change my attitude a little. No I'm not whinning I'm bitching and there is a difference. I am tired of being unhappy regardless of why.  So as some of you know that is something I ned to work on.


big light bulb

Feb 11, 2007

a silastic ring is the fobi pouch now i know.  ive been watching some of the forums on here and really like some of the people id like to get to know them better but they seem to have a very tight nit group it scares me to think that these people are so close and they met online they have an obvious bond that is amazing. the scary part is the fact that when i do get close to people i usually try to find a reason why i cant hang so to speak but just watching these people i know hiding in my hole would be unexceptable it would probably piss them off and that just makes me feel horrible can i go ahead and become a part of this group and not run back into my rabbit hole and hide that is where i will need to own up and just keep on keeppen on i have very few friends and love them more than i could describe here.  friends are people you share, grow, learn ,and have lots of fun with i can see myself doing that im just not sure it will be worth their while and that in itself is my own selfdoubt.  am i worthy?  this is my big bright light bulb hell yes im worth it but can i keep myself from hiding in my rabbit hole that remains to be seen.  i have to come out of my shell nobody can do it but me and im comfy here. i like it i dont have to worry about stupid people and their bull$#!% drama i cant stand drama . sometimes life sucks and we move on we deal with it its called life. i have no problems telling it like it is or when i dont like something but i never fully trust people and never give my all and that is something i have just realized its something i need to work on  well this sounds to me like the rambling of a person who is really just finding herself it kinda feels good.


duh

Feb 05, 2007

well ive been thinking about the amount of time it has taken me to make the decision to go ahead and persue wls and talk my self into relaxing because this stuff does not happen over night my day will come it will probably be here before i know it and then i wont have anything im waiting for other than melting away i find myself lurking alot i have questions and then poof somebody asks the one im thinking question answered its awsome im shy i like standing in the background and i dont have a problem letting myself be heard when its needed  id like to thank everybody who helped me with my surgeon question. now i have to find out what a silastic ring is and if they have to tell you they are doing it to the boards for me..
i love this place it really helps even just writing and not knowing if anybody will ever read it its here and its mine it helps my peace of mind to put my thoughts down and i use to keep a journal i should start that again its theraputic. 


About Me
KS
Location
24.1
BMI
RNY
Surgery
04/18/2007
Surgery Date
Jan 14, 2007
Member Since

Friends 17

Latest Blog 12
Again
long time
MOVING SUCKS
1 Month ago
HOME SWEET HOME
Got a date with the doc
APPROVED
Hold up
big light bulb
duh

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