Leanne

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Wow time flies when you are out and living life!!! 3 years post op and I am doing great!  My weight is 145 and pretty stable, would still love to lose 10 more pounds but isn't that the way it always is?  My insurance co just approved a breast reduction and lift...trying to find the right doctor to do the surgery.
Life is great!

It has been almost 2 years since surgery and overall I couldn't be happier with the results.  However, I have managed to gain back 13 pounds and I weighed in today at 160.  That number scares me to death!  So I have decided that starting tomorrow I will do the 5day pouch diet and start back to exercising regularly and log my results in here every week until I am back down to at least 147.  (I would really like to go all the way to my orginal goal of 135, we'll see.) 
I think the weight came back for a couple of reasons:
1.  Stopped exercising
2.  Didn't follow the rules (protein first, no drinking with meals, started back on the sugar)
3.  Got really comfortable with my success and didn't think I needed to be careful anymore

I really hate the way my clothes are fitting right now - pants are getting a bit tight when they used to be loose.  I REFUSE TO BUY BIGGER CLOTHES EVER AGAIN!!!!  That is why I am stopping this weight regain right now, I am the one in control, and I will lose this excess weight.
My goal is to lose 3 pounds by next Tuesday (1/20/09) 

Not much has changed since I last posted - my weight is steady at 146 and I am a size 6 in jeans and medium in shirts.  I would still like to get down to 135 but if I don't that's ok too.  
My family went on vacation to Disney World and a Disney cruise in February and it was so much fun.  I had cute clothes to wear, I never felt embarrassed for the way I looked in shorts and I even wore a tankini with pride and was never worried what people thought of me.  One of the greatest things about this surgery (other than being healthy) is the boost it has given my self confidence.  I just don't worry anymore about what other people think of me or how I look.  That was a huge issue before, I would turn down invitations to go places or do things because I was so afraid in my head of what other people thought of me and how I looked.   It makes me so sad to think of how much I missed out on becasue I was paralyzed by my fears of what I thought other people were thinking of me.  
I wish I could say that I am completly cured of my bad eating habits...I am not.  I know this is not a cure all surgery, but I do try to make good choices most of the time and I try to remember how miserable life is at 260 pounds so I won't be tempted to go back.  I have purged my closet of all bigger sizes so I have no backup clothes to grow into.  The only thing I have kept is a size 24 jeans (the biggest ones I ever wore right before surgery) just to remind me from where I came.  I hold up those jeans and wonder how in the world I ever filled them out becuase they are so huge!  The funny/sad thing is at the time when I wore them, I know I didn't think they were THAT huge, but they were.
I am so glad I had this surgery.

Has it really been 10 months since surgery?  I can't believe how far I have come in such a short amout of time.  My weight is 148 - I am really happy here, but I would like to attain my original goal of somewhere around 135.  Met with Dr. Weber last week and he said I could stop now if I wanted to or keep going - it was my choice but at far as he was concerned I was at goal.  He also talked to me about doing a tummy tuck to get rid of my roll, because of my 2 c-sections that will never go away no matter how much I lose or how many sit ups I do.  Definately something I would love to have done in the future.
My mom thinks I am getting too thin, but I really think since she has not seen me at this weight since I was 13 it's just hard to see me this way.
I feel great most of the time, I have a hard time seeing myself as others see me.  I still feel fat and that is the picture that I fear will always be inside my head.  I really want to embrace the compliments and truly accept them but somehow I just can't.  My old fat self has to turn a postive into a negative when I hear it.  If I hear from someone that I am looking so skinny these days I immediately will say No, I haven't lost anymore weight in the last few weeks and it's amazing what clothes can hide.  Why can't I just be accepting and happy for the compliments? 
We are going to DisneyWorld and a Disney Cruise in early February.  I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to go enjoy the warm weather and wear shorts and a bathing suit and just enjoy myself without worrying that I have nothing to wear and trying to hide my body.  In fact the size 14 swimsuit that I bought in June is way to big so I need to go get a new one and I am actually excited about this!  Definately a first for me!

The dreaded stall is over!  : )  I just kept on doing what I have been doing and this week I dropped 3 pounds so now I am down to 151.  I went out shopping and tried on some new jeans and I definately think that size 6 is just around the corner - I am absolutely shocked at that!
Emailed some pictures of the girls to my lifelong friend Dena today and included one of myself (she hasn't seen me since last May) and she was shocked at how I looked.  In fact her exact words were "damn girl, you look good!"  Dena has always been super thin and very pretty and I always felt so inferior next to her (my fault, not hers - she's the best!) so this was a real ego boost to me.

I have had a rough month - my weight is 154 that's only a 4 pound loss in a month, and for the past 3 weeks my weight has been the same.  I know that the weight loss slows down and the last 20 are the hardest to lose but this is torture!!!
I have to confess that my eating has been bad during this time and I only have myself to blame.  The old habits are creeping back and I am trying hard to avoid temptation but it's really tough.   I don't dump on sweets so they are a constant temptation, especially during Halloween time when candy is in the house.  Hard to keep it out when you have two small girls and Halloween is the holy grail of holidays to them! : )
The truth is at 154 I am wearing a size 8 jeans and a medium/large shirt and I am pretty happy with how I look so if I didn't lose too much more weight I would be ok and not too upset - but I really do want to try and get to my goal of 135 so I will swear off the sweets and get my butt moving again and try to lose this last 20 pounds!

Month/Weight/Amt Lost from Previous Mo/Total Lost

02/02/07  255 - Surgery Day
03/14/07   222   -33    -33
04/11/07    208   -14    -47
05/16/07   194    -14    -61
06/13/07   186    -8     -69
07/11/07   179    -7     -76
08/15/07   166   -13    -89
09/19/07   158   -8     -97
10/24/07   154   -4     -101

I have begun the HUGE task of cleaning out my closets and drawers of my old fat clothes and taking them in to the consignment store to get a few dollars so I can go out and buy new things.  It scares me a little to purge all these old clothes out of the house because in the past when I have lost weight what I would do is take the too big clothes and move them to the guest bedroom closet and dresser and buy some new smaller clothes to wear and as would always happen - eventually I would gain the weight back and so I would have to take the smaller clothes back upstairs and return with the bigger sizes.  But, it was always comforting, knowing that I had those bigger sizes waiting for me.  Knowing that I didn't have to go out and purchase any bigger sizes (for the time being) and so the cycle continued - until now.  I am so scared that I am going to screw this up and I will need those bigger sizes someday.  I LOVE how I look and feel right now, I don't ever want to go back to being so fat ever again.  I don't ever want to feel that desperate, or sad - it is such a lonely place to be.  
My weight is now 158 and last week I bought new jeans for Fall, size 8 and a pair of size 6's (they run big, but hey - they're 6's!!)  My weight loss is slowing down and I feel like I am fighting for every pound I lose these days but I still think I can make my goal weight of 130-135 by January 1, 2008.  

I just had to write this down so I am sure to remember all these small victories I am having.  Went shopping at Nordstrom's for a new bra and the saleslady was having a tough time fitting me because as she stated "you are so teeny in your band size"  come again?  yes, she said teeny as in very small and she was describing ME!  Wow, I am still having a real hard time wrapping my head around that compliment. (just for the record I have gone from a 46I to a 32G)
The second big thing that happened today is I was shopping at Eddie Bauer and bought a size Medium shirt and a size 8 skirt!  Single digit clothes, I love it!! 
I am going to a family reunion this Saturday and no one there (except my immediate family) knows that I have had surgery or lost any weight - the last time they saw me was Dec 06 at 260 pounds size 24.  I now weigh 162 size 10 jeans - this is going to be so much fun!

Went to se Dr. Weber today for my official 6 month checkup.  He was very pleased with my progress, my weight is 165 and he thinks my goal weight of 135 is very doable and that will put me well within the normal bmi range.  It is so hard to wrap my head around the fact that right now at a size 10/12 I am very average and normal.  I still tend to think of myself as very overweight and round.  Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror  and I am shocked at how slim I actually look - I guess it just takes awhile to sink in.  Dr. Weber also told me that I am at the point now where some people in  my life might start saying I look "too skinny" and I need to stop losing weight.  (again, hard to believe that will ever happen!) and that I need to not listen to them and just stick with my original goal and not get derailed by negative talk.  He said this is usually triggered by people being somewhat jealous over the weight loss.  It really made me wonder if this might happen with some of my friends.  I have been really luck in that the couple of close friends I have told about the surgery have been so great to me and so supportive during this entire process.  I am sure my closest friends would never do this to me, they really are the greatest.
Only 30 more pounds to goal!!