Who this in the mirror?

Oct 06, 2010

Since I've had surgery, I sometimes look into the mirror and think.. Who is this? Really?
No longer the fat chick on the outside, but the inner view can be distrubing.

How do you combat your own image of yourself? Let's get real here people. 

I've read articles, talked to my dr.. etc.. and what it comes down to is getting to know the new you.
Life is totally different. I walk through turnstyles without having to turn sideways. I no longer have to wedge myself into a bathroom stall to use it. I can just... walk right in.. like a "normal" person.

Now that's an interesting thought. What is normal and who tells us what normal is? It is magazines and television with their expertly applied make up and hair and air brushed pictures to hide all the flaws? Is it others in society who view normal with their own opinions and expect us "fatties" to follow their lead?

hmmm..that's interesting. Do you know someone actual told me I look more human now that I've lost weight.. Human?
What the H*** does that mean? What was I before to you??? alien?

I'm no longer the girl who was content to sit all alone in a corner at a party while her friends all socalized. I'm no longer the mousy girl who let her boyfriend walk all over her because she was afraid she wouldn't be able to replace him.  Now I say.. Who Cares.. I AM ME! Not you, not your friends, not your doormat or your "always there between girls" date.

I am valuable, I am unique, I am worthly of goodness and love and kindness and respect...

Who is this in the mirror? She is and always will be.. ME!  No matter what size, shape, color of hair...

Granted I am bolder, feel more comfortable in my body (most of the time.. still working on it) but ultimately, I am the person I was always supposed to be.  It took a long time to see her, but there she is... Looking back at me in the mirror and saying to me.. "Nice to meet you.. What took you so long?"

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I can see clearly now.. the rain is gone....

Aug 10, 2010

Remember that old song? About obstacles being in my way and dark clouds that pass me by?
That is how I feel today.. My obstacle of fattness is being cleared out of my way everyday.
Dark Clouds? Sorry.. Not accepting them!

Life has to much promise to waste on dwelling on obstacles and things that try to bring me down.

I am grabbing onto the sunshine and the promise of clear skies.  Matter of fact.. I am dwelling in that place everyday. (and I am not referring to the weather!) LOL

At 118lbs lost I am only 53 lbs away from my goal weight.. Never in a million years thought I would be this close! It's exciting to see the changes in mind and body along the way.. The epiphany of who I am.. not just who I always wanted to be is mind boggling.

So the storm of shamefullness over my weight, feeling down about myself and feeling unloveable and ugly is gone from my horizons and I am looking at a bright, bright, sunshiny life!

Enjoy yours to!
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Wonderful support group!

Jun 29, 2010

We had a wonderful support group meeting last night. I met one online friend face 2 face for the first time and a couple more new friends as well!

I know everyone thinks this and for you I am sure it's true, but My support group at Wood County Hospital in Bowling Green, OH is the best!  Everyone is so helpful and uplifting.  I love to see people in all stages of their WLS journey.

Peeps who are just "thinking" about it, honeymooners like me, and of course the "old pros" (not referring to age of course!)

Seeing everyon progress through their stages and being able to uplift those around me while being encouraged myself is the best thing in the world.  So what if my scale hasn't moved.. I know that I am doing what I need to do for me.

Things will work out.. why? because I said so! Food no longer controls this ship.  I am the master of the helm.
My course?  Straight to Onderland.. No detours, but a heck of a lot of construction!

Peace Out!

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What a difference 97 lbs makes

Jun 03, 2010

97 lbs.. seems almost like a dream. Never would I have imagined myself here.  Only 3 more lbs to that golden century mark.  In all my imaginings I never would have thought this would be me.  I still have a ways to go, but I try to keep my thoughts on my accomplishments and not on the road ahead. 

97 lbs of shame pain and self doubt are gone.  For the first time in about 20 years I bought a swimsuit.
Do I like my body yet? no, but who does?  I am happy of my accomplishments and proud of how far I have come in the past 8 months.

I feel like my true life's journey has finally begun and wish I would have done this ages ago.

There are so many things I wanted to do that those 97 lbs held me back from. Wait until I hit the hundred mark!

Watch out world... LeDaizey is back!

 

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two months down a life time to go....

May 27, 2010

Had my 2 mnth check up today.. and doc said he was proud of the progress that I have made and that i am doing great.
I have to admit that I was worried because I was not down the full 40 lbs he expected, but since I had a couple of weeks of issues he said it was not big deal.

So!  HURRAY TO ME!  I am so excited, my life has changed to much in the past 2 months. Not just my body or my clothes but my sense of... ME!  Who I am what I am capable of.. I am loving me.. it's been a long time since I cared enough about me to actual look in the mirror and like who I see there.

Sure the bod still needs help, but I have so much more confidence in who I am and where I am going.  I feel like the chain of food addiciton has been broken.

To anyone reading this... if you need a friend just let me know.. I know the feelings of depression, low self esteem.. Low, He**.. how about none!  feeling like everyone is watching you for a bad reason.. to point and stare at the "fat chick".

Now.. I know I am working my way to a fantastic future and that future lives in each and every day. It is not a far away someday.  Carpe Di em!  Sieze today for that is all your guarenteed.

 

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What a beautiful day it will be.

Aug 16, 2009

A day when I no longer look in the mirror and be disgusted in what I see.
When I feel like I am who I am supposed to be.
Not getting winded by walking up a flight of stairs.
When I feel beautiful again.
A husband to call my own.

What a beautiful day that will be when I accomplish my weight loss goal!
However... that beautiful day can also be today.
I have wonderful supportive friends, a family that loves me, a nice job, a nice home.
I woke up this morning to a brand new day given to me by my wonderful Lord, and will grasp ahold onto everything this day has to offer me right now.  When I reach my weight loss goal, those opportunities will increase, but right now, I treasure every second I have of this life.

So for today, I refuse to see the dark clouds and will see only the rainbow made from the sun shining through the microscopic rain drops.  The colors of life are beautiful, no matter what the situation.

So I say... What a beautiful day... today will be.
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About Me
Fremont, OH
Location
34.4
BMI
RNY
Surgery
03/16/2010
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Jul 23, 2009
Member Since

Friends 25

Latest Blog 6

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