The Beginning or is it...

Aug 09, 2012

I broke down last week with my family physician, desperate for her support for my decision to move forward with slim band. In the process of my break down so much more came out than my tears alone. I realized that I was tired of fighting through life with obesity and am not prepared to trek through another 34 years afraid, hiding and pretending to be someone I'm not.

After my meltdown she offered me a Kleenex and her medical advise. She informed me that in her medical opinion based on the literature out there; gastric bypass is more successful long term and she listed the reasons why and the risks associated to both procedures. I was a bit disappointed as I felt confident in the research I had done on my own about banding as I already had my consultation with Slim band and received financial approval. In my mind I was well on my way...until last week.

Soooo....as of Thursday August 2, 2012 I was referred to the Ottawa Hospital weight management clinic! I now wait...WAIT...TICK TOCK...WAIT...TICK TOCK...WAIT....I swear I can hear those tick tocks.

I haven't forgotten about slim band as an option but I respect my doctor so much and thoroughly trust her that I feel I need to consider the RNY route as well. Needless to say, I'm not even thinking about it being covered by OHIP as I would seriously rather pay out of pocket now to have a surgery date in a matter of 4 weeks or less like it is with slim band. My problem here is that once my mind is made up....full speed ahead is the only thing I understand. So I feel derailed in many ways and have no idea what the heck I'm gonna do for possibly another year while I wait....wait....and wait some more.

My biggest fear is that I will lose all self control while waiting...I just can't get any bigger....sigh....I just can't. Now I'm siting here literally trying very hard to figure out how the heck I'm going to find some other weight loss regimen to follow until my special day comes....so if you ask me if today is the beginning of my journey...I can honestly say in response....I DON' T KNOW...

In the mean time I will pray to the Gods that be that I find the strength and courage to not eat myself into a depression tomorrow.

PS. why do I hate exercising when I'm over weight....I love exercising but just despise it lately....OK, maybe I need to pray for motivation too!

Until the next time....

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Constance Bay, ON
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Aug 09, 2012
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