Night time eating....I'm its B*TCH!

Aug 11, 2012

Ive decided that I'm going to blog about my problematic eating behaviors for the first time....i guess you can say I'm going public!

I have a problem....and its called night time eating. I have been plagued with night time eating for as long as I can remember. It sucks. I do it effortlessly and suffer with severe remorse seconds after its over.  For example, last night I had dinner and was satisfied...the bf went out for a bike ride in the evening and as soon as I knew he was gone, I jumped off the sofa into the kitchen to eat from the casserole dish. I also grabbed a piece of white bread and butter to boot!...
I went to bed almost immediately after only  to sit up awake with severe heart burn, regret and an over stretched out stomach...I felt miserable. The guilt was over whelming. Then as usual I wake up the next day saying to myself that today will be different...and it never is. The cycle is endless and I feel trapped inside my own web of sabotage. 

If I take a step back I can see the patterns that facilitate my behavior...first I always make sure I'm alone, therefore its done in secrecy. I eat it fast so I don't get caught, just shoveling it in barely taking the time to chew. In the moment I feel a sense of calm, comfort and something that scares me to death...its like a drug high, almost like I'm peeking off something, knowing I will need this fix real soon again. WOW...how scary is this for me to share openly...
I am aware of it....but in many ways I'm not....because I ignore it during the day and only think about it after its been done when the guilt comes. Then I move on until the next time...and trust me there is always a next time. I don't' have the ability to stop myself or the tools necessary to be more cognitive in order to stop it before it happens. So ya, I have a problem and I need help...I WANT HELP.

FEAR #1: Should I be so lucky to be given the opportunity to have RNY in the next year or so, how will I ever over come this behavior that has made me its B*TCH for 34 years?

I need help, I need to learn how to undo these behaviors (and yes there are many more I reveal in due time).

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Constance Bay, ON
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Aug 09, 2012
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