Surgery is Near .... 3 days

Oct 18, 2015

it was one hell of a mission and now my surgery date s approaching quick. in 3 days from today on Oct 21st 2015 i will undergo gastric sleeve surgery. my problem is that now i am freaking out about it . i am so so scared and nervous and constantly thinking bout it and how different my life is going to be and it gives me such great anxiety that i have no idea what i am doing anymore. i dont want to quit again like i did one time before because it freaking me out. But i have no idea what i am in for. this is just nervewrecking and uggggg lol.. i guess we all have been there for those have gone through the surgery the nerves and crying and stomach knotting.

only thing that really pisses me off now is the fact that right now 3 days before surgery people what to start making rude, negative comments which is not right. and not even to my face. saying that i have no idea what i am doing im fucking my life up and that im going to screw everything up and be extremely sick and all this bullshit.. i busted my ass trying to get approval for this srgery and u know what I DID THAT ON MY OWN i went to dr appts and called the dr made appts and did this all on my very own .. like peole need to shut the hell up... if i didnt want this i wouldnt have done all i had to do to get the approval..

my best firend of years stopped speaking to me back in july when i was starting the dr visits for the process of surgery.  i was always the bigger uglier firend and she got all the attention when we went out.. well guess she didnt like the fact that i was actually doing osmething baout it .. all cuz she didnt have the courage to do it herself.. she believes she is skinny when she is only bout 40 pounds less then me. smh.. oh well but

mostly its my brother.. my brothers and i arent exactly what u call close... im closer to my sister in law then my brother.. and my sister in laws aunt  has surgery and at least she is giving me such great support about it offering help and giving me sites that she buys stuff on and all that.. but i mean my mother said oh jus call him and talk to him about stuff he feels left out and all this bullshit.. okay soo i play ohhh can u see about unflavored protien for me.. imma need it soon and can u find out bout this.. which the only benifit is that costco has premire protien for 25.00 for 18 pak.. amazing price... but because im doing my own reseach and sending him some b.s questions because believe me i got this.. he goes back to my mom like she going to mess up her life why is she doing this she dont know what she is doing.... this is my life.. it took me alot of convinceing to even get my husband on board


my 3 aunts my 3 cousins my moms cousin and her husband.. have all had the bypass.... and they all went from over 450 to under 200.... my aunt and 2 cousins all left their husbands.. that is my husbands issue.. but u know what i dont want to be a party animal like they go clubbing now.. i did that even at a larger size and it was not fun for me. i love my husband beyond words. he is my soulmate and i could nto have asked for a better man to be my husband the father of my beautiful baby boy..

That is my real motivation for this. beside i need to do something. My beautiful now 15 month old baby boy. he is everythign to me and i want to be around forever for him. and give him brother or sister.. but he is the love of my life. i never knew howwwwwwww deep a love can go til i saw this baby.. he is the perfect lil man in the whole world. i want him to have every advantage in life that i was not given. he is going to be signed up into every sport imaginable and i am going to do this so that i can run him to every practice and game possible.. mma be the soccer mom one of these days..


my son loves me and my husband and that is my family. people may not agree with what i am doing but i am not doing it for them. they can talk shit all they want its not for them

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Apr 13, 2015
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