Lena0003
9 Months Post Op and feeling frustrated and depressed. :(
Jun 18, 2011
But the past three months between 6 months and 9 months, have KILLED me. I have only lost 7-10 lbs (again, that +/- 3 lbs) during the whole three months. I was dealing with a female issue that has developed as a result of surgery, and was unable to workout for a bit. But as a whole, I workout intensely 3-4 days a week. This includes cardio on the elliptical, strength training twice a week, and I just added yoga...sometimes hot yoga. My dietitian was pushing only 900 calories still, maybe 1000, but I tried increasing that to 1200 or so to see if that helped restart weight loss. I do eat some carbs, but complex carbs, and keep them low. I had blacked out at the gym once, and it was determined that I needed to increase my carbs prior to a workout because they were much too low.
Anyway, given what I am doing, I SHOULD still be losing weight. I know there is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to weight loss surgery, but is this typical for others? I know some people on here hate people comparing themselves, and I try not to, but I am losing my mind. I feel like I am done losing weight, which I know I can't be. I know stalls can last a while, but I have been in one for 6 weeks now. Any suggestions from the veterans out there to help start my weight loss again? Is there hope for resuming weight loss after a 6 week stall, or is this still within a typical stall?
Basically, I just need some advice and some encouragement. I am feeling really down about this. Add the body issues I am experiencing with all the excess skin, and I am just a mess. Of course, feeling this way, I just want to eat. I have refrained from doing so, or try to eat some carrots or fruit when I feel this way, but unfortunately, I know I do not have many food aversions post op, and I feel like I am constantly fighting the urge to just give up. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on giving up, but it's a constant battle I feel. It's like the little devil sitting on my shoulder telling me I'm going to fail at this too, just like every other weight loss attempt, so that I should just throw in the towel now. And I feel like no one really knows what I'm going through. My mom, who weighs 180 lbs at 5'9" is constantly complaining about trying to lose weight and comparing her weight loss situation to mine. And her frustration with excess skin to mine. It just makes me more depressed because I would love to be 180 lbs! I dunno...I just need some support right now I guess.
A little frustrated
Apr 12, 2011
Fast forward. I just got back from a trip to Seattle to visit someone I have been dating. He does not know I have had WLS, so I am less strict with my eating while around him. And I admit, to the occasional drinking. So a week in Seattle, making ok food choices, but not great, and drinking some calories, I came back last night, and I had lost 5 lbs. It seems like everytime I have gone out there I lose 5 lbs. Its just frustrating because I spend the majority of my time doing the right thing, and lose 2 or fewer pounds a week, but doing the wrong thing, I lose 5 pounds! Although frustrating, I know this isn't the right thing, and I will continue eating right and working out. And yes, I have tried increasing calories some, but that didn't help either. Oh well. Just my most recent frustration.
Good news, I had recently purchased some size 16 and 18 jeans. The 18s I had with me on vacation were getting a little loose, so I tried on a 16 when I got home. I figured it was because they are from Old Navy and their sizes can be inconsistent. The 16 I tried, also from Old Navy, was a little snug, but fit. So I tried on a pair of Levis 16, which are a little more traditional size wise. They were also snug, but I could get them on and buttoned. So...for the first time in I don't know how many years...definitely my teens, maybe preteens, I could fit in and close a size 16!
6 Months Post Op
Mar 16, 2011
Body Image and NSVs.
Mar 08, 2011
My second recent NSV came last night. Last week I put on my last pair of jeans that I already had on hand to "fit" into (a 20). I've been going through jean sizes so quickly, that I don't want to spend much money on jeans. Plus, I'm tall, so finding jeans with a long enough inseam can sometimes be a challenge. So I went with Old Navy because they were having a sale, and 20% off. I also have been happy with Old Navy because I am in their "normal" sizes, which doesn't say a whole lot, because they go to size 20, but still, I was in their plus size before! I ordered a couple pairs of size 18, along with a bunch of shirts. I got them last night, and the size 18s fit me just fine! I was expecting them to still be a little tight, but I can wear them now comfortably. That was super nice. As I was cleaning out my closets, I actually did come across one more pair of 18s with tags on, so I should be good. This is the first time in I don't even remember that I can wear a size beginning with a 1, and I am so happy about that. I don't remember for sure, but in my head, in my early teens, I was already a 20. I came close to an 18 before, which is why I have the one pair, but never got there.
As for the body image issues, I know that I am so close to having lost 100 lbs, and I have gone from being uncomfortable in a size 26 to comfortable in an 18, but I can't see it AT ALL! I have heard so much about body morphism, and it really is true. When I look in the mirror, I honestly see NO difference from what I was a year ago. The good thing is, when I look at pictures between then and now, I see it. I think if I wasn't seeing it anywhere, I'd be going crazy! I am still feeling frustrated by the fact that I can't look in the mirror and see it. I can feel that I've lost a lot of weight, and there are other things that make it evident to me, such as extra room in theater seats, etc, but the mirror is not my friend. Especially just out of the shower while naked. I just get depressed, and all I see is fat, and skin, and flab. Its frustrating, but its a part of this, and I am working on these issues.
And that's about it. Almost 6 months out! Just a week away, and feeling pretty good. I have to make an appt for my labs, and then I have my 6 month follow up appt later this month, which I will definitely update everyone on.
TOM forum post update!
Feb 27, 2011
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/4320171/TMI-Never-ending-TOM-Need-some-input-from-the-ladies-please/
So I called my dr's office, and my dr was out of town for a week. The nurse I spoke with thought that a period as long as I had been dealing with was not something that ANYONE should have to deal with! It was cute how supportive she was. She kept emphasizing how annoying that must be and was adamant that I not have to wait until my dr came back. She spoke with one of the PA's at the office, and she was adamant that I see a gyno anyway, and we made an appointment to see one of the gynos in the same office that I am regularly seen in, and that I have seen once before.
At my appointment, the gyno seemed very informed about WLS, which was nice, and the way that it can affect our hormones. She felt that it wasn't really uncommon that I went from no periods, to birth control induced periods for so long, to never ending periods after surgery. She explained a lot of things, including thickened lining from years of being overweight and the estrogen stored in fat, and so on. So what she decided to do for now was have me take a little bit stronger birth control pill (Beyaz) than I was currently on (Loestrin 24), two a day, skip the placebo pills, go straight into the next pack, taking them normal with just one a day. And then go back to my Loestrin. It was nice because she just gave me a couple of sample packs so I didn't have to deal with insurance issues after having just purchased 3 months of Loestrin and that I was taking more pills than normal. Within about a day and a half, my period had completely stopped! Thank God!
A couple of weeks later, still no breakthrough bleeding. I start taking one pill a day today. We will see if that is enough to keep my period in check. If it does not, or if it gets off again when I switch back to Loestrin, she wants me to let her know and we will address things again then. She was actually not that keen on me switching to Mirena, which for those of you who know me, I have not liked the idea of. She just adamantly shook her head and said "No no no, I think this will work and be better for you." So yes, I know about the malabsorptive issues with the pill, but my biggest issue is control periods. I will address birth control separately.
So...there ya go! I am happy to not be having a period! And am thankful for everyone who encouraged me to call the doctor ASAP! Another reason this site is great!
A much overdue update
Feb 27, 2011
To those that check in on me regularly, I apologize for taking so long to update my blog. I especially apologize to anyone who uses me as any sort of motivation! With that said, here's what's been going on in my life....
I guess one of the reasons I haven' blogged much is that I feel like there isn't a whole lot on which to update! I am still extremely happy with my decision to have RNY. I still have not had any real complications (knock on wood) and am happy about that. Now, more than anything, I feel like I am just really working on balancing my life with my new tool. It's not as easy as I had hoped it would be. Making a point to plan my meals out to balance my work day can be a challenge, and I find myself needing to be more diligent about that so I get more balanced meals in. And making sure to have my vitamins planned out so I take them regardless of where I am at is important too. The middle of the day calcium and Vitamin D have been the biggest challenge for me, which is important because my D has been a little low since before surgery. Immediately after surgery, all of this came easily because I felt "post op" for probably the first three months or so. Now, I really don't have any constant reminders that I've had surgery, so I have to make a point to remind myself.
As for my weight loss, I have been a little frustrated in that area. I seem to be losing about 10 pounds a month for the last few months. Which I suppose is still ok at the time out I am. And as so many have said, when I am not losing weight, I am still losing inches. In a way, this has been a good weight loss for me, because my body is able to at least kinda keep up with the weight loss. But, I still have a lot of excess skin, which I sometimes get depressed about. But...I will take the excess skin along with the weight loss! As of this morning, I have lost 97.1 lbs, which means I have 92.8 lbs to my goal. One of my goals was to have lost more weight than I have left to lose, which I have accomplished! And I am 2.9 lbs away from having lost 100 lbs! Which isn't so bad at 5.5 months out.
As for how I feel, I have been pretty good for the most part. I had a physical, which I can't remember if I posted about or not. But the highlight there was that my blood sugar was normal and my A1C was 5.7 (down from 6.7 in May), which was one of my biggest incentives to have surgery, as diabetes runs in my family, and I was on the fast track. One problem though, was that I was having never ending periods (a change from the previous non existent ones I had when I wasn't on the pill). I had posted about that on the forum, and in order to not bore those who this isn't of interest to, I will post about that issue in a separate blog! The gyno I saw wasn't overly worried about testing my iron levels, even though I was a little concerned. I'll be getting complete labs done in a couple of weeks, so I just figured I'd wait until then. I seem to be really tired sometimes now, but that might just be because I live in MN and it has been a VERY long, snowy, and cold winter! I'm looking forward to getting my labs done though.As for the gym, that is still a work in progress. I wish I could say that I was doing better. I dealt with a back issue, I've been traveling a lot, and the never ending period, and let's just say that I haven't felt like working out. Kinda in a slump mood wise. My program recommends an update with a psych at 3 months or so post op...maybe that would be a good idea. And after the December incident of blacking out at the gym, I find myself almost afraid of strength training any time I get a little shaky. I know its normal because I am challenging my body, but I get a little freaked that I am going to go from shaky to blacking out again. I need to get through this though. And I need to get on my personal trainer about accepting my excuses, and be a little harder on me.
Food wise, I can eat most things. While working on eating more healthy carbs, I have tested my sugar intake a little bit more. I still don't know if I dump, and I don't want to know. I know that fruit sugars (fructose) and milk (lactose) are ok with me for the most part. And I know that I have shared some desserts and have been ok. I will take a couple bites, wait, see how I feel, and maybe another bite or two. I'm not sure exactly how much sugar has been in those bites, but it's a rare occurence and I have been ok. I have had some drinks, and been ok. Really only wine or vodka with cranberry juice, and that is not a regular thing either, and because I am still not exactly sure how it affects me, I do not have one drink if I am driving.
I am sure some people would disagree with my choice of any sweets or drinks, but its the reality of where I'm at, and I am going to be completely honest about it. Plus, depression and anxiety have been a long time issue for me, and taking away food that used to be a close friend, and making me feel like I am not at all normal and able to have a drink or share a dessert on a date, has me even more irrational. Treating things as I have, have left me feeling more "normal," which in turn, has me feeling happier, which I have learned is VERY important. Dealing with being depressed at all, out of whack hormones, and no food for comfort can be a dangerous situation. And is something I am working on. Making myself feel like I am "normal" and not standing out, helps with that.
This kinda leads me to dating. My plan was to not really start dating again until I was comfortable with where I was at. I mentioned this in a previous blog that I had started talking with an ex boyfriend again. As well as went on a date with another guy. My ex boyfriend and I are still spending time together, even though he still lives out west. I have been out there to visit again, and he has been back here, and we talk/text pretty much daily. I don't know where that's going. And in a way I wish it wasn't happening right now because I am still trying to figure a lot of things out. But, we can't always choose the timing of things, and I am just going with things at the moment. This is the third time we've tried dating in four years, and we still haven't had any "talk," which will have to happen at some point if we are going to try this long distance this time. He was in town on Friday moving things from his house that he still owns here so he can rent it. I spent time there, and that night during his layover he sent me a text telling me that I looked really good. Coming from a guy who isn't the most observant, this was a huge compliment. In the past, a compliment from him would be something like "You look 'springy' today." Which, given that it was spring, I guess was ok. haha And he is the ex that I wrote about long ago in "my story" on my main profile page, who works for the NFL, and who doesn't really date overweight women in the first place. I know, I know, that's a whole different issue, but there is a reason we keep going back to each other, and I'm taking it one day at a time.
So...that's where I'm at. Like I said, I'll blog with an update about the TOM issues separately! Sorry for the length of this blog, but I guess this is what happens when I don't update my blog frequently enough! I hope everyone is doing well! And for those of you interested in pictures, I will update my photos at six months! There are a couple from recently, but I will post new pictures for side by side comparison.
I've been MIA
Feb 06, 2011
Slightly OT...Dating, First Vacation, and Confessions
Jan 11, 2011
To complicate matters when it comes to dating, an ex boyfriend of mine who I actually mentioned in my "about me" section, has been calling and texting me again. We met in March 2007, so have known each other for nearly 4 years, and have been off and on several times during that time. He moved from MN to Seattle in Oct right after I had surgery. He doesn't know I've had WLS. Since just before he moved, he was starting to text a lot, then in December, he texted me seeing if I was fortunate enough to be out of town for a huge snow storm we had, and its like that opened the flood gates, and we just started touching base regularly (almost daily). I don't know how to take this. The first time we dated, I ended things. The second time, he ended things. Saying he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life, and didn't think that was fair to me. Which basically, he just didn't want to be in a relationship affecting his career decisions. I guess he was being honest, as he did end up moving. Our careers have just made dating very difficult for us. We date, break up, stop talking, start talking, become friends again, and eventually date. So I'm a bit hesitant about this recent reconciliation.
Fast forward...he kept hinting at me going out for a visit, but I wasn't biting. Eventually, he officially asked me out. I said maybe at some point. Then, a week ago, he asked me to come for last weekend specifically for the Seahawks playoff game (he works for them). I don't know why, but I agreed. We really did have a great time, but now I am just left wondering where we stand! I went out there saying we were just friends, but although we didn't dive back into a relationship, it seemed like more than just FRIENDS. For example, I usually split checks with my friends, don't hold hands, and no kissing! He's just difficult to read. And he has hurt me in the past, and I don't want to be hurt again. Then again, I suppose I have done some hurting too. Maybe the third time's the charm? Although our careers haven't changed, and one of us would have to sacrifice a lot to make it work. If the NFL has a lockout, he'll be back in MN for a while in March. I just don't know. The nice thing, he didn't see me in 2010 at my heaviest, but I was down 30 pounds below what I weighed the last time he had seen me, so that made me feel good. And to top it off, he had gained 35 pounds since I had last seen him! He's 6'2" and just under 240 lbs, so not THAT overweight and can lose weight easily, but still, I felt good about it. I would love to weigh less than him by the next time I see him (IF I decide to see him again that is).
So now, done with the relationship talk, and onto the vacation part. Like I mentioned, he doesn't know I had WLS. And I really don't think he'll be that supportive of it, so at least at the moment, I'm choosing not to mention it. It really wasn't much of an issue food wise. The problem is, we would always have a couple of drinks together. And the first night there, we met up with a couple of his coworkers and some of their friends in town. Basically me, and 8 guys. No biggie, as I can hold my own, but these guys like to drink and have a great time, and were majorly bothered by me not having a drink. So during my time there, I did have a couple of drinks. I know this is a subject matter that so many people on here are hit or miss about. When is it ok, if ever? What's ok? Why drink calories? Etc.... Well, being that I am at the point where I was told my stomach should be healed, and I can try any food I want, I decided to give it a try. The first night, I had a vodka cranberry, sipped on it for hours, which made the ice all melt. I didn't have any problems. Sure, I may have felt it more than previously, but I didn't get sick at all, and it didn't feel uncomfortable in my pouch. He did ask if I didn't like my drink, and I just mentioned that I had given up drinking over the summer, and now when I have a drink it hits me faster than is used to. And he accepted that. Another night, all the guys were adamant I had a drink in my hand, so I had a glass of wine that I drank ALL night. Same story with that. Was my decision the right one for someone four months out??? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. I felt slightly guilty by it, but mainly because I thought the people on this site would be so disappointed in me! I'm having a hard time getting calories in some days anyway, so calorie wise, it didn't hurt me. Nutrition wise, sure, not my best choice. I know of transfer addictions, I know about not drinking calories, and I know this isn't something I plan on making a habit out of. But I had a couple of drinks this weekend, I'm not going to beat myself up over it, and I lost just under 5 pounds the three days I was gone. Not too bad if I do say so myself.
All in all, the little vacation was good! I was feeling good about myself, or at least better than I had in a while. I had to take a small turbo prop plane from Portland to Seattle, and always worry about fitting into those even smaller than normal plane seats. I fit no problem, and the guy next to me didn't give me the "oh great" look when he saw I was sitting by him. In fact, we really hit it off and talked the entire 45 minute flight. Since I booked my flight so late, I was stuck in a middle seat on the way home, which I was VERY nervous about. Again, no rude looks. The guy on the aisle even offered to put my coat up for me, and retrieved it at the end, and I didn't feel stuffed into the seat. I still have so much weight to lose, but the way I have always carried my weight, I have always been able to shove myself into one seat, and not have to use a seat belt extender. But this was the first time I can remember where I wasn't squeezing into the seats, I was just sitting there. At the football game, I hit it off with the guys around me, and wasn't squeezed into those stadium seats either. I didn't worry about whether I could fit in a booth at a restaurant. My ex bf's friends were super flirty with me. As well as guys at the game! It was just an all around good morale boosting trip. If only I knew where things stood with the ex and me! Because that part still has me frustrated.
And that's that. I have more to write...about trying on jeans. But I have things to do and will save that for another blog. I hope everyone else is doing well in the new year!
Another goal met!
Jan 10, 2011
And so it begins...
Jan 07, 2011
I'm sure some will wonder, but no, I have not been using biotin supplements. I have heard mixed reviews as to whether it really works. And I know it isn't necessarily supposed to prevent hairloss, as much as it promotes hair growth...ANY hair. I don't want added hair growth on my whole body, so I am holding off. If the hair loss seems to get too bad, I will reconsider.
