Mona

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 I can't believe I forgot my 3 year surgiversary.  It just goes to prove that life does, indeed, go on, and some day you too won't be obsessed with OH and weight in general.  This is a new reality for me and believe me, I never want to have it end.  Fortunately since the VSG has no mal-absorptive components, there isn't that problem long term where the body compensates and the person, though eating the same amount, starts to gain weight.  I've also become an avid Yogini, which I think I can really credit with my weight maintenance.  

I don't log my food any more, but have been considering doing it for a week to actually make sure I'm getting enough.  My weight has leveled off, but bounces naturally through out the month and my hormonal fluctuations from 114-119 (@ 5'1").  I'm good with that.  Funny thing is that that few pounds actually makes a difference in some of my clothes.  Before I'd have to lose 25 pounds to go down a size, but at this weight such a small amount makes a big difference.  The nice part about that is that additional pounds become very obvious very fast, which is a good reality check.

I can't believe I'm saying this, and this is the first time I've said this 'out loud', but I'm thinking of having a breast lift.  They're just so sad.  They look OK in clothes because the Miracle Bra truly does create miracles (just sayin') but I don't like what they've become.  They've been slowly losing volume since this whole thing began.  I was at a 40DD+ when I began this journey and now I'm about a 33B+.  Of course they don't make bras that size, but if they did that would be MINE.  Needless to say there is some unnecessary skin present in this area.  I have dreams of these perky little boobies that I don't even have to wear a bra with, like in tank tops and sun dresses.  I also wonder if they could pull in any of that under arm/side torso skin in process?  

See, I'm already making plans.  BAD GIRL.

Anyway, I really don't have much to say other that, lovin' it!  
My VSG gave me back my life.

It's hard for me to fathom that it's been 2 whole years since I was reborn in to the person I was always meant to be.  My whole life I felt that my weight and obsession with food really held me back.  Don't get me wrong, I participated fully in life and did all those things we do (3 college degrees, friends, dating, marriage, kids, job) but I struggled.  My weight bothered me so much that I always said if I found a genie in a bottle and was granted 3 wishes, one of them would be that I would weigh 120 pounds for the rest of my life, regardless of what I ate.  I made that disclaimer because I was so crazy with my eating and felt there was no way I could actually be in control, so it would have to be by magic that I would be able to lose weight and maintain the loss.  I guess the VSG is like magic, then.  =D

The funny part is that I didn't realize how much of a problem I had until I didn't.  I honestly thought everyone was like me in that they were hungry all of the time.  From the moment I woke up until I fell asleep at night I was thinking about food, what I had just eaten, what I was going to eat, what I wanted to eat...you get the picture.  I thought that people who were a normal weight were just better at fighting the battle than me, and that made me feel bad about myself.  Why am I so much weaker than everyone else I wondered.  Once I had 80% of my stomach and lots of my ghrelin removed I realized that not everyone feels hungry all of the time and WOW what a relief THAT is.  It is so much easier to make good, nutritious choices when your body isn't screaming feed me 24/7.

This has been a journey of self discovery for me.  I thought that once I got my weight under control that my life would be so much better, and it is...but it didn't solve ALL of my problems.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - skinny, rich & beautiful people have problems, too.  If you don't believe me, just look at the headlines (OMG can you believe about Chris and Rihanna?)

I have not lost any of my good friends, which goes to prove that they are indeed GOOD friends, but can't say the same for lesser aquaintances and also for my younger sister.  Not that she and I had a stellar relationship before - she's always somewhat viewed me as the enemy and looked for a reason to be unhappy with me.  I think it's sad when you can't be happy for someone who has improved their lot in life, but I cannot concern myself with her insecurities.  I have also had some friendly acquaintances pull away.  One of the things that losing weight has done for me has given me the freedom/confidence to walk away from negative people & unhealthy relationships.  I used to be very concerned if someone didn't like me and it would consume me.  Now I don't worry about it so much; I just figure it's their loss and you can't expect everyone to like you so I focus on those who do.  Life is too short.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your love and support along the way.  It's been a bumpy road at times and I always had a place to turn to get answers, support, a pat on the back, a hug or kick in the a**.  I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been as successful, but am certain it wouldn't have been nearly as fun without all of you. 

I was a sickly child and I don't know exactly where I got this idea, but I never thought I would live past the age of 20 or 30.  Therefore I never had those getting married and having baby fantasy/plans. 

I didn't get married until I was 30, after 8 years of dating (long distance relationship) a man who was a cancer survivor.  Since we got married late we immediately started fielding the 'when are you going to have kids?' inquiries.  I told my DH that I didn't even want to THINK about having kids until we'd been married at least a couple of years.  I didn't know if we would be successful in our quest considering my DH had been through chemo, but in September 1998 I got pregnant.  We were SO excited, over the moon.  We didn't tell anyone until I was 10 weeks along and the doc thought it was safe.  We told EVERYONE.  The next week I started to bleed and had a miscarriage.  We were still receiving congratulatory cards and calls and we had to tell everyone the bad news.  Truly heartbreaking.  Fortunately we had a vacation planned to go to Estes Park CO about 3 days after my D&C, so that timing worked out well to have some time to regroup before facing life again.

The doc said wait 6 months and we did.  In March 1999 I got pregnant again and delivered a healthy 8lb 3oz boy in December 1999.  I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until it was so completely obvious that everyone already knew.  I was too scared and superstitious to have a baby shower until he was born.  I wasn't counting this chicken until he hatched! 

My DH and I had waited so long and been through so much to get there that we didn't want to send him off to a sitter and we made the decision that he would be a stay-at-home Dad.  He still stays home with the kids, but has recently accepted the paid position of Christian Education Director at our church.  It has flexible hours and he is qualified from an educational, but also spiritual point of view, and has a rapport with kids that not a lot of men have.

Three years later I delivered healthy twins, a boy and a girl.  OMG - not in the plan, but you get what you get and I was thankful, but overwhelmed.  Now those little babies are getting ready to start kindergarten in a few weeks.  Unbelievable how quickly they grow up.

I never expected to have kids and I don't spend all day with my kids since I'm at work, but boy do I love them.  They are so innocent and pure, and so unabashed.  I hope to be a different mother than I had.  I know she did the best she could and, quite frankly, many of my friends were jealous of me because my parents were still married, not too strict and didn't try to 'run' me too much.  But neither of my parents are very outwardly affectionate...can't remember ever hearing 'I love you' or 'I'm proud of you'.  I know that doesn't mean they don't or aren't, but it would have been nice to hear it occassionally.

As I get older and see things from a different perspective, I mainly want my kids to grow up knowing that I love them.  I don't EVER want that to be a question in their minds, like it still is in mine.  I know it's stupid for me to think that way, but I can't help it.  I know I'm going to do things that they don't like or think are wrong, but I don't ever want them to question the fact that I love them unconditionally.  My parent's love always felt conditional and I think that's one reason why I was always such a good kid.  I was afraid if I did something wrong they wouldn't love me any more...to that point, one of my sisters is disturbed and not a nice person, and my parents have written her off.  I don't really blame them, and I don't have a relationship with her, either, but I just can't imagine doing that to my own kid.  Getting that far away from them, if that makes sense.

I have been truly blessed and sometimes you're given more than you deserve!  With my kids that is definitely the case.

When I went in to this all I thought about was how I would change physically, I'm not sure if it ever occurred to me how it would affect my relationships with other people.  Strangers, acquaintances, family, friends....pretty much everyone. Most of the changes have been positive, but I must say that I've been surprised at some of the negatives.  

STRANGERS:  Without a doubt strangers are a lot nicer to me than they used to be.  Sometimes I don't enjoy getting more attention from strangers, like when I'm standing at the corner to cross the street and a bunch of guys on motorcycles ride by and make their yucky man noises.  Other times it's nice, like when I need someone to help me in a store, or someone holding the door for me at the gym when my hands are full of equipment and kids.  So, just like anything I suppose, you've got to take the good with the bad.  Overall, it's nicer being 'somebody' in the eyes of the weight prejudiced world.

ACQUAINTANCES:  I've been surprised how many acquaintances have (seemingly) started to avoid me.  Mostly women that I know at church, through work, etc. don't interact with me any more.  I spoke with a good friend of mine about it, trying to get ideas as to why, and she seems to think it's jealousy, or that maybe they think I don't want to talk to them?  I'm still just me and I continue to be friendly even if they aren't.  On the other hand, male acquaintances are, on the whole, friendlier.  It's a mad, mad world. 

FAMILY:  My weight loss has been a real blessing for my family life overall.  My kids are young enough that I'm not sure they even remember me heavier.  They are all thrilled at my increased energy level and how much better I feel.  DH looks at me like he did when we first got married and he's said things that lead me to believe he's proud to be seen with me.  He even calls me his 'trophy wife'.  Makes me feel so good that he likes what he sees, though he NEVER not once complained about my weight and always said I was beautiful and sexy.  The man is a saint!  

My Mom & Dad have been sort of neutral, not really saying much good or bad, though my Dad has been more supportive than my Mom.  My Mom is ill, though, and she's having a tough time.  I don't see her very often and it's probably not at the top of her mind.  As my Dad would say, she's no longer herself.  Before she got ill she was always super supportive when I lost weight, so I try not to let it bother me or hurt my feelings.  My sister....well, she doesn't even try to hide her contempt for me.  Somewhere along the line she got the idea that I was her enemy and nothing could be further from the truth, but I cannot change the way she feels.  I've tried!  I think me losing weight (she's a big girl) just gives her another excuse to not like me, and if it weren't this it would be something else.  I cannot concern myself with her insecurities as it doesn't do any good, unfortunately. 

FRIENDS:  All of my friends have been supportive, surprisingly so.  This was probably my biggest concern because I've seen lots of posts about those friendships that go to pot when the weight starts coming off.  I have one friend who started gaining weight (after always being thin) about the time I started losing, and I know it's been difficult for her to see us 'trade places' *her words, not mine*.  At least she's honest about her feelings and always says how proud she is of me, but admits she is jealous.  All of these years she was the thin one and I would sometimes feel jealous, and now the tables are turned, though she's not all that overweight she's much bigger than she's ever been.  I guess what I'm trying to say is I know how she feels.  So far I haven't felt that I had to censor myself with her and that's nice.  Other friends have been very happy for me and supportive of my new, healthy lifestyle.  I consider myself extremely fortunate that I didn't have any fallout on that front, and like to think that I've chosen my friends well.  =D

Relationships overall have been improved or stayed the same, and the negatives are probably not really worth my time to begin with.  I've always been amazed at people who can't be happy for others, and when you lose 96 pounds it definitely brings that feeling out in to the open.  I've told people flat out when they've gotten a new car or gone on a fab trip or lost weight, "I'm thrilled for you and a little bit jealous, too!"  I think it's OK to be jealous in that you would like something, too, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy for others if they have it.  Heck, at least it's going to someone I like!

I wouldn't change a thing, regardless of how others react to me or feel about my weight loss, because I'm healthy, feel good and strong, and I like the new and improved me.  I'm beginning to feel more confident in being me and find I'm not doing the negative self talk in my head nearly as much as I used to.  I have also found that I'm not nearly as concerned about other people's happiness, in that I'm not going to change the me I like to make them happy.  This is MY life, I'm living it for the good of my family, and I have a right to happiness as well!  Seems obvious, but strangely I haven't always felt that way.  I've spent way too much time trying to be what other people thought was the right thing.  No more.

 

I'm trying to get a hang of this maintenance thing.  I've always been good at gaining and losing, but notsomuch at maintaining.  I'm currently bouncing between 116-119, so I'm a little bit below goal.  I've cut back my exercise from 6-7 days/wk to 4-5 days/wk.  I'm actually working on learning to run...well, maybe not actual running but jogging. I started doing it on my exercise days off, so I guess they're not days off any more, but only doing about 15 minutes (so far).  I walk 100 steps and then jog 50.  I haven't been going too far, and I've only done it twice, but I'm kind of excited at the prospect of becoming a runner, because the people I know who run simply don't have a weight problem.  I know I'll always have to watch what I eat, too, but a little bit of insurance doesn't hurt.  

I bought a couple of pairs of capris the other day (size 1!) because since my tummy tuck all of my size 4s are getting too big.  I know~I'm crying a river over here but truly it is difficult to find clothes smaller than a size 4.  I find myself pushing the limits a bit, trying to find out how much I can eat and not gain.  I am keeping a close eye on the scale and logging my food on thedailyplate.com.  This is uncharted territory and I'm forging my path.  I guess we'll just see what happens!  

This morning was the day I've been waiting for for 1 year, 3 months and 5 days (not that I'm keeping track or anything).  I've finally reached my goal weight of 120!  I hadn't expected it at all when I stepped on the scale this morning, so it was a very pleasant surprise.  I've been down as low as 121, but had never hit the number before, so it's a good day. 

For all you slow losers out there, take heart.  My average loss per week was 1.38 lbs.  Even though I didn't have as much to lose as some, I still had almost 100 pounds and I had a lot of stalls and even bounced up more than a few times.  If you do the right things it will happen.  Not as quickly as we'd like, for sure, but slow and steady wins the race. 

My life has changed so much since I began this journey and almost all of it has been positive.  There have been adjustments and things I had to work on when I couldn't turn to food to fill that emotional need, but it's all good. 

I would like to encourage you to dream big.  When I picked my goal weight it wasn't what the doc said, it was what I wanted to weigh in a perfect world.  I looked at BMI, but really I picked a number that when a person asked what I weigh what I would LIKE to be able to say.  Something I would be proud of, or at least not ashamed of.  At the time I didn't know if it was realistic or not.  I hoped I would reach it, but wasn't confident it was possible.  Now I wonder if I might go even a little bit lower, maybe 115? 

I don't think I would have reached my goal weight if I wasn't an active member of this board.  The support here is awesome, and it has kept me focused on the right things to do over time.  Since I went out of country I didn't have a local group to turn to, so this site has been a God send!

Thanks to all of you for your love & support.  =D

I had my tummy tuck on Monday and today is Thursday.  I'm a little bit swollen but still lookin' good.  This was the best medical experience I've ever encountered, which was nice considering that it all came out of my pocket.  I chose my PS based on a recommendation from my PCP.  She's planning to use him as well later on this year.  I had looked at going across the border again but was concerned about the amount of time that I'd have to stay.  Not that I'm so scary important, but at my job I'm the only one who knows how to do lots of stuff and so it just sits there until I return.  Job security for sure, but makes it difficult for me to be gone for long periods of time, and the Mexican PS I contacted, Dr. Francisco Sauceda, would require an 8-10 day stay.  Plus that would burn up the majority of my vacation time, which I didn't want to do.  I also consulted with a California PS that came highly recommended, but whose name escapes me right now.  I would have loved to have used him, but again, lots of dough and lots of time.  I'm glad I stayed local for this considering the follow up that's required.  At this point it isn't looking like I'll need any sort of revision but it's nice knowing if I have a problem all I have to do is drive a few miles.  OK - let's start with the consult.  They were running a little bit late that day so they didn't charge me the $50 consult fee, which I thought was fair and nice, too.  They had me strip to nothing and put on a paper gown.  Then the doc came in and looked me over and took some pics - a horrifying experience!  I marked on my paper that I don't want them to show my pics to other people.  I wouldn't mind if I had on a bra and undies, but didn't feel comfortable having strangers look at nude photos of me.  Anyway, the PS wanted me to get clearance from my nephrologist, so I set that up with him.  I had to reschedule the surgery since my nephrologist was out of the office for 11 days.  I had my appointment with labs and a lengthy consultation discussing possibilities, etc., but in the end he gave me his blessing and wrote up guidelines for the anesthesiologist, surgeon and nurses.  He even came out and saw me in the hospital.  He's such a great doc and a nice guy to boot.  I'm truly blessed!  The weekend before my TT, DH took the 3 kiddos to a Boy Scout campout so I could work over the weekend and get ahead since I knew I'd be out of the office the majority of this week.  I don't know if I caught a bug or if I was nervous, or ate something bad, but I was sick to my stomach most of the weekend.  I had all of these grand plans to do a bunch of cleaning, yard work, shopping and of course, going in to the office, and I pretty much laid in bed feeling poorly.  The good news is that the morning of surgery I weighed 121 - 1 pound over my goal weight.  I was pleased about that.  We got the kids up at the crack of dawn on Monday and we all drove out to the hospital, which was about a 30 minute drive.  What a nice place!  It's a full hospital with an emergency room and ICU, but it was put together by a bunch of heart doctors.  It primarily used for surgeries - heart, knee/hip replacement & plastic surgery.  Each hall has 4 rooms and one nurse per hall.  They don't bring your food around at an assigned time, they give you a menu and you call and order what you want, when you want.  They have a chef and the food was awesome!  The nurses I had were fantastic and it was just a great experience.  I stayed overnight and was released Tuesday around noon.  I had my DH stop by the office so I could do a few things then he and the kids picked me up and home we went.  Honestly, the worst part for me so far is the drains.  Hardly any pain.  I'm just amazed at how well everything is going.  

I've been waiting for this tummy tuck for 8 years, since the birth of my first child.  My body has served me well but that extra skin on my stomach has got to go!  Before I had kids I had a nice looking stomach, even when I was heavier I had a decent midsection.  After my first was born that was the end of that and I was crushed.  I'd always had bigger arms & thighs, but would focus on my waist, and now I didn't even have THAT.  So now that I've lost the weight (122.5 this morning) I'm getting that extra skin removed.  I am excited to have it done but surprisingly anxious.  I was even a little bit sick to my stomach this morning...it's possible that I just have a little bug or ate something that didn't agree, but I'm pretty sure I'm just processing the upcoming event.  I'll post 'after' pics ASAP and I believe Stacey S. will post for me.  She's so sweet - she PM'd me and gave me her number.  I've met so many wonderful people on this site.  I am truly thankful and blessed!

Clearance-Clarence

Roger-Roger

Vector-Victor

 

I love that movie 'Airplane'.  But more than that I love the fact that I'm cleared for an extended TT on 4/28/08!  If you are added as my friend you can see the scary before pics under 'Photos'.  I have an awesome nephrologist who saw me on his day that he usually doesn't see patients, is going to write all of my scripts, will be present at my surgery & is writing kidney friendly guidelines for surgery and aftercare (like no catheter).  So thank you God for sending me such a caring doctor.  I'm down to 125 (and wear a size 4), and they're saying they're going to remove 10 pounds of skin (I'm thinking more like 5) but either way, assuming I don't gain for lack of exercise or poor eating post-PS that should put me at goal.  I'm not sure if that's cheating or not but I don't really care.  And it's spring and getting warm out.  It doesn't get much better than this.

I went to my first 'live' plastic surgery consult about a week ago.  I had submitted pictures to a couple of docs online, but this was the first time I looked the surgeon in the eye.  I would like to get this done locally because I want to recover at home, rather than in a hotel in a strange city, by myself.  In some ways it would be nice to have the time, but what if something happened?  I also would like to not burn up all of my vacation - I'm assuming I can get back to work, at least part time, pretty quickly.  They said they wanted me to move around, and I have a desk job, so unless I need to actually lay down I think I'm as good at work as at home.  Anywho - I went in with some question about what was the right procedure for me, tummy tuck or lower body lift.  I could use the lower body lift, but I've heard it's a brutal (and long) recovery with seemingly lots of complications.  I went over my medical history with the PS and he picked up on something I hadn't considered.  I have an existing but stable kidney condition that I've lived with all of my life.  I've also had plenty of surgeries performed and have never been asked to get clearance from my nephrologist.  This PS is very conservative and doesn't want to compromise my exisiting kidney function for an elective surgery, and also considers the length of the surgery to be an issue for me, so tummy tuck it is.  I'm totally on board with that, but concerned that I won't get clearance.  I mean, if it's not the right thing to do I need to know that, but on the other hand I've been telling myself for over a year that when I reach goal I'll get a tummy tuck, so I've really got my heart set on it.  It just never occurred to me that the kidney thing was an issue.  I need to go by for labs this week, then I've got my consult with the neprologist 4/17 and assuming he gives the green light, I've got my extended tummy tuck surgery scheduled for 4/28.   I'm down to 125.5.  The surgeon's assistant said she thought he would remove 10 pounds of skin from my abdomen so that would put me 5 pounds under goal.  Unbelieveable!!!!!