li3Ruch

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See my weight tracker (below) for updates to my weight.  I keep that constantly up-to-date.  I don't have a lot weight-related to journal about other than that.  I just keep on keeping on.  The surgery has been a God-send for me and I am so happy I did this.

4/16/12 118 pounds

It's been almost Seven months.  Wow ... I don't know what to say.  This last month has been so pivotal to me.  My weight loss has slowed down to a 'normal' weight and I've had so many WOW moments I can't even count:

- A co-worker who works in a home office and I see around monthly saw me in the hall and thought I was a new employee
- I fit into a pair of 9/10 jeans (they were snug and I'm sure a brand that runs a little big :)  )
- I discarded loads of clothes because they were just far too baggy to even be funny any more
- My boss told me I looked great
- He told me the same thing again a week later
- One of my team members told me I looked great
- I got brave enough to post my picture on my avatar
- I had fun window shopping swim suits
- I died my hair blonde and cut it short
- When I posted my picture on a different message board that I post on for one of my hobbies I got several compliments right away
- I started doing TaeBo which has resistance exercises and can see my body shape changing underneath what is left of my "fat layer" and skin
- My oldest daughter who graduated high school this year registered for college!!
- I started to learn how to roller blade
- I put down a deposit to take a short cruise in April!
- I weight 169.  Oh My Gosh I cannot believe the beginning numbers of my weight are "1" and "6" ... it absolutely amazes me

I quit smoking 10/15/2006 and I know if I ever have one more cigarette I will be hooked again.  It'd be a lot easier if we could do the same with food - cut ourselves off cold turkey and just never do it again.  How cruel to be forced to entertain an addiction in order to stay alive.  I'm certain that is my relationship with food.  I'm addicted to eating - the the feeling I get when sweets burst in my mouth or salt scratches my tongue.  I tell myself constantly EAT to LIVE not LIVE to EAT and remind myself that Nothing TASTES as good as THIN feels.  It is working.  I am losing not because I am mal-absorbing but also because I am eating FAR FAR better than I did a long time ago.  My pouch no longer limits me as it did post-surgery, but I've been able to develop the habits and build the positives of being a healthier weight to keep with it. 

02/28/2007: Three Month Surg-i-versary ...
I have lost 50 pounds total.  Finally my clothes are getting big.  My wedding ring fits.  I can run 2.86 miles on the treadmill without stopping.  Sometimes that seems like a lot of weight to have lost.  Sometimes it feels like I am not losing near fast enough.  I feel like with my good diet and very hard exercise that I should be losing more quickly.  But as long as I can keep up 2 pound/week loss it should be okay.  I can see hair in my comb in the morning which freaks me out a little bit.  Hopefully it won't end up falling out enough that it looks really thin to everyone else.  I'm getting an updated color & cut next week so that helps too!!

12/28/2006:  Four Weeks Out: Down 22 pounds.  Today was my first day back at work!  I was like a little kid last night all nervous to go back to work today after being off for so long ... how silly is that?!?!  I am walking a mile per day.  I have increased my speed.  I'm not walking twice/day like I said on 12/21 ... I'm really trying to stick with a lifestyle that is livable ... Forever ... and exercising twice a day ... well that was a little off-track from where I really intended/need to head.  OH!  And I've thrown up 3 times now (and the last post forgot the other time which makes 4 ... in the hospital after the barium swallow).  I figured out I just need to be careful that I haven't drank too much BEFORE I eat.  I don't know why but after "correcting" this I haven't had any more vomiting issues.  See you soon!

12/21/2006: Three Weeks Out: Down 20 pounds.  Walking 1 mile/day. Have had the "foamies" twice now and thrown up once.  I believe from eating meat that I cannot quite get to pureed stage by mouth.  Also when I throw up WOW not a lot of notice.  It is OOF feel sick ... TROT to the bathroom and BLEH! ... all in the space of about 30 seconds.  I am glad I have found this out now so I don't have this experience at work or I'd have to stop and barf in someone's trashcan!

12/14/2006: Two Weeks Out: Down 16 pounds.  Lifting restrictions are off!  Healing continues.  I am walking every day and am going to start walking twice every day effective today.  Even though it is cooooold I prefer to walk my dog outside vs. the treadmill.  I'm excited to lose 29 more pounds and be in 1-der-land.  That sounds ungrateful but I've been there twice in the last year for about 3 days and it will feel so good to get there when I know I won't just be turning around and going right back up! :)

I am now officially on the losing side!  Surgery SUCKED -  I HATE hospitals and I HATE needles and I HATE not sleeping in my own bed!!!  I hemoraghed (sp?) and so I had to have 2 units of blood transfused and rather than coming home Sat. I came home Mon.

I have a lot of pain right now in one spot I hemoraged which was into one of the laproscopic incision sites.  The Good News is if I do not move it does not hurt! :)

I had one really great nurse in the hospital.  Well, actually I had 2.  The first of the 2 I don't even remember who she was because I was so out of it with the blood loss but she let me bring my dog in to visit me (she is a therapy dog and she only weighs about 2 pounds) which just made me SO happy even though I was out of it.  The second nurse's name was Tiffany and she was just the best nurse ever (exclamation point)!

I now see what they mean about having a hard time staying hydrated.  DO NOT go to sleep on a bunch of naps and not get your fluid in.  I never knew urine could turn this shade of orange!

Tonight I'm keeping a couple of small cups of water by my bedside to drink when I wake up.  Also I told hubby the heat needs to be kept down (I actually started sweating last night -NO NO!).  He will just have to suffer until I can up my intake.

But I'm NOT Dehydrated where I need to run to the emUrgency room I just need to keep the fluid going in on schedule and I think I will be fine!!!

Goal #1 = ONE-Der-Land (199) 2/28/07 DONE!
Goal #2 = Size 14 4/20/07 DONE!
Goal #3 = 165# 7/30/07 DONE!
Goal #4 = Down 100 pounds = 145
Goal #5 = 135
Goal #6 = Probably maintain, I'll have to see how I look at 135 before I decide for sure

11/29/2006 245   Before 24-hr Clear Liquid Fast 
12/07/2006 238   (Down 07 pounds) - 07  
12/14/2006 229   (Down 16 pounds) - 09
12/21/2006 225   (Down 20 pounds) - 04
12/28/2006 223   (Down 22 pounds) - 02
01/04/2007 218   (Down 27 pounds) - 05
01/11/2007 215   (Down 30 pounds) - 03
01/18/2007 214   (Down 31 pounds) - 01
01/30/2007 206   (Down 39 pounds) - 08 
02/28/2007 195   (Down 50 pounds) - 11
03/29/2007 188   (Down 57 pounds) - 07
04/12/2007 185   (Down 60 pounds) - 03
04/17/2007 185   (No change)
04/19/2007 183   (Down 62 pounds) - 02
04/20/2007 181   (Down 64 pounds) - 02
04/26/2007 181   (Same) - 00
05/02/2007 181   (Same) - 00 - Started circuit training this week to try to shake the stall!!!  Going to stick to it all through May to see what happens!!!
05/08/2007  179    (Down 66 pounds) - 02
05/24/2007  177    (Down 68 pounds) - 02
05/27/2007  175    (Down 70 pounds) - 02 - Going to do TaeBo for my primary exercise in June.  Also we are getting a new puppy so when she comes home I will have to switch to exercising after work for a few months while we're in the crux of potty training.
06/02/2007  174 (71 pounds down, 39 pounds to go!)
06/04/2007  173 (72 pounds down, 38 pounds to go!)
06/19/2007  172 (37 pounds left!, 73 pounds down!)
06/19/2007  171 (36 pounds left!, 74 pounds down!)
06/28/2007  169 - 34 pounds left to go!!  And - no I didn't weight myself twice on the 19th I must have put the date in wrong once!!  :)
7/20/2007    168 - 33 pounds left to go!!  This past week I have been exercising twice per day, primarily b/c I wanted to get in an extra exercise session in the a.m. to try & boost my metabolism for the day.  I have also been snacking regularly on whole foods (fruits, whole grains, vegetables, etc.) and lean protein along with my meals and trying to make sure I eat something different each day to keep my body out of a "rut".  Now I'm a little nervous as the weekend I promised myself to let up a little, 2 days off exercise and not quite as strict a diet.  I don't want to weight 169 again on Monday!!
07/30/2007 165 - 30 pounds left to go!!
10/11/2007 160 - 25 pounds left to go!!
10/24/2007 157 - 22 pounds left to go!!
10/25/2007 156 - 21 pounds left to go!!
10/26/2007 155 - 20 pounds left to go!!
12/13/2007 153 - 18 pounds left to go!!
12/19/2007 151 - 16 pounds left to go!!
12/20/2007 150 - 15 pounds left to go!!

04/27/2008 160 -  5 pounds left to go... I know this Math looks way wrong but it is not it is different due to me investing in a different scale that weighs me different : ).

Tonight we had alfredo pasta with bacon and brownies with ice cream whipped cream.  Yum!  Tomorrow morning it is clear liquids all day topped off by a nice cold bottle of Magnesium Citrate at 4:00 p.m.  Double Yum!

Today I was so excited.  I thought I was past being nervous until possibly I leave for the hospital or the night before.  W-R-O-N-G ... one of my friends and I had a spat at work.  Well actually she snapped at me when it wasn't called for and I really took it personally.  I didn't let her know that but it really got to me and I was in tears on the way home.  Not because of her, but just because I am still apparently not passed being nervous.  It is so important to me to be here for my children and grandchildren.  I hope I am making the right decision.  If something bad happens because of the surgery then ... well then I don't know what.  You just have to accept the risks - but that would really stink!

Right now I am completely not hungry but I keep wondering if I should have some buttered popcorn since in 3 hours and 5 minutes I cannot eat any more.  But ... I'm not going to.  I am sure in the future I can have a piece of buttered popcorn (just not a whole bowl!).

Here is to making a life with better habits!

Now that November has started - the countdown is officially on!!!  

My pre-op tests are November 7th (6 days) and surgery November 30th (29 days).  I am just trying to keep everything off my mind until the time comes.  I've made my decision and just need to wait for the events to pass.

Beth - Free and Healing for Sixteen Days, 22 Hours and 54 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 3 Days and 12 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1017 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $152.70.

I quit smoking cold turkey after 21 years of smoking.  This is a requirement of my surgeon.  It proves to me how much I want this surgery - I cannot get more committed than this.  I am having a difficult time the urge for a cigarette is just wearing and wearing on me today.

From all my posts I probably sound like a very negative person.  I am NOT ... At All!!!!  I just tend to journal when I am upset versus "satisfied" because I find it cathartic.

On a more neutral note I had a dream last week that I went into surgery forgetting I couldn't eat ahead of time.  The surgeon proceeded to cancel my surgery and tell me I had to start the process (beginning with approval) All Over Again!!!  Can you imagine actually forgetting and munching on popcorn on the way to the hospital ?!? :)

1) Wrap a normal sized towel all around my body 6/2/07 DONE
2) Not have my tummy touch my legs when I sit down 10/28/07 I'm almost there but the rest isn't going to happen without a tummy tuck due to skin!!
3) Wear "normal sized" clothes 6/2/07 DONE
4) Look decent in a swimsuit 6/2/07 DONE
5) Burn the size of clothes I am now wearing and never go back!!! Or donate them ... :  ) 6/2/07 DONE (I donated them on my birthday 5/10!!)
6) Be able to fold my arms without using my tummy as an armrest 6/2/07 DONE
7) Be able to wear my wedding ring 6/2/07 DONE
8) Have my thighs not rub together 6/2/07 DONE
9) Have my shirt not rise up to my chest because my tummy sticks out
    12/21/2006 = DONE
10) Be able to be picked up by my husband and carried to the bedroom (just once) ... - I KNOW my husband CAN do this now but he WONT.  So the goal will stay!!!!!  10/28/07 :)

10/14/2006: The worst thing we can do is wish away our time.  We will never get any more time than what we have.  But that is what I am doing!!!  I feel like I am in ~limbo~ waiting for my surgery date (7 weeks out from this last Thursday).  I cannot smoke for surgery.  I am uptight, tense, and keep thinking this is my last "insert word here" which is SO not true ... !!!!  So I am going to try to enjoy the next 7 weeks and quit obsessing ....