Lillystarr
I have been overweight all my life - a fact I share with many of you seeking support here. My first conscious memory of my body image was being called fat at the age of 6. By the age of 12, I was registered in Weight Watchers (WW) &taking an aerobics class with women twice my age. I was an active child, & very friendly – the typical overweight child who compensates with an outgoing personality in order to dissuade the first impression my physical outlook left people with.
My weight – & the diets I have followed as a result – has been a constant yo-yo since my first interaction with WW all those years ago. Along with the diets, came the obligatory exercise programs, gym memberships, even walking with weights on every limb while encased in thermal material to ensure that I shed excess water weight. All of these plans were to some degree successful at the beginning, only to always regain all the weight lost. What was more painful than the failures however was the fact that each weight regain came with the gaining of more pounds than I had originally began with - again not a common occurance that many of you have struggled with too.
Every day became my start over day – the day I began fresh and anew. My intentions have always been there, but here I am at my heaviest ever, again feeling like an unworthy failure & disgusted with the sight of myself.
I am more than my weight...I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a grandaughter, a friend. Those who love me see that.
Unfortunately, as we all know, no amount of outside love can bring us comfort at the end of the day. I am looking to find complete love from within - because then, only then, will I truly begin to live. Whether that love comes 10 lbs or 100 lbs from now, I am searching for my soul - as we all are, and I'm so happy to be on this journey with all of you
