lilmiss6678
I am not ashamed
Oct 27, 2009
Lately, Life has been more than I can handle. I have failed. repeatedly. But I have not given up.I have walked away, but found myself right where I walked away from over and over again.
I am not ashamed of who I am. I am not ashamed of what I was, I am not ashamed of who I will be.
I am not afraid of where I am going anymore. Today, I have decided that nothing else matters. Today I have decided that my life was given to me, given-its a gift.
I am loving, unconditionally to a fault. I am the most NON judgementlal person I know, I am the most compassionate person I know.
I work hard. 2 jobs, hard. and I spend 90 percent of my time and money caring for other people. I am tired.
But not that tired, I am tired now- but I am driven to rid the things and people that drain me, so I have more of myself to give.
I love my life. and I love what I do in life.
From today forward, I will be more focused.
More focused on work.
on my health.
on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I have already chosen not to be lost, because I was found. Now I will help others be found.
I will give until I have nothing left to give.
I am strong because I have learned I can endure all things.
I have endured all things.
I refuse to allow myself to be a doormat anymore.
I refuse to ask myself 'why doesnt he love me, what did I do wrong, why was I never enough' because, I am enough. I am more than enough. and I see that, and I know that.
I refuse to go to the bar and walk out with the first stranger that buys me a drink, to fill that void, that emptiness. I refuse to eat until I am sick, because my heart aches. I refuse to poison my mind with all of the coulda, woulda, shoulda's. I refuse to be 'hurt' anymore. I refuse.
I am strong. and I am overcoming this. I am overcoming addiction. all of it.
Addiction to my first love, my only love, addiction to the heartache of that first love, addiction to food, my addiction to alcohol, my addiction to sex.
I refuse to be addicted.
I am funny, and I intend to make other laugh with my joy and overactive imagination.
I am beautiful, because I have a giving heart.
and am graceful, because I have my Lords mercy within me.
I am forgiven, because I am a child of God.
Jesus forgave me, before I even made the mistakes I did.
His blood washed my hurt away, my shame, my guilt, my fears.
He washed it away. My burdens and aching aren't mine to carry anymore, and there is something freeing in that.
I am free.
I am free to grow as a woman, an adult, a patient.
I am no longer ashamed.
I will, and can get through this.
This surgery has taught me so much about who I am, because of all the emotions I have dealt with. its been a rollercoaster, and..thankfully I am strong enough for this ride.
Please keep me in your prayers.
Valerie
