Lisa_K
As God is my witness.
Aug 18, 2012
I am in day six of my reduced calorie pre op eating plan. I was amazed on day two that the physical hunger wasn't much of an issue. I thought it would be much worse.
I also realized the tremendous power my emotions have played in my eating. I discovered, or more appropriately, acknowledged, what I think is, head hunger this week. After dealing with a particularly awful person at work, which in itself is not unusual (it’s my job, at which I rock!) I had a kneejerk reaction to shove something in my mouth to comfort myself. I resisted. Yeah me! But because I allowed myself to feel it and work though it without food, a flood of emotion took me over and…and I began to cry! At work! Holy cow! This in itself caused more anxiety which many of you, especially ladies, will understand. (picture Tom Hanks yelling, “there’s no crying in baseball!”)
I spent the rest of the afternoon doubting myself and second guessing if the upcoming WLS will be of any benefit to long term change. If I can’t control the kneejerk urge to comfort myself with food, how will this ever work for me? I’ll lose it then gain it back which would be devastating.
That evening, despite feeling sorry for myself, I forced myself to go to the pool. I even sat in the car outside the gym for ten minutes trying to think of a great excuse not to go in. My rational brain won and the next thing I knew I was at the front desk with my membership card.
By the end of my extra long swim all the negative feelings and doubt I had about the changes about to occur where gone. I felt strong and capable and sure of myself, again. I was sure of the decisions I had made to set these changes in motion. I can do this. I can do this and NO jackass; irrational, psycho moron will EVER make me doubt myself again. Nor will I succumb to the self destructive reactions to eat for comfort because of a well up of emotion. (picture Scarlett O’Hara standing alone on a hill, bright sunset behind her making her declaration of change) As God is my witness, I will to learn to feel and cope with all my emotions without using food. Period! No excuses! My life depends on it.
My next challenge….the birthday cake I am about to encounter at a friend’s tonight. Wish me luck. Gulp!
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