lisaweisenbach
A New Life - 2 1/2 yrs post op (almost)
Jul 27, 2010
It has been almost 2 1/2 yrs since my surgery.
I have gone through many changes since my surgery in March of 2008. My first year was difficult, but the weight loss was pretty easy most of the time and very steady. I had many ups and downs, but I did ok. I lost about 100 lbs that first year. After that year, the weight loss pretty much stopped. I started yo-yo'ing again. I could always eat larger portions of food than everyone else. That was really hard to deal with. After all, that is why I had surgery, to shrink my stomach so that I wouldn't be able to eat as much. Now, mind you, I can't eat nearly the amount I did before surgery, but after awhile, my body got used to what I could eat, so it stopped losing. I've always had a problem with junk food - I still do, when I allow myself to eat it. I do still eat it on rare occasions. I've never totally deprived myself, which saved my sanity - almost lol.
My health improved vastly over the time since surgery. My diabetes is totally controlled with only 2 pills a day (as opposed to 6 pills and 2 shots of insulin, before surg). I was on High Blood Pressure meds, now I take none. My sink no longer looks like a pharmacy shelf. It's great.
Now, I am to the point that I am now. Life has taken a downhill slide. My husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore. So, he moved out and I filed for divorce. Our divorce will be final the middle of Aug. We will have been married for 23 yrs at that time. There are some advantages to the divorce. We no longer firght and argue, which we did. We didn't have much of a marriage, more like roomates, but I knew he was there when I needed him. That is hard to deal with - being alone. I really hate that part. I am now totally responsible for my house and my young daughter. That's alot of responsiblility that used to be shared with him. The upside, I am losing weight again. Although, it's not from eating right - it's from doing without. For now, it's what I need to do, to get all of the carbs out of my system and decrease those cravings. High Carbs have always been my enemy.
I am now up to 122 lbs lost. I know I need to lose at least 100 lbs more to be at a good weight for my stature. I have no idea how far I will be able to go. I wish I had a crystal ball sometimes....it would make things easier.
3 comments
I have gone through many changes since my surgery in March of 2008. My first year was difficult, but the weight loss was pretty easy most of the time and very steady. I had many ups and downs, but I did ok. I lost about 100 lbs that first year. After that year, the weight loss pretty much stopped. I started yo-yo'ing again. I could always eat larger portions of food than everyone else. That was really hard to deal with. After all, that is why I had surgery, to shrink my stomach so that I wouldn't be able to eat as much. Now, mind you, I can't eat nearly the amount I did before surgery, but after awhile, my body got used to what I could eat, so it stopped losing. I've always had a problem with junk food - I still do, when I allow myself to eat it. I do still eat it on rare occasions. I've never totally deprived myself, which saved my sanity - almost lol.
My health improved vastly over the time since surgery. My diabetes is totally controlled with only 2 pills a day (as opposed to 6 pills and 2 shots of insulin, before surg). I was on High Blood Pressure meds, now I take none. My sink no longer looks like a pharmacy shelf. It's great.
Now, I am to the point that I am now. Life has taken a downhill slide. My husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore. So, he moved out and I filed for divorce. Our divorce will be final the middle of Aug. We will have been married for 23 yrs at that time. There are some advantages to the divorce. We no longer firght and argue, which we did. We didn't have much of a marriage, more like roomates, but I knew he was there when I needed him. That is hard to deal with - being alone. I really hate that part. I am now totally responsible for my house and my young daughter. That's alot of responsiblility that used to be shared with him. The upside, I am losing weight again. Although, it's not from eating right - it's from doing without. For now, it's what I need to do, to get all of the carbs out of my system and decrease those cravings. High Carbs have always been my enemy.
I am now up to 122 lbs lost. I know I need to lose at least 100 lbs more to be at a good weight for my stature. I have no idea how far I will be able to go. I wish I had a crystal ball sometimes....it would make things easier.
2 Year Surgiversary
Mar 17, 2010
It's hard to believe it has been 2 years already. I remember my surgery date like it was yesterday. I remember all the feelings that I hag going into surgery....fear, elation, purpose, joy.. I wish I could really connect with those feelings and apply them to my life right now.
I have had a really rough year. I remember my first year after surgery was pretty easy. I had plenty of problems, but the weight loss came pretty easy when I ate what I was supposed to, and for the most part, I did that. But now, it's all completely different. I feel different. I don't have that control over myself anymore. I don't have those happy feelings that I did back then. I just don't feel much of anything right now, except shame and the always-present low self esteem. I haven't felt this low since before my surgery, months before, when I thought that I would never get it done.
My total weight loss is 112 lbs, but I still toggle up and down about 5 lbs. I feel like a yo-yo again. I rarely get on the scale. I just can't bring myself to face the scale.
WLS has not been the cure that I thought it would be. I was so foolish and naive. I had huge plans for losing the weight, getting my life back, resuming my nursing career, and just being happy and healthy. I really wish I could go back in time and kick my own butt and tell myself how it really would be....perhaps then, I could change my own outcome. But, alas, that is not possible. I can only go forward with my life as it is.
I have tried antidepressants (several of them). None work because they don't get to root of my problem, which isn't chemical....its all about how I feel about myself...my inability to get on track and actually lose this weight.
I have tried couselling. That didn't work either. I think I probaly chose the wrong counselor. I need one who specializes in weight disorders and I can't seem to find one in my area. I actually think there is one here, but she doesn't accept my insurance (Medicare) and I simply can't afford that bill.
Nutritionist - tried that too...didn't work. I just can't eat what they tell me to. I know what I'm supposed to eat as well as they do. Being a nurse gives me that advantage...but getting myself to do what's neccessary...that is the problem.
I'm under alot of stress. My homelife is a mess. I've been so sick the past 6 months or so. I'm really looking forward to Spring/Summer...hoping some of my problems will go away for awhile (I'm always sicker in the Winter months). My daughter, Jillian, goes to private school, which is quite expensive. I've decided to homeschool her next year. I haven't decided if thats going to add to my stress or help it in some way....at least I wont have the tuition bill every month, but I will have to put up with her all the time. There's just alot going on at home that I wish I could change, but it's not really in my power to do so...not sure what the solution is. I'm really hoping a few things will change in the next couple months, I'm counting on it actually...but also afraid to get my hopes up.
Support - that's a tough question. I think I have the support around me but when I'm the only one around who is trying to diet and everyone brings in junk, it's really hard. There's extra people living with me right now and I can't tell them not to bring it in. I just need the willpower to look the other way....and sometimes I have that willpower. I've said NO to alot of junk, but some of it just finds its way into my mouth... grrrrr. When I actually lose a pound, etc....everyone is really happy for me and says they are proud of me, but when I say nothing, they do the same. I don't get any encouragement to get on track and stay there.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me....... afterall, I did this to myself and have no one to blame but me.
Ok, for the Positives.....I've lost over 100 lbs! I've gotten off all of my Blood Pressure meds, I've stabilized my Blood Sugar with just 2 pills a day (I was taking 6 pills, plus 2 Insulin shots before surgery). I can do most anything I want or need to do. I can walk around stores and the Mall. I haven't been swimming since last Fall, my health just hasn't been up to it. I keep telling myself I'm going to get back to that and I will. Jillian and I will be starting that up real soon. We both enjoy it too much not to do it. It's also something that she and I do together. I can fit into smaller clothes now. I can even buy things in some stores now....thats cool. I usually shop online thru Lane Bryant mostly though, but I can still choose smaller sizes and I love that! I can do housework with pretty much ease....even tho housework is not something that I enjoy. *smile*
Wow, I only have one little paragraph of Positive things....but I honestly can't think of anything else to add to it.
I guess that concludes my 2 yr update. As always, I'm here to help anyone that I can.....I may have screwed up my own loss, I think I can help others...at least with experience and What Not To Do's..
hugs 'n love,
Lisa
0 comments
I have had a really rough year. I remember my first year after surgery was pretty easy. I had plenty of problems, but the weight loss came pretty easy when I ate what I was supposed to, and for the most part, I did that. But now, it's all completely different. I feel different. I don't have that control over myself anymore. I don't have those happy feelings that I did back then. I just don't feel much of anything right now, except shame and the always-present low self esteem. I haven't felt this low since before my surgery, months before, when I thought that I would never get it done.
My total weight loss is 112 lbs, but I still toggle up and down about 5 lbs. I feel like a yo-yo again. I rarely get on the scale. I just can't bring myself to face the scale.
WLS has not been the cure that I thought it would be. I was so foolish and naive. I had huge plans for losing the weight, getting my life back, resuming my nursing career, and just being happy and healthy. I really wish I could go back in time and kick my own butt and tell myself how it really would be....perhaps then, I could change my own outcome. But, alas, that is not possible. I can only go forward with my life as it is.
I have tried antidepressants (several of them). None work because they don't get to root of my problem, which isn't chemical....its all about how I feel about myself...my inability to get on track and actually lose this weight.
I have tried couselling. That didn't work either. I think I probaly chose the wrong counselor. I need one who specializes in weight disorders and I can't seem to find one in my area. I actually think there is one here, but she doesn't accept my insurance (Medicare) and I simply can't afford that bill.
Nutritionist - tried that too...didn't work. I just can't eat what they tell me to. I know what I'm supposed to eat as well as they do. Being a nurse gives me that advantage...but getting myself to do what's neccessary...that is the problem.
I'm under alot of stress. My homelife is a mess. I've been so sick the past 6 months or so. I'm really looking forward to Spring/Summer...hoping some of my problems will go away for awhile (I'm always sicker in the Winter months). My daughter, Jillian, goes to private school, which is quite expensive. I've decided to homeschool her next year. I haven't decided if thats going to add to my stress or help it in some way....at least I wont have the tuition bill every month, but I will have to put up with her all the time. There's just alot going on at home that I wish I could change, but it's not really in my power to do so...not sure what the solution is. I'm really hoping a few things will change in the next couple months, I'm counting on it actually...but also afraid to get my hopes up.
Support - that's a tough question. I think I have the support around me but when I'm the only one around who is trying to diet and everyone brings in junk, it's really hard. There's extra people living with me right now and I can't tell them not to bring it in. I just need the willpower to look the other way....and sometimes I have that willpower. I've said NO to alot of junk, but some of it just finds its way into my mouth... grrrrr. When I actually lose a pound, etc....everyone is really happy for me and says they are proud of me, but when I say nothing, they do the same. I don't get any encouragement to get on track and stay there.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me....... afterall, I did this to myself and have no one to blame but me.
Ok, for the Positives.....I've lost over 100 lbs! I've gotten off all of my Blood Pressure meds, I've stabilized my Blood Sugar with just 2 pills a day (I was taking 6 pills, plus 2 Insulin shots before surgery). I can do most anything I want or need to do. I can walk around stores and the Mall. I haven't been swimming since last Fall, my health just hasn't been up to it. I keep telling myself I'm going to get back to that and I will. Jillian and I will be starting that up real soon. We both enjoy it too much not to do it. It's also something that she and I do together. I can fit into smaller clothes now. I can even buy things in some stores now....thats cool. I usually shop online thru Lane Bryant mostly though, but I can still choose smaller sizes and I love that! I can do housework with pretty much ease....even tho housework is not something that I enjoy. *smile*
Wow, I only have one little paragraph of Positive things....but I honestly can't think of anything else to add to it.
I guess that concludes my 2 yr update. As always, I'm here to help anyone that I can.....I may have screwed up my own loss, I think I can help others...at least with experience and What Not To Do's..
hugs 'n love,
Lisa
17 month Update
Sep 03, 2009
It's been awhile since I posted an update or really participated here on OH. It's been 17 1/2 months since the day of my surgery. My total loss is 111 lbs, but I'm not there right now. Over the past many months, I have lost/gained the same 5-8 lbs. over and over. I even came close to reaching the 300 lbs again. I was devastated and so ashamed.
Before my surgery and for awhile afterward, I would hear of post-ops re-gaining their weight or at least gaining back some, etc... I never could understand that until now. It's really quite easy, physically speaking. Also, depending on what is going on in your personal life, that can be a big hindrance too. I have so much stress and worries in my life that I find myself eating more. I've never really been a true emotional eater - I eat out of boredom and cravings, regardless of my mood. When I'm depressed, I usually retreat within myself instead of eating.
I have plenty of options to counteract my boredom - however, my physical body just doesn't cooperate, at least not lately. Some days, I feel so bad that it's really difficult to get up. I have so many headaches and nerve and muscle pain. My doctor hasn't found a physical cause for this, which leads back to my stress and worries.
I guess it sounds like I'm making excuses and I guess I am, although these happen to be legit for a change.
Excercise - I've always hated to excercise...not going to lie about that. Do I make myself do it? Lately, no. With the headaches that are with me almost 24/7, the best I can do is my daily things. That's not to say that I don't get excercise at all. I do walk my dog out in my yard, I do my shopping, and I've been on a huge cleaning spree in my home. But as far as getting outside and walking around the block....nope. Going to the Gym... I haven't done that in awhile either....again because of my headaches. I've tried working through that pain and doing things, but they get worse. I've been putting off seeing a specialist, but it has gotten to the point that I can't do that anymore...so I will have to update on that later.
Medication update - I no longer take any High Blood Pressure meds - YAY!. The only meds that I take are for my Diabetes and Neuropathy, plus my Multivitamins and Iron supplements. Even my Diabetic meds have been cut down to only once/day for each one. I take so little, it's hard to remember to take them.
Food Intake - I don't measure out my food, I don't track it in a journal, etc. However, I do read labels and I watch what I put in my mouth all the time - even if it's that chocolate bar that I've been craving.... *sigh* My intake is nothing compared to pre-VSG, thankfully. To give a sample of what I can eat at one time - Mcdonalds double cheeseburger with a couple of fries - and I'm comfortably full (as long as that was a totally empty stomach - like the first meal of the day). Some days, I can eat more of the fries, other days, I can't finish the whole burger. Ok, I don't eat this often - it's just an example - since I don't actually weigh out anything, etc..
Appetite and Cravings - I have these in a major way. I get hungry, even when I shouldn't be yet. I have horrible cravings - mostly for chocolate. I keep almonds and Southbeach Diet protein bars (chocolate of course) around all the time. I limit the protein bars to once/day - but I don't have one every day. When the cravings get really bad, I indulge. I buy those Hershey's kisses or the bite-size chocolate bars - to give me that chocolate, but in a small dose. It makes me happy and it's much better than eating the whole super-size chocolate bars (I can do that, by the way *sigh*). My VSG never really helped my appetite. Sure, I would fill up faster - still do...but I have always had my hunger and appetite, unlike some people who have to make themselve eat (I hate you. LOL, not really, but I do envy you).
I guess that is everything I can think of to say at this point. I am struggling, but I'm still in the game - the game of life. I have too many depending on me to quit - most of all myself. I came to conclusion a long time ago - I have to do this for me - not others. Otherwise, it just will not work.
Please keep me in your prayers..
Lisa
4 comments
Before my surgery and for awhile afterward, I would hear of post-ops re-gaining their weight or at least gaining back some, etc... I never could understand that until now. It's really quite easy, physically speaking. Also, depending on what is going on in your personal life, that can be a big hindrance too. I have so much stress and worries in my life that I find myself eating more. I've never really been a true emotional eater - I eat out of boredom and cravings, regardless of my mood. When I'm depressed, I usually retreat within myself instead of eating.
I have plenty of options to counteract my boredom - however, my physical body just doesn't cooperate, at least not lately. Some days, I feel so bad that it's really difficult to get up. I have so many headaches and nerve and muscle pain. My doctor hasn't found a physical cause for this, which leads back to my stress and worries.
I guess it sounds like I'm making excuses and I guess I am, although these happen to be legit for a change.
Excercise - I've always hated to excercise...not going to lie about that. Do I make myself do it? Lately, no. With the headaches that are with me almost 24/7, the best I can do is my daily things. That's not to say that I don't get excercise at all. I do walk my dog out in my yard, I do my shopping, and I've been on a huge cleaning spree in my home. But as far as getting outside and walking around the block....nope. Going to the Gym... I haven't done that in awhile either....again because of my headaches. I've tried working through that pain and doing things, but they get worse. I've been putting off seeing a specialist, but it has gotten to the point that I can't do that anymore...so I will have to update on that later.
Medication update - I no longer take any High Blood Pressure meds - YAY!. The only meds that I take are for my Diabetes and Neuropathy, plus my Multivitamins and Iron supplements. Even my Diabetic meds have been cut down to only once/day for each one. I take so little, it's hard to remember to take them.
Food Intake - I don't measure out my food, I don't track it in a journal, etc. However, I do read labels and I watch what I put in my mouth all the time - even if it's that chocolate bar that I've been craving.... *sigh* My intake is nothing compared to pre-VSG, thankfully. To give a sample of what I can eat at one time - Mcdonalds double cheeseburger with a couple of fries - and I'm comfortably full (as long as that was a totally empty stomach - like the first meal of the day). Some days, I can eat more of the fries, other days, I can't finish the whole burger. Ok, I don't eat this often - it's just an example - since I don't actually weigh out anything, etc..
Appetite and Cravings - I have these in a major way. I get hungry, even when I shouldn't be yet. I have horrible cravings - mostly for chocolate. I keep almonds and Southbeach Diet protein bars (chocolate of course) around all the time. I limit the protein bars to once/day - but I don't have one every day. When the cravings get really bad, I indulge. I buy those Hershey's kisses or the bite-size chocolate bars - to give me that chocolate, but in a small dose. It makes me happy and it's much better than eating the whole super-size chocolate bars (I can do that, by the way *sigh*). My VSG never really helped my appetite. Sure, I would fill up faster - still do...but I have always had my hunger and appetite, unlike some people who have to make themselve eat (I hate you. LOL, not really, but I do envy you).
I guess that is everything I can think of to say at this point. I am struggling, but I'm still in the game - the game of life. I have too many depending on me to quit - most of all myself. I came to conclusion a long time ago - I have to do this for me - not others. Otherwise, it just will not work.
Please keep me in your prayers..
Lisa
One Year Surgiversary
Mar 17, 2009
WOW! I made it! I cant believe its been a year. One year ago, at this time, I was lying in my hospital bed in Puerta Vallarta, Mexico, waiting for them to come get me for surgery. I was absolutely petrified.
I had conquered my fear of flying and made my way to a foreign country....now I had to get past those fears and get the life saving surgery that I desperately needed. I did it! I have no idea how I managed all of that bc basically, Ive never felt that I was a strong person, always afraid of the unknown and never took chances like that. But I made it through, despite my surgical complication.
Would I do it again? Absolutely, without a doubt.
One year and 103 lbs gone! Amazing.
Regrets? Yes! Why didnt I do it sooner? I wasted so many years of my life as an obese person. I lost so much time, not to mention my career as a Nurse (although Im hoping to rectify that someday soon).
Although I have lost 103 lbs, I regret not losing more by this time. It is my own fault, my own failures, my own food addiction...that has kept me from losing more. However, I cant be sorry with 103 lbs! I am quite proud of myself for that.
Do I always eat right? LOL... NO, unfortunately. But Im learning a balance between eating better while giving myself some indulgences now and then...thats what keeps me sane.
Ive had alot of problems this year. Ive had so much depression and have felt like giving up so many times. Im glad that I havent. I think the thing that keeps me going on is that I have lost 103 lbs.. I havent been under 300 lbs in over 10 yrs, so Im loving seeing the 200's on the scale.
Do I think I made a mistake with the VSG? NO! yes, Ive had alot of hard times, but those problems were not bc of my Sleeve, they were my own personal problems with food, etc. I started out with a BMI of 73, now its in the 50's. I still have a very long way to go and I dont know if I will ever meet my goal. But I do know that I will keep trying and that I havent felt this good since before my daughter was conceived (she's almost 11yrs now).
Ive had lots of doubts over this past year, regarding my surgery choice. But I finally reconciled those doubts and realized that it was never anything wrong with my Sleeve..it was all inside me. I kept holding myself back...I still do. Its hard to counteract 40yrs of living a certain way and eating all the wrong foods whenever I wanted. All of my past "diets" resulted in failures. That is why I chose surgery. For me, the VSG was the simplest and safest. It gave me what I needed - restriction. When I think about the amount of food that I ate pre-VSG, it sickens me. Its hard to believe I stuffed that much into my mouth. Im glad I cant eat that much now. Although I can eat quite a bit, it doesnt compare to the pre-VSG amount.
I am very thankfull for my Sleeve. It gave me back my life. I love being able to do things with my family again. I love buying smaller clothes. I have even been able to buy a few things "off the rack"....instead of catalog/internet ordering.
I have my good days and bad days......but overall, Im happy with how things are now...and how things are still changing.
Thank you Dr. Joya, for my Sleeve!
and thanks to all my awesome friends here on OH. I couldnt have made it without all of you.
I love you all!
love 'n hugs
4 comments
I had conquered my fear of flying and made my way to a foreign country....now I had to get past those fears and get the life saving surgery that I desperately needed. I did it! I have no idea how I managed all of that bc basically, Ive never felt that I was a strong person, always afraid of the unknown and never took chances like that. But I made it through, despite my surgical complication.
Would I do it again? Absolutely, without a doubt.
One year and 103 lbs gone! Amazing.
Regrets? Yes! Why didnt I do it sooner? I wasted so many years of my life as an obese person. I lost so much time, not to mention my career as a Nurse (although Im hoping to rectify that someday soon).
Although I have lost 103 lbs, I regret not losing more by this time. It is my own fault, my own failures, my own food addiction...that has kept me from losing more. However, I cant be sorry with 103 lbs! I am quite proud of myself for that.
Do I always eat right? LOL... NO, unfortunately. But Im learning a balance between eating better while giving myself some indulgences now and then...thats what keeps me sane.
Ive had alot of problems this year. Ive had so much depression and have felt like giving up so many times. Im glad that I havent. I think the thing that keeps me going on is that I have lost 103 lbs.. I havent been under 300 lbs in over 10 yrs, so Im loving seeing the 200's on the scale.
Do I think I made a mistake with the VSG? NO! yes, Ive had alot of hard times, but those problems were not bc of my Sleeve, they were my own personal problems with food, etc. I started out with a BMI of 73, now its in the 50's. I still have a very long way to go and I dont know if I will ever meet my goal. But I do know that I will keep trying and that I havent felt this good since before my daughter was conceived (she's almost 11yrs now).
Ive had lots of doubts over this past year, regarding my surgery choice. But I finally reconciled those doubts and realized that it was never anything wrong with my Sleeve..it was all inside me. I kept holding myself back...I still do. Its hard to counteract 40yrs of living a certain way and eating all the wrong foods whenever I wanted. All of my past "diets" resulted in failures. That is why I chose surgery. For me, the VSG was the simplest and safest. It gave me what I needed - restriction. When I think about the amount of food that I ate pre-VSG, it sickens me. Its hard to believe I stuffed that much into my mouth. Im glad I cant eat that much now. Although I can eat quite a bit, it doesnt compare to the pre-VSG amount.
I am very thankfull for my Sleeve. It gave me back my life. I love being able to do things with my family again. I love buying smaller clothes. I have even been able to buy a few things "off the rack"....instead of catalog/internet ordering.
I have my good days and bad days......but overall, Im happy with how things are now...and how things are still changing.
Thank you Dr. Joya, for my Sleeve!
and thanks to all my awesome friends here on OH. I couldnt have made it without all of you.
I love you all!
love 'n hugs
100 LBS GONE!
Feb 05, 2009
There was a time that I thought I would never make it. But I did.
I have lost 100 lbs in 10 1/2 months!!!!
I can't even describe the feeling. Its amazing. I can't really think of anything to say.
To the pre-ops and those thinking of surgery... It can be done! You just have to stick with it and stay focused on your goals. For some people, its really easy to do...for others, its very difficult. I havent had an easy time of it. The most difficult part is curbing my 40yrs of bad eating habits. I am a long way from doing that, but I have found a balance that allows me to eat some of the foods that I want, while losing weight. I have to pretty much constantly analyze what I eat, but its all worth it.
I have alot more weight to lose...will I get there? I have no idea, but Im not going to give up. For the most part, I feel absolutely amazing. All of the things that I can do now, that I couldnt a year ago, makes this journey worthwhile.
I want to thank all of my good friends here.... you all have supported me when I have been down and depressed...and thats been alot of times. I cant say I wont feel that way again, but I can always look back on what I have accomplished and be proud of myself for that.
love 'n hugs
Lisa
7 comments
I have lost 100 lbs in 10 1/2 months!!!!
I can't even describe the feeling. Its amazing. I can't really think of anything to say.
To the pre-ops and those thinking of surgery... It can be done! You just have to stick with it and stay focused on your goals. For some people, its really easy to do...for others, its very difficult. I havent had an easy time of it. The most difficult part is curbing my 40yrs of bad eating habits. I am a long way from doing that, but I have found a balance that allows me to eat some of the foods that I want, while losing weight. I have to pretty much constantly analyze what I eat, but its all worth it.
I have alot more weight to lose...will I get there? I have no idea, but Im not going to give up. For the most part, I feel absolutely amazing. All of the things that I can do now, that I couldnt a year ago, makes this journey worthwhile.
I want to thank all of my good friends here.... you all have supported me when I have been down and depressed...and thats been alot of times. I cant say I wont feel that way again, but I can always look back on what I have accomplished and be proud of myself for that.
love 'n hugs
Lisa
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Nov 16, 2008
Today, I turned 41yrs old. I hate getting old. My life is half over and I still haven't lived to my full potential. I just know I haven't. I have only me to blame, and believe me, I blame myself enough.
Today also marks my 8th month surgiversary. In some ways, it seems like it has been longer, other ways, it seems impossible that its been that long.
I'm up to 88 lbs lost right now. I'm sad because I won't be able to reach my 100 lb goal by Thanksgiving. I've messed up the last few months so that now that goal is impossible to reach, but I will get close. I still have almost 2 wks to go, so I'm going to try to make the best of it. My body is ready for a big loss for a change...or maybe its just me that's ready...either way, I would be elated to see a 12 lb loss by Thanksgiving..sure it's possible, but not very likely.
I have decided to try the Atkins Induction diet for the next 2 wks....see how that helps.. It's mostly protein, under 20g carbs per day. I think it would kickstart me back into motion. I know on Thanksgiving day, I intend to eat whatever I want. It's always been one of my favorite days of the year. My family gets together, some that we haven't seen in awhile. It's always a good time. It would be awesome to announce that I've lost 100 lbs...
*sigh*
I must not think of that too much, or I will get depressed by it.
NSV's - no new ones to report. I'm still enjoying my driving and shopping sprees. Using a powerchair or scooter in the stores is a thing of the past. I look at them as I enter a store, smile, and grab a shopping cart. I love that. I love going to the movies again. I can fit in the seats easily, without having to squish my fat roles into it. I can bend over and pick things off of the floor easier. I can even squat for short periods of time. I've even sat on the floor and gotten up with relative ease. I've been doing alot more housecleaning, although my house is still a mess. It needs a good cleaning from floor to ceiling and everything in between. I'm working on one room at a time. By the time I get to everything, it will be time to start over again. LOL
I've been looking into further surgery lately. I haven't been able to find a surgeon closeby that will take me as a patient since I've already been through WLS. I did find one in Georgia that says he "might" do a revision on my Sleeve.. not really a revision, but an adjustment of some kind to make it smaller. If I knew Medicare would pay for that, I would go for it. I have no more monetary resources to pay for another surgery. I think I will just live with what I have and make the best of it. Too bad I'm not a good dieter...this would be easy. But I'm not so it will be difficult. Once I get all of the carbs out of my system, it should be easier.
Love 'n Hugs,
Lisa
Today also marks my 8th month surgiversary. In some ways, it seems like it has been longer, other ways, it seems impossible that its been that long.
I'm up to 88 lbs lost right now. I'm sad because I won't be able to reach my 100 lb goal by Thanksgiving. I've messed up the last few months so that now that goal is impossible to reach, but I will get close. I still have almost 2 wks to go, so I'm going to try to make the best of it. My body is ready for a big loss for a change...or maybe its just me that's ready...either way, I would be elated to see a 12 lb loss by Thanksgiving..sure it's possible, but not very likely.
I have decided to try the Atkins Induction diet for the next 2 wks....see how that helps.. It's mostly protein, under 20g carbs per day. I think it would kickstart me back into motion. I know on Thanksgiving day, I intend to eat whatever I want. It's always been one of my favorite days of the year. My family gets together, some that we haven't seen in awhile. It's always a good time. It would be awesome to announce that I've lost 100 lbs...
*sigh*
I must not think of that too much, or I will get depressed by it.
NSV's - no new ones to report. I'm still enjoying my driving and shopping sprees. Using a powerchair or scooter in the stores is a thing of the past. I look at them as I enter a store, smile, and grab a shopping cart. I love that. I love going to the movies again. I can fit in the seats easily, without having to squish my fat roles into it. I can bend over and pick things off of the floor easier. I can even squat for short periods of time. I've even sat on the floor and gotten up with relative ease. I've been doing alot more housecleaning, although my house is still a mess. It needs a good cleaning from floor to ceiling and everything in between. I'm working on one room at a time. By the time I get to everything, it will be time to start over again. LOL
I've been looking into further surgery lately. I haven't been able to find a surgeon closeby that will take me as a patient since I've already been through WLS. I did find one in Georgia that says he "might" do a revision on my Sleeve.. not really a revision, but an adjustment of some kind to make it smaller. If I knew Medicare would pay for that, I would go for it. I have no more monetary resources to pay for another surgery. I think I will just live with what I have and make the best of it. Too bad I'm not a good dieter...this would be easy. But I'm not so it will be difficult. Once I get all of the carbs out of my system, it should be easier.
Love 'n Hugs,
Lisa
7 Month Surgiversary
Oct 17, 2008
These last 7 months have been some of the hardest and most exciting of my life. Currently, I'm at an 83 lb loss. Over the last several weeks, I've gone up and down +/-5 lbs. This has been very disheartening to say the least.
I still have my goal - lose 100 lbs by Thanksgiving. I'm going to try my best, but it seems its harder to stick with my diet plan these days. I lose weight really easy when I stick to the plan, but when I veer off much, I gain.
I still have experienced a stall, like others have. I guess that is good. I would hate to know I was following my diet perfectly, but not losing at all. At least I know that my gaining lately is my fault - small consolation, but a consolation nonetheless.
I really had some fears that I was messing up my Sleeve, but with alot of talks with my friends here on OH, I realize thats not the case. My Sleeve is bigger than I would like it to be, thats true. But theres nothing I can do about that - if I had the money, I might could find a doctor who could make it smaller, but alas, money doesn't grow on trees.
A few wks ago, I took a nasty fall down my porch steps. I still have pain from it. I thought I had broken my tail bone, but luckily it was just deeply bruised. Theres nothing that could have been done for a break anyway. So, I have been on narcotics and muscle relaxers for the pain. I spent more and more time lying around and hurting so bad. Thus, I reached for food. I wish I would remember that food is not my friend...perhaps someday I will learn that.
My stress level at home has been really high lately as well. I know that didn't help the eating situation at all. I'm trying to get things worked out, but there are just some things that will never be very good.
I keep thinking more and more about working again. I know I want to, but so scared that it is an impossible dream. Time will tell.
love 'n hugs..
Lisa
I still have my goal - lose 100 lbs by Thanksgiving. I'm going to try my best, but it seems its harder to stick with my diet plan these days. I lose weight really easy when I stick to the plan, but when I veer off much, I gain.
I still have experienced a stall, like others have. I guess that is good. I would hate to know I was following my diet perfectly, but not losing at all. At least I know that my gaining lately is my fault - small consolation, but a consolation nonetheless.
I really had some fears that I was messing up my Sleeve, but with alot of talks with my friends here on OH, I realize thats not the case. My Sleeve is bigger than I would like it to be, thats true. But theres nothing I can do about that - if I had the money, I might could find a doctor who could make it smaller, but alas, money doesn't grow on trees.
A few wks ago, I took a nasty fall down my porch steps. I still have pain from it. I thought I had broken my tail bone, but luckily it was just deeply bruised. Theres nothing that could have been done for a break anyway. So, I have been on narcotics and muscle relaxers for the pain. I spent more and more time lying around and hurting so bad. Thus, I reached for food. I wish I would remember that food is not my friend...perhaps someday I will learn that.
My stress level at home has been really high lately as well. I know that didn't help the eating situation at all. I'm trying to get things worked out, but there are just some things that will never be very good.
I keep thinking more and more about working again. I know I want to, but so scared that it is an impossible dream. Time will tell.
love 'n hugs..
Lisa
6 Months - Reflections
Sep 17, 2008
It's almost hard to believe its been 6 months. But its been a hard 6 months, full of ups and downs...but plenty of NSV's too!
I am still struggling with my food. I can still eat alot more than everyone else. That will always bother me I think. I really don't know why it is, but I can't change it. I can't afford more surgery. So, I have to try to do my best with what I have.
I had lost 81 lbs.. but the last few weeks have had more weight gains, then losses, then a gain, then more loss... I think I'm technically at 79 lbs right now. It's very depressing....as if I needed something else to bother me and get me down. I know I am my worst enemy. I do things that mess myself up and then I get upset about it and beat myself up. I can easily analyze my situation. But finding a solution and therapeutic ideas to change this behavior....well that totally eludes me. I realize I need therapy.. but I'm not going into my reasons for resisting that at the moment.
Do I have regrets? Yes, I do. I have alot of them. The Sleeve? No, not really. There is some doubts there though. I do wonder if I should have chosen a different surgery. I had the option, so its my fault for saying No to it. But I didn't have a crystal ball with me, ya know? I just didn't know how difficult my journey would be. I know it sounds like I'm having a pity party, but I'm not really. I'm only upset with myself, not my Sleeve.
I simply don't have enough restriction. I get hungry....often. I can eat way too much and not even feel like I've over done it. There are times that I can't eat as much, but most times, I eat more than I should be able to. I eat til I'm full.
*sigh*
I wonder if I should stay on OH. I do love it here. I enjoy helping others..but look at what a mess I am. How can I possibly help others? I've had so many tell me I'm doing everything wrong, not following rules, etc. That really makes me feel sad and usually sends me to my bedroom in tears. I'm too sensitive, I just can't help it. I came by it honestly. My mom cries easily.. and my granny.. oh God, how I miss her... she was even worse...so very sensitive. I haven't gotten over her death and I never will. I wish she were here to tell me I'm doing great and support me unconditionally.
Wow...I'm getting away from the subject... now I'm a blubbering mess. Ahhhh, stop crying, Lisa. Granny would be uspet if she knew I was doing that. She never got to see me live my dream...getting WLS. She was really afraid for me, but knew I needed it. I hope she can see me now.. on good days, when I'm not crying over her..
Anyway... this journey is so hard. But I have so many other problems in my life, WLS has just been one more thing..
But on a happier note.. I have lost 80 lbs or so. I'm doing all the things I wasn't able to do 6 months ago - driving, walking thru stores/malls/Fair, and so much more.
I know I have to buckle down and get back on track. I've been battling constipation lately. This is such a foreign concept to my body. After doing everything that I knew to do...things that should have helped... I finally saw my doctor about it. Now, I'm taking some new meds for it. So far, so good. I'm hoping constipation is history! I think with all the stress of that and a few other things, I've turned back to food again. I know its not my friend, so I have to push it away...at least the bad choices.
WLS has saved and changed my life for the better.....sure, its hard..but to get to this point, I would do it again. But I might have chosen a different surgery, I really don't know. It couldn't have been predicted how my Sleeve would be...and truthfully, its not horrific....just a bit more complicated...such is my life...always has been..always will be I suppose.
love 'n hugs
I am still struggling with my food. I can still eat alot more than everyone else. That will always bother me I think. I really don't know why it is, but I can't change it. I can't afford more surgery. So, I have to try to do my best with what I have.
I had lost 81 lbs.. but the last few weeks have had more weight gains, then losses, then a gain, then more loss... I think I'm technically at 79 lbs right now. It's very depressing....as if I needed something else to bother me and get me down. I know I am my worst enemy. I do things that mess myself up and then I get upset about it and beat myself up. I can easily analyze my situation. But finding a solution and therapeutic ideas to change this behavior....well that totally eludes me. I realize I need therapy.. but I'm not going into my reasons for resisting that at the moment.
Do I have regrets? Yes, I do. I have alot of them. The Sleeve? No, not really. There is some doubts there though. I do wonder if I should have chosen a different surgery. I had the option, so its my fault for saying No to it. But I didn't have a crystal ball with me, ya know? I just didn't know how difficult my journey would be. I know it sounds like I'm having a pity party, but I'm not really. I'm only upset with myself, not my Sleeve.
I simply don't have enough restriction. I get hungry....often. I can eat way too much and not even feel like I've over done it. There are times that I can't eat as much, but most times, I eat more than I should be able to. I eat til I'm full.
*sigh*
I wonder if I should stay on OH. I do love it here. I enjoy helping others..but look at what a mess I am. How can I possibly help others? I've had so many tell me I'm doing everything wrong, not following rules, etc. That really makes me feel sad and usually sends me to my bedroom in tears. I'm too sensitive, I just can't help it. I came by it honestly. My mom cries easily.. and my granny.. oh God, how I miss her... she was even worse...so very sensitive. I haven't gotten over her death and I never will. I wish she were here to tell me I'm doing great and support me unconditionally.
Wow...I'm getting away from the subject... now I'm a blubbering mess. Ahhhh, stop crying, Lisa. Granny would be uspet if she knew I was doing that. She never got to see me live my dream...getting WLS. She was really afraid for me, but knew I needed it. I hope she can see me now.. on good days, when I'm not crying over her..
Anyway... this journey is so hard. But I have so many other problems in my life, WLS has just been one more thing..
But on a happier note.. I have lost 80 lbs or so. I'm doing all the things I wasn't able to do 6 months ago - driving, walking thru stores/malls/Fair, and so much more.
I know I have to buckle down and get back on track. I've been battling constipation lately. This is such a foreign concept to my body. After doing everything that I knew to do...things that should have helped... I finally saw my doctor about it. Now, I'm taking some new meds for it. So far, so good. I'm hoping constipation is history! I think with all the stress of that and a few other things, I've turned back to food again. I know its not my friend, so I have to push it away...at least the bad choices.
WLS has saved and changed my life for the better.....sure, its hard..but to get to this point, I would do it again. But I might have chosen a different surgery, I really don't know. It couldn't have been predicted how my Sleeve would be...and truthfully, its not horrific....just a bit more complicated...such is my life...always has been..always will be I suppose.
love 'n hugs
Ups And Downs
Aug 17, 2008
Today is my 5 month anniversary since surgery.
I had gotten up to 79 lbs loss..until this past week...when I went the other direction...gaining a horrible 5 lbs. No, its not a stall, its not water retention...its all food...all me...all going back to my food choices which have sucked really bad this week. I've tried really hard not to let it get me down, tried really hard not to beat myself up about it.....However, I failed miserably at that too. I've been so depressed all weekend.
Friday, August 15, 2008- my 21st wedding anniversary. We had a nice romantic night planned..which was mostly ruined by my bad mood. I just couldn't make myself happy for anything.
It seems like I take a few steps forward...the I plunge back even more....leaving me exhausted and miserable.
I've never been good at "dieting" and had hoped that my surgery would bring an end to the hardship of that task... I had hoped that I wouldn't have to "diet" like I once did (and failed at). However, that is not the case...I guess it wasn't meant to be....
I find myself having to "diet"....having to watch carbs, calories, protein, etc....having to watch portions closely, bc everyday I see how much I can actually eat....and its terrifying...and gets worse with each passing day. I wish I could go back and get a micro-sleeve.....I don't think they actually do that, but I think it might help to get my Sleeve made smaller. If I could afford that, I would do it!
At this point, I really don't think I will ever make goal. I don't think I've stopped losing... I know I can lose more. But as days go on...weeks, months pass....it does get harder...which makes me having to work harder. Do I feel it's worth it to work hard? of course I do....but that doesn't make it any easier.
On the Up side of things.....I have a plan. I plan to go back to basics, starting tomorrow... I should have started that today, but didn't. Tomorrow will work out better. My daughter starts back to school tomorrow. I dread that, but it will give me the time that I need to get my head back on straight...to get my eating under control. I won't have to worry about fixing her meals along-side of mine on a daily basis...which usually got me into trouble.
I'm here to tell everyone - especially those of you who are contemplating WLS....you can gain weight after surgery..for some of us, it's much easier than others. You still have to do the work...and use your "tool" in a good way. But to lose the weight, to feel better, look better, be healthy again....it's worth it. I still feel that way! Even thu the Ups and Downs!
love 'n hugs,
Lisa
I had gotten up to 79 lbs loss..until this past week...when I went the other direction...gaining a horrible 5 lbs. No, its not a stall, its not water retention...its all food...all me...all going back to my food choices which have sucked really bad this week. I've tried really hard not to let it get me down, tried really hard not to beat myself up about it.....However, I failed miserably at that too. I've been so depressed all weekend.
Friday, August 15, 2008- my 21st wedding anniversary. We had a nice romantic night planned..which was mostly ruined by my bad mood. I just couldn't make myself happy for anything.
It seems like I take a few steps forward...the I plunge back even more....leaving me exhausted and miserable.
I've never been good at "dieting" and had hoped that my surgery would bring an end to the hardship of that task... I had hoped that I wouldn't have to "diet" like I once did (and failed at). However, that is not the case...I guess it wasn't meant to be....
I find myself having to "diet"....having to watch carbs, calories, protein, etc....having to watch portions closely, bc everyday I see how much I can actually eat....and its terrifying...and gets worse with each passing day. I wish I could go back and get a micro-sleeve.....I don't think they actually do that, but I think it might help to get my Sleeve made smaller. If I could afford that, I would do it!
At this point, I really don't think I will ever make goal. I don't think I've stopped losing... I know I can lose more. But as days go on...weeks, months pass....it does get harder...which makes me having to work harder. Do I feel it's worth it to work hard? of course I do....but that doesn't make it any easier.
On the Up side of things.....I have a plan. I plan to go back to basics, starting tomorrow... I should have started that today, but didn't. Tomorrow will work out better. My daughter starts back to school tomorrow. I dread that, but it will give me the time that I need to get my head back on straight...to get my eating under control. I won't have to worry about fixing her meals along-side of mine on a daily basis...which usually got me into trouble.
I'm here to tell everyone - especially those of you who are contemplating WLS....you can gain weight after surgery..for some of us, it's much easier than others. You still have to do the work...and use your "tool" in a good way. But to lose the weight, to feel better, look better, be healthy again....it's worth it. I still feel that way! Even thu the Ups and Downs!
love 'n hugs,
Lisa
5 MONTHS AND 75 LBS LATER
Aug 01, 2008
Wow! What a ride this has been so far.
Today marks 5 months....from the day I started my pre-op diet....until today.... and I've finally reached my first goal - 75 POUNDS!!!!!
I knew it was coming, but it feels so surreal. There's just something magical about 75....especially when it comes to weight loss. I can't imagne how it will feel to reach my next goal - 100 pounds.
I am feeling pretty happy now. I have bad days and good days. But I have my eating and food in a new perspective. I no longer beat myself up over poor choices. I know I'm going to make them...but tomorrow is a new day...so is the next meal...
I pretty much eat what I want....in moderation, and I watch my portions. Sometimes I eat a little more than I should. I feel a little sick for awhile when I do this....not to the point that I'm going to puke...but just that icky feeling when we get too full. It passes after an hour or so. Walking helps ease it too. I find myself walking around in my yard more often these days, when I do that. I try not to...since its just too HOT to be outside.
I don't exercise. I do go swimming at least once/week, which is great exercise. It would be great if I could manage to go more often. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I know I need to do it more and I'm hoping with more weight loss, I will feel better to do it. Although, I admit. I HATE exercising! LOL
thats my 5 month update.....and the journey continues..
love 'n hugs,
Lisa
Today marks 5 months....from the day I started my pre-op diet....until today.... and I've finally reached my first goal - 75 POUNDS!!!!!
I knew it was coming, but it feels so surreal. There's just something magical about 75....especially when it comes to weight loss. I can't imagne how it will feel to reach my next goal - 100 pounds.
I am feeling pretty happy now. I have bad days and good days. But I have my eating and food in a new perspective. I no longer beat myself up over poor choices. I know I'm going to make them...but tomorrow is a new day...so is the next meal...
I pretty much eat what I want....in moderation, and I watch my portions. Sometimes I eat a little more than I should. I feel a little sick for awhile when I do this....not to the point that I'm going to puke...but just that icky feeling when we get too full. It passes after an hour or so. Walking helps ease it too. I find myself walking around in my yard more often these days, when I do that. I try not to...since its just too HOT to be outside.
I don't exercise. I do go swimming at least once/week, which is great exercise. It would be great if I could manage to go more often. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I know I need to do it more and I'm hoping with more weight loss, I will feel better to do it. Although, I admit. I HATE exercising! LOL
thats my 5 month update.....and the journey continues..
love 'n hugs,
Lisa
About Me
Jonesboro, AR
Location
63.5
BMI
Surgery
03/17/2008
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Feb 15, 2005
Member Since
