littled
2 years out
Mar 09, 2012
I just realized its been just about 2 years since surgery. I haven't spent much time on here at all, but thought an update would be appropiate. I have had a rocky road but would never go back and undo it. I feel pretty good, although never made goal, I have about 25-30 lbs to reach that, I am very happy where I am at, I have wings, belly fat, but look pretty good in clothes and feel and look much younger than ever before. So I am content.
I can't eat much, meat is almost a non starter, but get enough nourishment to get by. My friends ask me if I miss food, sometimes, but the reward out weighs any steak I am missing.
Not sure if I will ever post again, who knows but I am happy to be here and hope everyone who considers surgery will look past what you have lost to what you gain!
finally home
Apr 07, 2010
Its been a long time since I have blogged on here. Not much of a blogger I guess. Anyway the last few months have been a nightmare it seemed. Everything was working against me getting my surgery. I got sick after cruise, had a lung problem. Then when I went for my surgery, Dr put me out. When I woke up they said they didn't do it as they felt it was too risky due to my lung infection. They gave me massive antibiotics, then sent me home. I was crushed, I didn't know if I should push forward. But after a day I did. I tried to reschedule without much luck. My funding was running out in a few weeks. Finally they said if I could pass a medical with my primary doctor they would fit me in 2 days before funding ran out.
I went for medical, doctor gave me go ahead. I went in and was put to sleep......
I woke up 2 days later, on a ventilator. Apparantly I stopped breathing everytime they tried to take out ventilator. They said they have never seen such a screwed up respiratory airway. I had to remain on ventilator for another 2 days before they would remove it. Meanwhile they were pumping me full of bags and bags of antibiotics. I believe everything I have ever had wrong with me in the last ten years is now cured! LOL
I stayed in the hospital for a week. I was crying and wanted to go home so bad. They were being so cautious with my breathing which was good, but I was going nuts.
I have made it home, finally after a week in hospital. The doctor told me blue is not my colour so I will keep that in mind for clothes shopping!
This bench really didn't want me, I must have been to heavy for it! I have had such a struggle to get on it. But I am here now so hopefully it starts to go smoother from here on in.
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I went for medical, doctor gave me go ahead. I went in and was put to sleep......
I woke up 2 days later, on a ventilator. Apparantly I stopped breathing everytime they tried to take out ventilator. They said they have never seen such a screwed up respiratory airway. I had to remain on ventilator for another 2 days before they would remove it. Meanwhile they were pumping me full of bags and bags of antibiotics. I believe everything I have ever had wrong with me in the last ten years is now cured! LOL
I stayed in the hospital for a week. I was crying and wanted to go home so bad. They were being so cautious with my breathing which was good, but I was going nuts.
I have made it home, finally after a week in hospital. The doctor told me blue is not my colour so I will keep that in mind for clothes shopping!
This bench really didn't want me, I must have been to heavy for it! I have had such a struggle to get on it. But I am here now so hopefully it starts to go smoother from here on in.
final appointments and liquid diet
Feb 27, 2010
I had my final appointments in Duluth yesterday with nutritionist and nurse. I start liquid diet on Monday. I keep waiting for the panic to set in, but so far so good. I am sure it is coming, hopefully I can keep it together for the next few weeks.The diet is going to be hard, I have to go for training at work out of town for 3 days, I am not sure how I am going to manage. Hopefully by the time I leave I will be used to the diet.
As for now I am having my food funeral weekend. All the things I love are on the menu! One last time to say goodbye. I also bought myself some 500 thread sheets to pamper myself. I have never had any so I am looking forward to bed!
I leafed through the catalogue looking at all the skinny clothes I would like, soon I will be able to order them. Just to find the money will be the issue!!
For now, one day at a time, it will soon be here.
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As for now I am having my food funeral weekend. All the things I love are on the menu! One last time to say goodbye. I also bought myself some 500 thread sheets to pamper myself. I have never had any so I am looking forward to bed!
I leafed through the catalogue looking at all the skinny clothes I would like, soon I will be able to order them. Just to find the money will be the issue!!
For now, one day at a time, it will soon be here.
home from the Caribbean
Feb 22, 2010
I am back from my exciting Caribbean cruise... Aruba, Grenada, St. Thomas, Dominica, and Antilles. It was Valentines and my birthday. Great present!
At least most of it was exciting. Except for being out of breath all the time, sweating like a roasting pig on a spit, sunburning to a crisp, and of course cursing every skinny skank in a bikini! LOL My honey kept saying, don't worry, soon you will be there too, but for now I hate everyone of them! Their perfect bodies, bouncing around like they don't have a care in the world. I secretly hoped they would all get pregnant and gain so much that their stretch marks end at the toes they can no longer see either! That will learn em!!! (However this doesn't apply to anyone who has had wl surgery. I love all you guys!)
I am awful, I shouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Just the green eyed monster has me and I am so damn tired and miserable of this body I lug around. But on Friday I go for my last apt before surgery on March 15. So even though I may be old at least I could be healthy? I hope. No bikinis in my future, no one would want to ever see that! But maybe a nice one piece? In the dark?
It certainly did make me realize what I am missing in life, I can hardly do anything anymore, my weight is holding me down so much. When we were in the ocean I felt so weightless, nothing hurt, etc. As soon as we came out of the water to the beach, my whole body felt like I had instantly put on a hundred pounds. It almost brought me to my knees like someone had loaded wet cement on my back. I wondered if I will feel that "light" when I lose the weight? It would be a miracle. Anyway enough complaints, can't "weight" to get to the bench. Hope it has sturdy legs, there is a lot of me to hold up!
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At least most of it was exciting. Except for being out of breath all the time, sweating like a roasting pig on a spit, sunburning to a crisp, and of course cursing every skinny skank in a bikini! LOL My honey kept saying, don't worry, soon you will be there too, but for now I hate everyone of them! Their perfect bodies, bouncing around like they don't have a care in the world. I secretly hoped they would all get pregnant and gain so much that their stretch marks end at the toes they can no longer see either! That will learn em!!! (However this doesn't apply to anyone who has had wl surgery. I love all you guys!)
I am awful, I shouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Just the green eyed monster has me and I am so damn tired and miserable of this body I lug around. But on Friday I go for my last apt before surgery on March 15. So even though I may be old at least I could be healthy? I hope. No bikinis in my future, no one would want to ever see that! But maybe a nice one piece? In the dark?
It certainly did make me realize what I am missing in life, I can hardly do anything anymore, my weight is holding me down so much. When we were in the ocean I felt so weightless, nothing hurt, etc. As soon as we came out of the water to the beach, my whole body felt like I had instantly put on a hundred pounds. It almost brought me to my knees like someone had loaded wet cement on my back. I wondered if I will feel that "light" when I lose the weight? It would be a miracle. Anyway enough complaints, can't "weight" to get to the bench. Hope it has sturdy legs, there is a lot of me to hold up!
I have a date
Feb 09, 2010
I finally have a date. 
And only 2 days before I go off to the Caribbean on a cruise.
It was funny when I first started this process I was terrified, not knowing what it will be like, but today I feel strangely calm. I know that will change as I get closer. But I was looking at my calendar at work, and man by the time I get back from the cruise I will have to be in Duluth for pre op and start liquid diet. That is the part I actually dread the most!
I also secretly wonder will this work for me? Logically it has to, but there have been so many failures. And then there is the fact that this could kill me. I wonder if its all worth it. But I feel so miserable now, my joints hurt, I am out of breath all the time. My honey has to put up with a fat lump in the sack! I am embarrassed by my body, when I see my reflection I wonder who that fat old lady is.
So I guess the bottom line is I am ready for whatever happens. Even if the worst happens. Because I have no life now. It can only get better.
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And only 2 days before I go off to the Caribbean on a cruise. It was funny when I first started this process I was terrified, not knowing what it will be like, but today I feel strangely calm. I know that will change as I get closer. But I was looking at my calendar at work, and man by the time I get back from the cruise I will have to be in Duluth for pre op and start liquid diet. That is the part I actually dread the most!
I also secretly wonder will this work for me? Logically it has to, but there have been so many failures. And then there is the fact that this could kill me. I wonder if its all worth it. But I feel so miserable now, my joints hurt, I am out of breath all the time. My honey has to put up with a fat lump in the sack! I am embarrassed by my body, when I see my reflection I wonder who that fat old lady is.
So I guess the bottom line is I am ready for whatever happens. Even if the worst happens. Because I have no life now. It can only get better.
postponing surgery
Nov 28, 2009
Well it looks as if I will be postponing my surgery until March. I didn't want to but I had an offer I can't refuse.
My honey is booking a cruise for February 14, and there is no way if I had surgery mid January that I will be recovered enough to enjoy the cruise. Also if there were any complications then it would ruin the whole thing. I was hoping to get the surgery over with, but I am also looking forward to a wonderful time in the southern Caribbean. Hate being so fat though when I go. But the next one we take I will be much thinner and hopefully looking hot!
I have to have it in March though, as my OHIP approval is only until April 7. So I have to be done before that, especially with OHIP making changes to out of country surgery approvals.
Back from Duluth consults
Nov 06, 2009
I just got back from my consults in Duluth. It was a very long day. The dietican was very nice, her name was Betsy. She was impressed with all the study I had done on this procedure and I told her I was on this website also. She seemed to think I had done my research very well. I then met with the nurse Nancy in the afternoon. She was also nice, I didn't really learn much from her, except that OHIP would also pay for the sleeve. I asked her about it, but I think I will stick with the gastric bypass. I think I will need the extra incentive of "dumping" to keep me honest, away from sweets. I know I am sooo weak! Finally the doctor came in after quite a long delay. I wasn't impressed by the wait. I had to switch to Dr. Bertel instead of Pitt as my appts had been cancelled due to Dr. Pitt being away, so the only way I could get in soon was see Dr. Bertel. He certainly is very strange to say the least. I have heard he is a good surgeon, but he made me very uncomfortable. Sat very close in my personal space and stared at me when he talked. Kind of un nerving, but I stared right back! Finally he examined me and then said I would be reviewed in a couple of weeks. After that I probably would hear from the scheduler! So I am on my way, and nervous as hell! I sat there thinking what the hell am I doing???? But I will take it one step at a time, and keep my fingers crossed that I don't chicken out. I think I will be a basket case when they finally give me a date! 
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psych done!
Oct 15, 2009
Completed my psych today. I was nervous, I thought it would be tough but she didn't even ask me much about the surgery, if I was ready etc. More concentration on my relationships with friends and family. But after all is said and done she passed me. Said she would recommend I go ahead as long as I stay on my medications for mild depression. So hopefully Duluth is okay with that. November 6 is the next set of appts. with nutritionist, nurse and doctor. Then who knows if it will move fast after that or not. 
stressed
Sep 29, 2009
It has been a stressful week, our CEO announced this week that we may all be laid off by the end of November if Ontario government doesn't come through with more funding. I work for a child care agency that is going belly up.
I am too old and too fat to start over again. As it is I left a 20 yr job to go here, and now after 4 years I may be unemployed. At my age and health I don't think I will be able to find a new job in this small community unless its Tim Horton's! And I am in no conditon to work there! But the free coffee would be a perk!
I find that when I am stressed all I want to do is eat. Especially sweets. I think I am feeling sorry for myself. I have an apple crisp calling my name in the freezer! Help!
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I am too old and too fat to start over again. As it is I left a 20 yr job to go here, and now after 4 years I may be unemployed. At my age and health I don't think I will be able to find a new job in this small community unless its Tim Horton's! And I am in no conditon to work there! But the free coffee would be a perk!
I find that when I am stressed all I want to do is eat. Especially sweets. I think I am feeling sorry for myself. I have an apple crisp calling my name in the freezer! Help!
fatigue
Sep 25, 2009
I am so damn tired all the time, I feel weak and fatigued. I hope that I will find that elusive energy that everyone talks about after I have my surgery. I have only enough energy to go to work and by 2 p.m. I am done for the day. And I have a desk job!
I have been gaining weight ever since I decided to start this process, I have been eating my "last" meal for the last three months daily! Also afraid to lose any weight, they might not do it? I know thats riduculous but you know your mind plays stupid games on you. I also start thinking that the surgery won't work for me, after all nothing else has ever worked. So here I am just getting fatter and more tired every day.
I have decided to start taking iron pills that I had prescibed last year after my hip surgery to see if I can boost my energy. When I see the doctor finally at the end of October I want to feel better. I would hate for anything to slow this long wait down.
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I have been gaining weight ever since I decided to start this process, I have been eating my "last" meal for the last three months daily! Also afraid to lose any weight, they might not do it? I know thats riduculous but you know your mind plays stupid games on you. I also start thinking that the surgery won't work for me, after all nothing else has ever worked. So here I am just getting fatter and more tired every day.
I have decided to start taking iron pills that I had prescibed last year after my hip surgery to see if I can boost my energy. When I see the doctor finally at the end of October I want to feel better. I would hate for anything to slow this long wait down.
