lizzybear

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I've received some messages from people asking questions and I've responded, but today I checked my messages, which I haven't done for months, and saw that I had a new message from a few days ago from a lady getting ready to start her journey and it prompted me to look back through my pics and read my blog. I cannot believe how bad I've been at updating stuff.  I went right from my two months post-RNY post to my six days pre-tummy tuck post, then nothing! 

So much has happened.  I hit my goal weight on August 18, 2008 and had to gain a few pounds to not look sick.  Have maintained my weight since then, right where my surgeon wanted me.  I did have my appendix removed last month and lost another 15 pounds, but I don't look sick this time, so I'm good with staying here.  So far hasn't been hard to maintain, but I'd noticed right before my surgery that I was eating more carbs and less protein, so I changed that around the same time as my appendix decided it needed to come out.  So, not sure if the surgery affected me or the change in eating habits, but I'm able to maintain it, so I'm happy.

My tummy tuck turned out really well.  Had a little problem the first week, well small problem, but extremely painful.  Found out at my 1-week check-up that it was a stitch that was directly in my muscle so it was pulling on the muscle when I tried to stand up.  Surgeon removed it right there at the check-up and the relief was immediate.  I didn't really have any pain and was back to work after a week off and two days of working at home.  I posted some pre-op pics for awhile even though I didn't update my blog.  Now you can barely even see the scar.  My appendix surgeon is the same doctor (Dr. Hunter) who did my RNY and he told my husband that my tummy tuck scar was barely visible and looked like the doctor who did it had done an excellent job.  I still have some spots that are numb to touch them, but if I bump up against something, I can feel it deeper inside so I know I've hit something.  Kinda strange, but it's gotten much better over the past six months.  I was pretty much numb from my new belly button to just under the scar up until six months ago, then the numbness has gone to just a few tiny spots.  Speaking of belly button - I have one that I can actually see!!!  It had been forever since I'd seen my old one.  Never even thought about that until I had a new one I could look at.  It kinda stuck out al little, though, but was okay.  I noticed after my appendectomy which meant they had to cut in through my new belly button again, that now it doesn't stick out.  My husband said my surgeon said he hoped I wouldn't be upset that they had to mess with the belly button, but I'm thrilled, it looks like a regular one now - inside and doesn't look puffy and stuck out anymore! 

So, in my goals I had written about before, one of them was whitewater rafting with my sister.  Finally did it.  My nephew became a certified whitewater rafting guide and he took my sister, a friend of hers with her family, and me out on the Wenatchee River (class 3) near Leavenworth, WA two weekends ago.  It was the most amazing thing I've ever done.  I'm totally hooked and we're all planning on doing it again in September on the Tieton River (near Yakima, WA).  And I accomplished my swimming goal that same day.  They let people who want to stand on the front of the raft and the others row and spin the raft and you see if you can hang on.  I hung on for a couple minutes, then flew off into the river.  I had to find my oar and swim back to the raft and I was so excited I kept laughing and swallowing water and popping back up and laughing.  My sister thought I'd drown before I quit laughing.  My nephew jumped in and saved me and I was still laughing!  It was the most freeing feeling I've had in a long time!  Oh, it was just so absolutely amazing I don't think I'll ever get over that feeling!!

My husband and I took vacation for a week and a half and we're building a fence for my puppy love.  He's discovered where the garbage truck comes and goes from and now goes out to the main road to watch for it, so he's on restriction and can only be outside when we are.  Which means we have to sit outside and watch him wander around when he decides he wants to chase bugs and stuff.  So, fencing in the back acre for him to be able to go out by himself and roam around.  He loves to go up in the trees and dig into the dirt and lay in it, so now he can get back to that without having us make him come back in the house.  During this work it's really hit me how far I've come.  I could have never done this and helped my husband with it before I lost weight.  My blood pressure was so high I was having dizzy spells, seeing bright lights and having everything go black and that was just from walking from my car to my office and back or walking too much at work.  Now I am able to help him - I've done everything from packing lumber up the hill at the back of our property, digging post holes with a manual post hole digger and breaker bar, using the sledge hammer to put in line marker poles, bending over repeatedly to stain the 2000 fence boards (we decided to pre-stain rather than spray once they were up).  He can still carry more than me, but I can keep going longer than he can!  It feels SOOO good!

Well, I guess that's enough for now.  I'll have to post pics of my tummy tuck results when I get some new pics.  It's barely visible, except now it has an inch-long new scar from my appendectomy right along the tuck scar.  But that will go away, too.  Right now I'm going to post pics of my whitewater rafting trip!

Well, by this time next week my "mudslide" will be gone and instead I'll have a low scar.  I'm scared as heck, but there's also a little glimmer of excitement at having a smoother looking tummy.  The scar and pain are definitely going to be worth the trade.  I know I probably won't feel that way about this time next week - I'll be in pain and wondering what the heck I did, but I'll look at the before pics and know why!  So I can feel more complete.  Like I really did lose all the weight.  It's hard to "see" it in my mind when the image in the mirror is so disgusting. 

Yesterday I spent the majority of my day at the University of Washngton Medical Center for my pre-op with the surgeons and anesthesia clinic for next week's surgery.  Then today I had my two-year RNY follow-up appointment with Dr. Hunter.  Lots of time in doctor's offices - of course everyone was running at least an hour late, so made for long day.  He said he's so proud of me.  I weighed in at 158.  Same weight I weighed at my one-year follow-up appointment.  My goal weight was 155, so I've been staying close to it since I first hit it 7-1/2 months after my RNY surgery.  I told him I bounce between 155 and 165.  Once I hit my goal, I quit weighing daily (I know - we were encouraged to not weigh that often, but I "had to.")  After it stayed within that same range for a year, I pretty much quit weighing myself and have just been going by how my clothes feel.  I went from a size 24 jean to a size 6 jean, 5X tops to medium tops.  If the size 6 or medium start feeling less loose, I go back to basics for a few days and re-evaluate what I've been eating.  My usual thing is carbs - I love Stacy's Pita Chips and can get carried away with them.  I have to laugh at that, though, because "carried away" now means finishing off a single-serving package in 2-3 sittings - when I used to finish off the multiple-serving package in one sitting and still be hungry.  It's amazing how your perspective on "pigging out" changes.  A whole day of pigging out now doesn't even come close to equaling what one pigging out meal could be before. 

Dr. Hunter asked if I was considering plastics to complete my journey and I told him I was starting that next week.  He told me that once I'm healed up, weather permitting, I should start attending their support group meetings again (weather permitting because they're almost a two hour trip from my house - so snow or ice would keep me from making that long drive for an hour meeting).  He said now comes the hard part - achieving the goal, maintaining the weight and keeping it off this long is terrific, but a lot of people hit two years and then between then and year five start relaxing and eating more things and thinking, heck, the weight's stayed off so far, I can cool it and then they start gaining.  Some people can catch themselves and stop it, other's can't.  He told me to call him if I start feeling out of control of my appetite or eating and there are things he can do to help me.  I love Dr. Hunter! 

So, unless I start having any issues, I won't see him again until next year.  He has his patients come in once a year for at last the first five years - longer if they have any issues in between.  It kind of scares me that my family and closest, dearest friends' reaction when I told them about my appointment was that they just don't see me losing it and starting to regain.  They've watched me closely over the last two years and really don't see that happening.  They say what they've seen in me is that my mindset is that the way I eat and how active I've become is my life now and has been for awhile, not a diet or a short-term lifestyle change that I think I can quit at any time.  This isn't a journey with an end, it's an everlasting journey.  I hope they're right, but regaining is still always a lurking possibility.  I'm the only one of the seven close friends and their family members who have had this surgery who either got to my goal (some of them didn't) and have kept it off (they've all regained some if not all/more).  Things that constantly remind me of how far I've come - fitting in a normal chair at work without getting stuck between the arms and having to remember to lift with the chair arms so I didn't pick up the whole chair when standing up - embarrassing and self-esteem crashing enough by yourself, but totally humiliating when others would see; fitting in a regular seat on airplanes; not being too heavy to sleep on the cots at fire camp or being so heavy that all the air leaks out of my air mattress over night every night - never had to add air again once I pumped it up on any fire this season; fitting in the sanicans on fires without having to worry about rubbing up against the filthy urinals!; being able to join a gym and actually take training sessions and work out on the equipment with him 3-4 days a week, and working out on my own another 2-3 days.  My greatest goal meeting moment, that still blows me away when I do it - running on the treadmill!  I could walk on the treadmill before and I always wanted to run, but couldn't.  I could barely walk fast enough to consider trotting.  I told my trainer one thing I wanted to do was run, but I was scared I'd fall off the treadmill and totally embarrass myself (the possibility of getting hurt never entered my mind - just the embarrassment).  He took me right over to the treadmill, covered the monitor and had me start walking.  He'd slowly increase the speed and pretty soon I had to trot, then jog, and when I felt comfortable and knew I wasn't going to fall, he moved it up to where I had to run.  And I felt like I was flying!  It was amazing.  It still tears me up when I think back on that moment.  I almost cried, but was concentrating so hard on just running and keeping my feet on the treadmill.  He was so proud of me!  But no one could be prouder than I was!!  I called my husband right away and couldn't stop telling everyone - I finally RAN today!!!

Now, waiting for my surgery next Wednesday feels like that in a way again. Like I'm getting ready to run, but am scared to take off.  I'm almost to the trotting stage, working up to the jog.  It feels so far away - heck, six days to go through still, but it feels like a huge wave you can see coming at you and you have that sense of terror of it killing you, but tempered with the thrill of having it wash over you and coming out the other side.  Of course, that could just be something you have to grow up and live near the ocean to know what it feels like, but that's exactly how I feel now.

On another topic, I'd been wanting a dog for the whole 12 years we've been together and he said "no way," I don't want the responsibility (we didn't have kids either - neither of us wanted them).  Well, my husband went to the animal shelter a few months ago and adopted a German Shorthair Pointer for me.  He's around 3 years old, perfect health and condition (vet was amazed for a shelter dog), and the funnest bundle of joy I've ever seen.  He cracks us up all the time - funny, energetic, just a blast to have around.  And my husband's fallen in love with "the boy."  That's what we call him.  He was already named Odie when we got him, so we kept the name and it totally fits him!  He's all legs, runs like there's no tomorrow, spins in circles and then crashes to the ground like he's passing out.  Then if you walk toward him, he jumps up and takes off again - all around the yard (we have an acre and he makes the whole circuit).  But he found something stinky tonight - any pet owner knows what that means - YUM to a dog!  So, Daddy's running the bath and I better go help. 

I've posted my before pics that my hubby and I took last night.  Don't know if the doctor's office will do that before surgery next week, so we wanted to make sure we got them.  I plan on posting my afters as I go along.  I know how super helpful it's been for me to see other's progress along the way, keeping my level of excitement and hopefulness for what I can look like up.  Maybe my pics can help someone else, too.

Well, I had my two-month anniversary yesterday, 12-26-07.  Seems like it's been longer!  I'm still on the one pill a day for blood pressure - doctor said he wants to wait until I'm below 200 lbs. to try taking me off the pill and see how my bp goes.  So, 37 more pounds and I'll see him again.

I didn't get off my cpap - my doctor just lowered it from 13 to 11, but it's still blowing my face up, so my cpap supplier is going to call my doctor again and get approval to lower me down to an 8 or 9 and see if that helps.

I've been thinking I was 3 months out, counting Oct, Nov & Dec, but a friend reminded me that my surgery was Oct 26, so I would only be at two months on Dec 26.  That was pretty exciting to realize.  I had been stuck at 48 lbs gone for about 8 days and was hoping to be at 50 lbs gone by Christmas.  I woke up that day and was down 52 lbs!!  Santa really came through on that wish!  So, 52 down, 77 to go to my goal of 160 lbs.  Then I'll see how I feel at that point to decide if I want to lose more or not.  I'd really like to be at 145 so I'm in the normal range, but it just seems so far out of reach right now.  Maybe it will seem closer later.  I'm still having trouble comprehending what I've lost so far.  I'm almost to my 5-year low of 205 lbs now, and I was only that low for about 2 months before I gained back up to the 311 I was at when I started my 6-month pre-surgery diet once I had my surgery approval.

I've gone from 24W to an 18 Misses (finally out of the W sizes!) in the two months, too, so I'm one happy girl.  It's just still so unreal to me.  I couldn't see the difference even in new pics my hubby took, so my best friend had me sit in her chair at her house that I'd sat in the day before my surgery and took a new pic.  I had gone to her house the day before my RNY because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold her baby boy for a couple weeks after my surgery.  So, she had a perfect before pic.  In the new pic in the same chair, I could finally see a difference.  She was laughing so hard I had to ask what was up - she said it was funny - I'd gotten smaller and her little boy had chunked up!  

Everyone at work is noticing and commenting all the time.  I just say thanks and smile - never been good with compliments, so this is tough.  I've always liked to hide in the background, but it's not so easy anymore.  Guess I'll have to deal with the compliments until the newness wears off and they stop doing it.

Had an awesome Christmas!  Hubby got me gift cards so I can go clothes shopping for new summer clothes (he made sure they don't expire or have fees), some different flavors of protein bullets, gift cards at GNC and Super Supplements where I get my vitamins & protein, and a new Bowflex Extreme!!  We have to rearrange my workout room - it's become a camping storage room, but now that we have a camper, all that stuff's going where it belongs.  Then I'll have the whole room for my Bowflex, treadmill, elliptical trainer, TV and DVD player so I can do it all in privacy.  Still can't bring myself to work out in front of him - can't stand the thought of him watching the jiggles happening where they shouldn't be!

Well, rambled on long enough for this check in.  I have my 3-month check-up on Jan 28, so will add some comments after that.

Well, I had my 2 week post op check up appointments the afternoon of Monday, Nov 12.  The surgeon's assistant (called SA through rest of novel here) said I was healing nicely and was doing great on the weight loss - 27 pounds!!  She was proud of me that I've gone down one jeans size and the next size is starting to get baggy.  I told her it would be nice if the waist part would get as baggy as the butt, but the waist is still feeling normal, not loose at all.  But then the last size went that way, too, so maybe it will happen that way again.  By the time the waist was loose, my legs and butt looked like clown pants!  My tummy just doesn't seem to be going away at all.  Maybe once I can work out more - she said that I can start lifting light weights in about 2 more weeks.  I'm doing my 30 minute walk each morning and then again at night when I'm not too tired.  But my niece who lives about 1/2 mile from me has a Bowflex machine and she said I can come work out with her anytime - she'd like the company.  Her hubby used to do it with her, but he's quit and she's alone in the garage.  So, my SA said I could start that in 3 weeks and just be sure to start as low as possible and work my way up depending on how I feel.  I'm so excited to get started on that.  Maybe that will help the tummy!

The nutritionist gave me stickers because she said I'm in the top 10% for getting all my fluids and proteins in.  Yeah!!!  I haven't got stickers from the doctor since I was a kid - it was pretty funny.  My mom was with me and she said it was surprising how proud she felt when I got them!  Silly!  My nutritionist gave me the lists for the next two stages of eating and I got the okay to start pureed foods that day and on Nov 26 I can move to the soft foods stage.  

So far have been able to keep down scrambled eggs, cottage cheese (plain and with spaghetti sauce & mozzarella cheese melted on it), mashed potatoes & fat free gravy mixed with cottage cheese).  I had grilled cod last night and pouchy wasn't happy with it at all - didn't stay down long.  Then I read my instructions more carefully and I'm supposed to steam or poach it, not grill it yet.  Maybe that would have made a difference, it was pretty dry without any sauce on it, so the other cooking methods might have made it moister and easier to stay down.  Well, I'm learning still.

I've partially met one goal.  My first goal was to get off my blood pressure pills.  I was on three a day.  Now I'm down to 1 a day - 1/2 in the AM and 1/2 in the PM.  SA said I should get checked again with my regular doctor next week since it was 104/57 at my post-op check-up.  She thinks I should be around normal without the meds now.  So, if I can get off that last pill, I'll have one goal accomplished!

My second goal was to get off my cpap machine.  The SA asked if I was noticing anything different with my cpap and I told her that over the last week it seems like it's blowing my mouth open and I'm completely dried out and waking up during the night because I need water.  She said that's a sign that the pressure's too high for me now and to get checked out to see if I can have my pressure lowered.  So I called my respiratory doctor and they're having me come in next Tuesday so they can check me out.  They said it definitely sounds like it needs to be lowered.  Yippee!!  One step closer to being off it.  It will be so nice to go to bed without that.  

Well, I think I've rambled on enough for now.  Almost finished with my peppermint tea, so going to go crochet until breakfast time.  I've found that my pouch feels tight in the mornings and if I start my day off with a cup of peppermint tea, I feel better.

Well, my date is finally here tomorrow.  In 16-1/2 hours I'll be in surgery.  I'm feeling pretty calm today.  Thought I would be feeling something, but nope, just calm.  Three days ago I was flipping through the emotions, scared one minute, excited the next, nervous the next.  Felt like a bobblehead, my head was spinning so fast. My DH has finally started being supportive.  He didn't want me to do this at all.  We have a friend who had the RNY three years ago, lost a lot of weight (over 200 pounds), then met a guy who's seriously overweight (can barely walk) and she started eating fried foods, sweets, and drinking alcohol frequently.  I asked why it didn't make her sick.  She said it did, but if she did it enough, she could work past the sick part.  She's regained almost all of her weight.  My DH thought I would do the same thing because I've never been able to control my weight and keep it off.  He refused to even talk about my surgery or listen to me when I wanted to talk. He'd leave the room or even leave the house. I finally had to tell him we needed to talk because I felt like our marriage was falling apart because of this huge divide between us. He hadn't realized how terrible I was feeling because I knew I was doing something he was so against.  He also didn't realize that I was worried about our marriage because if I couldn't count on him for support, couldn't talk to him about almost anything anymore, and was wondering how I could live with him knowing he wanted nothing to do with helping me get healthy and have a longer life. Maybe I was being too upset about it, but I really felt like I'd rather be on my own than having him do his disappearing acts when I tried to talk about it - like when I got my 90-day approval letter, or got my final surgery date. But he's been a great support the last two weeks since we talked.  He's scared I'll gain it all back and be miserable with myself, and he's worried that he's going to lose me during the surgery.  He said he couldn't live without the love of his life and was afraid to show me how scared he is. But he's on board now and knows how much this means to me and how bad I feel with the blood pressure issues, dizzy spells, headaches, and not being able to walk far without gasping for breath.  Well, I have to go start looking at what I want to pack to take in the morning.  Even thinking that tomorrow is going to be a start on a whole new life for me doesn't get me out of my calm state. Feels strange to be so relaxed!

Had my first consult with Dr. Hunter's physician's assistant yesterday!  It went great, she explained the procedure and went through a flyer they have with me.  Most of it I'd already learned from all the great people on this site, so I wasn't surprised by anything.  Only thing that surprised me was to learn that your stomach helps produce your hormones.  I had no idea.  

Anyway, I've lost the required 5% of my weight so far, was at 5.03% gone!  So her and the medical insurance's doctor both told me I could maintain or keep trying to lose so I'd have less to lose after the surgery.  Part of me is saying, keep going in case you blow it for a while and end up gaining some by October.  But the other part of me is telling me to eat what I want because I'll never be able to eat a whole pizza again.  Like that's something to aspire to do!!  Even if I get under the 100 pound requirement, I have enough co-morbidities and family health (or death) issues that are genetic on both my mom & my dad's sides that I qualify no matter what, plus all the proven past attempts to keep it off.  Never thought I'd be happy to have bad health issues run on both sides of my family.

My blood pressure was great - 112/68, which was surprising!  It's been staying constant at about 180/110 for the last year or so.  But they're not quite ready to cut back my meds yet, so I'm still taking them twice a day.

So, all I have to do is maintain at least the 5% weight loss and get a letter from my psycho doctor saying I'm not insane and I'll be completely through my insurance requirements and their doctor said he'd send me a final letter saying I'm completely approved for the surgery in October.  Yeah!!!  

DH isn't really happy still, but he did go with me to the consultation at least.  He felt like the PA was only half truthful because he said he noticed she looked at me sometimes, but not the whole time she was talking to me.  I'd have been nervous if she'd started right at me the whole time, but he was nervous because she didn't.  I'm just hoping I can get him at least reasonably comfortable before the date actually gets here.  I've got four friends here in town who have had the surgery and all their husbands have offered to meet with him over coffee sometime and answer any questions he's got.  He's not quite ready for that, but they told me they'll be there anytime he is ready.

Well, just had to report in.  I've been lurking on the boards, but haven't felt like I have a whole lot to offer since I'm not post-op and can't help anyone with advice.  But it's helping me to read how everyone's doing, so I'll keep lurking if no one minds until I can be on the other side and share more.

Darn - my first consult was supposed to be June 14, but was rescheduled yesterday to June 19.  Oh well, it's only a few more days, but I had been out of town and was excited it was getting closer while I was gone so I'd be concentrating on other things, not the date.

I've been trying all morning to update my starting weight because it's changed with the meal plan my insurance company's case manager has me on, and I need to update my date ticker, but can't figure it out even though I've read the tutorials.  So will go back to figuring that out now.

I don't know if anyone will ever read this, so I'll just rattle along and "journal" my thoughts. My insurance (Uniform Medical Plan - UMP)requires a 6-month pre-op period if they approve your WLS surgery to be paid after they receive & review your application for surgery. I submitted my application on 3-14-07 and received my approval on 3-29-07. I've been on pins & needles with excitement since then & feel like I'll explode with excitement before I ever get to a surgery date. 

UMP requires I work with one of their case managers prior to and after my WLS, so they hooked me up with an amazing case manager who's been awesome to work with. I have to complete a food & exercise diary and submit it to her each week. I lost 5 pounds the first week, but keep fluctuating between a 2-pound gain and a 2-pound loss since then. Not making any ground. But she's very encouraging and tells me I'm doing great and to keep working on it. I have to lose a total of 14 pounds prior to my surgery date.

I was out of town for work this week (I travel at least 2 weeks every month all year long) and when I returned my hubby had saved a phone message for me from yesterday - it was the surgeon's office calling to let me know they'd received all the paperwork from my medical insurance and the referral info from my personal physician, cardiologist, and breathing doctor (can't remember what he's really called), so they're ready to schedule my consultation with Dr. Hunter. I called today and my consultation is scheduled for June 14. 

Because of my insurance company's 6-month pre-op requirement, I can't have my surgery prior to October 1, 2007, but at least I'm getting closer every day.

First goal - get blood glucose levels out of the prediabetic range.  Family history of adult onset diabetes that goes back many generations and all in front of me have died in their early to mid-50's due to complications from it.

Second goal - get off the blood pressure meds.

Third goal - get bad cholesterol down!  Also long-time family history of chronic heart disease (not size or weight-related, but genetic) on both sides of family with most who have had heart issues dying in late 50's to early 60's.  Dad died at 58 and Mom had quad bypass four years later at 58 - sister on cardio's watch list because her chol levels skyrocketed in last 6 months.  Mine are slowly creeping up to high - cardio says mine are looking more like weight-related and we can get them down and hopefully I avoided following in their footsteps on the genetic thing.

Fourth goal - get off the CPAP machine so I can sleep again; I can't sleep on my back!!!

Fifth goal - come up with more short-term goals.  Have lots of long-term ones, but no other short-term ones.

Okay, I'm done rambling for tonight.  Will post again once I have my consultation.

Aaahhhhh - I am so excited all the time I could scream with happiness!!!