10 Month Surgiversary!!!

May 22, 2011

This month has been a loss of inches, not weight. Still playing with the same few pounds. My low weight this month is 142, and I go between that and 145. I guess my body is about where it wants to be. You can see that i look like I have lost weight over the past three months, but I really have only lost at most 5 lbs. Working out helps a lot.

Food, at a point where I can hold more food now, and I do need to start tracking. I do not dump often, and when I do, it is mild. I can't stand to drink anything other than water or black coffee as far as sweet things go. Thought I would have a little wine with my husband last night, but I only took a sip, just not appealing to me now. I DO  like sweets now, and as I have said a million times, I eat them because it is what I need to do. For me, I had to make food my friend, however, I don't want it getting to friendly with me. haha...I do not plan on stopping the workouts, come to far, so I do not stress about what I eat. I do weigh every few days just to make sure it doesn't go up. I have gotten back into baking, and that means fat and cals, so I try to bake what we can consume on the weekends. We have declared the work week healthy eating, and the weekends for fun foods. We do new recipe day, and we have a friend who joins in. The kids, hubby, me and my friend each pick a new recipe, and then we have new recipes and games or movies. One weekend will be healthy recipes, the other a little more sinful. We eat the not as healthy foods one day a week. We are tying to get back into the fresher foods, I feel the water weight and i know that is what it is when the scale goes up. As I have said before, that is not always possible here in Hawaii, fruits and veggies are high, but we try. So the food is good, but time to keep track now and I never gave up my Weight Watchers online, so I will start logging in in that. I eat too much or don't chew well occasionally, but for the most part, I am good there. I am bored while looking for a job, and I graze when bored. So I have tried to pick up some hobbies, grazing is not good!

Fitness is going well. You will see in my latest picture I will upload. I am doing P90X, and it is going well. I am not quite at 30 days, but it has made a difference. Could be why the weight isn't going down right now. I only want to lost another 10 lbs, so not a lot. In three weeks, I am going to try to learn to run. That is the point in the program they say to add it in. I can't stress the importance of exercise, even when I was big, I still worked out.

I started going to the support group meetings here in Hawaii. I like them, they are led by a psychologist and a nutritionist. It is small and cozy and we really deal with what is going on, and I am never alone with how I feel. For me, I have only known how to diet, I have never been at goal. For as long as I can remember I have needed to lose weight. I still find myself going straight to the newest diet book, or wanting to listen to the newest infomercial. I don't know how to be at goal, I only know how to diet. So that is my main issue, I have to learn to make that transition. I do have some body image issues. I think a lot of it is that I am bored, I live in Hawaii and I don't get dressed up a lot here. I also have a little extra skin on my inner thighs and the under arms. Just enough to mess me up. I am a loose size 4, and sm/xs tops. I do not look it at all to me, so that bugs me. I mean overall I am happy with me, but we are always so critical of ourselves. I am also letting my hair grow out. I don't hate it, but I have had a different version of the same cut for years. I also assoiciate it with being big. I have learned with my clothes, that if it makes me feel uncomfortable in any way, get rid of it. I have some cute clothes and when I get them home, I am uncomfortable or feel fat. My husband will say that I look great, but some things you just don't feel good in. I don't mean physically uncomfortable, I mean emotionally. If that makes sense!  Even with the not so great days, I am pretty confident now. I eat what I want, just control how often like I should. I try to not ever eat that one more bite, and am working on the grazing.  I can go out socially and not fear it and that is important to me...so that takes care of the emotional part.

I can't believe it's already been almost a year!!

Untl next month!

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