loggurl

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I can't believe I haven't posted in 5 months!  Life has just been so busy, finally doing so many things I've wanted to do but wasn't able to, like riding a Harley, para-sailing, white water rafting, etc.  I now have a huge "bucket" list that I add to more than I'm getting things checked off.  Life is GOOD, though!

I'm finally getting my reconstructive/plastic surgery tomorrow morning, bright & early.  I'm going to have a full lower body lift with an extended vertical incision for abdominoplasty, breast lift & augmentation, with 500cc implants no less!!!  I'm really excited to finally get this next phase of my transformation completed.  I know it's going hurt like hell for a few weeks, but I'm hoping it'll all be worth it in the end.  I can't wait to be able to run without having my pannus flap up & down & making clapping noises!!!!

See you on the flip side!
CJ

OMG, I was in shock this morning when I got on the scales.  This is the 3rd week in a row that I've lost weight.  I now weigh less than I did at any point in high school!!!!!!   I had nearly stalled out, or so I thought.  I was so affraid that I was done losing.  Couldn't stand that idea, though.  So thought I'd start journaling my foods just to see what I was doing, right or wrong.  Well, turns out on some days I was getting over the recommended (for me anyway) 1400 calories a day (usually from eating too many nuts!) & on some days not nearly enough.  So I've made a stong effort to keep my calorie intake between 1200-1400 per day & boy is it working!!!  I did find out that I'm consuming actually more protein than I need to, but I'm not changing that.  Everything seems to be working just the way it is, for now anyway.  And I figured out that trying to track everything like calories, fat, carbs, sugars, protein & fiber was just too much of a hassle for me.  So I've pared it down to just tracking calories & protein.  This I can live with, happily I might add!!!!

I'm still loving the gym.  What a weird concept.  Yesterday I had the best workout ever, as far as how I felt.  I did an hour on the elliptical machine, almost the whole circuit of weight machines, plus my stretching routine.  It was exhillarating.  I never thought this day would come.  But I'm glad it has & I hope I stay this motivated.  Maybe at some point in the future these words I'm recording here will serve to keep me inspired.

As the 1-year anniversary of my surgery approaches I've been doing a lot of soul-searching & self-examination.  I'm looking back at my life to date & trying to figure out some of the mistakes I made along the way & some of the triumphs, too.  Maybe this process is also because I'm turning 50 later this year.  Not sure who or what I'm supposed to be right now, or when I "grow up".  But I am sure of one thing - that I'm happier than I have ever been in my life & that I can handle whatever may come my way (ok, I know that's 2 things!)  This past year has brought me so many changes, most of which I did not anticipate, from this transformation.  I feel like I'm rediscovering who I am, and that my real self has been lost for a very, very long time.  And guess what, down deep inside there's still this great, fun-loving, happy person.   And I plan to let her shine brightly from now on.  I plan to live out loud from now on!!!!

Well I'm getting close to the 10 month mark & it's really hard to believe that much time has passed since that wonderful day in April last year.  Things are going well - I lost another 1.8 pounds this week, which puts me 3.2 pounds for the last 4 weeks, 93.4 since surgery & 109.4 from my highest weight!  I'm sure it would be more if I had been to the gym consistently over the last 2 weeks.  We've had house guests and are having more house guests, which makes it hard to get in that activity for me.  I think I will just have to say I'm going to the gym, do you want to come with me & if not, leave them to fend for themselves!

I'm feeling great!  So much more energy.  And I love, love, love the way I feel after I work out now.  I'm continuing to be thrilled with the kick-boxing thing at the gym.  Had to go buy extra boxing tape for my knuckles last week to keep from getting so bruised up!

I'm very much enjoying my volunteer work at the hospital.  It's so rewarding to talk to the patients & be able to answer questions & hopefully give them hope for their futures.  I hope I'm making some small difference somewhere.  We all know how scary it can be in the beginning.  I was really disappointed that none of the patients I've seen were at the support group meeting last night.  I try to stress the importance of attending the meetings - there's just such a knowledge base there to draw on & I don't know how you can do it without going to support groups.  We have such a nice bunch of people in our group, too.  It's been amazing to watch people shrink!!!

Not much else going on.  I think I'm settling into life after WLS pretty well now.  Just need to get more gym time in.  Vitamins, water, protein, all that stuff is going well.  I think I must be the only one on the planet that actually looks forward to my protein smoothies every day.  It's more like a dessert for me & I look forward to deciding which combination of flavors to try each day.  I really like putting in 1TB of sugar-free instant pudding powder in - tastes just like real milk shakes to me.

Anyway, who knew life could be fun!  Hope yours is too.

PS - I'm wearing a size 10 jeans right now as we speak!!!!!!!!!!  I actually bought a size 8 dress pants last week - they're a little snug but are wearable.  Simply unbelievable.

And I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted!  Day to day life has just gotten so busy.  And I'm thankful for that.

First things first, today I hit the 100 pound mark!  As of this morning I'm down exactly 100 pounds from my highest weight ever & 84 pounds down from my surgery weight.  I think this qualifies me to be a member of the "century club", although I'm not sure what the accepted criteria is - highest or surgery weight.  Either way I'm ecstatic & in disbelief.  I never dreamed I'd actually be this small.  OK, so I dreamed it alot, but I guess I just never believed it would really, really happen.  And, thankfully, it hasn't been nearly as hard as all that stupid dieting.

I'm really starting to like the gym!  I never dreamed I'd be saying that either.  A new gym has opened up here in our little, sleepy town that has some equipment that I've fallen in love with.  My favorite thing now is kickboxing!!!!!  There's this machine that has 3 columns in a triangle & each column has 3 pads going up & down on it.  The pads randomly light up & the goal is to kick/punch each one as quicly as you can when it lights up.  My knuckles are getting quite tough from all my punching.  Greg even gave me special kickboxing gloves for Christmas!!!!  If you knew me better, you'd be completely shocked that I actually asked for any kind of fitness equipment.  I think I love it so much because it provides such a great venue for releasing all my pent up anger & frustrations.  I'm finding that if I miss a few days in a row going to the gym that I get really cranky.  So I've amped up my workouts to 5 days a week.

My weight loss has just about come to a screeching halt.  I've plateaued several times over the last 8 weeks & have gotten really frustrated.  Rachel, the nut, says she does not think I'm done losing yet & I'm praying she's right.  I've adjusted my original goal from 125 to 140.  Dr. Hart said he thinks I'd "look funny" if I got any smaller than 140, but I sure would like to find out.  I guess I'd be happy at 140, we'll see.  I'm wearing some mediums on the bottom, but still in L/XL on top.  I'm counting the weeks until I can have abdominoplasty!  I can take the rolls of loose skin on my stomach & inner thighs & roll it on top of itself.  It's so gross!  Dr. Hart said he thinks I have about 10 pounds that'll come off with plastic surgery.  So that would get me closer to my original goal if that's true.

Life in general has changed dramatically for me.  I'm off all meds except 1/2 of one blood pressure pill & a thyroid pill & a hormone patch.  That alone has made me feel so much better.  I couldn't believe how much clearer my head was as soon as I went off Accupril.  It was like I came out of a cloud & could finally think again.  And I'm not requiring nearly as much sleep as I did before.  (I still sleep at least 8 hours a night, but before I needed at least 10 hours to feel human.)  Not sure if that's from getting off meds or getting more exercise, but it's good either way.  I have so much more energy than I ever have in my entire life I think.  I find myself bounding up the stairs & running for no reason at all.  Kind of like you see kids do.

And that's what I feel like sometimes.  Like I've found a happy kid inside me that's always ready to have fun & go & do & see.  It's truly remarkable how much anxiety has gone away.  I'm convinced there is some hormone or chemical that doctors haven't discovered yet that is stored in our fat that contributes to severe anxiety.  My anxiety was crippling at times & has melted away layer by layer with the fat.  That has been one of the best side effects of all, for me.  It's been so freeing not to be tied down with fear & anxiety.  Even my fear of death has subsided tremendously.  It's like if I die now it's no big deal because I've gotten to experience life again.  Maybe that's part of the obesity/anxiety connection - that the closer you are to dying the more anxiety you have about it.  And I know I was close!!!!  Now I have so much to look forward to.

I hope this year brings even more opportunities for fun & happiness.  Maybe our house will finally sell & I'll get to live in civilization again.  That would be awesome.  I love living in the mountains, but it's so damn inconvenient to everything.  It takes me 50 minutes just to get to/from the gym, not including any workout time.  But the downside of moving back to town is that I'm going to have to go back to work.  Greg makes about 60K less per year than he used to at his former job & we keep having to take money out of savings for living expenses.  So that sucks big time & it really pisses me off.  I really like my life the way it is (no job), but I guess I'll do what I have to do.  Maybe with my new body/personality I'll be able to get a job that's fun & get compensated for it.  I DO NOT want to go back into accounting.  BORING!!!  If I'm going to have to work I at least want to do something I enjoy.  So I'll keep a positive attitude & hope for the best.  I've really been thinking lately that I might like to go back to school & get an RN degree so that I could help other people in their quest to overcome obesity.  Either that or become an aesthetician.  But economically speaking, now doesn't seem like the greatest time to go into that field.

Speaking of positive, it's been really interesting to see how differently people treat you when you're not obese.  Men open doors for me now.  Women smile at me & talk to me.  Some men even tell me how pretty I am, just out of the clear blue.  On one hand it's really exhilarating, but on the other hand it makes it so evident that I don't get that from Greg & that makes me angry.  I don't understand why I can't hear those things from the one human I want to hear them from.  That's been a real sore spot for me lately & I'm not sure how to resolve it.  I guess more time punching those lights at the gym, for now.

Anyway, life is really, really, really good.  I'm happy, healthy & hopeful for the future.  I look forward to what life has in store next, with the knowledge that I can handle it so much better now.  I thank God every day for the opportunity to live life again.  Maybe that was His plan, that now I can appreciate it all so much more.  And I know I have friends and family that love me, but more importantly, I'm starting to love myself for the first time in my life.  And that changes everything!!!!!

Wow, 71.2 pounds gone, gone, gone!!!!!!  I just can't believe it's really happening.

I'm sure it would be much, much more if my stupid hip would cooperate & let me walk as much as I was.  About a month & a half ago it flared up again & I couldn't excercise until a couple of weeks ago I discovered I could ride the bikes at the gym without any pain.  I don't feel like it's nearly as good of a workout, but I am doing upper body strenght training, too.  I really, really need to get there more times a week but I seem to let life get in the way.  What a nice problem to have - LIFE getting in the way.

I'm continuing to feel better & better all the time.  It's hard now to remember what it felt like to be at 236 pounds pre-surgery, or at 252, my highest weight.  I know our brains are programmed to forget pain, but I hope I don't get too comfortable & forget.  There was a woman at our support group meeting this week that had lost about 120 pounds & then gained 50 of it back.  OMG, what a scary, scary thought that is.  I know it would be so easy to get complacent & let that happen.  I hope & pray that I don't fall into that trap.  It would just be so incredibly devastating.

My weight loss had definitely slowed way, way down, but it's still continuing for now.  I'm just hoping it will continue for a good while longer.  I go Monday for my 6-month follow-up with Dr. Hart.  I'll be anxious to hear what he thinks & predicts for my future.

We have the Eggtoberfest tonight & tomorrow.  It will definitely be different this year, but I'm still looking forward to it.  At least there will be lots of protein to eat!

Well this morning it was 62.6 pounds lost since surgery!  I'm quite pleased, but of course would like it to be much, much more.  So many people have lost 100 pounds in the first 6 months, & I'm not going to be anywhere close to that.  I know, I know, I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but...

My stupid hip is acting up again & it hurts like hell to walk, to do the elliptical or the bike at the gym.  This, I'm sure, is putting quite a dent in my success.  I really don't want to go to the orthopedic guy again - we all know he'll just prescribe another MRI or steroids that will make me gain weight or physical therapy which is very, very expensive & IMHO doesn't usually work.  But I can't continue with this level of pain & not getting in my aerobic activity.  I'm still doing the weight training, but I know that's not enough.

Other than this slight little glitch, I'm doing so, so, so very good!!!  I'm so happy that I had this surgery.  It has truly changed my life.  Now I can LIVE, not just EXIST!!!

We leave for another week's vacation on Saturday, if the beach is still left in PCB from the hurricanes!  I hope & pray that I'll be able to get lots of water activity in while I'm there.  Hopefully the pool will provide a pain-free arena for working out.  And the best part is I'm not ashamed to be seen in a bathing suit this year!!!!!!!!!

God bless!!!!!

An amazing thing happened on the scale this morning - I hit the 60 pound mark!  I know that may not sound like a lot to some of you that have lost 200 pounds already, but this is monumental for me!!!!!!!!!  This is absolutely amazing.  I want to shout it from the roof tops naked & yell hey look at me, look at what I've done, what I've worked so hard for.  (Well maybe not naked on second thought.) :>)

I'm really happy that I lost even more weight this week.  It sure makes it a lot easier to stay in the groove when you're seeing results like this.  I guess adding carbs has really helped.

Hugs,
CJ

Well my Vegas vacation did a world of good for me.  I didn't weigh my food & track every calorie I consumed, but I did eat pretty healthy for the most part.  And the best part was I lost 4 pounds.  I was shocked when I got home & weighed.  What a wonderful, wonderful surprise it was.  I know that I ate many more carbs than I have been eating on a daily basis, and I'm sure this had something to do with my plateau breaking.

I went to see Rachel, the nut, & she agreed with my assessment; said I need to eat more carbs in the form of whole grains & fresh fruits; told me to eat whole grain cereal for breakfast with a little bit of Fiber One mixed in.  This has made me feel so much better because I haven't suffered any constipation since I've been doing this.  I've been craving grapes, so they've tasted very, very good to me & the strawberries, too!

Oh, but my hair is coming out big time now!  It's really scary - if I hadn't been reading books & this OH site, I'd be starting to panic by now.  Thank goodness I knew it was coming, but it's still disconcerting, to say the least.  At least I had really thick hair to begin with.

I bit the bullet & re-joined the gym.  I'm adding more & more jogging to my walking & some weight training.  I never, ever dreamed there'd come a day that I could actually JOG!!!!!!!  But exercising is still a dreaded chore for me.  I wonder how long it takes to get to the point where you really do start to enjoy it?

Anyway, overall I'm doing very well.  I wish I'd had this done years ago!!!!!!!!

OK, now I'm getting really pissed!  This is the 4th week in a row that I've hardly lost anything.  One stinking pound!!!!!  I'm doing all the right things, even walked 5 miles on Monday (I usually do 3-4 miles).  Yes, I'm getting in my protein, water, vitamins, etc., etc., etc.  I'm so frustrated that I made an appointment to see Rachel, the nut, when we get back from vacation.  This is rediculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I know everyone goes through plateaus, but...  Not me, I'm not supposed to plateau!

I saw Dr. Hart last week & he seemed to be good with the weight I've lost so far.  He was pleased with all my labwork.  He did say that I need to do 1 day for distance & 1 day for speed in my walking & something in between for the other days.  I did re-join the gym last week.  Finally got in some weight lifting yesterday.

I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I thought I'd be losing a whole lot faster than this.  I'm not giving up by any means, but it's still frustrating!!!!

Well, at least I lost some this week.  I'm now at minus 46.6 pounds.  It seems like it's slowed down to a crawl.  And yes I did my exercising this past week.  I'm still doing really great at everything else, but just getting frustrated with  the slow down in weight loss.  I don't see any change in my body in the last 2 weeks either.  Clothes are still fitting the same.  I'm not sure what I need to do to kick my metabolism back into high gear.  At this rate it'll take me a whole 12 more months to get to my goal!!!!!