Lookin2Lose
Getting Used to Me...
Mar 06, 2007
It's been awhile since I've posted. I've noticed that a lot of post-ops don't post as much, and I want to make sure that I put my thoughts on here once in a while to help those just beginning their journey.
I think part of the reason for the lack of posts is that I'm getting used to the "new me". Is life different post op? Yes, in some ways it's much different, while in others it pretty much continues as it was before. Here are some of the changes I've had to deal with:
Body Dysmorphia - It's really hard to get used to your new body. I never really saw myself as heavy as I was when I was at my highest, and I have trouble seeing myself at my current weight now. I hold up my pants (currently size 12) and can't believe that there is any way they will ever fit my body. And then my body suddenly "shrinks" enough to fit into the pants, lol. We pulled out some pre-surgery photos the other day, and we were shocked to note the difference in how I look. DS had the best analogy after looking a photo of me. He told me that I still looked like me, it's just that the "before" pictures looked fake... kinda like when an actor puts on a "fat suit" for the movies... so now I know how ds sees it, lol.
Clothing - In some ways it's awesome to shop for clothes and find out that your in sizes you never imagined wearing and again, in other ways it's intimidating... more choices, more styles, figuring out what really suits you, making sure that you buy things that you'll be able to wear for awhile before shrinking out of them. As my gf who had WLS said to me suddenly you see things you REALLY LIKE, in the Plus Size section. Where were those items when I was "fluffy"???? lol
People - I'm so glad that I've chosen to only tell a select few about my surgery. It's worked for me. I have people who'll ask if I've lost weight, and I simply respond with a "yes". Everyone has to do what's right for them. I don't want to be a vocal spokesperson for WLS. I don't want everyone to analyze my weightloss. I did this for me and for my health. I do respect those who choose to share their story in a larger forum though. I'm not ashamed... I just had to make the choice that is most comfortable for ME.
Personal Life - I've been with dh for 25 years, and he has seen me at both my highest and lowest weights. I am lucky in that he truly loves me at whatever weight I'm at, as long as I'm healthy and happy.
But I won't lie. There have still been some adjustment issues. I think he felt like I was leaving him behind, and that the person he knew was melting away before his eyes. With my weight loss has come introspection. Discovering the parts of me that I like, and dealing with the parts I don't like. It's healthy, but it also takes a toll on those around you... after all, what if I was to decide that he's part of what I don't like? We sat down and really talked about it at around the four month mark, and I think getting it out in the open has really helped our relationship. At this point, I feel like our marriage is stronger than ever, and I think he's becoming comfortable with the "new me".
Eating - Everyone has different experiences. Here are mine. I'm not saying that mine will reflect or work for anyone else. I don't dump, and can eat just about anything that I want. That's NOT to say that I shove everything down my throat, lol. I wasn't really a sweet eater before surgery, and I'm not now. I've majorly cut back on my simple carb consumption, but I still eat fruits, veggies, milk, cereal, salad, a little Barilla Plus pasta and the very occassional chip. My doctor is somewhat progressive in her thinking though, and my diet goes along with her thought process. I eat 5 - 6 small meals each day. I don't really graze (when would you graze with that many small meals???), but I didn't do that a lot before surgery either. The biggest things that I have given up since before surgery are diet soda (my doctor doesn't say I can't have it, I just don't really crave it anymore), Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia (sorry guys, I miss you too!), and my weekly chip fest (although as I stated, I have recently had the occassional chip).
So do I regret having WLS? Not at all. I've been lucky, and my journey has been fairly painless. No complications, no dumping, no huge issues. I have days (and sometimes weeks!) When I worry that I'm not losing fast enough, and that I'll never hit goal, but fortunately, I have moments of clarity, when I realize that an 84 lb. weight loss is nothing to sneeze at. I'm healthy, I'm happy. My PCOS symptoms have greatly diminished. I have normal monthly cycles without the assistance of drugs. The snoring is gone. The breathing issues have been fine. In general, the reasons I had the surgery have gone away, and I feel very blessed to have my family and my health!
I think part of the reason for the lack of posts is that I'm getting used to the "new me". Is life different post op? Yes, in some ways it's much different, while in others it pretty much continues as it was before. Here are some of the changes I've had to deal with:
Body Dysmorphia - It's really hard to get used to your new body. I never really saw myself as heavy as I was when I was at my highest, and I have trouble seeing myself at my current weight now. I hold up my pants (currently size 12) and can't believe that there is any way they will ever fit my body. And then my body suddenly "shrinks" enough to fit into the pants, lol. We pulled out some pre-surgery photos the other day, and we were shocked to note the difference in how I look. DS had the best analogy after looking a photo of me. He told me that I still looked like me, it's just that the "before" pictures looked fake... kinda like when an actor puts on a "fat suit" for the movies... so now I know how ds sees it, lol.
Clothing - In some ways it's awesome to shop for clothes and find out that your in sizes you never imagined wearing and again, in other ways it's intimidating... more choices, more styles, figuring out what really suits you, making sure that you buy things that you'll be able to wear for awhile before shrinking out of them. As my gf who had WLS said to me suddenly you see things you REALLY LIKE, in the Plus Size section. Where were those items when I was "fluffy"???? lol
People - I'm so glad that I've chosen to only tell a select few about my surgery. It's worked for me. I have people who'll ask if I've lost weight, and I simply respond with a "yes". Everyone has to do what's right for them. I don't want to be a vocal spokesperson for WLS. I don't want everyone to analyze my weightloss. I did this for me and for my health. I do respect those who choose to share their story in a larger forum though. I'm not ashamed... I just had to make the choice that is most comfortable for ME.
Personal Life - I've been with dh for 25 years, and he has seen me at both my highest and lowest weights. I am lucky in that he truly loves me at whatever weight I'm at, as long as I'm healthy and happy.
But I won't lie. There have still been some adjustment issues. I think he felt like I was leaving him behind, and that the person he knew was melting away before his eyes. With my weight loss has come introspection. Discovering the parts of me that I like, and dealing with the parts I don't like. It's healthy, but it also takes a toll on those around you... after all, what if I was to decide that he's part of what I don't like? We sat down and really talked about it at around the four month mark, and I think getting it out in the open has really helped our relationship. At this point, I feel like our marriage is stronger than ever, and I think he's becoming comfortable with the "new me".
Eating - Everyone has different experiences. Here are mine. I'm not saying that mine will reflect or work for anyone else. I don't dump, and can eat just about anything that I want. That's NOT to say that I shove everything down my throat, lol. I wasn't really a sweet eater before surgery, and I'm not now. I've majorly cut back on my simple carb consumption, but I still eat fruits, veggies, milk, cereal, salad, a little Barilla Plus pasta and the very occassional chip. My doctor is somewhat progressive in her thinking though, and my diet goes along with her thought process. I eat 5 - 6 small meals each day. I don't really graze (when would you graze with that many small meals???), but I didn't do that a lot before surgery either. The biggest things that I have given up since before surgery are diet soda (my doctor doesn't say I can't have it, I just don't really crave it anymore), Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia (sorry guys, I miss you too!), and my weekly chip fest (although as I stated, I have recently had the occassional chip).
So do I regret having WLS? Not at all. I've been lucky, and my journey has been fairly painless. No complications, no dumping, no huge issues. I have days (and sometimes weeks!) When I worry that I'm not losing fast enough, and that I'll never hit goal, but fortunately, I have moments of clarity, when I realize that an 84 lb. weight loss is nothing to sneeze at. I'm healthy, I'm happy. My PCOS symptoms have greatly diminished. I have normal monthly cycles without the assistance of drugs. The snoring is gone. The breathing issues have been fine. In general, the reasons I had the surgery have gone away, and I feel very blessed to have my family and my health!
Clothes Shopping
Nov 16, 2006
Today was the day.
It's finally gotten to the point where I look like a bum in my clothes. It's almost comical, but as my hubby pointed out, if your jeans are fully zipped and buttoned, and they STILL fall off your body, it's time for some new pants.
It may sound silly, but shopping for new pants was actually one of the scariest things I've done since having surgery. Most of you can probably relate. I remember pre-WLS when I would go shopping, and find out that I'd gone up another size (or two). I hadn't necessarily realized it because I had stretched all of my current clothes to fit my expanding body. It was so embarrassing... and so demoralizing.
A few years ago, I was in one of my dieting resolution-I hate myself-I need to lose weight-modes. I thought about it, and decided that I wouldn't concentrate on my actual weight, instead I would work on a size. I tried to remember the last time I was comfortable about my clothing size, and I decided that it was back when I was a size 16. I remember thinking that if I could reach a size 16, I would be more than happy. So I started the diet, and made it down a couple of sizes, but I never hit that size 16.
Next we can talk about the clothes. They say that they make cute clothes for large women, but lets face it... most of them aren't really that cute. And they aren't really cut to fit your body in a good way. I've had outfits that I've liked, but the outfits I bought because they were "okay" definitely outweight the ones I fell in love with and, even more importantly, the ones that made me feel good about myself.
So I felt some anxiety as I stepped into the store. I knew that I was no longer a 24, but which size would fit? I grabbed a couple of 20W's and and 18W and hit the dressing room (another favorite spot). I tried the 18W on first... a little loose! OMG! Can this be right? So I go back and grab some more pants and try them on... and then another set and try them on.
In the end I go to the cash register and pay for my new pants. Size 16 Misses! No more W's for me!!! I can't believe it. I feel so blessed to have had WLS. This journey keeps getting better and better, and I can't wait to see where I end up at the end.
It's finally gotten to the point where I look like a bum in my clothes. It's almost comical, but as my hubby pointed out, if your jeans are fully zipped and buttoned, and they STILL fall off your body, it's time for some new pants.
It may sound silly, but shopping for new pants was actually one of the scariest things I've done since having surgery. Most of you can probably relate. I remember pre-WLS when I would go shopping, and find out that I'd gone up another size (or two). I hadn't necessarily realized it because I had stretched all of my current clothes to fit my expanding body. It was so embarrassing... and so demoralizing.
A few years ago, I was in one of my dieting resolution-I hate myself-I need to lose weight-modes. I thought about it, and decided that I wouldn't concentrate on my actual weight, instead I would work on a size. I tried to remember the last time I was comfortable about my clothing size, and I decided that it was back when I was a size 16. I remember thinking that if I could reach a size 16, I would be more than happy. So I started the diet, and made it down a couple of sizes, but I never hit that size 16.
Next we can talk about the clothes. They say that they make cute clothes for large women, but lets face it... most of them aren't really that cute. And they aren't really cut to fit your body in a good way. I've had outfits that I've liked, but the outfits I bought because they were "okay" definitely outweight the ones I fell in love with and, even more importantly, the ones that made me feel good about myself.
So I felt some anxiety as I stepped into the store. I knew that I was no longer a 24, but which size would fit? I grabbed a couple of 20W's and and 18W and hit the dressing room (another favorite spot). I tried the 18W on first... a little loose! OMG! Can this be right? So I go back and grab some more pants and try them on... and then another set and try them on.
In the end I go to the cash register and pay for my new pants. Size 16 Misses! No more W's for me!!! I can't believe it. I feel so blessed to have had WLS. This journey keeps getting better and better, and I can't wait to see where I end up at the end.
Pre-Op Visit
Jul 07, 2006
I went to the hospital to get my pre-op stuff taken care of. This was my first time at Crestwood Hospital, and it was a positive
experience. All of the areas of the hospital I saw were very clean, and the staff was very professional and friendly. They had
the pre-op process very streamlined, and the whole thing took about an hour. I had an EKG (good news, I have a heart, and it's
normal!), they drew blood, and took some chest x-rays. They also went over the paperwork for the Living Will and the proxy.
I took it home to go over with my husband this weekend. Looking at that paperwork was a little sobering. It reminded me of
the fact that this is MAJOR surgery.
***Semi-morbid Moment***
After the pre-op, I went shopping and picked up some things for ds' birthday next month. DH's birthday is next month also, and
I plan on going shopping for his birthday also. I don't want to be morbid, and it's probably a little silly, but it makes me feel
better to shop for both of them beforehand "just in case".
*** End of Morbid Moment***
I also picked up some new pajamas, with a shirt that buttons up the front (even though I know I'll probably wear the hospital
gown with my pajama bottoms), and some really comfy slippers. If my willpower stays strong, here is a list of what I'm planning
to pack for my hospital stay:
*PJ's
*Robe
*Slippers
*Socks
*Undies
*iPOD (I've been downloading some new tunes!)
*Book (just in case!)
*Bible
*toothbrush and toothpaste
*deodorant
*comb and scarf and headband (since I'm leaving the rest of my haircare stuff behind, and may look hideous!)
* Burt's Bee's lip balm
My doctor doesn't have me on any special pre-op diet, so I can eat anything I want. The funny thing is, I really don't feel an
urge to gorge on anything. I have had ice cream, but that's about it. I guess it's my final hoorah with Ben and Jerry, lol. I'm
sure I'll be kicking myself in a few weeks when I'm on my post-op diet, and thinking of all of the things I could have had now!
Wow, big moment... at this time next week, I'll be on the losing side!
experience. All of the areas of the hospital I saw were very clean, and the staff was very professional and friendly. They had
the pre-op process very streamlined, and the whole thing took about an hour. I had an EKG (good news, I have a heart, and it's
normal!), they drew blood, and took some chest x-rays. They also went over the paperwork for the Living Will and the proxy.
I took it home to go over with my husband this weekend. Looking at that paperwork was a little sobering. It reminded me of
the fact that this is MAJOR surgery.
***Semi-morbid Moment***
After the pre-op, I went shopping and picked up some things for ds' birthday next month. DH's birthday is next month also, and
I plan on going shopping for his birthday also. I don't want to be morbid, and it's probably a little silly, but it makes me feel
better to shop for both of them beforehand "just in case".
*** End of Morbid Moment***
I also picked up some new pajamas, with a shirt that buttons up the front (even though I know I'll probably wear the hospital
gown with my pajama bottoms), and some really comfy slippers. If my willpower stays strong, here is a list of what I'm planning
to pack for my hospital stay:
*PJ's
*Robe
*Slippers
*Socks
*Undies
*iPOD (I've been downloading some new tunes!)
*Book (just in case!)
*Bible
*toothbrush and toothpaste
*deodorant
*comb and scarf and headband (since I'm leaving the rest of my haircare stuff behind, and may look hideous!)
* Burt's Bee's lip balm
My doctor doesn't have me on any special pre-op diet, so I can eat anything I want. The funny thing is, I really don't feel an
urge to gorge on anything. I have had ice cream, but that's about it. I guess it's my final hoorah with Ben and Jerry, lol. I'm
sure I'll be kicking myself in a few weeks when I'm on my post-op diet, and thinking of all of the things I could have had now!
Wow, big moment... at this time next week, I'll be on the losing side!
A Bump in the Road...
Jul 06, 2006
Be careful what you think... it may come to be! As I kept telling everyone that I couldn't believe how ridiculously smoothly
everything was going, I received a call from my doctor's office this morning, telling me that I should cancel my pre-op appointment
tomorrow, because the insurance company had my approval on hold, pending more information from my doctor's office. Before I
could start hyperventilating, I was told not to worry, that the surgery was still on schedule for the 14th, and that we should have
the approval by 7/10, which would be plenty of time to go have my pre-op stuff done. I thanked her and then hung up...
...and then I called dh, holding back the panic, and told him the news. He held steady, told me to have faith, not to panic
(yeah, right!) and that everything would work out. On I went to find a more sympathetic ear! I called my g/f, who went though
g/b 2 years ago. She was a more kindered spirit, and understood my panic even as she reassured me. YES! This is what friends
are for! As I panicked, she coddled and threw in the occassional voice of reason. As the conversation was going on, I was
playing on the internet, and typed in my access code to my insurance, to look at the stupid pending code next to my
doctor's request, and it changed from "Pending" to "Approved"! The crisis was averted, the melodrama was over, and my friend
passed the girlfriend test with flying colors. Spoke with my doctor's office, and we are "GO" again for Pre-Op tomorrow!
everything was going, I received a call from my doctor's office this morning, telling me that I should cancel my pre-op appointment
tomorrow, because the insurance company had my approval on hold, pending more information from my doctor's office. Before I
could start hyperventilating, I was told not to worry, that the surgery was still on schedule for the 14th, and that we should have
the approval by 7/10, which would be plenty of time to go have my pre-op stuff done. I thanked her and then hung up...
...and then I called dh, holding back the panic, and told him the news. He held steady, told me to have faith, not to panic
(yeah, right!) and that everything would work out. On I went to find a more sympathetic ear! I called my g/f, who went though
g/b 2 years ago. She was a more kindered spirit, and understood my panic even as she reassured me. YES! This is what friends
are for! As I panicked, she coddled and threw in the occassional voice of reason. As the conversation was going on, I was
playing on the internet, and typed in my access code to my insurance, to look at the stupid pending code next to my
doctor's request, and it changed from "Pending" to "Approved"! The crisis was averted, the melodrama was over, and my friend
passed the girlfriend test with flying colors. Spoke with my doctor's office, and we are "GO" again for Pre-Op tomorrow!
APPROVED - I HAVE A DATE!!!
Jul 04, 2006
I need to pinch myself! I received a call this morning, and I have a date! My surgery will be on 7/14/06. I'm so excited,
and I can't believe that this has all worked out so quickly. I'm convinced that this was meant to be. I went by Dr. Murrell's
office and picked up my paperwork for my Pre-Op testing. I'll be going in for testing on Friday.
I can't believe how wonderfully all of this is falling in place. DH will be in between business trips on my date, so he'll be here, and
ds will be in summer camp the week of surgery and the week following surgery, so I won't have to worry about him while I'm
starting my recovery. I've been busy making lists of what I need to get done before I leave. I may be so busy during the next week,
that I won't have time to worry!
I had a brief moment this afternoon where I asked myself if I had truly done everything I could on my own before taking the
drastic step of going for this tool. In the end, my answer was "yes". If dieting alone was going to work for me, it would have
worked for me in any one of the dozens of tries I've given it in the past.
and I can't believe that this has all worked out so quickly. I'm convinced that this was meant to be. I went by Dr. Murrell's
office and picked up my paperwork for my Pre-Op testing. I'll be going in for testing on Friday.
I can't believe how wonderfully all of this is falling in place. DH will be in between business trips on my date, so he'll be here, and
ds will be in summer camp the week of surgery and the week following surgery, so I won't have to worry about him while I'm
starting my recovery. I've been busy making lists of what I need to get done before I leave. I may be so busy during the next week,
that I won't have time to worry!
I had a brief moment this afternoon where I asked myself if I had truly done everything I could on my own before taking the
drastic step of going for this tool. In the end, my answer was "yes". If dieting alone was going to work for me, it would have
worked for me in any one of the dozens of tries I've given it in the past.
First Appointment w/ Surgeon
Jul 02, 2006
I had my appointment with Dr. Murrell this morning. She was great. We went over the information from her seminar, and she
went more in depth with how WLS would affect me. We talked about my eating habits, and the changes that would be
required after surgery. I left feeling even more confident that this is the right move for me. GREAT NEWS! Because
of my insurance (Tricare) I could have a surgery date as soon as next week! She thinks that I'll have an approval by the end
of the week!
went more in depth with how WLS would affect me. We talked about my eating habits, and the changes that would be
required after surgery. I left feeling even more confident that this is the right move for me. GREAT NEWS! Because
of my insurance (Tricare) I could have a surgery date as soon as next week! She thinks that I'll have an approval by the end
of the week!
Made Appointment with Surgeon
Jun 12, 2006
I called for an appt. with Dr. Murrell. I have my appt. on 7/3 - this is the first date she had available. Oh well, I've waited this
long, what's a couple of extra weeks? I'm trying to cut diet soda out of my routine, and make some healthier choices so
that it won't be so difficult after the surgery.
long, what's a couple of extra weeks? I'm trying to cut diet soda out of my routine, and make some healthier choices so
that it won't be so difficult after the surgery.
Informational Seminar
Jun 11, 2006
I attended the seminar today. DH went with me, and I was glad that he was there. It was nice to have him hear all of the
information first hand, and be able to ask the questions he had on his mind. We both left feeling very confident, both with the
decision to go forward with trying for approval and Dr. Murrell. She's very no nonsense, but confident, and I look forward to
having her as my surgeon.
information first hand, and be able to ask the questions he had on his mind. We both left feeling very confident, both with the
decision to go forward with trying for approval and Dr. Murrell. She's very no nonsense, but confident, and I look forward to
having her as my surgeon.
Have Appointment for Seminar
May 21, 2006
My referral has gone through, and I have an appointment to attend an informational seminar with Dr. Murrell. She requires this of all of her new patients, and I'm looking forward to it!
Referral Requested!
May 07, 2006
Saw my PCM and requested a referral. He didn't give me any problems with it, which surprised me, because he doesn't have the best bedside manner in the world. He's nice enough, but he's not a real people person if you know what I mean!
About Me
AL
Location
21.7
BMI
Surgery
08/08/2006
Surgery Date
Jun 16, 2006
Member Since
