Amanda S.

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You've lost almost 105 pounds, how hard could 10 pounds be?

Apparently extremely difficult. Unfortunately by the time many of us reach this point we have lost the motivation to drop that last few pounds.

How could you be this close to goal and not get there?!?!

I have had this conversation with myself so many times I have lost count. At 263 pounds I was MISERABLE and UNCOMFORTABLE. At 180 (my last stall weight) I wasn't so uncomfortable and I had lost over 80 pounds-I was doing fantastic. Who cares if I hang out here for a while?

I decided to kick up the exercise and get in shape and ended up losing 20 pounds without really trying (fantastic!!). Hello 160!! I haven't seen this weight since I was 17. Oh 17, what fond memories I have of you. Now I'm incredibly comfortable and certainly not miserable, if anything I'm ecstatic! Everyone notices how marvelous I look and no one recognizes me at first. Oh, but how the novelty wears off.

Six months later, living in a small town, I have run into most everyone I know and no one seems to notice how skinny I am anymore-well at least no one comments on it like they used to. Hello motivation! What, no motivation to knock off that last 10 to goal so everyone notices the bariatric patient lost more weight? Now you are telling me I have to want to lose the weight, for merely wanting to see a number on a scale or see if I can fit into single digit clothes? BLASPHEMY!

So here I sit at the crossroads trying to decide if I a) not care about numbers and just stay healthy or b) give it all I've got and finally finish something I started.

To see how far I have come in one year! I'm proud of the over 100 pound loss and how far I have come mentally. I no longer obsess over the scale or how my clothes look. Sure I have loose skin and new aches and pains (no padding on my tailbone anymore!) but I wouldn't trade it for anything-except not getting obese in the first place.

I've been able to maintain my current weight for over  months and can't complain. I am perfectly content at the weight I am, and if I lost 10 more pounds I would be happy, but don't care if I don't.

I would have to say my biggest downfall is not keeping track of what I eat. I've never been good about journals or food logging.

I don't have problems with heartburn-thanks to losing weight and having my hiatal hernia repaired. I can run around with my kids without feeling like I'm going to die. I can exercise and feel energized afterwards. My husband can pick me up and carry me around the house with little effort.

My son told me the other day that I was skinny. He said he didn't want to sound mean, but I was really big before and he was glad I had gotten healthy.

I am prone to low blood pressure and low blood sugar. If I stand up too fast I feel like I'm going to faint. My vaso-vagal syncope is worse-it is a lot easier for me to pass out from triggers now. If I eat too many carbs and not enough protein, I have blood sugar drops. Eating too much fat or sugar makes me have an upset stomach.

I started out at 5' 4.75", 263 lbs and a size xxxl/ 24-28. I am now 160 lbs and a size Med-Large 12/14. My shoe size has gotten smaller also. I had to wear a 9W, now I can fit in 8.5 and some 7.5. 

I had some hair loss that started around 3 months post-op and got fairly moderate. It finally slowed down around 9 months out and has completely gone back to normal shedding at this point. My hair is still thin but fairly normal. I keep it cut short so I'm not reminded of how thin it has gotten.

Oh this surgery is going to be the best thing to happen to me. I"m going to lose my weight so fast no one will recognize me and I will love me again.........

Ok, honeymoon's over and I can stop lying to myself. Sure this surgery has held the door open for facilitating my weight loss, but have I truly been using it to its fullest potential-sadly the answer is no. It takes great amounts of pull up your big girl panties to admit when I'm wrong. I have been sabotaging myself everyday for a while and I am awfully mad at myself for doing it.

I'd love to blame the delicious food Chef Hubby prepares, or my way too busy lifestyle for having a weight loss stall for about a month. Can't blame anyone but me and the failure to adequately take care of the head issues that the surgeon can't fix. He can limit my physical hunger, restrict how much food I can consume at one sitting but only I can take initiative to deal with the head stuff and follow the program.

For what ever reason 180 is my trigger weight. I feel really good having lost 80+lbs so I'm not self conscious about being the biggest woman in the room anymore, but now I'm the saggiest bag of skin and bones in my house....Without my clothes all I can see is mush, squishy and striped mush.......it sags and hangs and waves when I walk just right. Bounces in time as I run on the treadmill and bunches under me while I sit or sleep.....I'm almost as uncomfortable with my body image now as I had been when I was at my heaviest. With clothes on, especially compression style undergarments, the jiggle is to a bare minimum (at least I think...if not do not tell me-leave me in my bubble of content). I'll put on my happy face for the most part because I don't want to hear the 'oh, I knew she couldn't handle it' or 'she's just going to be one of 'those' people that gain it all back'.  Deep down I wish I were ready to put the past in the past and get over the stupid "when I weighed 190, I was doing this.....or experiencing this....." then here come  memories good and bad flooding back.....Right now 180 is a pretty significant number and I managed to see 179 for 24 hours, then I ate a cookie. Who does this crap?!?!?!?! I go through the agony of preparing for surgery, then having it and recovering, all to let it go to hell.

My new goal has no number written on a scale. My new goal is to drink my 64oz+, eat my 60g+ protein, take my vitamins and move my body! I will be reminding myself every day that am more than a number, I am worth more than I know. If I lose a few pounds along the way, great, but I won't be counting!

2 more pounds and I will have lost 70 pounds....pretty exciting! Only 60 until my final goal......over half way there. Now if I can just remember to eat slower, chew better, and ignore the head hunger I will be doing alright.

After a 13 day stall, I finally broke it. No, not the scale (day 14 the scale was going out the window).  Come to find out constipation played a giant role in that stall. Not to mention the amount of discomfort/icky feeling I had. Not quite nausea, but just didn't feel good. 1/2 pot of coffee, apple juice, a colace the day before, and some milk (yay lactose intolerance) and I got movin'. WOW do I feel better. Not bloated anymore! Oh, and I dropped into onderland while I was at it. 199.8......goodbye forever 200s! So far I'm down 64 pounds. 19 to go to my next goal of being overweight, not obese. 54 until I'm in a healthy weight range. about 60-65 to goal. So exciting, I'm half way there!

So I'm one month out, and in day 12 of a stall. I've lost some inches, but the scale won't budge. First week I was ok, typical week 3 stall, but as the days have gone on and I'm into day 12 I'm really ready to see that thing drop. I've upped protein and water and am adding running/jogging to my routine....hopefully I see results soon. I'm 3 pounds from seeing onederland! I need to look at the bright side-I've lost 20 pounds in on month-such a great accomplishment in itself. :)

Feeling great! all of the steri-strips are off and I'm able to bend and move around so much easier. I'll be going back to work on Monday, so not looking forward to that one! I've enjoyed being home with my little ones. I have started puree food and so far haven't found anything that doesn't agree with me. I'm so surprised at how quickly I feel full. It is still like a dream to me.

So I thought I felt pretty good yesterday, until I woke up this morning!!! All gas pains are gone, muscle soreness gone. Tender at the incision sites, but that is to be expected. I even walked around Walmart yesterday for 2 hours catching up on grocery shopping. Someone should tell them to hold some of that clearance stuff for after I've lost some weight. I've got enough clothes between size 16 and 26 from the last attempt to lose weight, and I REFUSE to buy more clothes-especially at full price- until I've lost down to a 14/16. Have I ever mentioned I haven't seen size 14 since high school?

For a while I contemplated having some plastic work done after I hit my goal or within 20 of it......not so sure anymore. I hate the feeling after waking up from anesthesia (loved waking up though-Praise God!) and I don't like being uncomfortable during the healing phase. If I could go in for a breast lift and body lift and wake up feelling fabulous or with minimal discomfort(very much like day 5) I'd jump on it, but unfortunately with all surgery there's side effects.

For me cosmetic surgery would be solely to make me feel better and like the way I look and give hubby something nice to look at. Ultimately the rest of the world will get to see the wonders of spanx, control top panty hose and a fantastic fitting bra :)

Each day I've made a goal to get more water in than the day before. Day 1 at home I only got in 29 oz(I think I was scared of hurting myself, and I slept a lot). Day 2 got 36 in and Day 3 got 59! This is also not counting what I've sipped on in the middle of the night when I woke up to roll over. so far today is 39 and the day is still young.

I'm enjoying the look of shock when I explain my sleeve procedure to people. I've sat and watched my family eat some of my favorite foods and went to a church potluck all since my surgery and have not felt tempted, deprived, or hungry. So different to experience this!!

Some people name their sleeve.....I'm contemplating Pooh- Pooh has a grumbly in his tummy and My tummy is always grumbly/rumbly :)

now I'm home from the hospital. VSG was yesterday. Not feeling too bad as long as I don't have to change position. The gas pains are the worst, I think. Trying to sip, sip, sip and walk, walk, walk. I could use one of those recliners that takes you from a seated position to a standing position without any effort :(

Tomorrow's the big day. Got my phone call to be at the hospital at 6 am. Time has flown by! Woke up this morning with UTI symptoms.....went to the convenient care clinic and sure enough, UTI. Started my antibiotics and surgeon says we can still procede :) This time tomorrow I should be walking the halls at the hospital. Hard to believe it is almost over. Goodbye forever unhealthy self!