Struggling with my "fat" brain

Feb 13, 2010

I'm not happy with my current mindset about eating.  I find myself really struggling to make good food choices.  I'm definitely at the high end of my weight comfort zone, sitting between 148-150. (156 pounds will put me back in an overweight BMI....very surreal when less than a year ago my BMI had fallen into the underweight category).   I really need to get a handle on my carbs so I can lose back down to a more comfortable weight. I had gotten down to 146 low carbing for several weeks, but gained quickly as I've made some bad choices the past few days.  Overall...I don't do too bad.  It's this fat mindset of mine that is making me crazy at times.  My days of having one bite of a higher carb foods and being satisfied are over.  Once I have that first bite of a carby food, I eat and eat, almost like my old days of binge eating, but I *DO* still have restriction so that helps.  I'll have three perfect days, and then I screw up for 2 days.  I'm not trying to be in a diet mindset, but I do really want to drop 10-15 pounds.  If I don't get this under control, I'll be working my way back up the scale in no time.  Do I need a labotomy or what?  Am I self-sabotaging my success?  Am I worried about nothing?  I mean, hell....I know what I have to do.  But the dreams of sweet goodness of suckers, chocolate and cookie dough swirls in my head.  I( KNEW that this wasn't going to be easy.  I KNEW that I'd have to low carb from time to time.  I really need to come up with a plan to get these few pounds off.  I KNOW it's just a few pounds, but I know me.  A few pounds turns into a big gain.  I'm VERY glad that I've gained weight and that I'm no longer 116 pounds, but seriously?  I'm up 30-35 pounds and I'm worried.  What if I fuck up?

I have been making a half assed attempt to get back into working out.  Starting slow with walking, and I plan to add in more soon.  How do I convince myself to get back on track?  I know I don't want to gain more.  I'm fine(ish) with where I am now, just wish some of my clothes weren't getting so tight.  I'm not scared of going back to low carb, just struggling. 

So yeah, poor me.  I'm the 150 pound chick whining about being fat, I always hated people like that.  But it's not right now that I'm worried about, it's the future if I don't figure out how to get a hold on my habits.

I guess I'm just venting, not even sure I really need advice.  I do know that I didn't do all of this to go back to where I came from.  Looking to get back on PERMANENT track very soon.  Starting right this minute!!! 

Lori

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About Me
, IN
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20.2
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DS
Surgery
07/11/2007
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Jan 07, 2007
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139lbs

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