losing_it86

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 Man I've been struggling so bad! I was 20lbs away from goal and got preg and I can't get this baby weight off! I am now 50lbs away from goal. I feel disgusting. And I'm in such an emotional rut Ive just been eating my feelings I'm so scared to gain! Why can't I just do this! Im so close! :( I need someone to push me! Blah

 

 how was everyones halloween. i had fun :) went out on sat with my man to my friends then to the bar for some karaoke :D mon i took my boys to trunk n treat at church :) 

 So my fiance jonny and our friend alex have the same birthday so today me and alex's wife wendy planned a lil shindig for them :) Alex, wendy and there son came over and jonny and alex went out back and bbq for us and we stayed inside with our kids and they made cards for there daddys and decorated there cake :) it was nice :) 



(my man and boy are on the left)

 So I had my mediation appointment with Marty today for custody of noah.... the women basically told him it would be best if signed over his legal right as noahs father and let jonny adopt him as his own seeing as he has been is DADDY thats who noah knows as daddy marty f'd up and neglected noah so. He said he needed time to think about it.... wich pissed me off cuz he has had plenty of time to think about it....  -_- so now we have to wait a few more months for a court date for him to sign over or not.... as of right now i have full EVERYTHING he has nothing not even visitations...like it matters he has not seen noah in almost 2yrs now.... BY HIS CHOICE! ..... Anywho.... right now it seems to be on a good note... we will see.... uhg... why drag it out longer why dosnt he just sign over.... ill tell u wide.... f'n PRIDE is why..... uhg...let go of your pride and think about NOAH and how you are gonna keep screwin up his life more and more with your wishy washy BS uhhhg how long is this ish gonna last for? sigh.... it's all in GODS hands im fully trusting my lord to do whats best for noah. 


MY HANDSOME 3YR OLD

 ‎:( man let down..... i applied at toys r us on Friday... called and HR said they would call me today.... they did not call but i got an email saying NO JOB FOR YOU.... :( i wonder why.... i hate not getting an interview all they saw was my application :/ blaaaah.


On a good note my boys are way to cute

Im feeling stuck in life like its not moving like my family and i r on a road to know where.... :/ time t have a talk with the fiance about what we need to do to be GROWN ups and rely on ourselfs and not everyone else to take care of us... i need to get a job and he needs to kiss his brothers ass goodbye and stop working for him and get a new job thats full 40hrs a week.....we need to figure out how to wisely spend/save money  not blow it....we both need a fire lit under our asses to make us jump up and get with the program of ADULT life we have 3 kids for crying out loud who need a good example... i was raised with $ and spoiled brat....im just learning how to fend on my own and not have things handed to me and such.....he was raised with discouraging ppl telling hi  he wont ever make it in life and yadayada so well he has no example on how to get motivated how to stand up for himself and such how to get out of boyhood.... hes an amazing man and has so much potential if only he would realize it..... :/ sigh..... 

 Feelin like Fatty Mc Fatty over here! I really need to lay off the fast food! Ima end up gaining weight and that's no bueno! I did the bad thing of never learning or practicig good eating habbits before or after surgery and its so hard to get on track when I can pretty much eat whatever i want! I wish i would dump like crazy but i dont! :/ I get really tired and my heart will race is about it...i wish i got really sick from bad food but i dont. I need to get more motivated and really get to it if i wanna reach my goal weight! Im 35lbs away from it! Im almost there but if i dont get on the healthy train like NOW its never gonna happen! SIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHH! Why is being halthy so hard! And its cheaper to eat off the $1 menue then to buy and cook healthy :/ laaaaaaaaame sauce!

 Owy....drank to much and broke my hand....   :/   i have decided no mor drinking .... it always ends no bueno!

 So i went to my dr about my depression and such and ive been on wellbutrin and am noticing a diferance i am feeling much be tter! thank god! :D i think im manic depressive/bipolar... gotta see a shrink see whats up. 


On another note went to my friends wedding last night it was so nice! I cant wait to get married to my fiance