losingit2006
June 6, 2005
Well here I am starting a journal about myself and my upcoming journey, I guess I should start by saying that I am 35 years old, I have 3 children,a son whose is 14, a daughter who is 5 and my youngest son is 3. I have been married to my wonderful husband for 7 years this October 2006. I have not been overweight all my life but probably in the last 10 years or so, it has gotten quite out of hand. I have tried many diets as everyone else has, so i won't name them all. I have an addiction to sugar i am pretty sure. I can out eat anyone in the timbit department. I weight approximately 286lbs and I am 5'5. I have been researching gastric bypass surgery for the past 2 1/2 years. At first I was quite apprehensive about it, but I do know that it's the only thing that is going to work for me at this time. I say to myself where do I want to be in 5 years, and it certainly isn't looking like this, or feeling like this. I want to run and ride a bike with my children or swim, even though I do swim, a part of me just doesn't care about what people think and i don't want my children to think that my weight is an issue with me.
I am afraid of having this surgery, "what if I don't make it" what will happen to my kids, what about my husband. How will he cope with loss of his wife and for selfish reasons of wanting to be skinny.
My health is slowly failing, as in swollen and sore feet and ankles, loss of flexability, tiredness, laziness, just no energy, PCOS, borderline high blood pressure, border line high sugar, heel spurs. Many other annoyances of being obese that i just won't bother going into.
I worry about the sagging skin, what will my husband think, will he be turned off by all of this, he says my weight isn't an issue with him but how could it not be, i didn't look like this when we met, i was 170lb. How could he not notice.
I sometimes feel like i am in denial about being fat. If I don't look in a mirror I don't think I am fat. Maybe i won't have a hard time accepting myself as skinny when it happens.
I am hoping to have surgery in the fall of 2005. I am not anxious about the date being so far away but a chance to reflect and accept the fact I am going to have surgery, instead of going into it blindly and quickly, it gives me time to come to terms with everything and mentally prepare myself.
July 18, 2005
Even though I haven't started my weightloss yet, I thought I would download the plateau buster, just in case.
#1 - Do this for 10 days to break a plateau
#2 - Drink 2 quarts of water a day
#3 - You must have 45 grams of protein supplement and all your vitamins/minerals supplements each day (some suggest at least 60 and up to 80 gr)
#4 - You may consume up to 3 oz of the following high protein foods, 5x a day
beef
pork
chicken
turkey
lamb
fish
eggs
low fat cheese
cottage cheese
plain yogurt or artificially sweetened (?)
peanut butter
beans/legumes
You may also have:
sugar free popsicles
tea or coffee
sugar free soda
sugar free jello
broths/bullion (sp?)
crystal light drinks
#5 - If it's not on the list, you can't have it for 10 days!!!!
#6 - Keep a food diary and try to get up to 30 mins of exercise daily
August 11, 2005
Well here I am updating my profile again, there really isn't much to tell, I am going through a little bit of a rough patch right now, I am so torn about my decision, I think to myself, can I really live like that, taking vitamins, watching every morsel that goes into my mouth. Am I ready for this life changing experience?
August 18, 2005
I saw Dr. Hagen for the last time before my surgery date is given, he had me sign my consent form, and of course he asked me if I wanted to go head with this, and I said "umm yes" now I didn't sound to convincing to myself. I was not given a date but was told that they would would call me. I am expecting surgery to be sometime in January which is fine by me. I want to at least have a good Christmas. Anywho, the wait begins.
September 17, 2005
Well I had a good night last, my friend and I went to the U2 concert here in Toronto at the Air Canada Centre. It was truly an amazing experience that I will never forget. My ears of course paid the price and headache, but god was it worth it.
I haven't truly decided on this surgery as of yet, I want to make sure that there is no doubt in my mind that I will be able to handle this lifetstyle change for the rest of my life. I worry about death alot, I know that I shouldn't but, it's a reality, especially after i read Angela Angie, profile and messages that were posted by her best friend. I know that there is always a chance I could die in any surgery, but this seems higher in percentages. I also think to myself "can I lose 140lbs by myself without help" ummm no I don't think so or else I wouldn't be here writing this journal. Maybe I am just a chicken shit, or maybe something inside me is telling me not to do it!!!
Anyways, I will update you later if I have come to a solution to my apprehension.
November 9, 2005
Well I seem to be having a good couple of weeks, I seem to be going towards having this surgery, only because I feel like I can't a live like this any longer, I am a happy person otherwise, I don't have low self esteem, I do have self confidence most times. I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I wish could just go into any store and buy a pair of jeans without thinking twice. My husband loves me the way I am and has never send anything negative to me in regards to this surgery or my weight, he says he wants me to be happy with whatever decision I choose.
I have met a few people who are pre and post op, which is a good thing, I can learn from there experiences as well as support.
December 19, 2005
Well here I am again. I am having a good week this week. I am feeling a little bit more confident about this surgery. My mom gave me her approval but not in so many words, I think she just wants what is best for me. I am sick of wearing the same old clothes over and over again. My only saving grace in the clothes department is that I wear scrubs at work. The only problem with that is I neglect to buy casual clothes for the weekend or on my days off. Anywho, I called the surgeons office a few weeks ago and asked where I was on the list and they said I was 3rd. I think I asked to many questions because the secretary got kind of snippy with me, anyway she said that I probably wouldn't have surgery before March, and of course that is discourging to me. I at least would like to start this weightloss journey way before the spring, but I guess I will take what I can get.
I have reconnected with a highschool buddy of mine even though we never really hung out I am so glad that we are friends now as adults. She loves to chat it up just like me which is great except she is long distance so it makes for an expensive phone call. But hey you can't put a price on friendship.
January 18, 2006
"HAPPY NEW YEAR"
I know it's 18 days late but thats ok! I finally received my surgery of date of Febuary 21, 2006 @0800. I am extremely nervous, I am seriously trying to convince myself that I need this surgery. I know that I cannot do it with diet alone. I am trying to be positive. I have a good friend that I can share these emotions with, and I feel comfort with that, but I know that it won't matter who I talk to my feelings will never be resolved. I hope that I don't regret having this surgery. God I hate feeling this unsure. I know that I need to lose this weight. It seems though that I have past the depression stage of being fat, so maybe that is the difference between me and a lot of other people. I just don't care, I am happy with my life (mostly). My husband wants to make a deal with me he said that when I lose all this weight, he wants me to grow my hair long again. haha. I don't know if that will happen, but I will try just for him. What is it with men and long hair. I don't know what else to do with these emotions of mine. I guess only time will tell.
February 4, 2006
I am 17 days away from surgery, I have to say that I have come to my senses and I am totally excited for this surgery. Everything is falling into place. I don't have as much anxiety over it now. I have recently joined a gym, which I am just thrilled over. My mom bought 12 sessions of a personal trainer for me for before and after. I am slowly telling people at work, I have had mixed reactions but I guess that is par for the course. It will not deter me from decision. I went to my pre-op testing on Feb 2. Danny went with me. I am so glad he did. I love him more then life itself. He is completely supportive of my decision, and of course he is still worried about me. I can't wait until the changes start. Andrew will be coming to the hospital with Danny on the day of surgery. So now it's just a waiting game. My mom will be coming down from Wasaga Beach on the monday, so that she will take care of the little ones. I have to be at the hospital at 0600. I am only in the hospital for 48hours so that won't be so bad. I will touch base before my surgery. ciao
February 15, 2006
Well here I am 6 days away from surgery, I just finished getting over the stomache flu, I hope that it doesn't affect my immune system come Tuesday. I am starting to get a little nervous. I have been on my pre-op diet now for almost 2 weeks. I have lost 15lbs, partly because i was sick and partly because of the diet. Yay for me. My mom is getting herself ready to come down on Monday. I am so thank ful I have a great mom. I haven't told my inlaws, I don't think that I will. I don't want anyone to go out of there way as far as food goes. I will keep you all updated, bye for now.
February 25, 2006
Well I made it to other side!!!! It has been quite an experience to say the least, I am 4 days out, I am trying to feel better and better everyday. I have had and still do have "Buyers Remorse". I feel lost, like I don't know what I am supposed to be doing, with food and water and vitamins. I know it's a learning thing. It will take time. You can't truly say that you know what to do before hand, you just have to live it. I am trying to be positive. It's still early. I will keep you all updated with my journey.
March 20, 2006
Well I am almost 1 month post-op, it has been a bit of a bumpy ride, but it has gotten better. The doctor has me on Losec, because he suspects I have an ulcer. I do feel much better since taking those. I was having pain in my upper tummy. I am having a hard time getting in my liquids, I think I need to buy one of those bottles that measures how much liquid you drink, right now I only drink about a 500ml and that's not much. I havent' lost any weight in 2 weeks but I suspect when I start eating normally I will jump start my system again. I am only on the pureed stage. I can't wait to have a piece of toast or cereal. I lived through a baby shower yesterday, which i was concerned about. I turned a blind eye to all the sweets. It wasn't to difficult since they are my addiction.
I have lost in total 31lbs, 10lbs pre-op and 21lbs post-op, I guess that's not so bad, but I wish it were more. I said to Danny, watch me be the one that doesn't lose weight from this. lol
April 21, 2006
Well here I am 2 months post-op, it has been quite a trip so far, I can't wait until I am 1 year down the road. I am offically down 50lbs to day. yipeee. I have discovered that eating to fast makes me hurl, but of course it's my fault, I just have to learn to slow down. Chicken and beef doesn't always seem to be my friend. I can basically eat whatever i want within reason of course. My scrubs are getting so loose now. The girls at work are calling me saggy butt. haha. I now can tie my shoes without going red in the face. I have been experiencing small NSV's which of course mean a lot to me. I went and had a pedicure yesterday because the weather was so mild, I thought hey, I am going to get my feeties sandal ready. They look so cute now. I will update you next month
2006
August 14, 2006
I know I haven't been doing very well at updating my profile, but like they say once you start to lose weight you actually have a life to live. Well it has been quite an exciting ride these last 6 months. I am down 95lbs since February 21 which is just mind boggling to me. I am in a size 14-16 clothes, it has been so long since I wore that size. I haven't had any complications worth mentioning, I have only thrown up maybe 5 times but it was my fault for eating to fast. I have realized though that I can eat just about anything which is way to scary for me. I can eat sugar and carbs with no problem, i do get nauseated though when i eat to much of it. I hope to get a handle on that situation that's for sure. The quantity of course is not the same, it's actually very little but none the less i better stop!!!
My hubby and I are going a cruise in November, we will be sailing on the Royal Carribbean, I am so excited but of course I need to lose more weight by then. I better kick it up a notch and stop eating the bad things. My 5 month blood work came back good, which was a relief.
I hope to keep this updated in the future, bye for now.
January 20, 2007
Well here I am again trying to update, I am not very good at keeping this updated but at least I am trying. I am currently standing still at 175lbs, I will be 1 year out on Feb 22. I am eating way to much I can actually eat the exact same things I hate before, I wonder if my doctor even did the surgery, lol. Or he made my pouch way to big. I am happy with my weightloss I think now it's my turn to work this tool to it's full advantage. I know I can do it, it's that old will power thing that gets me in trouble everytime. I uploaded some pictures to show my progress so far, and I actually don't mind having my picture taken.
I don't have to much more to say I will however try to update next month.
ciao
