Dec 15, 2009
As a lot of you know, I have been struggling through a stall for several months. In the beginning, I could not pinpoint what was going on. I was doing pretty much the same thing I had been doing when I was losing. I tried to change up my food and my exercise and nothing changed.
I know part of my issue is the hormonal stuff going on with being on the Depo Provera. This should be out of my system in the next few weeks and hopefully that will help some. BUT, I need to be accountable for my actions. I am addicted to food. I like to eat. There are times when I feel that I cannot stop eating and my pouch is not stopping me. I am still not eating pasta, rice or bread. BUT, SF cookies, protein bars and stupid peanut butter have become major trigger foods for me. I cannot eat just one. If I have a protein bar for breakfast, it does not squash the craving, it only seems to make me want more sweet stuff throughout the day. I tried putting the treats in the freezer thinking that would slow me down.. NOT.. I just pull them out and eat them from there. I cannot have these types of things in my house because I will eat them.
I have been feeling very tired lately and could not figure out why. I thought it was from work and the stress of that and of the things going on in my life. BUT, I think it’s been a non-stop carb coma. The cookies have carbs, the protein bars have carbs and the dang peanut butter has carbs. This is also affecting my time spent in the gym. I am still going, but not as often and not working out as hard.
I know what I SHOULD be doing. I just can’t get myself to do it. I have been drinking a lot of decaf coffee thinking it was ok and counting as my liquids—which it does, BUT I always put SF creamer in it.. more carbs and more calories.
I am really having a hard time. I’m not sure what to do about it. I want to get that book that everyone talks about “Diary of a Food Addict”. Maybe that will help me. I am also going to look into finding a mental health professional who deals in eating disorders. I’ve said it before, but I need to do this before I start gaining weight. At this point, I’m just not losing.
I go to the surgeon on Thursday, so I will also see what he says. He probably has the name of a psych and a nut who I can use. But, as you know, I don’t really agree with much of what he says. So, we’ll see how that goes.
Sorry to drag on so long, but I needed to get this out for me. Maybe by putting it all out there, I can take responsibility for myself and finally do something about it.