Just popping in here...

Jan 08, 2014

Hello again.  I am always popping in to the over 50 BMI forum.  Not always so good about typing in my blog/journal.  I am preparing for my right knee replacement surgery scheduled for 01-13-14.  I have been waiting for this since 2008.  I really never thought it would really ever get to happen.  For this I feel so fortunate and grateful.  My doctors remind me that it is because of my hard work in my journey that I am now able.  Although I am scared, I am also so very exited!!  I am so done with being cut on/open!!  This will be my last surgery for a long while!  I would love to at some point down the long road of life, get my arm skin removed.  For now though, I will let them hang and sway in the summer breeze!  LOL!

I have recovery time with this knee replacement, but then I will be back riding my bike and swimming and full on exercise!! 

2014 IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR TO HIT GOAL!!  THIS IS WHAT I AM GOING TO WORK VERY HARD TO ACHIEVE!! 

Ok, for now I will close this blog.  

Remember to MAKE IT A GREAT DAY!!

Hug,

Sherrie

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It is December and this is 3 years post RNY this month!!

Dec 21, 2013

It is so mind blowing to be out 3 years from my Gastric Bypass (RNY) surgery!  On 12-15-10 I was taken into the operating room ... so scared and not knowing what to expect for myself... I had the general idea from others that have had the surgery and read so many different articles and blogs... but for me I was just so scared.  Would I die in the operation, would I lose the weight that I wanted and so desperately needed to lose, would I regain it all back faster than I could blink if I did lose a lot of weight (since every time I lost 100's of pounds they always came back on me faster than I was able to lose them).  There were so many many many other thoughts of wonder and fear that ran through my mind.   

Going through the surgery was the best decision that I could have made for myself!!  I still feel this way and will always feel this way.  It has given me quality to my life.  It has opened doors that were closed or closing very fast.  I know today at even 3 years out that I have so many more doors waiting for me!  I know that there will be no end to my fight for a healthier me but certainly I have gained a lot of tools and knowledge that will allow me to keep moving forward and keep my success in this life long journey.  I am aware and try to stay in focus.  Not to overly obsess on it but keep it in thought, when I am in places that I know I could over indulge or get lost in old paths or habits.  I also realize that I am not perfect and a failure will not doom me for life.   I just need to jump back onto the right ways and keep on going.  I stay going to my support group at the University of Washington medical center once per month!  There are always new people pre surgery and then post ops that are farther out from their surgery date than I am.  All of the people that attend are understanding and very kind.  It is a great group and has continued to motivate, encourage, and help me when I am needing the help.  Advice even this far out!  I strongly believe in attending these and plan to do so the rest of my life or as long as I am able!  

So, as I have said, I am not perfect.  I strive to do the right things and be good.  But as I get further out from surgery it does get easier to eat some of the things that I should not be eating so easily.  This means it is even more work to stay on the right paths... and I have to accept mistakes or imperfections and move on to do right the next time. Sometimes it means, in the midsts of my doing this that I stop and spit out the food and give it to the big silver garbage gut!  (that is right the garbage can)!!   I know it will look better in it that it will on me and then I find that I am almost giddy inside to know that I took this step!  It does not happen to often that I have to do this, but when it does..... OH What a JOY it is to me to have MADE THAT CHOICE!!  I have had continuous surgeries since my WLS 0n 12-15-10.  About every 6 months I have under went another surgery.  They have been major.   With each one it has brought on going back into the Operating Room 2 and 3 times each.  Due to my Genetic Bleeding disorders that I found out about after also having a bleed in brain in 2011.  My most recent surgery was on 8-16-13.  I was just released about 3 weeks ago from the wound clinic regarding that surgery.  It was a grueling ordeal but was a necessity.   I spent a total of 28 days in the hospital and countless moments of uncertainty and pain.  I was so ready to never ever have another surgery ever!!  However, I still had this bad knee.  I had however decided that I was done and that I would just continue to put my knee back into place and deal with that pain forever!  I just want to go to work and was so done with surgery.  

Moving on to 10-06-13.... My knee has gone out completely.  The surgeon says there is no other fix than total knee replacement due to the torn parts of it and the arthritis with bone spurs.  So bringing this forward.... they knew then how afraid I was of surgery.  They said well we could fix one of the tears but that I would continue to have my knee go out.  They told me that it involved surgery to repair one of the tears... so surgery was going to be needed at any rate.  Bringing you to where I am at today with this.  

12-21-13....

I have decided in thinking this through.  If I am having to go through with surgery then I may as well get the total knee replacement done.  I will have to heal and go through all of the possible blood clots, infections and hematoma's.... so I may as well get it taken care of.   He told me at some point down the road, the knee will have to be replaced.  Again, this brings me to my quality of live and what I want to be able to do and live.  I have went to orientations and had numerous medical appointments, been to the dentist and have made sure my body is ready for this surgery.  I am scheduled for 01-13-14 in Seattle's Virginia Mason Hospital.  I was really very scared to go through with this decision at first.  But, I tell you, the longer I am on these crutches the more I can't wait for that day to get here.  I am non weight baring on this right leg of mine as it just buckles.   My shoulder blades just ache at times.  I am thankful that I am able to ambulate on them though cause I was not able to when I was larger.  So I am blessed for sure.  I have to think about that when I want to complain and then I just take a deep breathe and suck it up and trudge on because I CAN!

Well I am so looking forward to the new year!!  My husband and I have a new tradition that we started 3 years ago.  We are going to the Space Needle in Seattle WA.  You see all of my younger years when everyone around me... like brothers and friends were able to go the needle I was just to big and not mobile enough to do that.  It was a lot of walking and lack of seating so I was not welcomed.  When I started to lose the weight I got to where I felt that I could do this and I JUST WAS NOT GOING TO MISS OUT ANY LONGER ON THINGS LIKE THIS!!!  Well, we found our place that year to watch the fireworks.  We came to find out that King 5 TV did part of their live air broadcasting from right there.  So we go to meet Jim Dever from Evening Magazine!!  Not only that, we found out that we were seen on live tv!!  They had talked to my husband and I and then at one point in the live coverage they "interviewed" us.  My husband had just proposed to me 6 month prior 07-04-11.  So we were ringing in the new year knowing that we were going to be married on 07-04-12!!  So now every year we go to that same spot.  This year seems discouraging with going to the needle and being on crutches or possible my husband will push me on my oversized 4 wheel walker.  (rated for 650 lbs it now is like a wheel chair for me).  It will work.  I have only had to fight my own inner demons with this thought.  You see, my mind says that it is a set back and how people will wonder why I am on that darn walker or why I am on crutches like I am a failure.  But in reality, no one at random will know my story and where I have come from.  I know that I am working this as well and best as I can. 

So with every surgery I have been able to maintain and stay between 211 and 230.  My flex range has always been easily 15 lbs on any given day... overnight!  However since Thanksgiving I have noticed that I have put on some weight.  now bouncing between 230 and 244!  Yes, this pisses me off.  I am not as active and the food just seems easier to eat.  The holidays suck when it comes to food!   Again, realizing I am not perfect.  Last night I decided with pain at 1 AM that I was going to get up and take pain meds.  I then decided that I was going to go eat something... grabbing a bagel and mandarin orange I sat at the kitchen table.  My husband come out there and asked what I was doing... I said going to eat.  He turn around... made a rude noise of disgust and said he was going back to bed.  I thought for a moment, then got up and went to my silver friend and opened it up... spit out the bite I put in my mouth and discarded the plate and food!  I have done this on a few occasions... but when my husband did this... I was at upmost embarrassment and disgust with myself and also aimed it at my husband.  I went back to bed and was just angry at him!  I then laid there thinking... eventually told him I loved him and drifted off to sleep. 

So, it is hard for me to accept others throwing comments at me that are negative.  It may make me angry but it sure did make me stop and think about things.  I know that he was doing it out of love.  

That brings me to yesterday also.  I went to a gathering at out rental office.  There was another tenant there that has rented longer than we have here and she remembers me in my power chair at my biggest.  She has always told me how great I look and how great I am doing.  When she saw me come I was being pushed on the walker to the club house because of the distance and being on crutches. (you know how I have the demon thoughts using a mobile assistance device).  Well she was sitting amongst several people.... got up and loudly gave me a hug and blurted out how I must be on steroids or something as I have gained weight.... she was loudly saying that I look so good and that I should not lose any more weight.  I was slightly embarrassed and slightly irritated.   I realize that she meant well, but come on.  I already feel like I frustrated at moments... because I have not yet hit my final goal.  I feel great, but just knowing that I have not yet hit that final number on the scale.  I am comfortable but WILL and still WANT to go lower.  I am not accepting comments from persons that tell me to stay where I am at!!!   

This brings me to this:  Where is the stopping point?  I feel like this.  I will have a point where I may want to stay at weight wise (the number on the scale) but that I will be the judge of.  I know that when I get there I will know.  Ideally looking more like 175 but just not sure at this moment.  I wanted to see 154 on the scale, but may not be realistic because as much skin that has been removed from my body I still have a lot of it.  I work with my doctors.  

So for now, I am going to close this blog and will be back sooner.... or later!  I never forget about Obesityhelp.com.  I mention to a lot of people that are fighting weight battles or are considering or have had WLS that this is a great website!  I will always be back in here and the forum I feel most comfortable in is still the Over 50 BMI.  I know that you all have that understanding of being over 300 lbs and trying to hang in there for the long haul.  It takes us generally longer to get to goal and can be very frustrating for us to constantly see people at goal with in the "one year" time frame.  Please, do not get me wrong... any weight issue is and can be tough to tackle and so I say "WAY TO GO TO EVERYONE THAT CAN CONQUER THEIR BATTLE'!!!!!

HUGS,

Sherrie Wilbanks Willynck   

 

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WHoo Hoo!! Got a keyboard for my IPAD!

Sep 20, 2013

Well I am hoping to not have the same issues as I have the last several times I have tried to update my blog.  I would type the whole thing and then something that I would touch on the screen keyboard would cause me to lose all the text that I just spent an hour typing!  Ug, so then I would give up and just close the IPAD!  It has been easier to just lurk and not worry about the typing.  

So for me right now, I have been dealing with some healing issues from my bilateral thigh lift I had on 08-16-13.  I went home and then ended up back in the hospital for 10 days when they finally took me back to the Operating Room.  Since that time, it starts to look good and then another area has issues.  still on antibiotics.  i will be glad to have them end as the diarrhea is terrible.  I at least know that I do not have c diff!!  The pain in my left leg is horrible today and has been for the last few days.  My right has been the worst but it seems to now becoming issues in the left more now.  I have had to have drainage tubing in my right leg and now have to pack areas of the left.  I have seen my doctors every day to every other day.  Although now hoping to make it to Tuesday before having to go back to the doctor.   

Patience... and thanking God for my husband and his help!  Sometimes it is so hard to feel the pain and seeing the gross wounds and he has been so helpful and strong!  I call him my Superman!! 

My goal is still to see ONEDERLAND!!  I will not lose on this goal!  I also want to horse back ride!  I got to do the indoor IFLY and that was so much fun!!  

The story behind horse back riding!  I have never done it and I SO WANT TO!  My brothers have rode horses and done so many things that I have not ever been able to do because of my size.  As a very young grade schooler I was told that I would break the back of the horses and that I would not ever be able to ride a horse do to this reason!   I believed that for most of my life until now!  I know that I will not break its back and I will ride a horse!  SO this is my goal and what I plan to do for myself when I get to 199 lbs!!

It is really to bad that for so many years the cruel things that people did and said affected my life in the ways that it did!   I can and have risen above so much of that in the last 3 years!  I refuse to let that happen to me any longer! 

 

Hugs to you all and may you enjoy each moment in your life, let know one have their grips on who you are or what you want in life!  Know that you are worthy and able to do what you want to do... work for it and it will happen!  

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Ug... I need a keyboard for my iPad!

Aug 25, 2013

Terrible... I had typed a very long blog, and some how touched something on my iPad screen and it was poof....GONE!!

Guess I will try another time... Time to catch some Zzzz's!

Hugs

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Surgery and help with recovery

Aug 18, 2013

Thank you hubby for all your help with my recovery from my thigh lift.   My surgeon said that due to the size and amount of skin that the cut was not a usual cut.  It went from the outside of the thigh to the inside and then down my inside of the thigh to past the knee.  

I really feel blessed and so grateful to have my husband!

 

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Still around and doing well

Aug 17, 2013

Hello to everyone or anyone that may be reading this.   The last few months I have just still continued to exercise and eat right.   I have  hit my lowest weight since starting this journey!   

210 !!!!  

I know that this is still big but for me it is great!  444 lbs are gone!   I am still working on losing and maintaining.  I have had another surgery.  This is a bilateral thigh lift that also extends from the inner thigh along the bikini line over to the outside of my thighs.  I am actually in the hospital as I sit.  Surgery was yesterday 8-16-13.  I have taken pictures of before and will take some of the after.  I have bandages on still so cannot see much today.  

I think that I feel the strongest with this surgery and hoping the healing goes well!  No open wounds to heal and no bleeding in this process of healing and all will be ok!  

Hugs

 

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This morning I sit here and have great thoughts in my journey!

May 14, 2013

I read my blog posts and laugh.  But not really sure why!?   I know that it seems like I am always trying to refocus.  I guess that is keep on trying.  Not letting bad choices one day be a demise.  Even if there are bad choices 50% of the time.  I am working on lessoning them more and more.   Today I feel I can do it!  I know that I can!  To get to goal seems at some times the farthest thing away and like my success will not be there.   But then again... I have been successful and will continue.  Success is every day I breath and make effort and know that I will never be in the same spot I had put myself into at 654 lbs!! 

I have to know that it has been a road of ups and downs all along this journey.  Yes, I am so HAPPY!!!  It has been a lot of work and I have done it!   I can still do it!!

So, journal... you need to hang with me and pen I need to use you!  Sherrie, you need to be honest to you and yourself and not make excuse for crap!  You know when you think about the crap.... it is exactly what it is!  CRAP! 

Fuel good food into your body and burn with exercise and you will continue at some point to see numbers that you want to see! 

Just 140 calories here and 50 there... it all adds up!  Darn, why is it so easy to think that it is just this or that and that it will not all add up.   AGAIN Sherrie.... JOURNAL and keep track. 

Water, we need to like each other!  I drink you and you help me rid this fluid that I so am not liking in my body.  Salt.... you are not my friend and period you need to stop craving it!

Protein... we are going to be mixing a lot more.  You will not be left out!

Carbs... you need to runaway... ok... I am running away from you at least for a while!

Nuts and candy we are not friends so stop calling me!

Ok...

Watermelon, you tasted good this morning.  1 cup was enough.  No, I will be eating 1/2 c oatmeal with protein powder in it in about 2 hours.   I will be eating healthy and good today!  

I will be heading to my best friends house.   She is very dear to me.  I am driving her to her doctor appointment.  I love her.  She is the size I was when I started this journey.  Pretty much homebound.  One day she may be ready to dive into losing weight.  I know that she wants it but not bad enough yet to go through with the journey.  Not saying that surgery is the journey for her because it is not for everyone.  She is afraid of the surgery.  But just the desire to move more and not talking more than getting up to the side of the bed and out and back in more often.   Just small baby steps more often.  Anyhow, I will be helping her get ready for the appointment.   I once was in her shoes.  I care and love her and yes worry, but love to help her and take her to her doctor appointments.  She is after all my BESTIE!! 

I thank God for the abilities that I have regained with the loss of the weight!  My body is so much easier to move and do the things in life that I need and want to do! 

I still have not yet indoor skydived.  I was just talking to my husband about it!   I have been under the weight limit and just been waiting for the surgeries to heal so that I could do it!   I need to do this and set another goal to reach.   

Oh, I road the huge wheel in Seattle this last weekend.  I was really high and so happy that I did not freak out.  I usually do not do well with heights.   Oh, also this last weekend... I did another thing from my bucket list.  I rode the carousel at the Seattle water front.   The weight limit was 250 lbs... and I proudly got on that horse and rode away with goose bumps and all!   I did not care that I was the only adult actually riding the ride.  There were adults there holding their kids on the ride.  lol.   But hey, I was a little tiny girl the last time I say on one of those horses.  I got pictures and video. 

I always recreated a video of a pipe organ music down on the water front.  I pretended that I was playing and was dancing around.  3 1/2 years ago, I was down there with my husband, mom and son.  I was pretending that I was playing it while in my power chair with oxygen.  My husband had posted it to youtube to share it with our family and friends.   There were some people that left extremely rude comments and so he deleted it.   Now we cannot seem to find the video.   I really wish that I had it to go along with this new one. 

So this last weekend was meaning full in several things that I did!

Ok, so I need to get up and get going about this day.  Eat healthy, shower, clothes, husband to work....Besties... Husband to second job... potty dog in between, exersise.  Already got the laundry washed and dried and hung the ones out to dry that needed it.  I love to have productive days.... it really does feel good and worthy! 

I have had some days where I have been a bit down and I guess depressed although I really do not like that word... depressed.   I had not been sleeping good and also had muscle cramps so severe that I needed to take muscle relaxers.  I do not like to have to take them as they wipe me out and then I feel the need to sleep most of the day away.  

Not sure when the cramps in my legs will go away, if they ever will?  I had the issues when I was the biggest I was, although they occurred several times a day.  Now they happen sometimes but still just as severe as before.  Sometimes I will go days and days with out them... then sometimes it will be several days in a row that they happen.  I do nothing different so not sure why? they continue. 

Ok...

Good bye for now and hugs to whoever may have read this and actually gotten to the bottom of this blog!

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May update.... Focuss is always needed!!

May 05, 2013

Just sitting here, was in the over 50 BMI forum as this is where I like to post and lurk.   Tonight weighed and that dam scale said 230... Really earlier this week was 218 the lowest I have been since surgery.   Some days are so easy and some days are so hard.  I am back to the grind with journaling.  Awareness to the fact that the foot surgery is over and a great bike ride to tell be I am so not in shape.   Well at least how I was prior to surgery and fluid on the brain.   Things are getting better with health and exercise is back to happening!!   Eating great choices is so easy and feels so good.... Why do I even allow the crap to entise me!   

Life long journey this is!   I love every day, I know how to focuss and sometimes refocuss!   Equations of success is not full of guilt and the fact that I know to be aware.   Excercise is a must!  Good for me food actually tastes so good to me, it actually has flavor!  

So like everyone in life, I am using my tools and will it lose focuss of them!!  

 

I know where I came from and I know where I want to stay!   I am not done, but I love me and am so very comfortable that in have this in grips for life.   Just keep coming here and staying aware and mindful!!

hugs

and make it a great day!!

 

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Hello, down to 218lbs.

Apr 25, 2013

So I know the scale is slowly going down.... but it is still going down.  I still know that I have the tools and use them.  This is more than just the WLS tool.  I have now had foot surgery and still recovering from this.  Have had some other issues with fluid in my brain and working on that as I speak.  Things are all great though and never for one moment regret my WLS!   It has allowed me to have the tests needed to know things that I was only guessed apon due to my weight.  I will always have health issues but I know that the needed procedures are now options and open for me to live a longer life!  Gentics were not in my favor!   But I am blessed!!!!!  

I love living life and doing things that I have never done in my adult life because of my weight! 

This is a short smidge blog,  I have to go for now but wanted to just post something. 

Positively excited to see others success's and I love my connect to WLS community!   The local groups that I attend are wonderful and I recommend this to any who have opportunity to join up in local meet up!

hugs out to you all and make it a great day!

 

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Wow, did I really let a few months go by without an entry?!

Jan 06, 2013

I have been posting in the over 50 BMI forums and guess I have failed to post in my personal blog.  I really love coming to the OH website.   I attend a support group once per month in Seattle WA and I encourage everyone to come to the OH website!  Knowledge is power and also the supports around us can help us in the journey for live with regards to losing and maintaining.   

Since Sept. 2012 I have had surgery.   Oct 31, 2012 I had surgery at the UW Medical Center.   This was to reconstruct my abdominal wall and fix hernia.   They did not remove skin nor make my abdominal area look better.   However I do feel much better with regards to being able to do things with out feeling like my belly is going to burst.   They cut out old balled up mesh and I do not look pregnant now.   

I am working at losing the rest of my weight.  I love going to the gym!  Today my weight is 224 lbs.   This is the lowest that I have been since having the RNY gastric bypass surgery.   I look forward to the day when I am in the 100's......  I know that the day will come because I am determined and I know that it is possible if I beleive in myself and put the efforts into getting there!  I guess I go to the phrase... Where there is a will there is a way! 

I have jeans that are a size 16!  I wear a large to extra large shirts and jackets.  This is amazing to me.... Not so long ago, there was no clothes in even 10x that would fit.   The specialty stores for plus size would not even fit.  So yes this is a great feeling.   I still however gravitate to the bigger sizes thinking that I need them.   That part is hard to grasp on to sometimes.   If the day ever comes that I wear a single digit size clothing, I am not sure I will really beleive it.  Crazy how the changes are so mind boggling and yet I am in my own body.  I am so still the same Sherrie and yet when I see myself in the mirror I look so different.  

Well I will close.   But I will be back.   I will try not to let so much time go by without blogging here.   I usually just end up posting in the forum I go to all the time.

I LOVE WINNING AT LOSING!!!!

 

Hugs,

Sherrie

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