Penny S.

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  Well this liquid diet isn't so bad but I do have a headache though. grrr.  I am sure in a few days that it will all pass and things will be better.  I am still really nervous and I think that this has helped.  I saw the Vascular Surgeon today and he is still putting in a filter but he wants to put in a different one from the one he told me about back in Dec.  This one can stay in for up to 100 + days and still be removed vs the other ones that have a high rate in slippage and also have to be removed within 2-4 weeks or else they get stuck and it won't come out.  Of course these aren't in the US yet so I will be going under a study for it and have to give up my info (privately of course.  I become a number instead of having a name.  Only the Drs office will be about to tell who the patient is) and they follow me for statistics.  I told him that I trusted his judgement and would do what he saw fit.  I really do trust him as much as I do my Bariatric Surgeon.  I feel totally comfortable. I also met with a guided imagry person too and she made some meditation CD's for me so that for the next few days before surgery.... I can have something to help guide me and my emotions into a calm state for the big day.  This type of meditation is just a bit different from the norm.  You have to keep your mind active and help guide your subconscience to be calm (well, for me anyway).  Whew!  I felt sooo refreshed afterwards and will do this from now to the operating table and beyond.  I have CD's for after surgery too to help with overwhelming thoughts and such after.  I can't wait to hear them too.  They say that some people think it is hocus pocus but it really does work.  It is just meditation....  Well, time is slipping down to just a few more days and the nerves are really pouring in.  I will be okay though.  I really feel good about it when I am calm.  I never even had a "last meal" so to say either... I wanted to go to Benihana's and had planned on it for months but it just didn't play in the cards.  Oh well.... I had halibut and salad with spray dressing and a slice of sourdough bread with butter and of course Crystal lite... what a last meal... I was suppose to be bad.... Well, thanks again for letting me post my journey and always feel relieved when I do.... LOL Love always..... Penny

I had my pre-op today and I made it through.  It was an all day thing and I am soo exhausted.  I was at the hospital at 10:15 and registered then met with a nurse to go over hospital rules and what time to be there the day of surgery and things like that.  Then I went to Cardiology for an EKG and then down to have some blood drawn.  I then got to throw something down the hatchet and chased it down with some nice cold water....LOL (just teasin a bit here but I did have time to eat a nice salad and good cold water..lol).  Then I went up to the 2nd floor to the Bariatric Unit for 2 meetings.  One with the Bariatric Coordinator to go over what my hospital stay and what to expect and then I met with the Dietician.  She (actually they both) gave me so much information and thoughts to go home with that I am just sooo overwhelmed right now and totally exhausted.  I learned alot today.  I will sleep on it tonight and go over things in the packet they gave me over the weekend.
I then left the hospital and went across the street to meet for the last time with my surgeon.  She put me on a liquid diet for the duration of my time.  I was bummed about this at first but after remembering what others have said about how they wouldn't have changed it for anything because it better prepared them for life after surgery, that made me feel better and anything to help with that is a good thing.  It all is going to be so weird to say the least.  She gave me my instructions for the bowel prep and the meds needed for after surgery.  She was sooo excited that I lost another 10 pounds which brings my total too 45 pounds lost and I have met her amount that she wanted me to lose. WOOHOO!  I thought I would NEVER make it but I did.  It has been a hugs struggle for me to get it off.  My body wanted to hold on to it but I was determined to keep doing what I was doing and eventually I knew it would go... Whew!  LOL
I also had the ultrasound done on my legs for the vascular surgeon.  He is going to put the filter in before the bariatric surgeon does the RNY.  He needed to know if there was any blood clots before the filter was placed and the tech said all look well and so did the surgeon.  So I am on my way now gang...  .  
Thank you so much for giving myself and others a soft place to fall and come too when we just want to vent things out.  It really helps and to know that there are others out there that are going through the same thing.
Thank you for being YOU....
((((Hugs))))
Penny

Well... I am feeling just a tad anxious these days.  My time is coming quite fast and my emotions are ALL OVER THE BOARD... (meaning on the meter within myself) LOL.  As I have mentioned before... I had a really tramatizing experience when I had my gallbladder out in 2001 and even my counselor said that I will have to go through this in order to have a better memory for any other surgeries that may come.  Oh well... such as life.  I do feel that deep down inside that things will be just fine.
I have my pre-op tomorrow.  That will take up my whole day.  I start at 10:30 in the morning and won't be done until 4:30 pm. Whew!  and then the BIG WAIT begins.... LOL.  
Well... I will come in and jot down stuff should something come up.
((((Hugs)))

I thought I would come in and jot down some feelings that have come up with me these past few days.  I have been feeling a bit anxious about my upcome surgery on June 25th and how much that I have planned during this month also which will make time just fly by.  In 2001 I had my gullbladder out and while being put under... I stopped breathing before my light were out.  It petrified me to death.  I still remember it like it just happened today.  I have been reassured about how they will do it for my WLS and I feel much better about it but still having anxiety over it.  I will just have to wait and have it be MY experience in order to feel more comfortable about it.  Also I have been having thoughts about not being able to lose much weight with surgery too.  I think this is steming from the fact that I have struggled so hard with just losing this 38-39 pounds that I have just lost.  I try and try and the surgeon has made gestures even about it.  It is a hard hard road and now I understand how and why others opt to have WLS.  My hat goes off to us obese people with all they go through.  It is a very tough thing to deal with.  We know we don't like being where we are... we know we have to do something about it but yet it seems unreachable. Hmmmm....
I realize that I have a month to go (well... 26 days) but I know with all that is happening this month that it will fly by and before I know it.... I will be in the OR. 
Thank you for letting me vent and you visiting my little corner of the world.
(((((Hugs)))))

Someone asked me how many more days until my WLS today and I figured it out and it is 37 days from today.  OMG... I got some butterflies in my tummy just thinking about it.  I get so scared sometimes and then other times I am okay and excited.  Can't wait for the anticipation and waiting to be over with and be on my new journey.  This is killing me now...LOL.
I am starting a list of things that I want to get done and things that I need to go buy so that I am ready for my big event.  That is exciting too.
Well, I will post more as things come up.  Thanks for visiting now and have a great day.
(((((Hugs))))))

On May 15th I had to but my baby Sasha down and I miss her soooo very much.  I could never imagine my life without her and now here I am doing just that.  Trying to stay strong for all the other members of my family and missing her like crazy.  My other baby misses her too because she isn't even eating right now and just looks sooo sad.  I have been taking her with me where ever I go so that she doesn't feel as lonely as I do.  My heart is just sooo heavy and lost.  Today has been tough because my family is all at work and school and here I am just feeling so lost.  I know that time will help but..... meanwhile..... 
I have asked for her remains and we will decide what to do at a later time.  This was something that we all needed to do to help our healing process. 
                                  
Bless you baby girl and you will be greatly miss but never EVER be forgotten.  You will live on in my heart forever. You were a good girl and mommy loves you tremendously.  My you rest in peace and we will be together again someday.  Love you much. 
(((Hugs))))

It is on June 25th 2007.  Yippeeeeee!!!!!
I will be on that losers bench soon....
I met with Dr. Foster today.  She was really upbeat and was happy with the progress that I have made.  I told her that I thought that I was in starvation mode and was uping my protien and things and she thought it was a great idea.  She was very happy to schedule my surgery.  I was very pleased about how the whole appt went.  She was very supportive. I mentioned that I wanted to make another appt with the Nut. to learn a few things that I have never handled before and she was all for that too.  I have never been one to keep track of so many things other than fat and caleries, per say, and want to learn the ropes.
I saw my Psych yesterday too and we talked alot about the uping the protien thing and how I was feeling with my homework assignment that she gave me.  Which was to put my fork down after every bite.  I eat slower automatically.  I was sooo amazed.  It was frustrating at the beginning because it wasn't natural for me but after a few nights.... I like it and will continue to do it. 
Well, just wanted to come in and blog that I finally have a date.  I was so devistated last month with all of my emotions all over the place and having a bit of a break down but I finally did it.  
More to come...... 
((((Hugs)))

Well, I am really starting to feel the weight loss.  Even though it isn't much but I can feel it.  I only have another 1.2 weeks until my next appt with Dr. Foster and hope I can lose a few more before I go.  I have met the requirements that she wanted so i should get a date but if not.... I am not worried.  It is for good reason.
I am so happy that I am relaxed about this now.  I know that last appt. upset me so much and I realize now that I had so much emotions built up and I finally released them and I feel much better about it all.  I am losing too now that I am not so keyed up too.  Finally.  I felt like Dr. Foster thought that maybe I wasn't doing what I was suppose to do and wasn't serious about WLS and she had every right to.  I was only (am still am) having 800-1000 cals a day and walking 4-5 days a week.  So with this being said... I feel really good about where things stand.  I am losing slow still but at least it is on the downward and that is all I can ask for.
Thank you OH for all of your support during this stressful time in my journey here... I couldn't do it without you...  
(((Hugs)))

Well, I have been doing my homework that the Psychologist gave me to do.  That was to eat at the table with a clear concious of putting my fork down after each bite.  It has been really hard for me to do because it just isn't a habit.  I am learning that this really does make you eat slower.  I chew more and I also eat much slower.  I do have to concentrate on it though.  It made me frustrated the first few sittings but after that... I am getting the hang of it.  I turn off the TV and eat at the dinning table with the family and there is no distractions.  Very nice.

I wanted to say congrats to my Little Amy friend... You are doing a FANTABULOUS job on your recovery and I am proud of you.  Thank you again for the beautiful bracelet that you made me.  I will treasure it always.  You are a very special person.  Thank you so much for being YOU.  Are you running that marathon yet? LOL.

I also wanted to congratulate my Kelly girl.  You are doing so great.  I am soooo proud of you and I am standing with you all the way with this new journey/life change that we are coming upon.  Thank you for being YOU.  You are so special to me and glad we became friends.  You are the BESTEST...

(((((Hugs))))))

I am in a new Zip Code peeps... I finally did it and I am soo estatic about it.  I got below 400 pounds.  Something that I havn't been able to do since I got there.  I am so happy.  I have struggled a lot but I am persistant and I did it.  I weighed in at 398.7 this morning.  I have 2 more weeks to get off the rest but I want to have it all (the 30 pounds that is required for surgery) by the time I go in on May 1st.  
okay... I have lost 29.1 pounds to my books because I lost some before my consultation appt, but the surgeon's records are 21 pounds.  I have to get down a tad bit more.  I can do 9 pounds in 2 weeks... I will sure try to though...