7 years and counting!
Jul 09, 2009
I would have never thought that day 7 years ago as I stood outside the OR crying because I was so friggin scared of the unknown that I would be sitting here today happy about all the decisions I have made to this point and the growth I have made mentally.
In these 7 years, I have had my ups and downs and battles with the food demons, but I also know that I have this built in tool to reel me back in. It is a divine comfort...more so than the food!
In these 7 years, I have gone through 6 reconstructive operations....now that is the biggest shock of them all. I went from I would "NEVER" have reconstructive surgery to...I will only do my arms....to sheesh louise to have everything reconstructed from the neck down! That has all been worth it too even the pain okay? And yes there was a lot of that!!!
Along the way in these 7 years, I have met some pretty cool people too. Although some of them I am grateful to leave behind so to speak. I think I have posted this before, but a dear friend of mine who had surgery just about the same time I did always told me that "we are all sick when we get here to this point, but some are sicker than others." I use to have a hard time with her saying this, but she is so right. It is just sad that some people take their sickness to new heights.
I also know that in these 7 years, I have had the confidence to speak my mind, to grow professionally and to know that my grandchildren will never know a "fat" grandma!!!! It makes me think of my boys when I was going through the intial reconstructive surgery...they said to me, "We never thought we would have a skinny mommy." That meant the world to me when they said that to me. Up to that point, I had never really thought about it...but my boys never knew me any other way until then. Although they had seen me lose weight over the years and with wls....it was the reconstructive surgery that hit home with them. Me too for that matter.
All I know....7 years later and I would still make the decisions I have made with having wls and doing things they way I did. What I do know is that we all come into this world with everything basically set in stone for us. However sometimes there are ways to alter the course of your life....wls altered that course and sent me on a path that I want to continue to journey on down!
I am just cracking up
Jul 04, 2009
I love my life...can you honestly say that about yours...small minded people?
And yes I am cracking the hell up because you have only hurt yourself by your own actions!
Jul 01, 2009
This month marks another year down from having wls. This year marks the 7th year since I had it. I am amazed that 7 years has gone by actually.
Although my progress has been steady with some bumps along the way, I have found that other things in my life have not been steady. An old wl buddy of mine has told me over and over again that you cannot operate on the mind only the body and I am constantly aware of this in my own life and the others that I have encountered here.
It is almost ironic that those who protest the loudest of what they are not....in all actuality they are. How many of us have been hurt over the years with our obesity....many times....only to find a community where you feel you are safe....think again for sure.
Food still has its power...for the last few days I was set in a tailspin and I find this big empty hole of despair wondering how I could have misjudged so greatly?The outcome is loss and the need to stuff the feelings of rage that I feel.Why do I give it so much power....you tell me...isn't that the sickness? When you trust someone or at least when I trust someone with my feelings, I do not expect to get their back when it is out of their comfort zone. They should have trusted me...however like me....they choose to metaphorically eat it or perhaps go to others. I have been here a long time and have weather storms....not that there is a storm by any means, but I feel if I do not write my feelings down...the food is going to be pushed down my throat by myself.....but at the moment it is hard to say no.
How many of you were judged? It really hurts to be judge by your peers. To have a sanctimonious attitude is beyond me...I was always taught they we're equally in this walk of life.
All I know that when the mighty fall...they fall hard and when that veil is removed they are revealed. No one is perfect as I remind someone back a while ago and the only one who was....well was crucified.
So as walk through the lonely path of OH....all is good....I will continue to be me inspite of what others think....I will go to my grave being who I am and I will not turn my back on my friends and those who need the support!
You old timers know how important it is to support....7years and counting....and I will be here till this site no longer exists helping others achieve their goals!!!
HAPPY SURGIVERSARY TO ME 7/10/02
Almost have way through the year!
May 22, 2009
It has really been a good year for me. For the most part I have kept my weight off. I play with a few pounds and did gain hell of weight post last reconstructive surgery, but it was water. I am down...and a few pounds off from my lowest this year.
I continue to maintain a high protien diet with no white carbs. I love eating this way and it makes me feel the best. It has been so long since I have done white carbs, I think they do not really interest me. I still weigh and measure most of my food. I have dishes I know where to fill them and do not go past it. I do have to say that my stomach shrunk once again from surgery so I am capitalizing on that one for sure!
Last night was my first outting since I had surgery 2 weeks ago. I picked up a Teacher of the Year award...that was cool and I had my family there. Made it all the better. My grandchildren did not know what was going on, but that is okay...they will have pictures to remember and that is what is important!!!
Most of all if you are reading my profile...I just want to impart to you to never give up. You have to keep working that tool and it works as long as you are willing to work it is all I can say!!!!
1-3-09 What a difference!
Jan 02, 2009
Hope it will inspire people to know that no matter...you all have the will power to go forward and be a successful WLS person!
2009 is going to be a great year...I can feel it!
Dec 12, 2008
Okay it is not often that I get to get dressed up...causal out here in the desert for the most part, but I do get dressed up for school functions and when ever the occasion does arise. The kids wanted me to wear a dress as I was planning on wearing dress pants...but oh well....gave the me the opportunity to go and buy a dress.
It is so nice to be able to walk into Macy's or wherever and just buy a dress off the rack and have it fit me like a glove....I mean this dress is completely form fitting and as my friend who did my hair last night said...damn you are thin! I had no body trimmer on or anything like that and there was only bulges in the good places. It was pleated horizontally and the dress just felt yummy! Oh and no push up either...no bra at all in fact...my strapless too big!
So who says you can not look fab at 54 or older!
That tool works when you work it!
almost 6.5 years out!
The Muse behind the Mural
Oct 27, 2008
Several people have asked me about the woman I did the mural for in her memory.
Laura was an amazing woman for what I gathered from friends and family and even her husband said to me yesterday that she would have been embarrassed that someone would have done this for her because she did not like the attention. I will never forget her nor her husband who wants to stay in touch with me. I will always hear him say to me that he just didn't want her forgotten. Laura will not be forgotten in a million years because as far as I can tell...she was one in a million.
Here is the beautiful lady behind the source of my creativity:
You will never be forgotten!
Jul 19, 2008
Well 10 days after I had wls, I turned 48. Today I am 54 and so much more!!! That is my new motto!!!
I had misgivings about turning 54 this year. I was born in 54 and was turning 54. I was the mother of a 30 year old and also became a grandmother. I did not know if I could take it in stride, but I am here to say....yes this year is my year. Not only am I taking it in stride, I am enjoying that fact that made it here to be 54, healthy, happy and have this really great life!
I lost my mother 2 months after she turned 54 and even if she had not been ill, she was old for her age. I am so glad that one that I am healthy for my age, I surely do not feel old and how nice it was for me to hear people not believe I was that old!!! Great for the ego!!!
So here is me at 54 and feeling damn good about it!
how I ever got it in my head that this year was going to be diasterous!!!
Onwards and upwards to another great year!!!
July 9, 2008
Jul 09, 2008
Tomorrow is my 6 year surgiversary something that I surely cannot believe. I am 2 pounds right now heavier than when I was in high school and needless to say I was not obese in high school. I was very fit as I was way into atheletics. I ran track and was on the basketball team. I also rode a bike everywhere I went as I was not allowed to drive. So it was hoofing it or riding my bike!
I really have had an amazing year from my 5th to 6th year. In my 5th year I gained weight and felt hopeless to grabbing the bull by the horn so to speak and not only losing the weight I had gained,but I went on to lose 54 pounds to date and still going. I surpassed any of my expectations of wls or being where I am today. I wear 8/10 pants depending on cuts and I am in a medium top and large if it buttons (boob issues LOL).
Most of you know who follow my daily posts or whatevers that I cut the carbs out. I literally have not had a piece of bread, rice, pasta, pototaoes, the dreaded crackers (wheat thins to be specific) and dry Go Lean cereal since the 1st of the year. I keep my carbs to 40-50 a day and I get those from one serving of fruit and veggies and an occasional real low carb protien bar. I learned to weigh and meausre which I do not mind as my eyes and scale say different. I learned to be honest about my food and weight. I learned that as Rachel here put it "living my life out loud."
I have also managed to start exercising again no matter how bad my back an siactica hurts. Exercise I love, but after that motorcycle accident, I have had a hard time with motiviation. I promised myself this summer vacation that I would push myself to get myself into a routine so that when I went back to school in the fall, I would not let the exercise be something that eluded me again.
The other great thing that happened along this year was that I learned not to eat my feelings as I did with all the upset with my husbands niece caused. I also learned not to let certain individuals have an effect on how I felt even when they were rude enough to say different. It is sad to think that some people act the way they do.
This year also brought the two greatest loves in my life and that was the birth of Ava and Hunter. I remember thinking when Ava was born that she will never know Grandma Neen as being fat nor will Mr. Hunter. How cool is that? I will be fit and young enough to go chasing after grandchildren. I do not who I heard this from in the last week if it was here or wherever is that if they had known that being a grandparent was so cool they would have done that one first! I do not know about that, but I have to say being a grandparent has changed my life in more ways than one. I have so much love for them and I always say that my family started with me because I was adopted and my parents are no longer with me and my mother never even lived long enough to meet her grandson's. She died right after she turned 54 and on the 20th of this month I will be 54, alive and healthy!
I fully expect that I will continue to stay bad carb monster free. I am more dedicated and committed to this lifestyle more than when I first had wls or at any point in the previous any years. I realize now how I was only fooling myself.
As I go into the 6th year of post wls.....I plan on living it honestly with myself. Learn more about myself, surround myself with positive people who support me and continue my dedication or should I say rededication to the lifestyle that modern medicine afforded me.
May 3, 2008
May 03, 2008
Another month has passes since I have last posted. Wow that sounds like I am going to confession! LOL
Well since I have last posted, I am down 42 pounds and going strong! I cannot believe that at nearly 6 years (2 more months) that I can lose this kind of weight.
It feels realy good being bad carb free and not for moment have I given into the crack, bread, pasta, rice....ceral you name it carb. I occasionally treat myself to a drink at dinner when we go out, but that is about it.
This month brought my first pair of EVER size 8 pants. That blew me away! I know if I were to go and try on my 10 Levi's they would be loose for me. I just haven't worn them because it is 80 and higher out here in the desert now. It is shorts, skirts and dresses now. The only time I wear jeans in the summer is when I ride my motorcycle.
I also this past week bought a BCGB dress in a size medium which totally blew me away, but I will look hot hot in it at the wedding I am going to next weekend. Will have to post a picture.
Not all of WLS for me is about how I look either, although it sure is a perk. This recent loss has more to do with inner me to tell you the truth. I have had to learn how not to stuff my feelings with food even more now than ever.
It is not easy standing up for yourself and telling people when you have had enough. I did this yesterday to someone and they did not like it and now are acting childish....their loss really and their issues. I just realized I am not okay with people taking snipes at me thinnly veiled in passive aggressiveness if you know what I mean.
All of what comes up for me is taking care of me the best way I can without food. I know is important and I have been told by the therapist that it is okay to say something and if you don't how are they ever going to know.
Well I hope to come back here next month and have steady progress. I would really like to start working to get another 20 pounds off and then learn how to maintain that!