Luvsdaislands
2/16/06 -- This is my first entry even though I have been on this site and a while now. I am 35 years old, single mother of 2 boys (14 and 15), I am 5'6", weigh about 370...don't look it so I can that I carry it well. Well I have been playing around with WLS for YEARSSSS...i'm going to have it....i'm not going to have it...i'm going to have...i'm not going to have it...now I am back for my FINAL journey....I'M GOING TO HAVE IT!!! I have major steps in my eyes by going to my first info session the other day and one tonight, where as I normally just research on the web and talk to a few folks. Soooo YAH FOR ME!!!
I have talked to BCBS and have found out that the process will be fairly easy...but I am thinking that's it's too good to be true because it seems that life is just not easy for me. Well, let me rephrase that...the LORD sees fit that I am actually ready for what is to come. I have overcame many obstcales(sp?) in my 35 years on this earth and lately when I thought everything was going to be good BAM! things go crazy but I just realize that it's OK and that I will be ALRIGHT, it's GOD's way of putting me in my place and telling me to chill for minute so that the outcome will be best for me and GLORIFY HIS NAME! AMEN?! AMEN!!
2/17/06 -- OK I did the BMI Goal weight thingee and it said that if I want to loose 85% of my body fat that my GOAL weight should be 177! I don't even remember weighing 177, but it had to be in either elementary school or middle school. In the 9th grade I weighed 198...a day that I will NEVER forget in gym class!!
One of Dr. Fullum's assistants said that I could have a surgery date in April...WOW, WOO, WHOA all the same time!!! That's kinda quick, I was expecting around the Fall, but if it is in God's plan then I have to follow though and get ready. I have an appointment with a PCP on March 1 and we will see how that goes!
2/23/06-- LONG POST
I notice that a lot of people update when they have an appointment or to report where they are in the process, I want to journal my thoughts, progress, the good and the bad, my feelings as well as everything else...so here goes...oh and I have A LOT on my mind and A LOT to say. I can express myself in written words than speaking.
I see that some people go through depression after surgery, I see that some people make their goal weight but still are not happy and I ask myself...WHY?! And then I say that maybe they thought that if they loose weight that all of their problems will be solved or that people will see them in a different light. I pray that I do not get depressed after surgery, and even though I have those thoughts that my life will be better on the other side I am not totally focused on that outcome. I would like to get under 200lbs...I would be happy at 199.9lbs. I know that when I loose weight I will have more energy and motivation to do the things that I used to do but I know that my current weight is not the BIG reason that I don’t have motivation, it’s other things that I choose not to speak on at this moment. But I figure that if I don’t place all my happiness based on my weight lose then I should not be depressed on the other side.
I posed this question to myself....Am I addicted to food? Is food a comfort for me? I really don’t eat that much, whenever I go out to eat I RARELY eat the entire order, I guess it’s the type of food I eat and that I often eat while lying down, I eat lat at night, usually right before bed and I always seem to go to sleep right after eating if I am in the house but while I am out or at work I do not go to sleep.
I see this surgery as a blessing in so many ways. Is a financial blessing because I will not have to buy large quantities of grocery and I can stock up on meets that I can buy in bulk from Sam’s or Costco and I can save so much money during the weekdays...I easily spend $15-20 per day on breakfast and lunch. With all the money I will be saving I will be able to live life better and give me and my sons the life that we deserve. It’s a health blessing because I will get rid of my High Blood Pressure and prevent diabetes (runs in my family), get rid of the aches in my ankles, back pains, chest pains will be gone, not get out of breath walking, be able to walk faster, feet pain will be gone more energy. It’s a physical blessing, I will be able to workout, walk faster, look better in clothes, feel more confident, where high heels, dance all night long, fit comfortable in a place seat, train seat, bus seat, ride in a car and not the seat belt feel and fit better, more energy to do things, fit in a amusement ride. It’s a mental blessing it will help with SOME of my issues. It’s a spiritual blessing because though this process (and some other things in my life) I have come closer to God, been more prayerful, have been surround by a lot of spiritual people, been ministered to through stores and testimonies, had prayers sent up by people I don’t even know..
I am in a Christian Battle. I know that I am!!! because there are too many obstacles, things happening in my life, GOD is desperately trying to fight for my life. Back in the 90's I was in the church, going every Sunday, going to Bible Study, joined the church, kids were in the choir and then I just stopped because I wanted to do other things like, party, drink, have sex, curse, and it was a battle back then because I was fighting with good and evil, right and wrong. BUT TODAY and the past months have been a DIFFERENT battle—it’s a battle for my life!!! I don’t go to church but I pray everyday, I red the Bible, my thoughts are changing, what was once funny is not funny anymore, what was once me being mean and hateful and I am not anymore. And the funny thing is that something inside of me kept saying you are going back to Christ WOW!! God is fighting for my life!!!! There are people praying for me and I don’t know who and/or why...but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
3/16/06
My PCP approved me for WLS and ordered my blood work, abdomial sonogram and referral for the surgeon. I will update more later, I am off to for a pelvic sonogram for my fibroids.
3/17/06
Yesterday I was suppose to get a sonogram but it was inconclusive so I have to wait and make another appointment. My WLS will be based on when I get treatment for my fibroids. My PCP said that I should get my fibroids taken care of first before WLS since heavy bleeding is associated with fibroids. But in the in between time I will be getting all my test done for WLS. My first initial thoughts are to just get the fibroids treated and not a hysteroectomy so that I can hurry up and get the WLS done. BUT I really don't want the fibroids coming back years later and having to suffer from all this again. But it's just a waiting game right now.
Here is my list of what I want to accomplish after WLS, I know I will have more to add at a later date:
THINGS I WANT TO DO ONCE THE WEIGHT IS OFF!
1. Go horseback right in Jamaica in the ocean, their current weight limit for the horses is 250lbs.
2. Be able to wear cute panties.
3. Not have my panties roll under my stomach
4. Be able to wear a smaller size panty, Now I go to Walmart/Target and wither they don’t have my size or they just have pack of plain white cotton panties...UUGGHH
5. Be able to ride a carosel
6. Be able to ride a roller coaster
7. Be able to fit completely under an umbrella
8. Be able to do pilates and not pass out and do the ENTIRE DIVD.
9. Bend over and tie my shoe and not have to grasp for air
10. Go to a restaurant and not have to worry if I can fit in the booth
11. Go to a restaurant and FIT comfortably in a booth
12. Ride an airplane and not need a seat belt extender and be able to leave the arm rest down
13. Get rid of my high blood pressure and not develop diabetes.
14. Be able to shop at any store and not just Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart
15. Be able to shop at the front of Simply Fashions and not in the back at the SUPER plus section
16. Be able to cross my legs at the knee
17. Be able to ride ALL the rides at Amusement parks
18. Be able to walk a block and not get tired or out of breath
19. Be able to wear high heeled shoes again
20. Be able to share a seat on a train/bus with another person. (It’s not nice when the train is crowded and folks can sit down because I take up 2 seats)
21. Have more energy
22. Be able to walk faster
23. Be able to stand up and my have to rock from side to side to even the pressure on my feet
24. Be able to wrap a normal size towel around my body (got some nice ones from Hecht’s the other day...can’t wait)
25. Be able to dance all night long at the clubs
Smooches until next time
3/29/06
So yesterday I did my bloodwork, they took so much blood that I thought I was going to pass out!! And they took a urine sample also and of course I didn't have to "go" so I drunk some water walked around and came back and MADE myself "go". I also had an Ultrasound done (don't know if this is "routine" because I have not heard anyone speak on this) they checked my liver (mama and grandma died from liver cancer), kidneys (kidney disease runs in my family), gallblader, stomach (been having these pains here lately) and whatever else is in that area of the body. They had me in the ultrasound room for 30 minutes taking pictures...glad it was a man and he was a cutie, but then the head techincan came in and she took over and then asked me if I had HEPATITIS(sp?) I said "no, why do you see something?" she said "no, everything looks fine I was just asking since they want to check so much inside of you today" I said "you are checking some major organs, don't ask me nothing like that...making my blood pressure go up thinking you done found something negative" skinny women ARE evil!!!
So on tomorrow is my initial consultation with the surgeon, I am very excited about that because I will get all the info I need to complete my journey towards WLS. ONLY thing that is holding me back in my fibroids (changed GYN's because I wasn't getting anywhere with my present GYN). I will need to get the fibroids taken care of before WLS because of the huge amounts of blood loss due to the tumors in my uterus.
Smooches until next time
4/3/06 -- Let's see what to report today....had my consultation with the surgeon on 3/30/06 and on 3/31/06 I made ALL my "ISTS" appointments I will have all complted by the end of April. I go for my sleep consultation 4/24/06, and then the actual sleep test on 6/4/06 (the earliest they had!!!) I tell you every "ISTS" was booked solid for the next 2 weeks...is everyone getting WLS done!? LOL! Anyway, I am on my way. Now I have to come out of pocket with some co-pays and I have to pay $90 for the nutrionIST so with all my appointments I have I will be paying a total of $300, that includes my follow up (2nd app.) with the surgeon's office. I have a follow up with my PCP, but she is going to do it over the telephone so that I will not have to pay a copay.
ANDDDDDD I have lost ............... 10lbs!!!!
SMOOCHES!!!!
4/10/06 --
I had to put my appointments on hold because I need to move and I just don't have the money to move and money for copayments right now. I don't know when I will be having my surgery but I do know that it will be before the end of the year, I just had a minor setback and I am trusting God with my life that he will bring me through!!!
I have read hundreds of profiles on this site and I just want to say that a person really needs to approach this WLS individually, we all get basically the same surgery but we all have different results...the human body is amazing!!! Some people do good and some people do bad, but I have come to my own conclusion that if you follow YOUR surgeon's rules then you will do fine. I see people "testing" food too early or testing the wrong foods, if you docotor and all the research tells you to not eat a particular food then DON'T eat it!! It really bothers me to see people complaining about the surgery not working and they are not doing what they are suppose to do. Now I have seen people post that they do what they are suppose to do and still miminal results and in my readings I have come to the conclusion that these people had something wrong with them they they needed to go back to the hospital to be corrected. I encourage all to read the profiles with a grain of salt and do what your surgeon and body tells you to do...I know I will when the time comes.
Smooches until next time...
6/5/0-- Hello all, it's been a while since I last updated so here is everything in a nutshell... I moved into a new apartment, I will be moving into a house sometime after November hopefully before Thanksgiving. My WLS and all the tests were put on hold because I needed to move so now that that is done I need to pick back up from where I left off. So today I will be making a ton of telephone calls. I was debating if I should wait until I move into my HOUSE, after the summer, after my trip to Jamaica, until I get new furniture, etc. etc. one of my good friends had sent me an email and in it he said "we can not keep putting off ...UNTIL, we need to stop staying ...when I get more money, when I move, when I loose weight, we need to cease the moment and realize that we are HAPPY RIGHT NOW" so that gave me motivation to get back on track with WLS now and not weight.
But I am worried that I do not have certain things...like a couch (mines was broken so I had to throw it out), a firm chair, a firm bed <<<<< things that I will need to make me comfy during the first few weeks/months. And I don't have the $$$ to up an purchase those things and I wanted to wait until I moved into my house to get all the new stuff. Maybe I can just get some inexpensive things for now and make do with them. Anyway I am just rambling along right now so I will just end it here
Smooches until next time!
6/14/06 -- I have not rescheduled any of my appointments...PROCRASTINATION is a big part of it and another part is my doubts about WLS is coming back. I looked at pictures of myself last year at this time and I was really HUGE and I look at myself TODAY and I am much smaller...still huge but smaller and most of my summer clothes I brought last year I can not wear because they are TOO BIG and they look very tacky on me. So this is where my WLS doubts are coming in, I don't know how much I weigh now since I haven't been on a scale since March but I do know that I am smaller and I mean I can now share a seat with folks on the subway...THAT'S HOW MUCH WEIGHT I HAVE LOST!!!!!! My arms are coming down, they don't flab and flap as much, clothes that was once too tight are now loose.
So I am thinking to myself, if I can keep this up why have WLS? In my mind I keep saying that WLS is a way to get a person to eat correctly and take daily vitamins. Do I really want to limit my food? I am not worried about the amount of food, just the types of food I will not be able to eat anymore. AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH life is hard, why am I rethinking this WLS? I don't know what to do!!???
Until next time......
7/29/06 -- I'm back!!! I have switched surgeons, I now will be using Dr. Gary Harrington as my WLS surgeon. Dr. Fullum relocated his practice to Baltimore, MD and I will leave it at that. Soooooooooooo anyway I am still loosing weight on my own, (can now fit size 24 bottoms and tops, size 22 skirts..still need 26's in some things but 28's are now TOO BIG!!!) if I can accomplish this on my own without the help of a TOOL you can just imagine what I can accomplish with it!!!! WOOHOO go ME!!
I have started going back to the gym, not eating like I should but it's summertime ...too many cookouts! LOL! Anyway I have made my initial consultation with Dr. Harrington for August 30th (that man is booked solid for the month of August!!) I have an info session and support group meeting on August 8th and I also have my psych evaluation and meet with the nutritionist on that date. I just have to get an appointment with my PCP so I can get my health records and recommendation for WLS letter from her office.
Until next time...SMOOCHES
8/4/06 -- My feelings...well first let me thank all those that sent me emails, I truly truly thank all of you, I try to respond to all as soon as I can, you have been such a blessing for me. Now to what is going through my head...I HAVE NEVER BEEN SMALL well at least I can't remember, I have always been a chubby lil girl. I remember growing up and spending summers in North Carolina at my grandmother's house with her and my aunts would always say "oh Lana will start loosing weight when she gets 12 or 13 because that's when I started to loose my baby fat". Well as you can see I am 35 and the baby fat AND adult fat is still here! Now this was my daddy's side of the family and all the men are tall and thin to medium and the ladies are "THICK"...not FAT but true thick sistas with hour glass figures. My mama's side of the family was different, they were all thin until they reached their late 20's 30's...with the exception of MY MAMA she was always a lil chunky but not obese. There are not any small women in my immediate family (aunts, uncles, cousins) so I don't know how I would coop with being under 200lbs. (that's my goal I am shooting for...I'm not doing this surgery to still be fat and unhealthy).
I keep trying to picture how I would look under 200lbs., I try to look at some of my mama's old pictures (I look EXACTLY like her) but like I said before she was always a lil chunkier than the other sisters and when I look at her pictures I picture myself smaller than that....STRANGE!!! But she is not big at all. OK I see that I am going to have some issues with accepting my smallness. I was for the most part happy with my bigness but somewhere along the way I became UNhappy which is why I am on this journey...to be HAPPY! to be SMALLER! to be HEALTHY! to be SEEN and not invisible!
In closing this entry I want to clairify that I am PRE-OP, I got a few emails thinking I was post-op...I guess because in my last entry I reported that I lost weight. I did loose weight but it was on my own.
Smooches until next time...
8/9/06 -- Yesterday was a LONGGGGGGGG day, it started with having my psych. evaluation, then to the nutrition class, then to Dr. Harrington's info session and ended with Dr. Harrington's support group meeting. Let me say that everything went good with the exception that the hospital did not have me pre-registered and my insurance pre-approved so I had to wait an hour while they did that, which made me miss my 1:00pm appointment, but it just wasn't me, it also happened to another lady too. We both arrived at the same time, but the baratric coordinator Maureen Fama was STILL able to see both of us...Maureen scored major points with me because most places would had made us reschedule.
Next was a VERY informative nutrition class where I got to taste some proten drinks...most was pretty good and some was down right N A S T Y... Unjury strawberry sorbet. YUCK! and Isopure double YUCK! the best was Carnation Instant Breakfast and Nectar lemonade. So I will be purchasing both of those for right after surgery.
Dr. Harrington's info session was good, I already knew about most of the stuff they talked about from research that I have done. ALFREDA...I finally got to meet her, I have heard so much about her and she is everything and more!!! Alfreda got my date for my initial consulation moved from August 30 to August 15!!! And if I have no complications from my other test I could get a surgery date for early September as I have BCBS Federal.. Alfreda made me happy to be a Federal Government worker last night because she gave us the news that ALL insurance companies with the exception of BCBS FEDERAL now require 6 months of documented medicially supervised weight loss attempt before they will approve you. So being that I am a federal employee I don't have to go through that!!! Well thank you OPM!!!
I also got to meet MsShoeGoddes and Gbetta last night at the support group meeting. BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL women inside and outside, MsShoe was the one that guided me in the right direction to Dr. Harrington and I will be eternally grateful to her for that because words can not describe Dr. Harrington and his team. They make you feel like you are family, welcoming you with open arms, answer all questions and don't give you that "you are getting on my nerves" look when asked, they had smiles on their faces and were very informative.
Well I think that's it for now...will update next week after my initial consulation.
Smooches until next time....
8/28/06-- I thought I had updated this...oh well here we go.... I had my initial consultation and had all my test done and I have a date SEPTEMBER 5, 2006 at 7:45am (Lord knows I am not a morning person). I have to be at the hospital at 6:00am and I have to have an IVC Filter placed because of my BMI (I gained weight so my BMI went up...BUT I can still weigh on a regular scale). I have just been hit with a $200 copay on day of surgery that I had not planned on so that throws me off a lil with some bills and other things I was going to purchase AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!! I was thinking about cancelling the procedure but I trust that God will make a way.
Smooches until next time....
TODAY is 9.26.06...but let me take you back *que music*...It's 9/5/06 DAY OF SURGERY....last night I slept well. My surgery was to start at 7:45am...I get to the hospital on time at 6:30am in rush hour traffic and a monsoon!!!!!!!! It was pouring down raining that my brother could barely see the road. So I reguster at the admissions area, then head to the surgery admissions and in bothe processed I only had to sign 2 papers that to Pre-register over the phone last week. I am getting nervous and am rethinking WLS...can you believe it!?!?.
So one ot the nurses comes and get me and takes me back to the pre-surgical area and there were about 5-6 other people there to get different surgies. (also my 14 year old son was with me the entire time, my brother had to go to work) The nurse (wonderful lady) give me my attire for the next two days-- hospital gown, compressor stockings, surgical slippers and cap. I change and then head to the booth area where my son and another pre-op nurse is waiting. He tells me some things, have me sign some papers then he leaves. I am talking to my son and say "Idon't think I am going to have the surgery" He looks at me and says "Mommy you are here, have gone through alot to get here, have the surgery" I keepy saying "I am not having it"
Then enters Charlotte (the pre-op nurse that saved my life) and then in comes the anaselogist, Charlotte starts my IV, anaselogist is explaining things to me, I hear nothing and I start to cry and kept saying "I can't do this, I am scared, I'm not doing it", my son is getting angry with me and some of the other pre-op nurses come over and try to comfort me. Charlotte took the lead and comforted me and I was fine........................... so I thought!!!!.
The first pre-op nurse comes over and discuss some more things and then I blurt out loudly "I HAVE TO BM, CAN I GO TAKE A BM" my son is cracking up, the nurse tells me where to go, I have a BM, looking in the mirror "I can't have this, it's not for me: I leave out the bathroom head back to my booth and then Dr. Harrington comes over, by now they are wheeling the other patients to there OR's. I am having an aniety attack, I can't sit still, I can't think right, Dr. Harrington is talking to me assuring that I making the right decision and comforting me, I have to listern becaue I am freaking out. Dr. Harrington leaves and in comes Dr. Laurie he is the surgeon that is going to insert my IVC Filer and he talks to me to comfort me. Then he leaves and my son is furious with me because he says I am being a wimp and how I always talk about being a strong woman, etc.
So all patients have left, it's 8:00am and i decide to go through with the surgery but I am still scared to death and not 100% sure. They put me in a wheel chair and the anaselogist give me something to calm me down.....OK after that I remember being wheeled into a room and saw a table with some type of arm sturrips that made me feel like Jusus being cruicifed on the cross, I mumble something about Grey's Anatomy, then I remember getting on the bed and people sticking things on me, then I felt cold air and was told to breath deep and the next thing I hear is my name being called and do you know what the first thing out my mouth... "AM I ALIVE" the post op nurse said YES, you're alive and in recovery and I heard the other folks laughing, LOL. I looked at the clock on the wall and it said 1:00pm. Then I manage to yell "I"M COLD" and then I felt a warm blanket, saw other patients then I was out again, woke back up saw Dr. Harrington on the other side of the room tried to call his name but nothing came out, back to sleep. Then a voice "Is anyone here with you" I say "my son, my cousin...and then I hear Dr. Harrington's voice say the same thing and out again I was.
They wheel me out of recovery , I see my son and my cousin, I get to my private room get in my bed, my son, my cousin nurses are talking to me, I am answering but can't remember too much because I was still drugged. My cousin leaves to get my other son from school. My other son start telling me who called and he is returning calls to people for me....for 14 he was really handling everything like a grown up or better.
The nurses at Washington Adventist are the BEST!, bringing me ice chips, sugar free popciles, and spermint mouth swabs. Later that day my brother and two best friends come to visit me and bring me balloons and cards. They let them stay wayyyyyyyyy past visiting hourse which is great. Didn't get much rest because they are constantly taking my temperature, blood pressure, checking my lungs, giving me pain medicine. I only walk one time today. Rosa is my evening nurse...God Bless here because she helped me get up, go the bathroom, wipe me, and change my tampon (yes, I was having my cycle!!!). I awoke at 4:00pm on Sept. 6 and my IVE was unplugged, the overnight nurse unplugged it because it kept beeping, I didn't get it plugged untilt he morning nurse came on duty, I was not getting any fluids for about 4 hours!!!!
9/6/06 -- I get to eat breakfast, which was chicken broth, jello and Ice tea Crystal Light. I got down 4 teaspoons of crystal light and about 2-3 teaspoons of jello and 1/4 cup of broth, lunch was the same but I ate more jellor and crystal light. Dinner was the same but I didn't eat much at all. In between I ate ice chips and drunk water.
I was discharged at about 8:00pm that night, I tried to sleep in my bed and was sleeping good, then I had to pee. Well it took me some time to get up because of the pain which came from using my stomach muscles in order to get up and I ended up peeing on myself. So after I cleaned up I grabbed my pillows and blankets and slept in my big comfy chair in the living room, still didn't sleep well but it was much easier getting up.
9/14/06 -- I HATE proten shakes that only taste good with milk. I am not a milk drinker, only drink milk with cereal or for dipping cookies. I must order NECTAR or this surgery will fail me. The protein shakes are litterly making me nauseated and vomit from the taste, I must have a fruity protein drink!!!!!!! FULL LIQUIDS is the PITS!!!!! broth, soups, blended soups, jello, yogurt, pudding popcicles<<<
Today I went throught a "I WANNA EAT SOMETHING" episode, but I didn't, I just made me some blended chicken soup 1/4 cup and a 1/4 cup of jello. I am missing food a little bit but if it wasn't for the fact that I know I will be able to eat in a week I would probably need some therapy. Does the need for food come from hungerness---HECK NO! It's head hunger and a need to tast something in my mouth. These are not the hardest 3 weeks in my life but it's in the top 10! I know you probably think I am complaining alot but I really am not , just trying to adjust.
My body feels fine, like I never had surgery by day four I was moving better doing stuff around the house. Now I can sleep and relax in my own bed and get out of it just fine...no pain. I try to walk outside for 15-30 minutes everyday, if not I walk from my living room to the bedrooms several times a day, during commercials, etc. I walk in place for a count of 100 or until the commerial goes off. I do arm circles and other arm movements each day.
10/4/06-- OK I finally finished updating my 3 weeks at home...I am not back to work as of 9/25/06...last week was terrible because I was nauseated the entire week due to post-nasal drip irratating my pouch. This week I am feeling better...I am down about 35-38lbs which bring my weight to about 317lbs. I really need to get on some type of schedule because my eating habits are all over the place. When I was home I got up, protein shake, breakfast, vitamins, lunch, protein shake, vitamins, dinner....now it's up and out the door and vitamins at work, maybe breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, proten drink, home proten drink, maybe dinner and off to bed....NOT GOOD!!! My problem is that I do not like to eat EARLY in the morning, I can't stand to have anything in my mouth EARLY in the morning (I know STRANGE!) but that's just me and my taste buds and if I try to drink, eat I will gag and vomit...I need JESUS...he is the only one that can help me...to those reading this please please please pray for me!!!!!
Smooches until next time....
