Inspiration after all these years

Jan 12, 2012

Well, if anyone is still around to find my blog....I'm ba-ack!  I'm still down the scale but not as far down as I'd like.  I'd like to lose another 25 pounds.  Divorce sure brings back emotional eating and I did a little bit of it even ready to celebrate my 2nd Divorciversary.  So, why am I inspired?  I have a new love in my life.  He's such a cheerleader for me.  I want to get back to my happy weight.  And, better yet, his ex-wife has now joined OH and joined us on the Loser's Bench TODAY!!!  Congrats Tami!!!

So, Tami's surgery has inspired me to get back on track.  I'm calling wonderful Dr. Iqbal so I can pay him a visit.  I've not kept up with my post-surgery visits or labs.  The ex-husband got frantic that I was even close to losing half myself (at 134 pounds he was PI$$ED) so he wouldn't "allow" me the car keys to see Dr. Iqbal.  Nice guy huh.  Maybe it's HIS fault I found myself at 123 pounds. LOL  Anyway, a new life and a new love have inspired me to get my butt back on the proper vitamin and food regimen.  Honestly, I know my pouch is still operational.  I still can't really finish a full kiddie meal.  Yeah pouch!  But, I have found some bad habits.  Yup, I do grab a Diet Coke now and then and I haven't been drinking water like I should.

But, it's the beginning of my 5th birthday (I count May 25, 2007 as my rebirth date) and I'm getting back on track!

A big hello and bigger hugs to my OH family!  Thank you for getting me thru the surgery and, in spirit, thru a crappy divorce.  I love you all!!!

* Cyndi *
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It's Almost Time for School Again

Sep 02, 2010

Well, if you're reading this, thanks for hanging with me!  Life for me and Britt is so wonderful!  I became divorced on February 1, 2010.  YEAH!!!   I didn't stay "single" long.  I'm now living with the true love of my life.  He moved to be with us in late July.  I FINALLY have the family I always wanted.  He's incredible with Brittany and she loves him so much.  We know a wedding is in our future but there's just no rush.  We're so happy and want to take advantage of this time.  He's very supportive of my post-op life but doesn't get how I can eat so little and still function. LOL  Some days I think I eat WAY too much.  I've been bad and haven't had my labs done in about 2 years.  That's how long it's been since I saw my surgeon.  Let's just say Dan is NOT happy about it.  I promised him I'd make an appointment and I will once school starts back up again.  Other than that I'm still below goal, still thrilled with my RNY and so excited about the future!  Thanks for reading! 
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Some Updates

Sep 20, 2009

Here I am almost 30 months out.  I'm still doing well in post-op life.  I have, however, returned to some bad habits.  I'm still less than my surgeon's goal but I feel like a big, fat pig some days.  I'd like to lose 15 lbs to get back to my lowest.  There's no way I'm buying clothes in a bigger size.  It's the principle of it now.  lol  I'm still in size 4 but size 6 fits better. lol

Life has been a roller coaster of sorts.  As my May 2007 family knows, my husband has been less than supportive of the new me.  The word "repulsive" was tossed out more than once.  I joined an "adult" chat site though my end of it is more "chat" than "adult".  If anyone wants more info, private message me.  I've actually met 10 people who had RNY so we talk about post-op life a lot.  My husband also joined this virtual world and has become horribly addicted to it.  So addicted that he'd come to bed at 5:50 am knowing I wake up by alarm at 6.  Well, hugely long story short, I was in a "club" in this virtual world and the live DJ played a song by Tesla.  You 80s babies will remember Tesla.  Anyway, their new song is called "Breakin' Free".  Read the lyrics.  That night I got the kick in the skinny ass I needed.  On September 11 I filed for divorce.  This virtual, yet very live DJ plays this song for me at every show.  It gave me the strength because that song is 100% about my life.

I'm not sure what the future will bring but it has to bring better things for me and my daughter.  She's fine with the divorce.  Some events happened that have made her HATE him with every fiber of her being and I find that sad.  So, I'm not only doing this divorce for me, but to show her that no woman, or person for that matter, deserves to be treated badly.

Sorry to make this post so long but I wanted to let you all know what's going on.  Surgery brings lots of changes.  Some changes are fabulous and some really make you open your eyes.  But, I wouldn't trade my new life for my old one ever!
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Happy 2009!

Jan 01, 2009

I can't believe it's a new year already.  This time two years ago I was in the process of researching and starting the pre-op process.  In May I celebrate my 2nd surgiversary.  Sometimes it seems like another lifetime when I wore 2X tops and size 26 jeans.  Today I wear XSmall tops and size 4 jeans which are now a bit big.  Infreakingcredible is all I can say about this journey.

I have a feeling 2009 will bring about some big changes for me.  I won't bore with details here.  I just want things to be much better and now have the self-confidence to make those things happen for me and my daughter.  In the end, her happiness is my top priority.

Wishing all of my OH family a safe, happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!
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OMG....I can't believe it!

Nov 27, 2008

When I started this journey in early November 2006 I was 265.8 pounds.  That's my highest weight ever.  I just celebrated my 18 month surgiversary on November 25th.  It was a great day.  I had a lot of time for reflection that day.  Today is forever marked on my calendar.  I always joked about being half my old size.  Getting to 140 was hard enough.  My surgeon's goal was 150 and I sailed past that.  But, this morning I hopped on my scale in anticipation.  Not only was it NOT 132.9 it was 132.4!!!!  I hopped on the scale 6 times.  Yes, I got my beloved scale picture too.

I've been blessed that this journey has been a relatively easy one for me.  I've had it MUCH easier than most.  And, I thank God for it every day.  I don't want to lose anymore weight.  My mom thinks I'm far too small.  I'm 5'8" so I'm sure she's right.  I don't eat like a bird.  I do eat pasta, pizza, kiddie cereal and all the things that "should" make me dump.  But, I don't dump.  Maybe that's good....maybe that's bad.  But, whatever, I'm so happy and so blessed.

I hope you all had a Blessed Thanksgiving too!

18 Months Post-Op.....Some Reflections

Nov 26, 2008

Yesterday I celebrated my 18 month surgiversary.  Today I got a shock with my lowest scale number ever....133.8.  I never thought I'd stay below 140 let alone THIS far below.  It's kind of surreal.  If I see 132.9 on the scale I'll be exactly half my highest weight.  That freaks me out.  When I took the picture of Susie and me in my pre-op jeans it hit home how really HUGE I was.  I've literally lost Susie plus a couple pounds.  Un-freaking-real!  I'm still in size small or x-small shirts and size 4 jeans.  The 4s are a little big in the waist but I can't fathom being able to wear size 2.

I've been a little emotional lately.  Mark had what they suspect was a mild heart attack two weeks ago Saturday.  I won't go into it but he's home and well.  However, his doctors were not communicating and he was dangerously over medicated.  Funny enough, his weight was working for him.  But, all is well now.

I've definitely had my ups and downs in the last 18 months.  I've had little to no to negative support from Mark.  That's pretty evident in my posts here.  But, ya know, I did this surgery for me and not him.  He's pulled the old "you have a mental problem still wanting to lose weight" trick.  I'm not "trying" to lose weight.  It's happening.  Whether I like it or not, I "am" Cyndirella with no help here.  I'm completely run down.  I forget to take my vitamins.  I'm just not doing what I know I'm supposed to do.  I do have to get back on track for my own good.

So, at 18 months out I'm down 132 pounds officially.  It's been a pretty great ride.

Such a Sad Day

Nov 01, 2008

Special people come in and out of our lives.  Some are there for a moment and some a lifetime.  Four years ago my great Uncle Clyde passed away.  His wife, my great Aunt Thelma, didn't drive.  After his death, I would take her once or twice a week for errands.  At the time she was about 94 years old.  We had a great time!  She's always been gorgeous.  You know, one of those very put together older ladies.  Hair and outfits always perfect.  She was the light of my Dad's life.  She and Uncle Clyde never had children so my Dad was their little man.  Funny, but my Dad is a very young 68 and he's just been terrific to her since Uncle Clyde passed.  They were one of those couples that were destined to be together and they loved each other so much.  All she wanted to do from the time Uncle Clyde passed was to join him.  Well, today, around 11:30 a.m., she got her wish.  She was messing with her hair this morning and the Hospice nurse thought she was rallying.  My Dad, however, knew it was time.  She was fixing up to see her beloved Clyde.  Mom met me, Mark and Britt at a restaurant for lunch.  We were just sitting in the booth when Mom got the call from Dad.  We excused ourselves and I came back with Mom.  Dad was okay by the time we got there and I got to see Aunt Thelma.  It was to be quite a while before she was officially pronounced so we could spend time with her.  It's such a sad day for all of us.

Halloween, Losing again and an ER visit

Oct 23, 2008

Halloween is my favorite time of the year.  Sure, I LOVE decorating for Christmas, but Halloween rules!  I had a battle online yesterday with a very religious friend.  He sees it as a time to worship Satan.  Okay, I realize that's the origins but oh how it's evolved.  To me, Halloween is a time for fun.  But, more importantly, it's a time to be anything you want to be. Check out Halloween Adventure or any online costume store.  The possibilities are endless!

I wanted to be a sexy Senorita but the costume was sold out everywhere.  So, I settled for a gorgeous costume that includes go-go boots.  Now, I was born in 1965 so go-go boots were a part of my life.  I loved them!  But, I also had to pray to get them zipped to the top even as a young child.  I ordered a pair of go-go boots online and they'll be here Monday.  I can't wait!  Hopefully, with one swift zip, my go-go boots will be the icing on this WLS cake. :)

My best friend and biz partner, Susie, and I have been dressing up every day and meeting at Cracker Barrel for either breakfast or lunch.  Wednesday we were our business clowns.  Yesterday I was a sexy witch (Britt's costume from 2 or 3 years ago!) and she was Amy Winehouse.  I'll post pics tonight.  I'm not sure what I'll be today.  But, how can Halloween just be one day?  To me that stinks!

Last night I ended up in the ER.  We kinda thought it was my appendix but the ultrasound was fine.  Liver looks great, no gall stones left over from the 1989 removal.  I'm still in pain though I'm home.  The ER doc suggested a gastroenterologist.  So, I have to call Dr. Iqbal and go through him for this adventure.  I was hoping it was the stress from my class reunion planning.  We shall see.

But, I'm now firmly in the 130s!  I've been here about 2 weeks.  I thought I'd never see it again.  I've bounced from 138 to 141 for months.  This morning I was 137.4.  Have I said lately how much I love my WLS???

Have a terrific weekend!

Depression....how deep does it get?

Oct 15, 2008

Well, I don't spend much time here at all anymore.  I'm down to about 138.  I'm having so many problems with my 25th high school reunion that I just don't know what else can bring me down further.

I ended up not going to the OH Philly event.  "He" made sure I couldn't go but was happy enough to yell at me for "wasting $40 on shit when you knew you wouldn't go".  Nice huh.  Our 13th anniversary was Monday.  Did I give a damn?  Not really.  He got me a $50 gift card at Walmart of all places.  Yes, even though he knows their clothes don't fit me he figured I could get some winter clothing.  Thanks for really thinking about me.  Maybe I'll go get laundry detergent, soap, toilet paper, etc.  He left for his parents' house 600 miles away this morning.  Just called and he's almost there.  At least I have a couple days of peace.

My business is at a standstill.  My depression has been pretty deep lately and I just don't want to deal with anything.  I mean, isn't it about time "something" went right?

I can't stand to eat.  More often than not I don't.  I haven't been taking my vitamins, could care less about eating and just really don't give a damn.  If I end up with health effects, so be it.  I have to ration my vitamins anyway.  What can ya do.

If you're looking for my usual upbeat posts, they're non-existent right now.  Sorry.

Depression and feeling invisible

Aug 27, 2008

Well, Monday was eventful.  I was here in my office working when I heard a loud CRASH.  Britt's bedroom is across the hallway from my office.  I run in there and her hamper is smashed.  I guess she was on her cordless phone, dancing or fooling around and crashed into her hamper.  She was in tears and holding her right wrist.  Of course, this is the wrist she broke in July 2005.  So, being the Drama Queen he is, Mark calls for the ambulance.  I ride with her over to Wilmington to A.I. duPont Hospital for Children.  It's the only hospital I'll take her to.  After a little waiting and some x-rays, it seems she's injured her growth plate....just an inch from her original break.  I could bean her!  She's got her arm bandaged in a splint and hanging in a sling.  She's miserable.  I've been in a horribly deep, dark depression lately so she's down in Washington, DC with my mom and aunt today.  They're going to the Holocaust Museum.  I didn't think that would be a good place for me to be already being in my "dark place".

My eating has either been non-existent or picky, picky.  Honestly, I don't want to eat.  I want to disappear.  I'm still bouncing between 139 and 141.  I got tix for the OH Event in Philly.  Mark wants to go with me but Britt wants to go.  Not sure it's the place for her but maybe it's good for her to hear about adult obesity and how people wish they'd taken care of themselves when they were kids.  She's young enough (11 1/2) to be saved from the torture I endured as a kid.  So, maybe it would be good for her to go with me.  I still have a few weeks to decide.

So, if you don't see me on here much, I'm in my deep, dark hole trying to hide from it all.  I come out long enough for Britt then I slide back in.  Depression sucks.

About Me
Pennsville, NJ
Location
19.4
BMI
RNY
Surgery
05/25/2007
Surgery Date
Oct 06, 2006
Member Since

Friends 122

Latest Blog 120
OMG....I can't believe it!
18 Months Post-Op.....Some Reflections
Such a Sad Day
Halloween, Losing again and an ER visit
Depression....how deep does it get?
Depression and feeling invisible

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