Rough days!

Feb 02, 2013

Yesterday was a rough day.  First, let me say I follow a pretty rigid diet.  I eat between 600 and 700 calories a day.  I eat 60 grams of protein minimum, less than 30 grams of carb and keep my fat grams low.  I try to get in at least 64 oz. of water but am striving for 80 oz of water.  So needless to say when I got on the scale, I expected to either way the same or less.  Incredibly I weighed 1.6 pounds more than I had two days previous.  I was devastated to say the least.  Honestly, I got off the scale and cried.  

All those negative messages I had heard throughout my childhood, spewed forth from my mouth towards me.  I looked at myself in the mirror and called myself a "fatass", a failure.  I told myself that I was probably going to be the one person for whom weight loss surgery didn't work at all.  I was scared, alone, and embarrassed of myself.

For the two days previous I had a queasy stomach.  I didn't overeat, but I ate for frequently and depended more on cottage cheese than dense protein.  I felt bloated because due to that queasy stomach I had not taken my diuretic which I am supposed to take every day due to lymphedema.  I knew all this in my head, but weight had been slow for the previous week and I was getting frustrated anyway.

To make a long story short, I cut my calories to about 425, flooded myself with plain water 80 plus ounces and made sure I got in that dense protein and my diuretic.  I peed all day, I kid you not.  Finally, this morning at 2:30 AM I got on the scale again.  Not only did I drop the 1.6 pounds I dropped a total of 5.4 pounds.  Why?  I suppose some small part of it could have been the calorie change, but primarily I think it was a real lesson in water weight.  There seems to be a paradoxical effect between the amount of water we drink the amount of water we put out.  So, the more we drink, the more we get rid of.  It was a lesson learned the hard way, but learned today.  

As for my self talk, that is a work in progress.  The good news is I didn't fall back into old behaviors and eat away my anger, sadness, and loneliness but it was tough.  It is uncomfortable to allow yourself to feel the feelings, and deal with your insecurities.  Another day...another lesson..another step forward in my journey.


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Apr 11, 2012
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